u/Deep-Ad9621

My ex reached out to me for the second time and I’m honestly confused about what he wants.

A few days ago, he texted asking how I was. I didn’t reply. Three days later, he reached out again. This time he called me once, I didn’t pick up, and then he sent me a long-ars message.

In the message, he apologized for our last call and said he had intentionally said some really shitty things to me because he thought it would make me move on faster. He said he hopes I’ve moved on from him now.

Then he said he’s going through an emotional time because of some family issues. Apparently, he was used to sharing everything with me, and because he can’t do that anymore, he’s been thinking about me. He specifically clarified that he was “remembering me, not missing me,” which honestly confused me even more.

He also made it very clear that he wasn’t reaching out to reconcile because he’s planning to leave the state in about two months. He apologized for the trouble he caused me, wasting my time, and ruining our relationship.

At the end of the message, he told me that his grandmother had passed away. His grandmother used to like me a lot, so he said he wanted me to know.

That was the one part that made me call him back. I asked what happened to his grandmother and he explained everything. Then he tried to bring the conversation back to the first part of his message—the relationship. I told him nicely that I wanted to talk about his grandmother, not the relationship.

At one point I asked what the point of him going out of state was, and he started explaining his reasons. I cut him off midway and basically said, “It’s your choice. Do what’s best for you.” I wasn’t rude or angry when I said it.

He still seemed to want to discuss our relationship. He mentioned that he had written all of that and that he felt kind of sad. I just said, “Understandable,” and didn’t really engage with it. Eventually I wished him luck and ended the call.

The weird thing is that I don’t really feel anger, love, or even the desperate need to get him back anymore. I’m mostly just confused.

If he genuinely sees no future with me, is leaving the state, doesn’t want reconciliation, and apparently doesn’t even “miss” me, why did he reach out again after I ignored his first attempt? Why was it so important to him to discuss our relationship with me? He could have simply informed me about his grandmother and left it there.

Also, was calling him back a mistake? I only called because his grandmother passed away, but now I’m wondering whether responding at all gave him some kind of validation or satisfied his ego.

For anyone who has dealt with an avoidant ex or been on the other side of this situation: what do you think was actually going on here?

My ex reached out to me for the second time and I’m honestly confused about what he wants.

A few days ago, he texted asking how I was. I didn’t reply. Three days later, he reached out again. This time he called me once, I didn’t pick up, and then he sent me a long-ars message.

In the message, he apologized for our last call and said he had intentionally said some really shitty things to me because he thought it would make me move on faster. He said he hopes I’ve moved on from him now.

Then he said he’s going through an emotional time because of some family issues. Apparently, he was used to sharing everything with me, and because he can’t do that anymore, he’s been thinking about me. He specifically clarified that he was “remembering me, not missing me,” which honestly confused me even more.

He also made it very clear that he wasn’t reaching out to reconcile because he’s planning to leave the state in about two months. He apologized for the trouble he caused me, wasting my time, and ruining our relationship.

At the end of the message, he told me that his grandmother had passed away. His grandmother used to like me a lot, so he said he wanted me to know.

That was the one part that made me call him back. I asked what happened to his grandmother and he explained everything. Then he tried to bring the conversation back to the first part of his message—the relationship. I told him nicely that I wanted to talk about his grandmother, not the relationship.

At one point I asked what the point of him going out of state was, and he started explaining his reasons. I cut him off midway and basically said, “It’s your choice. Do what’s best for you.” I wasn’t rude or angry when I said it.

He still seemed to want to discuss our relationship. He mentioned that he had written all of that and that he felt kind of sad. I just said, “Understandable,” and didn’t really engage with it. Eventually I wished him luck and ended the call.

The weird thing is that I don’t really feel anger, love, or even the desperate need to get him back anymore. I’m mostly just confused.

If he genuinely sees no future with me, is leaving the state, doesn’t want reconciliation, and apparently doesn’t even “miss” me, why did he reach out again after I ignored his first attempt? Why was it so important to him to discuss our relationship with me? He could have simply informed me about his grandmother and left it there.

Also, was calling him back a mistake? I only called because his grandmother passed away, but now I’m wondering whether responding at all gave him some kind of validation or satisfied his ego.

For anyone who has dealt with an avoidant ex or been on the other side of this situation: what do you think was actually going on here?

My ex reached out to me for the second time and I’m honestly confused about what he wants.

A few days ago, he texted asking how I was. I didn’t reply. Three days later, he reached out again. This time he called me once, I didn’t pick up, and then he sent me a long-ars message.

In the message, he apologized for our last call and said he had intentionally said some really shitty things to me because he thought it would make me move on faster. He said he hopes I’ve moved on from him now.

Then he said he’s going through an emotional time because of some family issues. Apparently, he was used to sharing everything with me, and because he can’t do that anymore, he’s been thinking about me. He specifically clarified that he was “remembering me, not missing me,” which honestly confused me even more.

He also made it very clear that he wasn’t reaching out to reconcile because he’s planning to leave the state in about two months. He apologized for the trouble he caused me, wasting my time, and ruining our relationship.

At the end of the message, he told me that his grandmother had passed away. His grandmother used to like me a lot, so he said he wanted me to know.

That was the one part that made me call him back. I asked what happened to his grandmother and he explained everything. Then he tried to bring the conversation back to the first part of his message—the relationship. I told him nicely that I wanted to talk about his grandmother, not the relationship.

