r/nocontact

Ball is still in his court. Feel like reaching out but I can’t so I’m just posting here

Me: more anxious

Her: avoidant, probably dismissive

Age: both 30

Her characteristics:

Extrovert, into fun, very open, honest even when it hurts other people, less emotional intelligence, very active, likes to control the relationship on her conditions, very girly vibe, loves romantic gestures, likes validation.

Her past:

A couple of relationships that lasted around 1.5 years.

Never returned to her exes except for her first abusive relationship when she was 19. Maybe the others never offered. Strongly believes that her man never leaves.

A couple of 5-6 month situationships.

Last situationship was 1 year before me. The guy broke up with her and later she found out he had cheated and got married quickly, after a couple of months. She was hurt for many months, but never showed it to the outside world, just buried those worries and pain inside her.

Relationship story:

4 months dating. Sparks all over the place from both sides. Strong emotions from both sides. Both committed, investing time, spending time together, thinking about the future and possibilities of getting married.

Then a small conflict and breakup initiated from my side. She never asked why. She said, "It's your decision." Done. More like a strong deactivation of emotions.

Scenario after breakup:

I was thinking a lot after the breakup. After 2 months, I tried to talk with her and convince her to talk and work on the problems. It was needy and there was pressure from my side to talk and fix things. I tried to do this for a couple of weeks. Overexplained.

She was just cold, with no emotions. She said that she was busy with other things in life and had no time for relationship discussions. Never ignored me, but only cold replies without emotions. But I never received a proper "No" or "Yes." More like ghosted.

Current observations for the past 8 months:

1. Stalking my Instagram continuously without a break, using a fake profile (later I found out it was her fake account). She is one of the first to view my stories, doesn't matter when I post. It never stopped.

2. Seems like she is living her life normally: hobbies, friends. No signs of new guys.

3. From my side, same: living life, traveling, working, hobbies. Struggled for a couple of months, but now mentally stable. But I still have love for her. However, I don't require her to come back.

Unpredictable future:

1. She'll never reach out.

2. She'll reach out, but temporarily.

3. She'll reach out and maybe something will work out long-term.

4. I'll no longer be interested even if she reaches out.

Feel free to leave your predictions based on your experience. I'll update after 6 months with what happened.

He blocked me first, and after about a month, he unblocked me, but he never messaged me. I found out that he had unblocked me, so I messaged him first. He replied, but after that, he barely messaged me.

I got angry and told him, “Please block me.” He suddenly blocked me again, and we had no contact for a couple of months.

I used to check his profile every day to see if he had unblocked me. Today, I noticed that he has unblocked me again.

But I know he probably won't message me. So why did he unblock me? Does it mean he thought about me or still cares about me? Why isn't he messaging me? What's the point of unblocking someone if you don't intend to talk to them?

Should I stay silent and not message him this time? Part of me feels like he might be testing me to see whether I'll message him first, but I honestly don't know.

What do you think I should do? Should I just stay silent and move on?

Accidentally posted this on the NoContract subreddit while bawling my eyes out.

24F/24M. I've gotten into tarot readings very intensely to predict a reconciliation. It's been 2 months since we broke up. I have been broken up with once before and rejected another time and I got over those situations pretty quickly and smoothly with occasional bad days because they were not very good people and didn't treat me very well. I always had negatives to point out in them and I moved on eventually.

But this guy was exactly what I've always wanted. He was an exception in my life in a lot of areas where I never thought I'd have an exception. For the first time I felt truly heard, truly cared for. But he lost feelings.

3 different readers predicted that he won't reconcile with me and I am genuinely at the end of the rope because everytime I get a negative reading it breaks me. After the 3rd reading I decided "screw it" and downloaded a dating app but I don't like looking at even the most stereotypically attractive men and I get the ick after exchanging one text with them. My ex had never given me the ick and he was the first person to do so.

I don't know how to cope with this pain right now and I'm always on the verge of sending a long paragraph.

My ex broke up with me and I didn’t even fully read her text, I went straight to begging her to stay to which I got no response obviously. I finally worked up the courage to read it myself and now I wanna tell her goodbye to give her some closure, but I don’t wanna reset any possible healing she has to go through. Should I move on?

Hey, so it's been 7 months, 17 days of my breakup. And 3 months, 3 days of No Contact at all. So we had a 5 year relationship and somehow I still love her. So the reason for the breakup was like she felt neglected and ignored (according to her) and on 1st Jan 2026, I got mad at her and I hurt her badly and she broke up after that. Though, I tried a lot and cried to her but she said No all the time and she has also blocked my number and my family members' number.

