u/Deep-Ad9621

It’s been a little over 3 months since my ex and I broke up after a 4-year relationship, and we’ve had exactly 1 month of no contact.

He is already in a new relationship. He’s been with his new girlfriend for around 2 months now.

For the first couple of months, I was completely devastated and couldn’t understand how he could move on so quickly ,hes the one who lied nd brokeup with me .But lately, I’ve slowly started accepting the breakup. I’ve started realizing how much that relationship actually consumed me.

He was very avoidant(more inclined to narccisist) and I was extremely anxious in the relationship. Looking back, I used to think I was lazy, unmotivated, or just incapable of doing things. Now I’m wondering if I was actually just emotionally exhausted from the relationship. Or maybe the breakup itself gave me some strength back. I’m not completely sure.

The thing is, I genuinely don’t want him anymore. I don’t want a man who is already with another woman. I’ve reached a point where I’m slowly understanding that I don't want to go back to that relationship.

But something happened around my birthday that has been bothering me.

One day before my birthday, his new girlfriend sent a follow request to my second Instagram account. This account literally has only 2 followers and I basically only use it to like sad reels. There’s nothing interesting on it.

I initially thought maybe she wanted to talk to me. But the account didn’t message me, and it has been several days now. The account uses her name, but it doesn’t follow my ex.

Then on my birthday, my ex messaged me on Instagram wishing me happy birthday in the morning.

We don’t follow each other.

I know none of our mutuals posted me, so it seems pretty obvious that he remembered my birthday himself.

The confusing part is that during our breakup I specifically told him that I didn’t want a friendship and didn’t want to keep talking to him anymore, especially after everything that happened between us. So I found it strange that he suddenly messaged me casually as if nothing had happened.

I didn't reply. I didn't even open the message.

Part of me was actually sad because my first thought was, “If he’s messaging me on Instagram instead of WhatsApp, did he delete my number?” I know that sounds stupid, but after four years together, realizing he might have deleted my number hurt in a weird way.

There was also something else that happened around my birthday that made me even more confused.

I barely use Facebook Messenger, so I don't really read my Facebook messages. But I noticed that someone had apparently been accessing/reading them on my bday. I checked the login/security activity on both Facebook and Instagram and saw a login from a device that looked like the same phone model my ex uses.

What really caught my attention was that the login appeared to be from around the day we last talked.

I obviously cannot say it was him because we used the same phone model, and I don't know exactly how accurately Instagram/Facebook identify devices. Also, when I logged out from that device ,it didn't automatically log me out of my device which made me realise maybe it was really another device.

I changed my passwords anyway because I didn't want to take any chances.

And then I made the mistake of looking at his reposts.

He’s reposting things about how much he misses his girlfriend, how lucky he is to have her, how fate/faith brought them together, how they were meant to meet, etc.

So on one hand, he is clearly very invested in his new relationship and seems happy with her.

On the other hand, he remembered my birthday and went out of his way to message me despite us not following each other and despite me previously telling him I didn't want contact.

His sister has also been actively viewing my Instagram stories even though we don't follow each other.

Maybe I'm completely overanalyzing everything. Maybe these things mean absolutely nothing.

But honestly, I don't like it. It makes me feel watched and pulls me back into wondering about things I don't even want to wonder about anymore.

Am I reading too much into the birthday message, the new girlfriend's account and his sister watching my stories? And does the login activity actually mean anything, or am I misunderstanding how Instagram/Facebook's device/login history works?

I honestly don't even know where to start. I just need to get this out because I'm exhausted.

My ex of 4 years broke up with me in July. I found out recently in August that he started dating someone else almost immediately after the breakup.I ended up calling him because I couldn't handle the uncertainty anymore. I broke no contact again because I couldn't hold myself together and begged him to be with me.I wanted to know everything so I could finally kill whatever hope I had left. Instead, I left the conversation with even more things stuck in my head. 

The confusing part is that while he was apparently talking to her, he still reached out to me twice in August. He also seemed to be actively watching my posts. because he said im posting hot pics (am not,its just normal pics with normal cloths) When we talked, he would stay on the phone for a long time, ik him if he didnt really wanted to talk he would hv hung up the call .he said things like "I still miss you," and even say that maybe things would have been different if I had reached out sooner.also it felt like he didnt want to hung up the call . When i asked him to call he called me immediatly . also when his mum called like 3 times he needed to hung up . He texted me all 3 times  in whatsapp that hes hanging up for this reason even after saying the same thing on call. maybe delulu and im thinking to much to find hope.

And then he said things that she(his gf) can't get out of my head.He told me she's so pretty that he "couldn't take his eyes off her." He said he cried when she was leaving. He said he likes her a lot and that he's at peace with her, even though they've apparently only been together for a few days. thats even if with heels shes shorter than him. 

