r/BodyDysmorphia

Salut a tous , je ne sais pas quoi faire. Je souffre de dysmophophobie pénienne. C'est un réel problème. Je ne sais pas quoi faire.

pretty much as the title says. I focus more on my body skin than anything I feel like my face looks young and body looks old and idk how to hands that. I feel like it just keeps getting worse and worse. even if mirrors aren’t around I still see mf hands arms and legs and I cannot handle it. it’s all I think about 24/7

When I’m on my own I take a lot of photos with the front facing camera and back facing camera because society says that the way people see you is unmirrored and through the camera, so I feel like its better to see a worse version (thats more realistic) of myself instead of fooling myself with an at least ‘better’ version I see in the mirror.

I'll summarize the situation as best I can. I have a congenital downward curvature of the penis. Since I was little, I've had this insecurity that it looks weird, ugly, like some kind of alien. But there was a time in my life, about three years ago, when I had sex with a girl, and I didn't have any problem with it. In fact, she told me it was a good size. But then I started looking at myself in the mirror a lot. The truth is, it's shaped like a fishhook. I'm Captain Hook, or a banana. Psychologically, this has made me very insecure. I've had sex with three girls in my entire life. I'm 25 years old and have plenty of opportunities, since I have no problem attracting women. I don't mean to sound arrogant. I went to a urologist, and he told me that the decision to do something about it is up to me. I don't want to say too much because you type one word and they delete the post; I hate Reddit. But I can tell you more privately. I wanted to know what experiences you have with downward-curved penises, even with very pronounced curves.

I want to know if this is just me or do others go through this too ?

I have started liking 'hating myself'? I have started being okay with the voices in my head? I have started rejecting all advices and help...because it feels different, a change..which I am too weak to go through? like as if I am comfortable being sick and unhealthy? like this is my identity..part of me....this has raised me...this is something which stayed with me...when others weren't there?

Is it because I grew with it ?

I think my dysmorphia started at the age of 6, when one of my relatives complimented my smile...
I went home and stared in the mirror and felt happy.
Later on some months ago, my milk teeth started falling around and I felt hideous, disgusted...

I started saying mean things to my face. Later on I actually developed crooked teeth and I stopped smiling, because I felt monstrous with it. Slowly my dysmorphia shifted to my body weight and then to my legit struggles with my wavy hair.

Slowly and slowly that poison leaked onto other body parts...every year I had new obsession...and then finally I got acquainted with social media and the dam broke. I started hating everything my existence.

I used to think...I was trapped in a cage, because this led me to stop doing my hobbies...I felt ugly enough to do art, dance, watch pretty people, feel desired.
I learnt cutting off...one criticism (be it anything apart from my looks)..I took it as an excuse for me being ugly and started cutting off people. I felt alone and cold in that cage.

overtime...the voices felt normal to me, self deprecating jokes was my humour, not accepting compliments was normal, crying every week for same damn thing became normal, not making friends, feeling jealous, shutting myself off became normal.

But I am an adult now...my rational mind screams at me to do something, but I still don't want to do anything about it. Dysmorphia is a huge part of my life...I think about it for 6-7 hours...I waste time..it's a habit...it's me.

Overtime, the imagery in my head changed to a room, a dark, cold room, with shards of glass sticking to my skin, bruising me, me with no face, sitting on the floor, it's a room now...with all the comforts- bed, water, food, books...mirror. But it's still depressing.....and I don't want to come out of it.

I want to stay in it forever...I don't wanna talk about it.
I will still not take compliments, I will still not do anything, I will listen to the voices in my head...of how I am a failure.

It feels stressful and scary to even cure and heal myself with this...for what ? to look like this ? what's the point in improving my brain when my physical appearance is still tainted..still hideous???

what's the point when my eyebrows, lips, nose, teeth, cheeks stay the same ? ugly ?

I have an image in the back of my mind...and I want to be like her...she ain't a celebrity or any existing character...she's a person I imagined to look like...she's me but just better.

When I close my eyes...I see her....but what I see in mirror is not her...the mirror self is ugly.

I want to be her at the back of mind...she has same face but better nose, better lips, better smile, better eyes...
I have tried to be like her and wanted to be like her all my life...but I never reached...and this tells me I am a failure. I am incompetent.

if I heal...I will lose her...I will have to accept my current self...the tainted and ugly one.