At one point I asked what the point of him going out of state was, and he started explaining his reasons. I cut him off midway and basically said, “It’s your choice. Do what’s best for you.” I wasn’t rude or angry when I said it.

He still seemed to want to discuss our relationship. He mentioned that he had written all of that and that he felt kind of sad. I just said, “Understandable,” and didn’t really engage with it. Eventually I wished him luck and ended the call.

The weird thing is that I don’t really feel anger, love, or even the desperate need to get him back anymore. I’m mostly just confused.

If he genuinely sees no future with me, is leaving the state, doesn’t want reconciliation, and apparently doesn’t even “miss” me, why did he reach out again after I ignored his first attempt? Why was it so important to him to discuss our relationship with me? He could have simply informed me about his grandmother and left it there.

Also, was calling him back a mistake? I only called because his grandmother passed away, but now I’m wondering whether responding at all gave him some kind of validation or satisfied his ego.

For anyone who has dealt with an avoidant ex or been on the other side of this situation: what do you think was actually going on here?

My ex reached out to me for the second time and I’m honestly confused about what he wants.

A few days ago, he texted asking how I was. I didn’t reply. Three days later, he reached out again. This time he called me once, I didn’t pick up, and then he sent me a long-ars message.

In the message, he apologized for our last call and said he had intentionally said some really shitty things to me because he thought it would make me move on faster. He said he hopes I’ve moved on from him now.

Then he said he’s going through an emotional time because of some family issues. Apparently, he was used to sharing everything with me, and because he can’t do that anymore, he’s been thinking about me. He specifically clarified that he was “remembering me, not missing me,” which honestly confused me even more.

He also made it very clear that he wasn’t reaching out to reconcile because he’s planning to leave the state in about two months. He apologized for the trouble he caused me, wasting my time, and ruining our relationship.

At the end of the message, he told me that his grandmother had passed away. His grandmother used to like me a lot, so he said he wanted me to know.

That was the one part that made me call him back. I asked what happened to his grandmother and he explained everything. Then he tried to bring the conversation back to the first part of his message—the relationship. I told him nicely that I wanted to talk about his grandmother, not the relationship.

At one point I asked what the point of him going out of state was, and he started explaining his reasons. I cut him off midway and basically said, “It’s your choice. Do what’s best for you.” I wasn’t rude or angry when I said it.

He still seemed to want to discuss our relationship. He mentioned that he had written all of that and that he felt kind of sad. I just said, “Understandable,” and didn’t really engage with it. Eventually I wished him luck and ended the call.

The weird thing is that I don’t really feel anger, love, or even the desperate need to get him back anymore. I’m mostly just confused.

If he genuinely sees no future with me, is leaving the state, doesn’t want reconciliation, and apparently doesn’t even “miss” me, why did he reach out again after I ignored his first attempt? Why was it so important to him to discuss our relationship with me? He could have simply informed me about his grandmother and left it there.

Also, was calling him back a mistake? I only called because his grandmother passed away, but now I’m wondering whether responding at all gave him some kind of validation or satisfied his ego.

For anyone who has dealt with an avoidant ex or been on the other side of this situation: what do you think was actually going on here?

We broke up around 2 months ago, but the last time we actually spoke was 22 days ago. That conversation was horrible for me. I cried, begged and pleaded with him. I told him how badly I was hurting, how much I loved him, and how much his behavior was affecting me. I told him I couldn’t eat or sleep properly, I was vomiting, I had gotten a fever from all the stress, and I was basically falling apart. He knew exactly how much pain I was in.

And he was incredibly cold and rude to me. He said things that hurt me even more and acted like my emotions were an inconvenience. I eventually stopped contacting him completely. I didn’t call, text, beg or chase anymore.

Today, after 22 days of silence, he suddenly texted:

“How are you?”

Then literally one minute later:

“I couldn’t reach out previously because of some family issues.”

I didn’t reply.

Around 30 minutes later, he sent another message:

“Be safe, take care of yourself.”

I still didn’t reply.

And honestly, I’m angry and confused. How do you watch someone you supposedly cared about cry and beg, hear them tell you they can’t eat or sleep and are physically getting sick from the breakup, respond with coldness and cruelty, disappear for weeks…and then casually come back with “how are you?” and “take care of yourself”?

What exactly am I supposed to say? He already knew how I was. He knew I was devastated. When I desperately wanted comfort or even basic kindness from him, he didn’t care. Now that I’ve finally stopped chasing him, suddenly he wants to know how I’m doing?

For people who have dealt with avoidant exes: why do they do this after weeks of no contact? Is this just checking whether they still have access to you, guilt, curiosity, actually missing you, or something else? And would you reply to this or continue no contact?

It’s been about a month since my breakup, and I feel like I’ve entered the anger stage. At first I was devastated, missing him constantly, wanting him back and wondering whether he missed me. But now memories of things he did during our 4-year relationship keep coming back, and I genuinely feel sick thinking about how much I tolerated.

He made me feel helpless, insecure and shitty about myself so many times, and somehow I kept letting things slide because I loved him. One thing that especially bothers me now is how he would try to pressure/manipulate me into sending s*icy pictures. I never sent them, but whenever I said no to things he wanted, he would sometimes become cold or give me the silent treatment. At the time I kept rationalizing his behaviour instead of recognizing how unhealthy it was.

