r/nocontact

We broke up a couple of days ago and we went no contact, I really miss him and I want him back and I want to text him all the time. I’m not blocked or anything and he did watch me story too on his private account. How do I win him back? What do I do?
And DO NOT say “give up”, “move on”. Thank you.

My (avoidant) boyfriend of almost a year broke up with me (anxious) about 3 weeks ago. The breakup came out of nowhere—he told me he loved me the night prior, we got into an argument the next morning that I still believe we could’ve recovered from, and then he told me it wasn’t working out. I was completely blindsided.

When he broke up with me, he immediately unfriended me on all social media. A little bit later he blocked me on Instagram, and just recently blocked me on TikTok. But before blocking me on TikTok, he sent me a random video which I didn’t respond to (read receipts turned off). Also, before blocking me on TikTok, he was reposting videos and commenting about our relationship. He also added a song to our shared playlist—it was a very malicious song.
All while I’ve been completely silent. Truly going no contact. I logged out of Snapchat, Instagram, and TikTok the day we broke up so I wouldn’t be tempted to look at his accounts or interact with him in any way. Only way I knew he blocked me on the two accounts/sent me a video/reposting about our relationship was because I randomly logged into both, looked at my messages because I had some from other people and saw “No User Found”, and I was scrolling through my “For You” page where his reposts appeared. I never visited his profiles. I haven’t even attempted to text or call him.
I’ve been turning all of the attention to myself and my healing. So far, through my healing journey, I’m able to take accountability (not directly to him) for the things that I did that could’ve caused a change in our relationship. I’m continuing my healing journey, focusing on myself, and focused on becoming a better, healthier person.

My question is, why would he be exhibiting that behavior, and then decide to block me out of nowhere when I’ve literally made zero attempts to reach out to him?

Hello everyone, it's almost 10 months of us in no contact and I just wanna check in on how she's doing cuz I haven't seen any updates on her social media. To give y'all some info on how we ended, to me it feels unfinished because she never gave me a clear message that we were done or anything like that, she just pulled away emotionally first. Ofc me not feeling appreciated or valued would pull away and that's what I did and she just let me when I wanted to be held.. But it wasn't a clean no contact situation, we were on and off for a long time and during our last convo I was just fed up and that's how our last contact went. Can y'all let me know what are your insights? or is it even a good idea to reach out lol

Hi! So basically what the title says: my brother graduates from college on Saturday and I really want to be there to support him. We have a decent relationship so me not going is not really something I see as an option even though my dad has presented it to me. I’ve been completely no contact with my emotionally and psychologically abusive mother for about 5 years now, and since the majority of her siblings and both her parents sided with her and tried to shame me for leaving (for context I left to live with my dad when I was 18, I’m 23 now), I don’t speak to them either. In this scenario, I’m really just worried about the adults. The minor children/my cousins did not have anything to do with this and I’d be totally fine with speaking to them.

The problem is my mother and her family really love to be fake friendly and like overly nice and connection oriented when they see me in public. They do it to my dad too, and they’ve been completely horrible to him in front of his own children for like over a decade now. I just know that when I attend this graduation, at least one of them will see me and try to come up and convince me that they’re kind and that I should come back. I thought I would be able to react by just staring blankly at them while they attempted to talk to me, but my dad said that strangers would see it as rude on my part? I know they haven’t somehow changed in the last five years. Just two days ago, I learned that my youngest cousin who’s in fourth grade is now repeating the same thing my mother has told everyone about me: I’m being deceived and controlled by my father and if I wasn’t, I would still be in the family. He’s a fourth grader, guys, it’s truly insane.

I guess my question is - if you were in this situation, what would you do? What have you done in situations where you’re supporting a sibling or someone in that family you do still talk to and the person/people who abused you attempt to pull you into a conversation?

Feel free to ask for more information if needed, I may not have explained this well.

I need some advice. I have an ex girlfriend from almost 2 years ago now. We dated for 3 years in our mid 30s. During our break up there was past life rebounds quickly involved and I was not happy about it of course and ultimately said some distasteful things which quickly led to me getting blocked and the start of our no contact phase. She never said to leave her alone or not to contact her, just a simple block and ghost after I sent a serious of not so nice messages. I’ve since emailed her to apologize and try to gain some closure of sorts, but never any response.