Those words absolutely destroyed me.I looked her up. I even screenshotted her picture and sent it to my friends. They obviously tried to reassure me and said she doesn't look that great, but I know they're saying that because they don't want me to compare myself to her.It didn't help anyway.Because this isn't really about whether she's pretty.It's about the fact that **he is appreciating her in ways I always wanted him to appreciate me.**

My confidence was already damaged during the relationship. He used to comment about my weight, my hair, my appearance. He would joke about my brown complexion and say it was harmless. I became so insecure that I started feeling like I had to constantly improve myself to be enough for him.

And now I'm watching him praise another girl for her looks.It makes me feel like, "So what was wrong with me?"Was four years a lie?Was I never beautiful to him?Did he never look at me the way he's apparently looking at her?

I know logically that someone finding another person attractive doesn't determine my worth. But emotionally, I don't believe that right now.What hurts even more is that he made the breakup feel like it was my fault.He told me that if I had done things differently, maybe things would've been different.But all I ever wanted was reassurance.I fought with him because I didn't feel secure. I would get anxious because he would snoop around for other girls. I wasn't asking for something outrageous. I wanted reassurance, emotional safety and to feel chosen.Instead, I ended up believing that I was "too much."

I've been having physical symptoms from the stress too. My whole body aches when I spiral. I couldn't eat properly, I was vomiting, I couldn't sleep and even the smell of food made me nauseous. I'm on medication now and thankfully my appetite has started coming back, but mentally I'm still stuck.

I have a really difficult course and an exam coming up. I NEED to study minimum 8 hours a day, but right now I can't even concentrate for an hour.I'm terrified that I'm going to fail because my brain is completely consumed by this.

And I keep checking.I blocked him, but I still find myself checking his profile picture or looking for some tiny sign that he feels bad about losing me.

We have so many mutual friends, and another thing I can't stop thinking about is:**What if everyone is laughing at me?**What if they're saying, "His ex got an upgrade and she's still crying over him"?What if people think I'm the ugly ex who couldn't move on?I know I shouldn't care, but I do.

I've also heard people say that the best way to get over a heartbreak is to sleep with someone else.Now I'm 5'4 and around 42 kg after losing about 5 kg from all of this. I feel so thin and unattractive. My confidence is basically gone.I know 4-5 people(wants no strings attatched situations) who would be willing(def), but honestly I don't even have the confidence to do that right now.

Even in the last he said things like" you may get someone who can treat you better, but can never get someone whos handsome than me " . It stuck with me.

I'm terrified someone will see my body and not like it.I'm scared they'll judge how thin I am.I'm insecure about my complexion.I'm insecure about basically everything right now.

I don't want revenge anymore.I don't want to "show him what he lost."What's the point if he genuinely likes someone else?I just want to let go.

I want my confidence back.I want to stop comparing myself to her.I want to stop wondering whether he's happier with her.I want to stop checking his profile.I want to stop replaying everything he said.And most importantly, **I want my brain back.**

So if anyone has actually been through something similar:

**How do I let go of someone who seems to have moved on so quickly?**How do I stop comparing myself to the new girl?How do I rebuild my self-esteem when the person I loved spent years making me feel like I wasn't enough?And how the hell do I get my ability to study and function back?

I don't want him back anymore.I just want me back.

I have these notes on my phone from the last 4 years. I journalled throughout our relationship every year — all the things that hurt me, the things I swallowed, the moments where I felt like I wasn't enough, everything.And right now I REALLY fucking want to send it to him.

I already did so much begging after the breakup. I begged because it genuinely felt like I was dying. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't eat. I was vomiting. Even the smell of food would make me nauseous. My whole body was reacting to the breakup. and still is.

Meanwhile, he's apparently having the time of his life with his new girl.And the weirdest part is — I DON'T want him back.I know that.But I desperately want him to KNOW how shitty he was to me.

I have so much pent-up rage. I'm angry at him, but honestly I'm also angry at myself. I'm angry at my own body for reacting this way. I'm angry that I gave so much of myself to someone who could hurt me this badly. I'm angry that during our last call, when I had every reason to say everything, I still didn't tell him how shi*ty I thought his behaviour was.

I just kept crying and begging.Now I have this voice message in my phone where I could finally say everything I've been holding in for years.I dint say any harsh things because maybe i still wanted him and the feared if i say so things will never be never be same again.

Part of me wants to unblock him, send the voice message, and immediately block him again. I don't need a response. I don't want a conversation. I don't even care if he listens.I just want it OUT.And break his delusional of a gd boy.

Maybe I want him to know that I wasn't just some crazy emotional ex who couldn't let go — that there was a reason I was hurt. and he thinks very highly of himself because i made him feel  that way . Hes so proud of that s*x i felt asexual for .I feed him so much validation. cuz i was afraid he will not be there if i say those thinks even to the last. he thinks he put so much efforts when there was no efforts.

i feel like i have nothing to loose if i sent it . 

