I genuinely can’t even do anything without thinking what I look like from a third person perspective or when I’m in public what other people see. I can’t handle reflections or shadows of myself either which will make me spiral but not as bad pictures or videos. I do not feel like I’m built normal or even a normal face
I just started therapy and had one session so far. Therapist seemed good but I don't feel like going for next session beause I feel good about my appearance at the moment. I know those distressing feelings are going to come again and this feeling isn't going to last long. What do I do?
Edit:- I am already triggered lol after reading some of bdd posts.
i'm really not sure what to say but i've been really struggling and i can't tell anyone so this is my last hope.
i'm 16f and for all my life i've been thin as a stick. i'm currently 45kg. people would constantly praise me for my body and because of that i would get scared if i gained a single pound. i then got into weight loss/ed communities and i would fast for days and try all kinds of diets. this was a few months ago and i thought i was finally recovered and done with it all. just a few weeks ago i had convinced myself that i loved my body.
but of course there had to be something wrong. i looked around at my friends and other girls and saw that my chest was noticeably smaller than all of them. i've never gotten my chest measured which i find weird because even if there's nothing, isn't that a normal womanhood experience? i feel like i don't belong and that i'm missing out and different from other girls.
and it caused so much pain and insecurity. i cry everyday. i've searched for everything i could do to...idk... encourage growth? both my older sister and mother are a size D-E cup.
i wondered if it's because i'm underweight. or because of my previous diets. i'm now trying to gain weight but i don't know how to start. and i'm not sure if it will even work. but i'm forcing myself to eat more than i could.
i tried telling my mom to take me to the hospital, get my hormones and growth checked, as well as plan a healthy diet to gain a bit of weight. she said she's not taking me and i should just eat anything. she was kind of mad about it and told me i'll regret it after. and i literally started crying because i have no one to talk to about this and my mom can't even take me seriously.
i hate that i'm even saying this because where i'm from, a woman's body is considered taboo and shouldn't be talked about. it took me so much courage to talk to my mom about this, and i'm pretty sure she knows i'm not comfortable talking about my body, and yet she still dismissed me.
Will this actually ever end. I have a >!new goal weight!< all the time and I feel if I get to a >!certain weight!< my bd will go away. >!My bmi is underweight!< and I still feel like shit. I just think now I’m past the point of ever getting over this