What makes this even more disturbing is that I recently found out that apparently he behaved similarly with an ex before me, and I was told that he distributed her pictures to his frnds. I obviously can't personally verify every detail of what happened between them, but hearing that after remembering the pressure he put on me made my stomach drop. I spent FOUR YEARS with this man. Sometimes I genuinely can't believe how many red flags I explained away.

The breakup makes me angry at myself too. This was the second time he broke up with me, and I still begged him multiple times to reconsider. I kept trying to explain myself and convince him that we could fix things while he treated me like I was the one desperate for his approval. Looking back now, I hate that I gave him that validation. I keep thinking, “Why did I do that? Where was my self-respect?”

A few days ago I even unblocked him on WhatsApp. I deleted his number immediately afterward, so he can't see my status or anything, and I haven't contacted him. But now I'm wondering why I should leave even that tiny door open.

Part of me wants to crush his ego after everything he put me through. I do want r*venge but not willing to contact him and start drama. I think what I actually want is to take back the power I gave him for so long. I don't want him thinking I'm still sitting here waiting for him, begging for him or available whenever he decides he wants attention.

Would you block him again and completely disappear? Not to manipulate him into coming back, but because someone who repeatedly disrespected your boundaries shouldn't have access to you anymore? Im very embarrassed about unblocking him and if blocking again give him an ego boost I don’t want to do it. I don’t want to see me being desperate again.

After this breakup, I realized something about myself that honestly hurts more than the breakup itself. All I’ve ever really wanted was real love. Ever since I was little, I think a huge part of me has just wanted to feel genuinely loved, chosen, and safe with someone.

I know people sometimes don’t count teenage relationships as “real relationships,” but I had my first boyfriend when I was 15. He cheated on me multiple times. I kept giving him chances until eventually I couldn’t anymore and broke up with him. Strangely, moving on wasn’t that difficult. Maybe because I was so young and didn’t even fully understand my emotions yet.

After that, I gave a chance to a guy who had pursued me for around 5 years because I thought, “If someone has liked me for this long, maybe he’ll actually value me.” He cheated too. It was a very short relationship, so I barely even consider it a relationship now, and I wasn’t completely devastated.

Then something similar happened again with another person. I gave someone a chance, trusted them, and again there was cheating.

None of those relationships completely broke me because they were short-lived and I was never physically involved with them. But looking back, I think they slowly gave me serious trust issues.

Then at 18, I got into my first genuinely serious relationship. He had also pursued me for years, so once again I thought that meant something. I thought someone who had wanted me for that long must be serious about me.

We stayed together for around 4 years.

He was my first in basically everything. I loved him deeply. I accepted him for who he was, including his flaws. But he was emotionally avoidant, and throughout the relationship there were issues around him wanting attention/validation from other girls. Eventually the relationship ended, and this breakup has affected me in a way the others never did.

And now I keep asking myself: **Why does this keep happening to me?**

I know logically that another person's inability to love me properly isn't necessarily a measurement of my worth, but emotionally it's becoming really difficult not to question myself.

Am I not pretty enough?

Am I not interesting enough?

Am I not good enough to make somebody actually want to stay?

What hurts is that I genuinely don't think I've ever demanded some impossible fairytale from anyone. I don't pressure people about marriage or force them to promise me a future. In fact, I've deliberately held myself back from having those expectations because I was afraid of getting hurt.

I feel like I've spent years lowering my expectations to protect myself, and somehow I still ended up heartbroken.

I don't want somebody perfect. I don't need someone obsessed with me 24/7. I just want someone who loves me consistently, respects the relationship, doesn't seek romantic validation elsewhere, communicates with me, and actually wants to be beside me.

Is that really such an unrealistic thing to want?

Sometimes I see couples who have been together for years and still seem genuinely in love. I see girls being adored by their boyfriends, and I'm genuinely happy for them. But there's always this little sadness underneath it because I wonder, **“Will anyone ever love me like that?”**

And I know romantic love isn't everything.

I'm very goal-oriented. I have ambitions, I'm studying and working toward becoming something in my own life. That part of my life isn't going terribly. I want my own career, independence, achievements, and identity.

But if I'm completely honest, somewhere inside me, success has never replaced my desire for companionship.

I want to build my own life, but I also want someone beside me while I'm building it.

I'm 22, and logically I know that's young. But emotionally it doesn't feel young sometimes. Time feels like it's moving incredibly fast, especially when I've already spent years loving someone I genuinely thought might stay.

After everything that's happened, sometimes I find myself praying to God: **If there really isn't someone in this life who can love me the way I love, then please just take away my desire for romantic love.**

Because sometimes numbness sounds easier than repeatedly hoping, trusting someone, loving them, and eventually watching them leave.

I don't want to become bitter. I don't want to stop believing that good relationships exist. But I'm exhausted from wondering what I need to change about myself to finally be loved properly.

For anyone who has had a similar pattern of relationships—especially anxious/avoidant relationships or repeated betrayal—did you eventually find a healthy, secure relationship?

After this breakup, I realized something about myself that honestly hurts more than the breakup itself. All I’ve ever really wanted was real love. Ever since I was little, I think a huge part of me has just wanted to feel genuinely loved, chosen, and safe with someone.