So, it was my birthday on 13th July

Although I didn't expect her to wish me, it still hurt me that she didn't. I don't know why. And now, it's her birthday month, and her birthday is coming.

So, should I wish her even after all this, knowing all the disrespect she showed me, knowing that she didn't even wish me on my birthday, and knowing that she doesn't want to reconnect? At first, I thought I shouldn't wish her, but now I'm thinking that just like I got hurt, if she gets hurt even 1% as much, that would be the saddest thing for me. Because I love her and care about her the most.

And I don't want her to be sad on her birthday. But there's also a feeling that I shouldn't disturb her life if she has already completely moved on.

Thankyou.

I told this guy five weeks ago that I just didn’t see a future with him. He told me he loved me and then I haven’t heard from him since. I’ll admit that yes I’ve been viewing his socials a lot, and I viewed our old chats on instagram and accidentally sent him a sticker or something, it was a mistake, I instantly deleted it! A week later he’s sent me this and I just think it’s honestly quite dramtic.

Here’s the message:

“I’m annoyed I’m having to reach out, but I saw you sent me a message on Instagram last week and then deleted it. Coincidently exactly a month since we stopped all contact! It’s a sad day for both of us. I sat on my hands about it for a while because last week was insanely busy and I didn’t really have the mental capacity to deal with it, but I’ve had some time to think about it now.

I’m honestly confused. We agreed on space and no contact, and lately it feels like you’re repeatedly trying to get my attention? Like you’re viewing my stuff so frequently, sending me stuff then deleting it etc.

I gave you the grace of still having access to me digitally because I do genuinely want the possibility of a friendship in the future! But this doesn’t feel like no contact or space. It feels like we’re sitting in this weird middle ground where you’re still showing up in my life without actually saying anything.

I don’t know where your head is at and I’m not going to try to guess. But you ended this and you asked for space? So if there’s something you actually want to say to me, I’d rather you just say it. Otherwise, I think we need to stick to the boundary we agreed on.”

What do people think? How do I respond?

My ex and I have been broken up for a year now. We ended on terms that are kinda bad but still, I got to move on. I am not hurt when I recall what has happened between us back then, I didn't think about her for 9 months or so and I have been keeping this to myself since I am confused.

We are both girls and we now go to different schools.
We broke up because she didn't communicate well with me back then. She would be overly jealous of an ex partner I got very traumatized by but I used to understand until I didn't because she never stopped using it against me even if we talked about it already.

After our breakup, I got told that she said mean things about me, that I was only a rebound for her situationship but it has always changed. But I never let myself talk to other ppl about what I was feeling about her back then because I really felt nothing.

We have never been in contact in anyway, she does like my tiktok sometimes but that is it. We aren't mutuals and I have noticed that we both are kind of eyeing and making signs to each other that we think of each other like putting stuff in our bios that only the two of us knew.

is it okay to reconnect with her? or I'm deluded and Im thinking of it too much? Did I really move on because I really do feel i did. And what I want is to reconnect with her as new people, not the person she was in the past. I wanna know her again? I am so confused

Coming up on 3 years no contact and I still occasionally miss him. The waves of wanting to see him again, talk one more time, be together one more time, are so brutal. I'm giving myself grace because I know the trauma bond is going to take a while to fully break. Still, it's frustrating because I know it would be so much easier if I could completely forget him. I wish he would be totally erased from my memory. I wonder if I will ever stop randomly thinking about him.

A little backstory. He broke up with me last year during the summer because of long distance and because he just "didn't want to visit me" in another country. Occasionally, I would text him afterwards about some stuff and it continued till last December when he completely blocked me everywhere.

Fast forward to now, I don't know why I decided to do such an impulsive decision but since I still had his number saved, I just decided to text him now in August, also because there was one thing that he was good at and I kind of needed his help with it. He responded, saying he wasn't "against texting me again" and ever since we have been texting here and there. He still stays incredibly sweet, asking me things and just caring about me in general, like my health for example. I also noticed whenever I happen to bring up standards or past issues he just deflects with absurd jokes.. and 2 days ago we had a late-night phone call where he was genuinely warm, laughing the whole time and even admitted he was a total jerk "for blocking me for this long." Also after the call ended I wished him good luck on his new job and somehow it left him speechless and I also said "love you" (I mean who does that? Who says that to their ex?), and like yesterday he flooded my phone asking how my day went and seemed more "eager" than usual, I guess?