I don't even want to be prettier, desired, or anything...I just want to be her. She's the definition of pretty and beautiful to me...not other standards...but she, the image I created as a child of me growing up to be...she's who I want.
and if I heal...I will have to forget her.

I have this thought...that if I can't be her, then I should just die...it would make no difference.

I can never love myself...never...if I can't love myself...better I stay this way with hatred.

This is my first time posting and I don’t know if this is the right place to post it but here it goes— I really struggle with my boyfriend interacting with attractive people. The fact that he is capable of perceiving attractive people scares the shit out of me.

No amount of reassurance from him helps. I wonder if I have OCD because I will spiral for days after he interacts with an attractive person. My brain will tell me he was flirting (rationally, I know he never was) and my brain will compare me over and over to this person.

My brain especially latches on to the concept of “objectively attractive” people. It tells me I’m not a part of this category and that I never will be— and I believe it. Fully. I can be perceived as attractive but I am not objectively attractive and it drives me insane.

I don’t want to be a jealous person. I don’t want to be insecure. I want to be able to see an attractive person and not feel the need to compare myself. This sucks. Not to mention, insecurity isn’t hot. I spiral on this too.

Does anyone experience this too and have advice on how to stop the spiral?

What procedures or cosmetic changes have you undergone because of body dysmorphia, and how much money did it cost you in total?

Me:
Breast implants — about $2,800 - Now I see them as small because of my BD and I don’t even like them anymore. They make me huge.
Chin liposuction — about $1,150 - Completely unnecessary. The doctor removed basically a teaspoon of fat because there wasn’t more to remove, yet I still see my chin as a huge saggy pouch.
"Jolie jawline” fillers — about $900 - Not the right procedure for me at all. Total waste of money. Had it removed.
Hair extensions — probably around $2,200 over my lifetime, I wear them in a ponytail because I see my hair as limp and lifeless
Cheek fillers — about $780 - I don't see any difference
Masseter Botox + Nefertiti lift — about $430 - Didn’t work for me, so also wasted money.

Lip fillers are the only thing I still view 100 % positively, and I get them done regularly.

It’s crazy because before every procedure, I’d think, 'This is the one, I'll finally be satisfied.' But it never happened. I always just find a new flaw to obsess over.

I have felt terrible about my face and my body since I was 10 years old. I’m 26 and I feel like I still can’t look at a photo of my face without feeling a deep dissatisfaction. I see something so unloveable and so worthless when I see my reflection. But I don’t want to die unloved because I never saw myself as beautiful enough to be loved. I see my entire body as one of the main obstacles blocking me from the life I desperately want to live. Is there a way out of this? How do I stop seeing something awful when I see myself?

Its one thing to delude yourself into 'feeling' a certain way(whatever it may be) and another way to actually 'being' that way while also not liking it. The former is actual body dysmorphia while the later is cold hard facts. I think it would be great and helpful to distinguish between the two.

Hi,

Mirror Avoidance.

I cannot even look in the mirror because I am horrified of my reflection as I see all the imperfections and get extreme anxiety looking at them and therefore avoid the mirrors.

I am a lost cause. I am on 200mg Zoloft / Clonazepam / Buspirone etc.

I have tried max dose Fluvoxamine and Prozac to no avail.

I also have OCD, horrible Intrusive thoughts and rumination about other things.

I am so hopeless. I feel like I have no options left. Adding a low dose adjunct antipsychotic scares me due to sides but do you think it could help?

Any advice? Insight? Comments? Experiences? All are welcome and greatly appreciated.

Thank you kindly.

TL;DR I cannot even look in the mirror because I am horrified of my reflection as I see all the imperfections and get extreme anxiety looking at them and therefore avoid the mirrors. Anyone else?

I feel like this behavior has gotten so much worse for me recently. It’s definitely a form of like…mental SH. I spend huge amounts of time comparing myself to guys who post nudes or are in p*rn, as well as reading posts and such on specific subreddits. It makes me feel horrible but I can’t seem to stop.

I never have been in any, but recently there was someone who expressed interest in me (we met online and he video called), and he wants to see me in person.

We sat a date for earlier next month and honestly the idea is eating me up. I don't think I am deserving of love because I am ugly or at best average. Even if this person accepts my look, I would forever feel insecure and that I am not enough for him, especially that he's above than average himself.

When I think about it, I tell myself that It sucks to be my boyfriend, because I am not confident in my appearance and all the time I am in my own bubble because I hate the idea of myself existing.