Am genuienly so angry .

So before I do something impulsive, I'm asking here.Would you send it?Has anyone actually sent the long message/voice note explaining everything they went through, and did it give you closure?Or did you regret giving your ex one more piece of yourself?

I really don't want him back. I just want this fucking rage to stop living inside me. I am thinking maybe this will ease my pain a bit and i can move on faster .

After finding out that he monkey-branched to someone else, I realized there really is nothing left for me to look for. No hidden meaning, no sign, no reason to keep checking his profile hoping I’ll find something that changes the story.

And today, for the first time, I didn’t stalk his profile.

It might sound like such a small thing, but for me it’s huge.

These past few months, even when I had him blocked, I still found ways to snoop. I would check his profile picture, his Instagram, his activity, anything I could possibly find. I kept hurting myself over and over just to get tiny pieces of information about someone who had already chosen not to be with me.

But today I didn't.

I still heard his words in my head though. The things he said to me, the things that made me feel like I wasn't enough. They keep replaying in my mind even when I don't want them to.Also how i loose my respect over and over again convincing him to come back.

And honestly, my body feels exhausted.I couldn't eat today. Even the smell of food was making me feel like vomiting. My whole body aches. My stomach feels heavy and uncomfortable. Sometimes I even get this horrible feeling like there isn't enough oxygen around me, like I can't breathe properly.

I know heartbreak is emotional, but I didn't realize how much it could affect your entire body.I'm tired.

I'm tired of waking up and having him be the first thing on my mind. I'm tired of analyzing what he did, what he said, who he's with, whether he misses me, whether he ever loved me. I'm tired of losing entire days to someone who isn't even in my life anymore.

And I think another thing that's hitting me really hard is realizing how much of my life I've spent dating.I've been dating since I was really young. Different people, different relationships, different endings. Almost 9 years of my life revolving around relationships and trying to make them work.And honestly, every single person ended up treating me badly in some way.ik i was not the prob because they all cheated. it just made me feel like am only made to be an option .

I know those experiences taught me things, and I don't want to pretend those years meant nothing. But I can't lie — I feel regret.Sometimes I think about how much I could have done with those years if I hadn't constantly prioritized having a boyfriend.

I could have made so many wonderful friendships. I could have tried so many interesting things. I could have travelled, picked up hobbies, focused more on myself, built my confidence, made memories that had nothing to do with whether someone loved me.

And I hate that I'm only realizing this now.But maybe I don't have to spend the rest of my life regretting it.Right now, I don't want another relationship.I don't want to spend my energy finding someone new just to fill the space he left behind. I want to build meaningful friendships. I want people around me who genuinely care about me. I want to have a life where my happiness doesn't depend on whether I'm someone's girlfriend.

I want to learn how to be a friend. How to meet people. How to go places alone. How to make memories. How to enjoy my own company.But honestly, my confidence is shattered.After spending so much time being criticized, feeling unwanted, feeling like I wasn't pretty enough or good enough, starting over socially feels terrifying.

I know it's going to be hard.But I want to try.

And something else happened recently that made me realize how lucky I actually am.

My family is so damn sweet.At first, they gave me a HUGE lecture — very Asian-family-coded lol. But once they realized how badly I was hurting, especially after finding out that someone had made me feel ugly and not good enough, they completely switched and started motivating me so much.

And my grandmother absolutely melted my heart.

She has hearing problems and didn't even hear the whole story properly, but somehow she immediately started taking my side. 😭 She didn't even need to know everything. She just saw me hurting and was like, that's enough, I'm on her side.

I was sitting in the middle of all of them, listening to everyone motivate me, and honestly... it did make me feel a little better.It reminded me that I have people who love me without me having to change my body, my appearance, my personality, or become "perfect" for them.

Maybe that's something I really need to learn now.

I really, genuinely want to move on this time.I want to study. I want to get my life back. I want to stop checking his profile. I want to eat normally again. I want to laugh without forcing it. I want to make friends. I want to go on solo dates, make memories, take pictures, try new things, and do things just because I want to.I want my spark back.

And more than anything, I want to focus on myself and actually become something this time.But am afraid can i really crack that exam am an avg student. i never tried for anything . until this day study wise i never tried. i only studied for a week upto scored avg like 85-90 . around me are all these toppers so i kinda feel demotivated that will i be able to crack that exam when even toppers are facing problems. Maybe without thinking about those relationship ,if i hv studied then i would hv known my potential by now.

and I didn't stalk him.Tomorrow, I'm going to try to do it again.

I know rebuilding myself won't happen overnight. My confidence is shattered and I have a lot to work on. If u had a similar experience please tell me how u regained ur confidence. Tell me ways i can use too.

I really hope I can get myself back.

After finding out that he monkey-branched to someone else, I realized there really is nothing left for me to look for. No hidden meaning, no sign, no reason to keep checking his profile hoping I’ll find something that changes the story.