I know people sometimes don’t count teenage relationships as “real relationships,” but I had my first boyfriend when I was 15. He cheated on me multiple times. I kept giving him chances until eventually I couldn’t anymore and broke up with him. Strangely, moving on wasn’t that difficult. Maybe because I was so young and didn’t even fully understand my emotions yet.

After that, I gave a chance to a guy who had pursued me for around 5 years because I thought, “If someone has liked me for this long, maybe he’ll actually value me.” He cheated too. It was a very short relationship, so I barely even consider it a relationship now, and I wasn’t completely devastated.

Then something similar happened again with another person. I gave someone a chance, trusted them, and again there was cheating.

None of those relationships completely broke me because they were short-lived and I was never physically involved with them. But looking back, I think they slowly gave me serious trust issues.

Then at 18, I got into my first genuinely serious relationship. He had also pursued me for years, so once again I thought that meant something. I thought someone who had wanted me for that long must be serious about me.

We stayed together for around 4 years.

He was my first in basically everything. I loved him deeply. I accepted him for who he was, including his flaws. But he was emotionally avoidant, and throughout the relationship there were issues around him wanting attention/validation from other girls. Eventually the relationship ended, and this breakup has affected me in a way the others never did.

And now I keep asking myself: **Why does this keep happening to me?**

I know logically that another person's inability to love me properly isn't necessarily a measurement of my worth, but emotionally it's becoming really difficult not to question myself.

Am I not pretty enough?

Am I not interesting enough?

Am I not good enough to make somebody actually want to stay?

What hurts is that I genuinely don't think I've ever demanded some impossible fairytale from anyone. I don't pressure people about marriage or force them to promise me a future. In fact, I've deliberately held myself back from having those expectations because I was afraid of getting hurt.

I feel like I've spent years lowering my expectations to protect myself, and somehow I still ended up heartbroken.

I don't want somebody perfect. I don't need someone obsessed with me 24/7. I just want someone who loves me consistently, respects the relationship, doesn't seek romantic validation elsewhere, communicates with me, and actually wants to be beside me.

Is that really such an unrealistic thing to want?

Sometimes I see couples who have been together for years and still seem genuinely in love. I see girls being adored by their boyfriends, and I'm genuinely happy for them. But there's always this little sadness underneath it because I wonder, **“Will anyone ever love me like that?”**

And I know romantic love isn't everything.

I'm very goal-oriented. I have ambitions, I'm studying and working toward becoming something in my own life. That part of my life isn't going terribly. I want my own career, independence, achievements, and identity.

But if I'm completely honest, somewhere inside me, success has never replaced my desire for companionship.

I want to build my own life, but I also want someone beside me while I'm building it.

I'm 22, and logically I know that's young. But emotionally it doesn't feel young sometimes. Time feels like it's moving incredibly fast, especially when I've already spent years loving someone I genuinely thought might stay.

After everything that's happened, sometimes I find myself praying to God: **If there really isn't someone in this life who can love me the way I love, then please just take away my desire for romantic love.**

Because sometimes numbness sounds easier than repeatedly hoping, trusting someone, loving them, and eventually watching them leave.

I don't want to become bitter. I don't want to stop believing that good relationships exist. But I'm exhausted from wondering what I need to change about myself to finally be loved properly.

For anyone who has had a similar pattern of relationships—especially anxious/avoidant relationships or repeated betrayal—did you eventually find a healthy, secure relationship?

After this breakup, I realized something about myself that honestly hurts more than the breakup itself. All I’ve ever really wanted was real love. Ever since I was little, I think a huge part of me has just wanted to feel genuinely loved, chosen, and safe with someone.

I know people sometimes don’t count teenage relationships as “real relationships,” but I had my first boyfriend when I was 15. He cheated on me multiple times. I kept giving him chances until eventually I couldn’t anymore and broke up with him. Strangely, moving on wasn’t that difficult. Maybe because I was so young and didn’t even fully understand my emotions yet.

After that, I gave a chance to a guy who had pursued me for around 5 years because I thought, “If someone has liked me for this long, maybe he’ll actually value me.” He cheated too. It was a very short relationship, so I barely even consider it a relationship now, and I wasn’t completely devastated.

Then something similar happened again with another person. I gave someone a chance, trusted them, and again there was cheating.

None of those relationships completely broke me because they were short-lived and I was never physically involved with them. But looking back, I think they slowly gave me serious trust issues.

Then at 18, I got into my first genuinely serious relationship. He had also pursued me for years, so once again I thought that meant something. I thought someone who had wanted me for that long must be serious about me.

We stayed together for around 4 years.

He was my first in basically everything. I loved him deeply. I accepted him for who he was, including his flaws. But he was emotionally avoidant, and throughout the relationship there were issues around him wanting attention/validation from other girls. Eventually the relationship ended, and this breakup has affected me in a way the others never did.

And now I keep asking myself: **Why does this keep happening to me?**

I know logically that another person's inability to love me properly isn't necessarily a measurement of my worth, but emotionally it's becoming really difficult not to question myself.

Am I not pretty enough?

Am I not interesting enough?

Am I not good enough to make somebody actually want to stay?

What hurts is that I genuinely don't think I've ever demanded some impossible fairytale from anyone. I don't pressure people about marriage or force them to promise me a future. In fact, I've deliberately held myself back from having those expectations because I was afraid of getting hurt.