Do you happen to tell your boyfriend/girlfriend about your BDD?

While especially when I was younger, I would do things like avoid looking in mirrors, I hate having my photo taken, so it's odd that I do this, considering that I will do a lot of things to avoid thinking about my physical self.

But it's like how when people say they "can't look away from a car crash".

People are so cruel and will say such mean things. It's genuinely suicide fuel, and I have no idea why I even do it. Maybe it's because it almost feels validating, like it's not all just in my head.

It doesn't feel relieving or positive at all though, it can literally make me feel physically sick to my stomach and make me want to cry.

I have pretty small breasts, between A and B cup, but my right boob is (to me at least) significantly bigger than the left, and slightly different in shape. It completely shatters my confidence when I look at them, but I feel the need to “check” them in the mirror, and specifically look at them with a reversed mirror, so the difference is clearer.

Three years ago I met my boyfriend, who’s the only person who has seen me naked since, and he claims he never thinks about whether or not they’re symmetrical, and reassures me. But I can’t help but think he’s lying, since the difference is SO clear and obvious to me.

Logically I know most people’s breasts are slightly asymmetrical, but I can’t help but think mine are way more different than everyone I meet. How do I cope with this? I wish I could just leave it, and accept myself, but I also want to feel good with my body.

Edit: typo

Currently crying because of how much I hate my apprearence. Just looking for quick advice tbh. Is there something that immediately helps you? I have away from the mirror as it fucks me up more, but I keep imagining my face and it's so detrimental. I am also caught in a spiral of negative self-hating thoughts. I started comparing myself to Gollum from Lord of the rings in my head and I don't even know why the f I thought about it, it was the most random shit ever. Writing is helping me rationalize a bit but I know once I send this and try to go to sleep I know I will fall into the spiral again. ​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​

update: what helped the most was thinking I would never describe other people with my flaw ​"monsters" like I do with myself.​

I’m a short guy and I really really hate it. At its worst I resorted to self harm. I really trying to get past the insecurity, I’ve deleted all social media where’s there’s constant hate, but even in real life, whenever I feel even slightly good about myself someone will bring it up in a negative light. These are good people too, like my mom saying I’m short so she doesn’t expect me to have a gf, or my friend randomly bringing up that “one day I think a girl will look past your height, you’re a cool dude” despite me not saying jackshit about my height or looking for a gf to her. Every time I try to escape my insecurities it’s just shoved in my face. I don’t know what to do.

there has never been a day in my life where i’ve felt even remotely comfortable in my skin. as early as i remember i’ve been deeply insecure about my body and appearance. it’s only gotten worse and i feel like i cant breathe. i cant stand my body, feeling like a fat ugly loser. i work in a college town and see so many girls my age who are so thin and pretty and i feel so deeply insecure. i’m constantly comparing myself and feeling like garbage. it completely ruins my day. i walk this earth feeling like a pathetic excuse of a human. it’s ruining my relationship, the constant need of validation. he doesn’t understand the pain that eats me alive. the way it claws its way though my skin and the deep urge to hurt myself. i fight so hard everyday not to harm myself again and it’s so hard. i just can’t live like this and i don’t know what to do. what do i do? something other than “just go to therapy” because if i had the funds i would but im flat broke. not that in the years of therapy i did that it ever helped. i just don’t know what to do anymore.

I have mostly face dysmorphia and make up somehow makes it worse. I feel like I look uglier, no matter what style I try to use. I think I'm obsessed with "naturally" pretty faces, I want to look good without doing anything. I still use makeup but it makes me uncomfortable, I know I probably look better but I feel like somehow it makes my flaws stand out even more.

Skin care is super hard because I feel like it doesn't do absolutely anything for me.

What about you?

does anyone else feel like this? it’s so nonsensical but i’d much rather be objectively hot and have thousands of followers and likes and have random people calling me attractive than have one partner who actually loves me for who i am physically and mentally. maybe it’s because i hate who i am, but i’d rather be an empty hot shell that people are superficially attracted to than being loved in this body that i hate

I genuinely feel like I can find beauty in almost anyone and anything. especially when I’m scrolling through tiktok or Instagram and I see ppl leaving mean comments under vids of those who aren’t considered conventionally attractive, I still always see beauty in them but no matter how hard I try with myself, or how much effort I put into my appearance, I just can’t see it in me.

and I’m so sick of it. I think I’d do anything to be breathtaking, even if it meant ending up lonely.