When catching up with him, I noticed that my ex's life stayed relatively the same while mine has been a total chaos. On that call 2 days ago I just had a vibe he was a bit intimidated by me as well. I know this isn't a lot of information, but I really need some advice on what to do. I like texting him and talking to him brings me genuine comfort yet I'm scared to get attached.

I just miss him but I know it’s the wrong thing to do

me and my bf havent spoken in about 2 weeks but the weird thing is we never actually broke up or agreed to go no contact.

things got rlly awkward between us and i started shutting down/barely talking during our hangouts because i was overwhelmed. he did try talking to me but eventually pulled away.

afterwards i tried reaching out. i asked if he wanted to talk and later my last message was asking if he was okay. he never replied.

i got hurt and blocked him everywhere for like a day, then unblocked him on imessage. since then neither of us has contacted each other.

normally hes actually the one who reaches out first after arguments, which is why 2 weeks of complete silence feels rlly weird.

i still care about him and miss him sometimes but im also questioning whether i even want the relationship back because we argued a lot. i also dont wanna keep chasing someone when ive already tried reaching out and he left my last message unanswered.

does this even count as no contact if nobody actually decided to do it? would u reach out one last time for clarity or just leave it and let him contact me if he ever wants to?

My ex reached out to me for the second time and I’m honestly confused about what he wants.

A few days ago, he texted asking how I was. I didn’t reply. Three days later, he reached out again. This time he called me once, I didn’t pick up, and then he sent me a long-ars message.

In the message, he apologized for our last call and said he had intentionally said some really shitty things to me because he thought it would make me move on faster. He said he hopes I’ve moved on from him now.

Then he said he’s going through an emotional time because of some family issues. Apparently, he was used to sharing everything with me, and because he can’t do that anymore, he’s been thinking about me. He specifically clarified that he was “remembering me, not missing me,” which honestly confused me even more.

He also made it very clear that he wasn’t reaching out to reconcile because he’s planning to leave the state in about two months. He apologized for the trouble he caused me, wasting my time, and ruining our relationship.

At the end of the message, he told me that his grandmother had passed away. His grandmother used to like me a lot, so he said he wanted me to know.

That was the one part that made me call him back. I asked what happened to his grandmother and he explained everything. Then he tried to bring the conversation back to the first part of his message—the relationship. I told him nicely that I wanted to talk about his grandmother, not the relationship.

At one point I asked what the point of him going out of state was, and he started explaining his reasons. I cut him off midway and basically said, “It’s your choice. Do what’s best for you.” I wasn’t rude or angry when I said it.

He still seemed to want to discuss our relationship. He mentioned that he had written all of that and that he felt kind of sad. I just said, “Understandable,” and didn’t really engage with it. Eventually I wished him luck and ended the call.

The weird thing is that I don’t really feel anger, love, or even the desperate need to get him back anymore. I’m mostly just confused.

If he genuinely sees no future with me, is leaving the state, doesn’t want reconciliation, and apparently doesn’t even “miss” me, why did he reach out again after I ignored his first attempt? Why was it so important to him to discuss our relationship with me? He could have simply informed me about his grandmother and left it there.

Also, was calling him back a mistake? I only called because his grandmother passed away, but now I’m wondering whether responding at all gave him some kind of validation or satisfied his ego.

For anyone who has dealt with an avoidant ex or been on the other side of this situation: what do you think was actually going on here?

FYI. I was the one ended it. The reason why I want to initiate this phone call is because I want a closure and apologize for a bit for ending things suddenly. Nothing more. Do you think it’s okay for me to do that?

I broke no contact with my ex 2 days ago and she said that we could talk. Today she’s changed her mind and said “I don’t want to you to call me, I don’t want you to contact me, and you’re making me uncomfortable.” All I wanted to do was see her and have a face-to-face conversation and she went off about how I was crossing her boundaries. Why did she even answer the phone when I originally called? I feel so stupid for even attempting to talk to her. We had a messy break up and a year and half has passed; but how can someone just flip the script so fast after 4 years together and planning a future? I feel like she just wanted to see if her “hooks” were still in me and they absolutely are. All i wanted is for this sadness and yearning for her to leave my body. I wish I could just forget her on some “eternal sunshine” shit and move on. I feel like I never will. I didn’t know I could feel this.