I feel like I've spent years lowering my expectations to protect myself, and somehow I still ended up heartbroken.

I don't want somebody perfect. I don't need someone obsessed with me 24/7. I just want someone who loves me consistently, respects the relationship, doesn't seek romantic validation elsewhere, communicates with me, and actually wants to be beside me.

Is that really such an unrealistic thing to want?

Sometimes I see couples who have been together for years and still seem genuinely in love. I see girls being adored by their boyfriends, and I'm genuinely happy for them. But there's always this little sadness underneath it because I wonder, **“Will anyone ever love me like that?”**

And I know romantic love isn't everything.

I'm very goal-oriented. I have ambitions, I'm studying and working toward becoming something in my own life. That part of my life isn't going terribly. I want my own career, independence, achievements, and identity.

But if I'm completely honest, somewhere inside me, success has never replaced my desire for companionship.

I want to build my own life, but I also want someone beside me while I'm building it.

I'm 22, and logically I know that's young. But emotionally it doesn't feel young sometimes. Time feels like it's moving incredibly fast, especially when I've already spent years loving someone I genuinely thought might stay.

After everything that's happened, sometimes I find myself praying to God: **If there really isn't someone in this life who can love me the way I love, then please just take away my desire for romantic love.**

Because sometimes numbness sounds easier than repeatedly hoping, trusting someone, loving them, and eventually watching them leave.

I don't want to become bitter. I don't want to stop believing that good relationships exist. But I'm exhausted from wondering what I need to change about myself to finally be loved properly.

For anyone who has had a similar pattern of relationships—especially anxious/avoidant relationships or repeated betrayal—did you eventually find a healthy, secure relationship?

Trigger Warning / Venting: I just need to get this out somewhere because I have no friends to talk to, no one left who wants to listen, and holding all of this inside is eating me alive.

It’s been 2 months since the breakup and 19 days of absolute, strict No Contact. I haven't called him. I haven't texted him. I kept that promise to myself because I know he treated me like absolute shit, didn't care about me at all, and couldn't even offer a few kind words to a grieving person while I was breaking down. I made myself so small for him. I begged, I cried, and I gave him my absolute heart, only for him to throw it away like it was nothing.

I don't even have the urge to reach out to him anymore—I know neither of us will, and I know he doesn't deserve another word from me. But the urge to stalk him and check his profiles is destroying me.

It feels like a literal addiction. Even when I had him blocked on WhatsApp, I would go into my settings and open the block list just to stare at his profile picture. Today, I got so exhausted by that ritual that I unblocked him, deleted his chat, and wiped his number completely just so I wouldn't have a screen to look at anymore. I know unblocking technically leaves a door open, but I was just so tired of my own hands doing the same compulsive checking over and over again.

Instagram is just as hard. Even with him blocked there, the urge to look doesn't stop. Part of me keeps praying that HE will block ME so that the door is locked from the outside and I’m finally forced to stop looking.

It makes me so sad and sick to my stomach that I am sitting here crying, breaking down, and wishing I didn't e*ist just to make this pain stop, while he is out there living his absolute best life without a care in the world. Why was it so easy for him to walk away and treat me like garbage when I gave him everything? How can someone detach so effortlessly while I'm left picking up the shattered pieces?

The worst, most heartbreaking part of all of this is that after everything he did to me... I can't even bring myself to hate him. I want to hate him so badly. I try to force it. But I just loved him too much, and my brain is constantly looping through where did it go wrong? and what if he's with someone else now?

I've tried everything. I'm journaling. I'm trying hobbies. I'm in therapy. But nothing is cutting through this heavy, suffocating pain. I am just so, so tired of feeling like this every single day.

I don't even know what I'm looking for by posting this. I just needed to put these words somewhere where they aren't trapped inside my own head anymore. Thank you to anyone who reads this.

Trigger Warning / Venting: I just need to get this out somewhere because I have no friends to talk to, no one left who wants to listen, and holding all of this inside is eating me alive.

It’s been 2 months since the breakup and 19 days of absolute, strict No Contact. I haven't called him. I haven't texted him. I kept that promise to myself because I know he treated me like absolute shit, didn't care about me at all, and couldn't even offer a few kind words to a grieving person while I was breaking down. I made myself so small for him. I begged, I cried, and I gave him my absolute heart, only for him to throw it away like it was nothing.

I don't even have the urge to reach out to him anymore—I know neither of us will, and I know he doesn't deserve another word from me. But the urge to stalk him and check his profiles is destroying me.

It feels like a literal addiction. Even when I had him blocked on WhatsApp, I would go into my settings and open the block list just to stare at his profile picture. Today, I got so exhausted by that ritual that I unblocked him, deleted his chat, and wiped his number completely just so I wouldn't have a screen to look at anymore. I know unblocking technically leaves a door open, but I was just so tired of my own hands doing the same compulsive checking over and over again.

Instagram is just as hard. Even with him blocked there, the urge to look doesn't stop. Part of me keeps praying that HE will block ME so that the door is locked from the outside and I’m finally forced to stop looking.

