u/Different-Orchid2529

My partner and I have been on and off for over a decade. We have 2 children and now I’m pregnant with our third.
I believe he is a narcissist and has a very co dependent relationship with his toxic mother. I want to go into full detail so people understand the whole picture, he has manipulated me beyond belief, he has no job, no money and supports my children and I ZERO. He lives off of his mother. Him and I were forced into a no contact situation for about 6 months and during that time i became extremely depressed. I have no family and no friends. I take care of 2 small children entirely alone. No childcare resources in my area. Therefore due to my loneliness and depression I reconnected with him. In just 2 months we have fought more then ever before and all I’ve done is apologize and try to make him happy but he literally has a new problem with me every single day. He hates when I work out, he hates when I shower he hates when I take naps. Anything I do for myself bothers him.
He doesn’t help with our children at all nor does he offer anything when he’s here like helping to clean or cook.
He has no license, no car, no job.
He’s literally a leach and because I fear him I do anything to make him happy or at least content.
I found out at the end of July that I am pregnant and I was initially happy.
So was he, which is odd considering both times I was pregnant before he wanted me to have abortions.
Now that I’ve considered having one this time, he’s all for keeping the baby, he is happy and said he wants to “do it right this time.”
I think he did this to trap me, to keep me quiet and control me further.
He’s always known I can’t take birth control due to my hormonal issues and
He throws away condoms when we get into arguments.
I do not feel like I can have another child and be 100% alone.
He’s broken up with me several times in the last few weeks and tells me he’s done with me and my attitude.
I have explained to him how nausea is affecting me really bad. I feel sick 80% of the day and I have to nap when the kids are napping or I won’t make it through the night.
I’ve felt extremely terrible this pregnancy and I can’t take it anymore.
This is my 3rd pregnancy in 3 years
I haven’t been able to have my body function properly in 3 years.
I’m tired, I’m depleted, I have no support system and I’m living off of the government.
I can’t work because my children are under 3 years old and there’s no childcare assistance in my state.
I don’t believe in abortion and have a lot of issues with the idea of adoption.
My doctor is concerned for me and my well being because I’ll have to have another c-section and she’s worried I won’t be able to care for my small children and recover from my c-section without any support.
I don’t know what to do, I’m a Christian and I feel like if I have an abortion I’ll hate myself forever.
I know God will forgive me but can i forgive myself?
Can I bring another child into this world an, innocent child into this world who will inevitably struggle?
Please help me, please be kind.
Please someone talk to me on what to do.

Sometimes I get really envious of people with a village. I wish so badly I wasn’t alone all the time being the only one my kids have. I wish so bad people cared about me, my mental health and how I’m feeling. I feel so empty and alone. I’d do anything to be in a space with loving, caring supportive nurturing family.

My kids dad is a bum and a cry baby and he’s leaving me high and dry again for another pregnancy. I’m struggling so bad and I don’t know what to do. I’m so hurt, so broken. I don’t want to do this alone.

I’m so hungry but all that sounds mildly appealing is chicken tenders and cereal.
Literally so over having cravings! I’m so worried about putting on unnecessary weight, I also want to honor my baby by eating as healthy as possible. This is my 3rd pregnancy. I worked really hard to lose weight after my first 2 and I don’t want to pack on the pounds in the first trimester… I’m also so sore and depressed making it difficult to work out.
This is just so hard for me right now. I wish I didn’t feel so discouraged

I was 6+ months no contact and starting over as a single mom, it was quiet and uncomfortable the anxiety was making me crazy, snappy, irritable and very depressed.
I felt weak, uncomfortable and the loneliness was making me break down in tears often.
No family, no friends and constantly feeling like I was alone on an island with my children and no one cared. So I went back, I reached out, broke no contact and let him infiltrate my space yet again. Of course it started off great until I got bad. Now I’m pregnant and I’m stuck, I feel so ashamed of myself
I made a huge mistake allowing him back in my life to make me feel so completely worthless.
I don’t know who I am anymore and I want to believe I’ll be able to make it out again.
I want to believe I’m strong enough to be alone and raise 3 children by myself.
I know I have to give myself grace but I can’t bare this anxiety of his constant threats.
He’s made me believe horrible things about myself and now i genuinely don’t know how to get myself into a positive headspace
I’m constantly ruminating and distracted.
All I want is what’s best for my children, I want to be the best mom I can be
But I also want a safe place to land with people who genuinely love and care about me.
I pray God will have mercy on me and help me find a way to be free from the chokehold of this trauma bond.