And today, for the first time, I didn’t stalk his profile.

It might sound like such a small thing, but for me it’s huge.

These past few months, even when I had him blocked, I still found ways to snoop. I would check his profile picture, his Instagram, his activity, anything I could possibly find. I kept hurting myself over and over just to get tiny pieces of information about someone who had already chosen not to be with me.

But today I didn't.

I still heard his words in my head though. The things he said to me, the things that made me feel like I wasn't enough. They keep replaying in my mind even when I don't want them to.Also how i loose my respect over and over again convincing him to come back.

And honestly, my body feels exhausted.I couldn't eat today. Even the smell of food was making me feel like vomiting. My whole body aches. My stomach feels heavy and uncomfortable. Sometimes I even get this horrible feeling like there isn't enough oxygen around me, like I can't breathe properly.

I know heartbreak is emotional, but I didn't realize how much it could affect your entire body.I'm tired.

I'm tired of waking up and having him be the first thing on my mind. I'm tired of analyzing what he did, what he said, who he's with, whether he misses me, whether he ever loved me. I'm tired of losing entire days to someone who isn't even in my life anymore.

And I think another thing that's hitting me really hard is realizing how much of my life I've spent dating.I've been dating since I was really young. Different people, different relationships, different endings. Almost 9 years of my life revolving around relationships and trying to make them work.And honestly, every single person ended up treating me badly in some way.ik i was not the prob because they all cheated. it just made me feel like am only made to be an option .

I know those experiences taught me things, and I don't want to pretend those years meant nothing. But I can't lie — I feel regret.Sometimes I think about how much I could have done with those years if I hadn't constantly prioritized having a boyfriend.

I could have made so many wonderful friendships. I could have tried so many interesting things. I could have travelled, picked up hobbies, focused more on myself, built my confidence, made memories that had nothing to do with whether someone loved me.

And I hate that I'm only realizing this now.But maybe I don't have to spend the rest of my life regretting it.Right now, I don't want another relationship.I don't want to spend my energy finding someone new just to fill the space he left behind. I want to build meaningful friendships. I want people around me who genuinely care about me. I want to have a life where my happiness doesn't depend on whether I'm someone's girlfriend.

I want to learn how to be a friend. How to meet people. How to go places alone. How to make memories. How to enjoy my own company.But honestly, my confidence is shattered.After spending so much time being criticized, feeling unwanted, feeling like I wasn't pretty enough or good enough, starting over socially feels terrifying.

I know it's going to be hard.But I want to try.

And something else happened recently that made me realize how lucky I actually am.

My family is so damn sweet.At first, they gave me a HUGE lecture — very Asian-family-coded lol. But once they realized how badly I was hurting, especially after finding out that someone had made me feel ugly and not good enough, they completely switched and started motivating me so much.

And my grandmother absolutely melted my heart.

She has hearing problems and didn't even hear the whole story properly, but somehow she immediately started taking my side. 😭 She didn't even need to know everything. She just saw me hurting and was like, that's enough, I'm on her side.

I was sitting in the middle of all of them, listening to everyone motivate me, and honestly... it did make me feel a little better.It reminded me that I have people who love me without me having to change my body, my appearance, my personality, or become "perfect" for them.

Maybe that's something I really need to learn now.

I really, genuinely want to move on this time.I want to study. I want to get my life back. I want to stop checking his profile. I want to eat normally again. I want to laugh without forcing it. I want to make friends. I want to go on solo dates, make memories, take pictures, try new things, and do things just because I want to.I want my spark back.

And more than anything, I want to focus on myself and actually become something this time.But am afraid can i really crack that exam am an avg student. i never tried for anything . until this day study wise i never tried. i only studied for a week upto scored avg like 85-90 . around me are all these toppers so i kinda feel demotivated that will i be able to crack that exam when even toppers are facing problems. Maybe without thinking about those relationship ,if i hv studied then i would hv known my potential by now.

and I didn't stalk him.Tomorrow, I'm going to try to do it again.

I know rebuilding myself won't happen overnight. My confidence is shattered and I have a lot to work on. If u had a similar experience please tell me how u regained ur confidence. Tell me ways i can use too.

I really hope I can get myself back.

I reached a point where I thought, “I'd rather know the truth than keep living with hope.” So I called my avoidant ex and asked him directly if he was dating someone.He said yes.

Apparently, he's been talking to her since after we broke up. And we broke up recently. I don't completely believe the timeline because, deep down, I had always had this gut feeling that something was happening during his training.Maybe my gut was right. Ladies, please don't ignore your gut.

He says they've only been officially together for a few days, but they've apparently been talking way before he didnt specify when.Then he started telling me things I honestly didn't need to know.He said he couldn't take his eyes off her the entire day. She made him blush. When I went quiet, he said, “You also used to make me feel that way in the beginning.”I don't know why he said that. It didn't comfort me.