It makes me so sad and sick to my stomach that I am sitting here crying, breaking down, and wishing I didn't e*ist just to make this pain stop, while he is out there living his absolute best life without a care in the world. Why was it so easy for him to walk away and treat me like garbage when I gave him everything? How can someone detach so effortlessly while I'm left picking up the shattered pieces?

The worst, most heartbreaking part of all of this is that after everything he did to me... I can't even bring myself to hate him. I want to hate him so badly. I try to force it. But I just loved him too much, and my brain is constantly looping through where did it go wrong? and what if he's with someone else now?

I've tried everything. I'm journaling. I'm trying hobbies. I'm in therapy. But nothing is cutting through this heavy, suffocating pain. I am just so, so tired of feeling like this every single day.

I don't even know what I'm looking for by posting this. I just needed to put these words somewhere where they aren't trapped inside my own head anymore. Thank you to anyone who reads this.

*I know I probably sound like I'm spiraling, and maybe I am, so I'm asking for honest opinions instead of validation.*

*My ex and I had our last phone call on July 19. During that call he said some really cruel things, like he didn't love me anymore and that he had only been with me because I was pretty. He acted completely sure that I'd come back begging within a week because that's what I had done before. Before hanging up, I swore on my mother that I would never call him again, and I haven't. In the heat of the moment, I also lied and told him that another guy was pursuing me really hard and trying to make me his girlfriend. The truth is someone was interested in me, but I had already rejected him respectfully. I only said it because I was hurt, and I honestly regret it now.*

*After that call, he blocked me on Instagram. I blocked him everywhere else except Instagram because, if I'm being honest, I wasn't ready to completely close that last door.*

*Even though I had him blocked elsewhere, I kept checking his WhatsApp profile picture. I'm not proud of it at all, but my anxious attachment has made me obsess over little things since the breakup. His WhatsApp picture changed twice, while his Instagram stayed exactly the same at first.*

*Then, exactly one week after our last call, on July 26, he suddenly unblocked me on Instagram. After unblocking me, he started changing his profile picture and his following count kept increasing. I genuinely couldn't tell whether he was just moving on with his life or if he knew I'd notice because he knows I've always been the type to notice small social media changes. The day after that, one of his friends randomly messaged me asking how I was and how my studies were going. Maybe it was completely innocent, but it felt odd because my ex never really seemed like the type to ask his friends to check on me.*

*On July 28, I finally blocked him on Instagram too because I realized I was driving myself crazy.*

*Now here's the thing that's making me question my own judgment. A few days ago, I did a massive unfollow and removed a lot of people I don't really talk to anymore. Then literally the next day, he also did a huge unfollow. During our entire relationship, he almost never unfollowed people, while I used to do social media cleanups every now and then. Maybe it's just a coincidence, but my brain keeps wondering if it's connected because the timing feels weird.*

*Has anyone else's avoidant ex done similar things after a breakup? Things like blocking and then unblocking, suddenly changing profile pictures, changing who they follow, or making noticeable social media changes? Did it end up meaning anything, or was it just normal post-breakup behavior that had nothing to do with you?*

I'm not looking for false hope. If this sounds like anxious attachment making me connect unrelated dots, please tell me honestly. I just want outside perspectives because I feel like I've reached the point where I can't trust my own interpretation anymore.

I know I probably sound like I'm spiraling, and maybe I am, so I'm asking for honest opinions instead of validation.

My ex and I had our last phone call on July 19. During that call he said some really cruel things, like he didn't love me anymore and that he had only been with me because I was pretty. He acted completely sure that I'd come back begging within a week because that's what I had done before. Before hanging up, I swore on my mother that I would never call him again, and I haven't. In the heat of the moment, I also lied and told him that another guy was pursuing me really hard and trying to make me his girlfriend. The truth is someone was interested in me, but I had already rejected him respectfully. I only said it because I was hurt, and I honestly regret it now.

After that call, he blocked me on Instagram. I blocked him everywhere else except Instagram because, if I'm being honest, I wasn't ready to completely close that last door.

Even though I had him blocked elsewhere, I kept checking his WhatsApp profile picture. I'm not proud of it at all, but my anxious attachment has made me obsess over little things since the breakup. His WhatsApp picture changed twice, while his Instagram stayed exactly the same at first.

Then, exactly one week after our last call, on July 26, he suddenly unblocked me on Instagram. After unblocking me, he started changing his profile picture and his following count kept increasing. I genuinely couldn't tell whether he was just moving on with his life or if he knew I'd notice because he knows I've always been the type to notice small social media changes. The day after that, one of his friends randomly messaged me asking how I was and how my studies were going. Maybe it was completely innocent, but it felt odd because my ex never really seemed like the type to ask his friends to check on me.

On July 28, I finally blocked him on Instagram too because I realized I was driving myself crazy.

Now here's the thing that's making me question my own judgment. A few days ago, I did a massive unfollow and removed a lot of people I don't really talk to anymore. Then literally the next day, he also did a huge unfollow. During our entire relationship, he almost never unfollowed people, while I used to do social media cleanups every now and then. Maybe it's just a coincidence, but my brain keeps wondering if it's connected because the timing feels weird.

Has anyone else's avoidant ex done similar things after a breakup? Things like blocking and then unblocking, suddenly changing profile pictures, changing who they follow, or making noticeable social media changes? Did it end up meaning anything, or was it just normal post-breakup behavior that had nothing to do with you?