Fast forward a couple years, I’ve dated 3 other girls, 2 not so serious for a month or two and the latest for about 8 months.. but I ultimately keep falling back to how strong my feelings are for that one girl in particular.. I can’t fully explain it but she is the relationship I always romanticize about in my mind and I would love to reconnect with her if possible even if nothing else but to talk. We’re both almost 40 and I’m sure have both been seeing other people since.

We had separations in the past, but the longest one probably for three or four months. She never initiated during separation and is very avoidant emotionally, but usually reacts when prompted enough and comes back around.

This time around, I actually emailed her again because I needed some information about a person that we used to work with together. She didn’t reply to my email, but the person I asked about reached out shortly after which gave me hope that she’s at least receiving my emails.

Today I noticed that I had been unblocked on Instagram too and all her tags came back and all of that stuff on my page. Not sure when but it was recent. I assume she probably wanted to snoop on me after that email.

I just kept it light and friendly in the emails, like hey I’m hoping to get in contact with this guy, not sure if you still work there.. and then a day or so after I sent it he reached out to me.

Then a week later I sent her another email and said hey, he reached out to me so I assume you talked to him, thank you! and then I gave her my phone number and address and just said I would love to hear from you if you ever want to talk.

I just know she would never cold call me or stop by though. That’s not her personality. She’s very stubborn and would never be the one to make the effort cus she doesn’t want any after effects to be “her fault”.

It’s messy I know but I’m absolutely longing for this woman and I don’t see it stopping. I love her! But I fucked up and lost my privileges to speak to her and I get that. But I want to

I’m sure I’m crazy, but if I was to try to reach out to her again, what should I do? What should I say? Is it not worth it?

😭 help meee plz don’t be too mean

My ex reposted something about a creator that was like a bit of an inside joke of ours and captioned it “*my name* I know you see this”. I’m very confused and feel like they don’t know what they want, and I know I shouldn’t even be checking anyway, but does anyone have any idea what that could mean?

An ex (36F) broke up with me (31M) about 7 weeks ago after a 2-month relationship. She ended it definitively; said she wasn't sure I was "the one" and didn't want to waste more time figuring it out. No contact since, on both ends.

Week 6, she 🔥 reacted to one of my Instagram stories. I didn't engage.

The following week, she saw I was a "maybe" on a Partiful for a mutual friend's party and texted me: "Hey! Hope all is well. I saw you're a maybe for the party tonight. If you're coming, do you mind bringing my tote bag?" (a giveaway tote bag from a comedy show she went to with her friends.)

I replied that I wasn't sure if I was going and that I didn't have the bag anymore. She responded: "Oh. Is there a way to get it back? Thought I had told you that I wanted it back when I gave it to you."

I left that on read. Went out that night and continued to live my life

For context: the bag is a basic branded tote... not something irreplaceable. She also has an ex of 8 years whose stuff she still hasn't purged from her place, so maybe she just assumed I'd still have it.

Some friends say breadcrumbing. Some say she's trying to stay cordial. Some say it was just about the bag.

I've maintained no contact, have her on mute on social media, haven't reached out. She's still watching my stuff.

What do you make of this? Is this breadcrumbing or was it genuinely just about the bag?

My fiancée (27) and I (28) have been together for 6 years, lived together most of that time, and would have been engaged for 1 year next month.

Recently, she told me there has been a “shift in her feelings” and that she isn’t sure she feels the same way anymore. She said it’s not because of anything specific I’ve done and she can’t really pinpoint one thing, but she didn’t want to lead me on or hurt me further if she felt like she couldn’t give me the answer I wanted.

To be clear, there has been no cheating, no lying, no betrayal, no abuse, and no foul behaviour from either side. There wasn’t some huge blow-up, affair or obvious event that caused this.

In fact, only shortly before all this happened we were still talking about marriage, our future together and even trying for children, which is part of why this has felt so confusing and hard for me to understand. From my side, it has felt quite sudden, although looking back I can see there may have been things building underneath that she perhaps wasn’t fully communicating.