Single mom with 2 children under 3 years old. I’m currently in the midst trying to stop seeing my kids dad romantically. Him and I aren’t working and he refuses counseling.
I am at a loss because every day is the same. I’m struggling to make ends meet, my kids drive me pretty wild because they have a ton of energy and I’m home with them all day every day. They see their dad 2 times a week and the stress of getting them to those visits is starting to weigh on me. I really don’t know what to do. I’m starting to feel depressed and it’s frustrating because I shouldn’t feel this way, I should feel happy right?
I’m struggling to find ways to make money without child care. What are some realistic ways I can make money without having anyone to watch my children? Please give me advice.

My kids dad has 2 other baby’s mothers, him and I aren’t working at all and I want to be done. He fights horribly with his other 2 kids moms and he’s constantly making co parenting difficult
He prefers to parent with his mother, not with his partner.
I can’t deal with him anymore and I want to be done for good but I don’t want a nightmare for me or my kids.
How do you deal with this? How can I get back on my feet and feel safe, when I have to be away from my children overnight, what will I do?
I always think I need a break but then the thought of being away from them makes me ill. How do I know I’m going to be okay?
What do I do moving forward and how will I cope.
I have no family, no friends, no money.
I just want to give my kids a good life.

I genuinely feel like I’m the problem now, I feel like he’s made me feel so much guilt and shame but he can’t admit his wrongs, he talks me in circles and makes me literally shake. My entire nervous system is shot because of him. I can’t explain it but I feel so broken without him, lonely and afraid. This is the most toxic thing I’ve ever experienced in my life and I just want to get away from it. There’s absolutely no love here, I don’t feel attraction to him and I don’t think he feels it to me either. I just think we are both trapped in this and can’t let the other one go because of fear.
I want out, I want to give my kids a happy life. I feel helpless on my own but sad and frustrated in his presence. It’s always walking on eggshells, fights constantly, drama and he wants all my attention and energy he’s always mad at me for something. I’m a wreck without him because I’m lonely.. what do I do?

My car’s transmission is going out and I have no money and no way of making any money right now, and I’m so strapped for cash. Can someone tell me how I can get a new car?

Another bad screaming match in front of the kids, he was mad that I didn’t buy his favorite food from the store because we are tight on money so I put them back at checkout. He pays for literally nothing, never has food money, no vehicle, nothing, literally. I provide everything.
I had already splurged and got fast food for breakfast and took him to his appointments and he was mad about this one specific item that we just simply didn’t need to get. Like a toddler he threw a fit and started trashing me telling me I’m a rude bitch, he started dogging on me for staying active and eating healthy, then he told me this is why I have no body and no one wants to be around me.
Dumped a full liter bottle of water out all over the floors in my house and then threw blankets and pillows on top of it and took off, I have no idea where he went and he won’t answer my calls. I’m worried he’s going to cause issues, come back or threaten me with court.
I really have no one to talk to and I feel very sad and lonely. I wish I had someone or had friends who could
Come stay with me so I don’t feel so alone and scared. I want to be safe, I want a companion. I’m so tired of this. I feel so empty. I feel so broken.

I genuinely feel like I’m dealing with head games constantly. I’m trying hard to make someone happy and all they do is tell me everything I do wrong. When we argue and it blows up, usually it’s caused because of him and his unrealistic expectations.
He lost it on me because our 15 month old was crying and I picked her up because she wanted to be held and he said “that’s why she acts like that because you give in too easily”
Then he proceeded to tell me I needed to take a parenting class.
I got very upset, yelled and he left my house.
Right before he walked out the door he told me I don’t deserve my children.
I feel like I’m in daily warfare with him
There’s no rest to my nervous system, it’s constantly on edge from moment to moment wondering when the next melt down from him will come and what I did to trigger it.
He lashes out and calls me “dumb bitch”
“Slut”
“Shut up whore”
And it goes on and on.
I’m completely convinced he wants me to react poorly so he can try to get recordings of me being loud.
But he provokes me moment to moment
He literally is always saying and doing things to me that hurt my feelings or make me feel like I’m doing something wrong.
It’s never any peace.
But the thing is, it doesn’t even matter.
If I try to be an adult and leave he will threaten suicide or look for ways to try and keep my kids from me.
I need help. I don’t know what to do.
I feel safe when he’s around because at least I know he won’t be working against me.