I'm not looking for false hope. If this sounds like anxious attachment making me connect unrelated dots, please tell me honestly. I just want outside perspectives because I feel like I've reached the point where I can't trust my own interpretation anymore.

I know I probably sound like I'm spiraling, and maybe I am, so I'm asking for honest opinions instead of validation.

My ex and I had our last phone call on July 19. During that call he said some really cruel things, like he didn't love me anymore and that he had only been with me because I was pretty. He acted completely sure that I'd come back begging within a week because that's what I had done before. Before hanging up, I swore on my mother that I would never call him again, and I haven't. In the heat of the moment, I also lied and told him that another guy was pursuing me really hard and trying to make me his girlfriend. The truth is someone was interested in me, but I had already rejected him respectfully. I only said it because I was hurt, and I honestly regret it now.

After that call, he blocked me on Instagram. I blocked him everywhere else except Instagram because, if I'm being honest, I wasn't ready to completely close that last door.

Even though I had him blocked elsewhere, I kept checking his WhatsApp profile picture. I'm not proud of it at all, but my anxious attachment has made me obsess over little things since the breakup. His WhatsApp picture changed twice, while his Instagram stayed exactly the same at first.

Then, exactly one week after our last call, on July 26, he suddenly unblocked me on Instagram. After unblocking me, he started changing his profile picture and his following count kept increasing. I genuinely couldn't tell whether he was just moving on with his life or if he knew I'd notice because he knows I've always been the type to notice small social media changes. The day after that, one of his friends randomly messaged me asking how I was and how my studies were going. Maybe it was completely innocent, but it felt odd because my ex never really seemed like the type to ask his friends to check on me.

On July 28, I finally blocked him on Instagram too because I realized I was driving myself crazy.

Now here's the thing that's making me question my own judgment. A few days ago, I did a massive unfollow and removed a lot of people I don't really talk to anymore. Then literally the next day, he also did a huge unfollow. During our entire relationship, he almost never unfollowed people, while I used to do social media cleanups every now and then. Maybe it's just a coincidence, but my brain keeps wondering if it's connected because the timing feels weird.

Has anyone else's avoidant ex done similar things after a breakup? Things like blocking and then unblocking, suddenly changing profile pictures, changing who they follow, or making noticeable social media changes? Did it end up meaning anything, or was it just normal post-breakup behavior that had nothing to do with you?

I'm not looking for false hope. If this sounds like anxious attachment making me connect unrelated dots, please tell me honestly. I just want outside perspectives because I feel like I've reached the point where I can't trust my own interpretation anymore.

Hey everyone, looking for some perspective on avoidant psychology and whether unblocking my ex makes sense at this point. We had a really messy breakup after 4 years together—he ghosted me, ended things with cruel excuses, and blamed me for everything, which initially led to me reacting out of panic and begging him to stay. About 1.5 months ago, I blocked him on WhatsApp and Facebook and completely deleted his number. Interestingly, a week after the breakup, he unblocked me on Instagram (the only platform where he had blocked me), and about 15 days ago, I decided to block him on Instagram too just to force myself to stop ruminating.

Since then, I’ve experienced a massive shift in my mindset. Between having deep conversations with a close friend and starting therapy, I’ve genuinely accepted that he is never coming back—and more importantly, that he was terribly bad for me. I’ve lost all hope of reconciling and I genuinely don't even feel the urge to look at his private profile anymore. Because I’ve deleted his number and genuinely moved past the initial chaos, maintaining a block feels a bit irrelevant to me now; to my mind, keeping someone blocked makes it seem like I’m still angry or holding a grudge, whereas I just want to exist in total indifference.

However, since he has an avoidant attachment style, I’m wondering how he’d actually interpret me unblocking him after 15 days. Would an avoidant view it as a sign that the anger has settled and I've truly moved on, or will it just end up boosting his ego by making him think I’m still hooked, waiting for his move, or seeking his attention? For those who understand avoidant dynamics or have been through something similar, how is an unblock usually perceived in this situation, and am I better off just unblocking him for my own sense of closure or leaving the block firmly in place?

Hey everyone, looking for some perspective on avoidant psychology and whether unblocking my ex makes sense at this point. We had a really messy breakup after 4 years together—he ghosted me, ended things with cruel excuses, and blamed me for everything, which initially led to me reacting out of panic and begging him to stay. About 1.5 months ago, I blocked him on WhatsApp and Facebook and completely deleted his number. Interestingly, a week after the breakup, he unblocked me on Instagram (the only platform where he had blocked me), and about 15 days ago, I decided to block him on Instagram too just to force myself to stop ruminating.

Since then, I’ve experienced a massive shift in my mindset. Between having deep conversations with a close friend and starting therapy, I’ve genuinely accepted that he is never coming back—and more importantly, that he was terribly bad for me. I’ve lost all hope of reconciling and I genuinely don't even feel the urge to look at his private profile anymore. Because I’ve deleted his number and genuinely moved past the initial chaos, maintaining a block feels a bit irrelevant to me now; to my mind, keeping someone blocked makes it seem like I’m still angry or holding a grudge, whereas I just want to exist in total indifference.