One thing that may be relevant is that I’m a truck driver working long night shifts. Because of our shift patterns, there were definitely times where we could feel like we were passing by each other a bit in routine. But I was still home every day and we still had time together every night in bed and a few hours together around that. It wasn’t like I was away for days at a time or absent from home completely.

That said, I can also see now that I probably became too focused on work and providing financially and maybe didn’t prioritise emotional connection and quality time in the way I should have. I had actually already started arranging a more work-life balance friendly shift pattern with work so we could have more time together before all of this happened, which makes the timing of this feel even harder.

I’ve done a lot of reflecting on my side and can honestly see there were areas where I got too comfortable in the relationship. I focused on practical things like work, money and routine, but probably let emotional connection, quality time, flirting and dating each other slip over time. Looking back, I can also see there were moments where I probably made her feel unheard, pressured or emotionally disconnected without fully understanding it at the time.

At first she seemed pretty set on ending things, but since then things have been a bit mixed. We’ve still had some contact because of practical things (we have dogs together, shared house stuff etc), and when we do speak she can still be warm, caring and supportive. She has said she still cares about me and doesn’t hate me, but she has also said she needs space to get her head sorted before we have a proper face-to-face conversation.

That’s where I’m struggling.

I love this girl deeply and genuinely pictured my whole future with her. I don’t think I’m scared of being single or having to start over in life — I think what scares me most is losing her specifically and the connection we had.

I’ve realised that when I feel uncertainty in relationships, I seem to go into “fix it” mode. I start replaying conversations, overthinking every interaction, looking for answers and trying to solve things so I can feel more in control. The problem is, the more I do that, the more anxious I get and the more stuck I become.

I work 11-hour night shifts alone in a truck, so I spend hours stuck in my own head replaying everything and it’s honestly been brutal.

Part of me thinks maybe space is genuinely helping her think and there might still be something worth rebuilding if we both worked on it.

Another part of me has this gut feeling that she may already know it’s over and is just trying to figure out how to have that conversation.

I’m already speaking to a therapist and trying to work on myself, and I’m trying hard not to pressure her or force conversations because I know that would likely make things worse.

I guess I’m asking people who may have been through similar situations:

\- Has anyone had a partner suddenly say their feelings had shifted even though there was no cheating or major event?
\- Has anyone had a partner say they still loved/cared about them but still felt they had to walk away?
\- Does this sound like someone genuinely conflicted, or more like someone emotionally checking out?
\- Does giving space actually help in situations like this?
\- How do you stop obsessing over uncertainty when you genuinely love someone and don’t want to lose them?
\- If/when we do have the face-to-face conversation, how do I approach it without begging or pushing?

I’d genuinely appreciate honest advice, even if it’s not what I want to hear.

I don’t know where else to post this and this sub seemed like the place for letting out how I feel. Basically I broke up with my ex in September after being together for 6 years and I reached out in March. We were talking again, it was great and we both expressed missing each other, and I was about to tell her I want to get back together. But she disappeared before I could and I’m left confused. (For context I reached out on a platform, not through phone number and I don’t have her current phone number) This feels like my karma for breaking up with her, but I still feel sad about it. I cried to one of my friends about it and she told me I have to block my ex again because a bunch of stuff. But I can’t do it, I want to keep waiting for her so bad.

I’ve been no contact with my situationship for 1.5 years. We used to say we loved each other and he strung me along for 7 years… I finally blocked him and cut him off 1.5 years ago after he said he can’t be with me. Today, a mutual friend told me that he says “hello” to me and told me what he’s been up to. I’m unsure if she knows what happened between he and I.

I had this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach the whole time and didn’t want to ask any questions about him. I’m still kind of reeling…

I (32F) had a really intense entanglement with a man (51M) which lasted 9 months with a break of 3 months inbetween. It was heavily sexual, somehow we just clicked in a way that was special, and our time in the bedroom was an outwordly experience. Our boundaries have always been blurry, but he crossed some disrespectful lines after 4 months of seeing each other. I called it quits. Later that year in September we rekindled, and it was better than ever. It felt like we got a hang on each others communication, it felt more caring, and most of all more fun because I developed real trust. Shit hit the fan again when he started retreating and younger women came into the picture again (same as first time) – misspelling my name suddenly, change in tone etc., lying about other women he was seeing. I called it quits again, this time really abruptly. I first suggested talking and what not, he said he was busy, and ignored my messages for over 10 days, and that's when I somehow 'exploded' a bit. I felt disrespected, after I poured in a lot of emotions and care into whatever it was we were doing. I was abrupt this time, calling him out, calling him names, deleting our chats, basically erasing him. But, it truly goes against my nature of being. I'm a very conflict averse person, I never have beef with people, and if I do, it's handled in a civil matter and we just talk things through and stay friendly after. This was new to me, and unbearable.