He pointed out that she's shorter than him and even with heels she's still shorter. I don't know why that detail stuck with me, but it did. I'm literally 5'4 ,i myself is not that tall.Whenever he felt insecure about it, I reassured him because I genuinely didn't care.

He also told me they're in a ldr.The exact thing he broke up with me for.He told me he couldn't do ldr with me, yet this girl apparently lives even farther away.He told me that when she was leaving to go home, he cried.And then he said he loves her so much.I felt physically sick hearing that.

This is the same person who spent four years with me. The same person I begged to understand me. The same person I kept trying to be “good enough” for.Now treating her so well.

But then the conversation became confusing.He said he still misses me sometimes.At one point he said that maybe if I had told him earlier that I hadn't moved on, he might have had a different opinion about the situation.He said he's still surrounded by the things I gave him.Then he asked me, “If we got back together, would things be the same?”And I don't know what to make of any of it.

He said he likes peace. He said this girl doesn't argue with him.And I used to argue with him a lot.But he conveniently forgets why.In the beginning, I wasn't constantly arguing either. Then he started following and being interested in different girls, liking sexual/n*de pictures on Instagram, creating fake accounts to follow girls, and doing things that destroyed my trust.Who wouldn't get angry about that?
He left me alone on the streets during fights—not once, but three times.He broke up with me over fights with his friend even when I hadn't done anything.I was hurt. I became insecure. I became someone who constantly questioned things because I didn't feel safe in the relationship.And now he tells me that I was the problem because I couldn't trust him.He told me that I knew him “too much” and that was part of the problem.Of course I knew him too much.We were together for four years. And frnds from childhood . i know how he is and all the things he did gd or bad.

Then he told me that i came to his explore page multiple times that he saw my videos that im posting thirst trap (im not). That i posting pics like traps (am not) . its just normal photos with full clothing i donno what he means. i told him doesnt matter if i look gd in those pics . He said i do look good.

And that's what makes this entire conversation so confusing.At times he sounded like someone who still had feelings for me.At other times he sounded completely in love with someone else.Maybe I'm delusional.He called me multiple times even after I told him I needed space between the calls.

During one of the calls, he even said, “do you want us back?”I told him maybe his mother wouldn't approve.He said no, his mother would. He said she liked me a lot.So why say all these things?Why ask whether things would be the same if we got back together?Why tell me you still miss me?Why tell me I should have told you earlier that I hadn't moved on?I don't know.Maybe it means nothing.

Then somehow the conversation shifted to one of his friends.This friend was introduced to me by my ex for studies, and he's genuinely been helping me. He's incredibly focused and talented. He got around 20 marks away from an All country Rank, and I told my ex how inspiring I find him.I said I want to become like him. I really look up to his dedication.

Suddenly my ex started saying,"He is broke tho","that he borrowed money from me because he couldnt pay for his tution but he paid that after" and  “So what? I was only 15 marks away from an All India Rank too.” that was so odd.Then he started talking about how he broke up with his own previous girlfriend because he wanted to focus on his studies and didn't have time.

Then I started talking about my own future. I said I want to focus on my career now. I have goals. I don't want traditional relationship roles. I want to build something for myself.And he basically told me I was thinking too far ahead because I hadn't even passed my exam yet.That hurt.What's wrong with being hopeful?What's wrong with having a target?I know I haven't achieved it yet. That's exactly why I'm working toward it.

Then he said maybe someday I'll find my match.I told him I'm hopeful. I told him someday I'll love someone more than I loved him. I'll give that person all the care and kindness I gave him.And instead of just letting the conversation end there, he kept saying things.Then he said maybe I'll find someone who treats me better.But I won't find someone more good-looking than him.Apparently his friends of his girlfriend have told him how handsome he is and how good he'll be for his girlfriend.Again, I just said, “That's great for you.” But Why compare? so odd.Why make sure I know that another girl is prettier than me and that he's apparently so desirable?

Maybe he wasn't even trying to hurt me.Maybe I'm just interpreting everything through the pain I'm in.

After the third call, I finally told him the truth.I told him he treated me badly throughout those four years.He treated me like shit.I told him that maybe this breakup really is better for both of us.I wished him happiness.I told him I hope he treats his girlfriend well.

And then I hung up.I blocked him everywhere.Because even though I'm hurting more than I can explain, I don't want to disturb someone who has supposedly moved on.Maybe this is what I needed.Maybe hearing him say all of this will finally kill the last bit of hope I was holding onto.

But I woke up today with a heavy heart. No appetite.That horrible feeling in my chest.
I blocked him.I'm going to try to stay gone this time.I just hope my heart catches up with what my brain already knows.

I feel like I am hurting everyone around me because of a breakup.