However, since he has an avoidant attachment style, I’m wondering how he’d actually interpret me unblocking him after 15 days. Would an avoidant view it as a sign that the anger has settled and I've truly moved on, or will it just end up boosting his ego by making him think I’m still hooked, waiting for his move, or seeking his attention? For those who understand avoidant dynamics or have been through something similar, how is an unblock usually perceived in this situation, and am I better off just unblocking him for my own sense of closure or leaving the block firmly in place?

Hey looking for some perspective on avoidant psychology and whether unblocking my ex makes sense at this point. We had a really messy breakup after 4 years together—he ghosted me, ended things with cruel excuses, and blamed me for everything, which initially led to me reacting out of panic and begging him to stay. About 1.5 months ago, I blocked him on WhatsApp and Facebook and completely deleted his number. Interestingly, a week after the breakup, he unblocked me on Instagram (the only platform where he had blocked me), and about 15 days ago, I decided to block him on Instagram too just to force myself to stop ruminating.

Since then, I’ve experienced a massive shift in my mindset. Between having deep conversations with a close friend and starting therapy, I’ve genuinely accepted that he is never coming back—and more importantly, that he was terribly bad for me. I’ve lost all hope of reconciling and I genuinely don't even feel the urge to look at his private profile anymore. Because I’ve deleted his number and genuinely moved past the initial chaos, maintaining a block feels a bit irrelevant to me now; to my mind, keeping someone blocked makes it seem like I’m still angry or holding a grudge, whereas I just want to exist in total indifference.

However, since he has an avoidant attachment style, I’m wondering how he’d actually interpret me unblocking him after 15 days. Would an avoidant view it as a sign that the anger has settled and I've truly moved on, or will it just end up boosting his ego by making him think I’m still hooked, waiting for his move, or seeking his attention? For those who understand avoidant dynamics or have been through something similar, how is an unblock usually perceived in this situation, and am I better off just unblocking him for my own sense of closure or leaving the block firmly in place?

I'm a student, and ther*py just isn't something I can afford right now. I know it's the gold standard, but in my country it's expensive, and as much as I'd love to go, it's simply not realistic for me at the moment.

Over the past few months, I've realized I have an anxious attachment style, and my recent breakup made it impossible to ignore. Looking back, I can see the patterns so clearly. I constantly needed reassurance, overanalyzed every little change in communication, panicked during conflict, and felt like I had to fix everything immediately. When my relationship ended, I begged my ex(an avoidant)to stay because I genuinely believed losing him meant losing a part of myself.

The breakup has been incredibly painful, but it's also been a wake-up call. I don't just want to move on from my ex—I want to become a healthier version of myself. I don't want to carry these patterns into future relationships or let my self-worth depend on whether someone chooses me.

The problem is that whenever I search for advice, almost every answer is, "Go to ther*py*." I completely understand why people recommend it, but I'm hoping there are things I can start doing on my own until the**py becomes an option.

So I'm curious—has anyone here actually made significant progress with an anxious attachment style without ther*py? If so, what genuinely helped?

Were there any books, YT ,podcasts, journaling prompts, daily habits, or mindset shifts that made a real difference? Was there a specific moment when things started to click for you?

I'm not looking for a quick fix. I'm willing to put in the effort. I'll journal, read, meditate, practice emotional regulation—whatever it takes. I just don't know where to start, and I'd really appreciate hearing from people who've been in the same position.

If you've managed to become more secure over time, I'd love to hear your story. Any advice, resources, or personal experiences would mean a lot. Thank you.

My ex has a dismissive avoidant attachment style. We were together for four years, and our last phone call was one of the most painful conversations I've ever had. I was crying, begging him to understand me and to give us another chance, but he was incredibly cold and emotionally detached. No matter what I said, he had already made up his mind.

During that call, he repeatedly told me that he **wasn't coming back** and that I needed to accept it. The thing is, we had broken up once before, and back then he said the exact same thing—that he would never come back. Yet, after two months, he did come back, and we got back together. Because of that history, hearing those words again has left me confused about whether he truly means them this time or if he's speaking from the same emotional state as before.

At the end of our last call, I was so desperate that I swore on my mother that I would never call him again. He didn't seem to believe me. He even said that I would come back and beg him again because that's what I had always done before.

He officially broke up with me on **July 7**. After that, every Sunday I would end up breaking down and calling him, telling him I missed him and asking him to understand me. Every time, I was the one reaching out. At one point, he even told me to call him "when he's not tired," which honestly made me feel like my pain was just an inconvenience.

Then on **July 19**, I finally kept the promise I had made. I didn't call. I didn't text. I didn't beg. I blocked him on every platform I could because I knew I had to stop chasing him. The only place I couldn't block him was Instagram because he had already blocked me there.

This past Sunday was the first Sunday since the breakup that I didn't contact him at all. Then, out of nowhere, I noticed that he had **unblocked me on Instagram**.

He didn't follow me. He didn't message me. He just quietly unblocked me.

Now I'm trying not to overthink it, but I can't help wondering why. From what I've read, dismissive avoidants usually create distance after a breakup, especially when the other person has been pursuing them. So why unblock me now, especially after I finally stopped contacting him?

I'm not asking anyone to tell me he's definitely coming back because I know nobody can predict that. I know unblocking someone doesn't automatically mean they regret the breakup or want to reconcile. I'm just genuinely curious about the psychology behind it, especially from people who are dismissive avoidants or who've dated one. If you've experienced something similar, what did it end up meaning in your case?