I once texted him that I missed him when I walked over a bridge we frequently crossed, this was this January. No response. On March 30 I wished him happy birthday. I kept it really brief 'happy birthday old man. I had your birthday saved on my phone, I hope all is well xx'. no response, he actually didn't even open the message for a month. When I deleted the chat on my end (telegram). Suddenly out of the blue 3 days ago he messaged 'this old man still thinks of you.'

Funnily it didn't stir me up that much. I responded 'I do too.. How have you been?' He responded, 'it needed to be that way. and I think this is where age comes in. not between us. how far we think we are from dying. also needed to be not even sexual. been good.' very classic cryptic semi poetic response he's good at. I responded too nicely, saying that it was an intense period for me, I went through a lowkey breakdown over the holidays. But I've been working and playing hard, I've been good (he didn't even ask me anything but I still felt inclined to tell him i was doing good...) I said we should get a drink next week if he's down. No response since then. It triggered me so much, I deleted the chat again on my end, so I don't even know if he read them. This was three days ago. Now I also asked 'what did you want me to say?'

I suspect he saw me on one of the dating apps and maybe got nostalgic, after having a beer too much. But WHY would ANYBODY ghost someone so long, reach out with such a tender message, and then continue ghosting them.

Anybody on here done such a thing? I didn't think it would stir me up so much... It's frustrating. I'd love to meet the guy again to just talk things through, and finally move on... It's almost like he wants to prove me that he's a good guy. He's not, nothing will ever change my opinion. Did I still like spending time with him, YES. It was a complicated and delicate play we played... Which I said in my response to him too, and that he did hurt my heart a bit. It was probably already too much emotionally for him, and maybe he just wanted sex again...

I appreciate your thoughts and responses.

You just cant sit and fix yourself without having 10 different men pawing all over your attention starved ego/sex drive or whatever tf it is that makes you act so slutty. From the outside in you look like the biggest most clueless dick pig ive seen yet. You have fun with that just stay way tf away from me!!

i’m 22 and had one of those weird wlw situations that felt really real and then just… dissolved in the most confusing way possible.

we met naturally while we were at a restaurant and there was immediate chemistry. we ended up going on a handful of dates and it honestly felt very emotionally raw/tender compared to a lot of dating i’ve experienced. she was really affectionate, vulnerable with me, we bonded a lot over music, and there were moments where it genuinely felt like she was letting me see parts of herself she normally keeps hidden.

the weirdest part is the ending never felt “bad.” there was no fight or betrayal or anything dramatic. our last date just had this strange emotional undertone where it almost felt like we both realized things had gotten more real than expected. saying goodbye that night felt weirdly painful and vulnerable and i still can’t fully explain why.

afterward we still texted a bit, joked around, referenced things between us, etc. then one day she just kind of… stopped replying. not a dramatic block/unfollow situation, just a fade/ghost.

what confuses me is she’s never been petty toward me at all. she still follows me, watches things sometimes, never removed me from her life in an obvious way. it almost makes it harder because it doesn’t feel like she hated me or regretted me. it just feels like she emotionally disappeared.

i think part of me keeps trying to understand whether she got scared, overwhelmed, avoidant, emotionally unavailable, etc. because what we had genuinely felt mutual and real to me.

i know i need to move on and i’m trying to, but i still care about her a lot even if we never become anything again. i guess i’m just struggling with how someone can be so emotionally open and close with you and then quietly vanish without a real ending.

Hi, I was the dumpee, maintained no contact for 5 weeks now and I want my belongings back to help me move on. I need to message them to arrange exchanging belongings, however I don’t want to break the no contact.

Can anyone help, what should I do? Do I message or should I maintain no-contact until they reach out? The idea of messaging them makes me feel physically sick right now.