Today we were supposed to go to some relatives' house. Without even telling me beforehand, my mother had promised them that she would take me too. She was genuinely happy about it. She wanted to introduce me to everyone because I barely go to family functions, and I know this was her way of trying to get me out of my room and make me participate in life again.

But recently I found out that my ex has already jumped to someone else.And something inside me just broke again.

I woke up today feeling nauseous, with this horrible feeling in my stomach and a headache. I have absolutely no motivation to go anywhere. When I told my mother I didn't want to go, she got really upset. She told me how she had proudly told everyone that she was bringing me with her.And now I feel guilty.I know this isn't fair to her. She doesn't deserve to have her happiness ruined because I am heartbroken.But I genuinely feel burned out.

It has been weeks, and I still feel like I'm barely functioning. Everyone around me seems to expect me to just move on. I have already told them what happened with my ex and that he has jumped to other, but I don't think they understand how badly this has affected me. they wants me to move on in a flash.

And I can't really blame them.They don't know what heartbreak feels like when you've loved someone for years. They are happily married. They don't know what it feels like to wake up and immediately remember that the person you built your life around isn't yours anymore.

The worst part is that I KNOW he treated me badly.I know he made me feel like I wasn't enough. I know I shouldn't want someone who made me feel that way. But knowing all of that hasn't made me stop loving him.And I'm so tired of fighting myself over it.

I'm burned out with studies too. I have so much pressure on myself to succeed, to catch up, to become something, to make everyone proud. And right now I just don't want to do any of it.

Sometimes my brain tells me that if I dis*ppeared, everything would finally stop.No more studying.No more pressure to succeed.No more waking up with this horrible feeling in my chest.No more thinking about him.No more trying to convince myself that I'm okay.

I know my mother would be devastated. I know she would be hurt. And that's what makes me feel even worse, because I don't want to hurt her either.But I'm scared.I'm genuinely scared of myself right now.

I don't like who I have become. I don't like how much this breakup has consumed me. I don't like that I'm hurting people who love me because I'm hurting so much myself.I just want to be free from this feeling.I don't want to di*.I just want this version of my life and this unbearable pain to stop.

I don't know what I'm asking for by posting this. Maybe I just needed somewhere to say it without someone telling me to "move on" .

I'm tired.Really, really tired

I was with my avoidant ex for 4 years. He broke up with me over a reason that I’m still confused about.

During the relationship, I was constantly trying to become the “perfect” girlfriend for him. But somehow, I was never enough.

He told me to hv gym body , so I started trying to gain weight. He told me he liked long hair, so I started growing my hair. There were so many little things where I felt like I had to change myself to be what he wanted.I stopped sharing my feelings because I was scared of being “too emotional.” I kept adjusting myself, compromising, and trying to make things easier for him. And still, he left.

The final issue was that I told him I was having trouble trusting him. I didn’t ask him to magically fix it. I asked him to help me rebuild that trust with him. Instead, I was told that I was “too much.” Now he has a new girlfriend.And I genuinely cannot understand how someone can move on so quickly.

My brain keeps creating thoughts I know I can’t confirm. Maybe he was cheating. Maybe there was someone else already. Maybe that’s how he could get into another relationship so quickly. I don't know. And not knowing is killing me.I can’t even look at another guy right now. and i feel so ugly that maybe if i was more attractive he would hv treated me differently. if i was gd in studies maybe he would hv understand my value nd understand i tried to much for him. i took his families back handed comments that i normally dont do. i tried everything. i also feel so used like he was only affectionate while being phys*cal.

I’m crying every single day. I know he treated me terribly in so many ways. I know the relationship made me feel like I was never enough. I know I deserve better. But do i ? an ugly girl like me ? I hv no confidence left in me . i feel so ugly .He valued physical beauty the most.

And some stupid part of my heart is still waiting for his call.The weird thing is, I don’t even have the urge to call him anymore. I’m not disturbing him. I’ve been trying to respect his space.But I still keep waiting for my phone to light up with his name. Maybe one day he will finally realise my value nd really acknowledge my efforts through the years.

I’ve blocked him. I’ve tried journaling. I’ve tried distracting myself. I’ve started hobbies. I’ve changed ther*pists twice. I’ve tried studying. I’ve tried everything people tell you to do.And nothing seems to stop the thoughts.Even when I start doing something I enjoy, my brain somehow goes back to him.I can’t focus on my studies. I can’t enjoy things properly. I can’t seem to get through a normal day without thinking about him.

i just want to scream at him and cry my heartout ,tell him how he ruined me .but im not going to do that.

And I hate myself for being like this.I keep asking myself, “Why am I acting like this over a boy?”I was never this person before.

I’ve lost around 5 kg. I can barely look at myself in the mirror anymore. I’ve been physically sick from all of this and vomited twice today.

And the worst part is that when I found out he was dating someone, my first thought was se*f-h*rm. I thought, maybe I should just di*.That scared me.