I’ve been 100% on my own with my children for the last 6 months, I have housing and food assistance but I’m running completely out of money for other things.
The bills are piling up and I still have no childcare or ability to pay for childcare. I have no family here or anyone who can help with my children so I can work.
What do I do?
I get no child support from my children’s father and he has no job and a total of 4 kids so asking for support would be pointless because he would run from it no matter what.
How do you all get by? What can I do to make money? How can I get childcare when my county has no childcare assistance? Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

We went 6 months no contact and I sat here lonely everyday taking care of our 2 kids alone. I finally gave in and reached out to him. He seemed so much different, he made me think he has changed because he wasn’t drinking, he seemed to feel different about his behavior and actually taking accountability for how he hurt me. I let him back in, full swing, around our kids, in our safe space.
He came in and made himself seem like man of the year, helping with chores, helping with kids.
Now here we are one month later and he’s not doing anything to help, using all of my resources and then getting mad because he still doesn’t have enough of the things he wants.
He accuses me of cheating every single time I pick up my phone, he makes comments about my parenting yet he doesn’t contribute financially nor does he do anything but discipline our kids.
Everything I do is a problem. From the way I work out to me talking or wanting to hang out with my friends.
He manipulates everything to get what he wants, he blames me for everything bad in his life right now.
He tells me I’m a snake, I’m all these negative things because I try to stand up for myself and express to him how lucky he is to have a woman and a mother like me. Someone who cooks for him, provides for his kids with zero expectations that he help financially. He has no job, no goals to get a job he spends his entire day playing a game on his phone and smoking weed on my porch. He has full blown explosive outbursts that lead him to slamming my door and walking down the street and me begging him to come back. I’m in warfare with him and I just want him to leave me alone but when he does then I feel so alone and guilty and I reach back out. I’m absolutely terrified of him, not that he will put hands on me but that he will try to get my kids taken from me because he will make up lies. He doesn’t even want anything to do with our kids, he just wants to hurt me so he would do something to make me be without him.
I really wanted the best for our kids and I thought going back and trying to make it work would be best for them, I thought me having someone here everyday made my life better because at least I wasn’t alone. I was wrong, it’s now just as bad as it was 6 months ago when I finally had the strength to leave.
I’ve never met someone so controlling, so manipulative and so deceiving in my life. It’s a game to him, he’s so foul to me and has no remorse. He thinks I deserve it, he’s deserves more than what I do for him. Nothing I do is ever enough and the expectations grow by the minute. The worst part is, I try so hard to make it work but now I’m having chest pains and body aches because I’m so tense, I can’t eat or sleep properly and i notice when we argue my hands start shaking.
I try so hard to stay regulated, so hard to be the bigger person and it just makes him more manipulative. His condescending remarks, his nitpicking and subtle comments that just eat away at me daily. I’m becoming a very angry person. I’m struggling being a single mom that’s why I went back, because every day I sit here lonely having to be the source of everything my children could ever want and need and no one comes to check on us, no one calls no one is available to help me when I need it. All I want is a companion, I want my kids to feel like they have a family not just me who is barely capable of handling things alone. My kids scream and cry when he leaves because they are now used to him being around again.
All 3 of us have spent months just trying so hard to make everyday fun and enjoyable but some days I’m exhausted and heartbroken and can’t be what they need me to be and those days are what sent me over the edge.
When I just got so uncomfortable in the silence in the day to day of never having anyone to talk to or having anything to do.
My kids are small and need a lot of attention and some days I’m so exhausted or sad that I can barely stay regulated enough to keep them happy. I’m struggling with so many things and I just don’t feel like I’m enough for them but I really want to be. Because he’s not doing anything for them or for me, he’s hurting all of us. Please give me some advice some support, some guidance to let go.

Can someone give me advice on how to actually know what I look like? Every mirror is different, everyone has a different perception and people are constantly acting concerned about my appearance. But then others make me think I look like I should lose more. Maybe it’s the culture but I just can’t see myself properly and I don’t know what to do. I’ve had 2 children in 2 years, my kids are 14 months apart and I’ve been overweight and underweight for my height in the last 2 years.
I stopped weighing myself and it’s making my perspective change more and more because I have no data to confirm the truth but the number really effects me if it’s not what I want and then I find myself aiming for a lower number.
Please give me some helpful advice