I don't want him back.I don't want him to regret leaving me.I don't want him to come back.Honestly, I hope he is happy with whoever he is with now.

I just want this pain to stop. Even a little bit. Even one drop of it.I don't want to spend the rest of my life feeling like this. I don't want to h*te myself because someone who treated me badly chose to leave me.

I don't really have a supportive friend in real life who I can talk to about this, so the support and opinions I've gotten from Reddit and here are genuinely helping me get through this right now.I’m grateful for that.

If anyone has actually been through something like this — especially losing yourself after a long relationship and feeling like you physically cannot stop thinking about that person — please tell me what genuinely helped you.

I want the pain to become a little quieter.I want to eat normally.I want to study again.I want to look in the mirror without hating myself.I just want to be okay.its hurting so much i cant explain.i want to feel normal.

I was with my avoidant ex for 4 years. He broke up with me over a reason that I’m still confused about.

During the relationship, I was constantly trying to become the “perfect” girlfriend for him. But somehow, I was never enough.

He told me to hv gym body , so I started trying to gain weight. He told me he liked long hair, so I started growing my hair. There were so many little things where I felt like I had to change myself to be what he wanted.I stopped sharing my feelings because I was scared of being “too emotional.” I kept adjusting myself, compromising, and trying to make things easier for him. And still, he left.

The final issue was that I told him I was having trouble trusting him. I didn’t ask him to magically fix it. I asked him to help me rebuild that trust with him. Instead, I was told that I was “too much.” Now he has a new girlfriend.And I genuinely cannot understand how someone can move on so quickly.

My brain keeps creating thoughts I know I can’t confirm. Maybe he was cheating. Maybe there was someone else already. Maybe that’s how he could get into another relationship so quickly. I don't know. And not knowing is killing me.I can’t even look at another guy right now. and i feel so ugly that maybe if i was more attractive he would hv treated me differently. if i was gd in studies maybe he would hv understand my value nd understand i tried to much for him. i took his families back handed comments that i normally dont do. i tried everything. i also feel so used like he was only affectionate while being phys*cal.

I’m crying every single day. I know he treated me terribly in so many ways. I know the relationship made me feel like I was never enough. I know I deserve better. But do i ? an ugly girl like me ? I hv no confidence left in me . i feel so ugly .He valued physical beauty the most.

And some stupid part of my heart is still waiting for his call.The weird thing is, I don’t even have the urge to call him anymore. I’m not disturbing him. I’ve been trying to respect his space.But I still keep waiting for my phone to light up with his name. Maybe one day he will finally realise my value nd really acknowledge my efforts through the years.

I’ve blocked him. I’ve tried journaling. I’ve tried distracting myself. I’ve started hobbies. I’ve changed ther*pists twice. I’ve tried studying. I’ve tried everything people tell you to do.And nothing seems to stop the thoughts.Even when I start doing something I enjoy, my brain somehow goes back to him.I can’t focus on my studies. I can’t enjoy things properly. I can’t seem to get through a normal day without thinking about him.

i just want to scream at him and cry my heartout ,tell him how he ruined me .but im not going to do that.

And I hate myself for being like this.I keep asking myself, “Why am I acting like this over a boy?”I was never this person before.

I’ve lost around 5 kg. I can barely look at myself in the mirror anymore. I’ve been physically sick from all of this and vomited twice today.

And the worst part is that when I found out he was dating someone, my first thought was se*f-h*rm. I thought, maybe I should just di*.That scared me.

I don't want him back.I don't want him to regret leaving me.I don't want him to come back.Honestly, I hope he is happy with whoever he is with now.

I just want this pain to stop. Even a little bit. Even one drop of it.I don't want to spend the rest of my life feeling like this. I don't want to h*te myself because someone who treated me badly chose to leave me.

I don't really have a supportive friend in real life who I can talk to about this, so the support and opinions I've gotten from Reddit and here are genuinely helping me get through this right now.I’m grateful for that.

If anyone has actually been through something like this — especially losing yourself after a long relationship and feeling like you physically cannot stop thinking about that person — please tell me what genuinely helped you.

I want the pain to become a little quieter.I want to eat normally.I want to study again.I want to look in the mirror without hating myself.I just want to be okay.its hurting so much i cant explain.i want to feel normal.

It hasn’t even been two months since my breakup and I genuinely thought I was slowly healing. Then today I saw my ex’s WhatsApp DP. He was sitting in a café and there were two cups in front of him. It looked like someone had taken the picture.

I immediately felt sick. I actually vomited, and then my hands and legs started shaking. I know technically I don’t know who he was with or exactly what was happening, but considering everything that happened during our relationship, it made a lot of things suddenly click for me.

For weeks I’ve been stuck wondering what went wrong, what I did, why things changed, whether I somehow wasn’t enough, etc. And now I’m sitting here thinking that maybe there were things happening behind my back that I didn't know about.