My children’s father and were separated for 6 months during a CPS investigation.
We have 2 children together and he has 2 other children from another partner.
His ex is the one who reported.
Accusations of DV in the home against him and I.
Long story short, I basically told the truth about everything that was going on with him and I and they considered him the offender.
I showed texts and had a lot of documentation because I was unfortunately prepared.
In May I invited him to our children’s event for pre-k, the whole time I kept him involved in education, medical and extracurricular.
He showed up and charmed the pants off of me, it wasn’t hard.
I was really struggling without help, I have no help with my 2 kids
No childcare, no family and I am on full government assistance. I was very scared and lonely and constantly missing him wishing I could see him and now he’s back in my life and he is making my life miserable again.
He’s at my house 24/7
He has no job, no car and he’s on probation.
I’ve been feeding him, giving him rides and taking him from one city to another every week so he can have supervised visits with his other kids.
It’s really starting to drain me, he doesn’t help me with our children and he’s completely lazy and disrespectful.
He leaves trash everywhere, smokes weed on my porch and it’s a no smoking unit.
He sits on his ass all day on his phone but accusing me of “texting men” always giving me the silent treatment so I have to BEG for him to talk to me and tell me what I did wrong.
He flips his lid over the everything, and then calls me a “snitch” because I “ratted him out” to CPS.
He calls our 3 year old stupid and autistic when she doesn’t listen or when she doesn’t understand something he’s saying, he gets mad at her for everything but he’s very nice to my other baby who is 18 months.
Literally every morning he is mad at me for something, nit picking every damn thing I do.
He wants me to do everything for him and he’s not helping with potty training, homeschooling or anything.
He doesn’t engage with our children he just yells at them when they do something that he doesn’t like often Mocking my 3 year old.
I see her feeling very uncomfortable with how he treats her but begging for his attention and approval.
When he’s not in the room she acts out and will not listen to me because she’s not scared of me at all.
When he’s mad at me for something he will call me names “worthless” “slut”
“Whore”
You name it.
Then he follows it by flipping me of screaming “fuck you bitch, we are done”
He’s just mentally and emotionally a little boy. He doesn’t act like a man and at this point I’m so un attracted to him.
I believe he’s no longer attracted to me either but he can’t admit it because he is trying to paint a picture that I’m cheating on him and then he can justify being horrible to me, saying he can’t trust me and making me the bad guy so he can tell his mommy that’s why we left me.
His games are so clear and obvious he’s just the worst.
What do I do?
How to I just get him to leave and stay away from me but agree to a custody order that makes sense and is fair?
How do I actually walk away without feeling like a villain or a victim
How do I move on and never come back?
Is he an abuser or am i really just sensitive like he says?
I have no one but him, no family
One friend who is happily married and doesn’t get it, I’m alone on an island and I don’t know what to do.
Please give some advice

Well we broke no contact after 5 months, it was mutual and apparently we are still in love.
It doesn’t feel like love at all, it feels just the way it did before.
I know we have sexual chemistry but I question if the man even respects me at all. I feel like an absolute joke to him, I fear him and his motives, he’s always trying to downplay me, never listens to me when I talk. I don’t believe he thinks of me as a valuable human being, he just makes me feel terrible about myself.
I feel like life is harder without him, raising 2 kids by myself with ZERO family or friends support. I’m tired, I’m broken, I’m financially stressed and living off the government. I have no outlets and he is the only thing in my life that I have aside from my kids
At least he’s here, even if he’s just stoned and barely looking up from his phone screen.
He’s using me for all I’ve got, mooching off of my government assistance, mad at me every hour for something. I can’t do anything right
Yet it’s a familiar hell and life is empty without him in it. Why is this my situation?
What can I even do anymore.
I tried really hard to find the light at the end of the tunnel and try to get excited about a future and a new beginning but I don’t see it to be possible. I won’t date a man and bring him around my children. I have no time away from my children so I won’t be able to meet anyone new.. this just all feels like I’m trapped either way.
I’m so sad, I’m so hurt. I feel so fucking stupid.

I just wanted you space, time, peace and hopefully the opportunity to start over, now I’m stuck and I don’t know how to move on.
I don’t want anyone else but you, the thought of being with anyone else makes me sick
You consume my mind constantly
I feel hooked on a drug
Maybe it’s because I feel you moving on
Oh just to be held by you, to kiss you again.
I love you.

This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with, not being able to say anything but wanting that companionship back.

I know it’s not good for either one of us but I’m dying inside. I miss him and I’m lonely. I have no desire to move on.

He was acting out of pocket constantly and it was starting to scare me, things blew up in our faces and I had to make a hard choice for our children.

I wish it wasn’t like this.

I wish you didn’t move on already.