It’s honestly bittersweet. It hurts like hell, but there’s also a weird sense of relief because some of the confusion is finally going away.

My first instinct was to call him and tell him exactly what I think of him. I wanted to scream at him, tell him how awful he was for treating me the way he did, and tell him how much I hate him.

But I don't want to do that.

I don't want to call him. I don't want to text him. I don't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing that this completely destroyed me. I haven't blocked him anywhere, but I also don't want to contact him anymore.

There is just ONE thing I want back.

While we were together, I crocheted him a muffler. It was the first thing I had ever crocheted, and it took me an entire month to make. I made it with so much love and effort.

My family actually told me not to give him something handmade because they thought he wouldn't value it. I didn't listen because I loved him and I wanted to make something for him anyway.

I gave him plenty of other gifts during the relationship, and honestly, I don't care about getting any of those back. He can keep them. I don't want anything else.

But I really, really want that muffler back.

Not because I want an excuse to see him. Not because I want to reconcile. Not because I want to talk to him.

I want it because it was **my first ever crochet project**. I spent a month making it. I want to have it back, keep it, and someday show my mother: *“Look, this was the first thing I ever crocheted.”*

I know some people might say it's just a scarf/muffler and I should let it go, but it doesn't feel like “just a scarf” to me.

The problem is I don't know how to get it back without contacting him.

I don't want to text him and open that door again. I don't want to call him. And I definitely don't want to meet him.

Would it be reasonable to ask a mutual friend to collect it from him and give it to me? but he has no frnds in particular and only one frnd is there but i donno he will put that effort .Or have someone else message him on my behalf? I don't even know if he'll put in the effort to return it, and I'm scared that trying to get it back will just drag me back into everything.

I know I should probably prioritize my healing and stay completely no-contact.

But damn, I really want my first handmade muffler back.

What would you do? I don’t wanna go with my thought this time because I always regret it . Please help

It’s been 8 weeks since my breakup, and my last contact with him was on August 25th. I’m honestly exhausted with myself at this point. I keep thinking I should be doing better by now, but I’m not.I still love him very deeply.
And the hardest part is that I know he doesn’t want to be with me. I know I shouldn’t disturb someone who has made that choice. I know I need to let go. But still I can’t switch off my feelings.

A few days ago, I gave in and looked at his Instagram. He had reposted things like “I miss her,”. Im not a marvel fan but edits about Doctor Strange nd his love, things about wanting a happy relationship, etc. I know those things could mean absolutely nothing about me, and I didn't even think they were about me. But a part of me still desperately wanted them to be.

Recently I went somewhere with a friend, came back, posted some really good pictures of myself. Secretly I wanted him to notice.After 1 or 2 days ,I noticed that he had suddenly made his Instagram private, archived all his posts and removed his profile picture. He did the same on WhatsApp and removed his DP there too. I have absolutely no idea what happened, and I'm ridiculously curious. My brain keeps trying to figure out what it means.
But at the same time, I know I shouldn't be trying to decode someone who has already chosen not to be with me.

Before the breakup, I was also going through a horrible period of anxiety about graduating. I was convinced I was going to fail. I said a lot of emotional things about being a failure and questioned why he would even want to be with me if I couldn't succeed academically. He didn't really reassure me much, and sometimes I wonder if that played a part in his decision to leave.
Ironically, my results came out recently and I actually did really well. I was spiralling over something useless.
His mother had also randomly asked me about my exams after the breakup, which made me wonder if they knew something about how badly I was struggling.

And this is the part that hurts the most:
Was I really that bad of a girlfriend?
Because I genuinely don't think I treated him badly. I gave that relationship everything I had. I loved him, supported him, cared about him, tried to make things work and gave him so much of myself.
So why wasn't I enough?
Was I not pretty enough?
Not successful enough?
Not interesting enough?
Not good enough for him?

I'm struggling because I can't even identify what was so wrong with me that made him decide he didn't want me anymore.And I know people will probably say, “He just didn't want the relationship anymore,” and logically I understand that. But emotionally, I'm still stuck.

Also he was supposed to leave the state but few days ago he told me the plan is not going well. (The real reason of breakup)I didn’t ask more question because I didn’t want to be hopeful.
I don't want to chase him. I don't want to contact him. I don't want to interfere with his life. I actually respect that he doesn't want to be with me.
I just don't know how to make my heart catch up with what my brain already knows.

Today I deleted Instagram because I decided I'm done snooping. I don't want to keep checking whether he's sad, whether he's happy, whether he's thinking about me, whether his reposts are about me, or what his profile changes mean.I really want to stop looking for signs.I want to stop hoping.

But how do you actually let go of someone you still love?

It’s been 8 weeks since my breakup, and my last contact with him was on August 25th. I’m honestly exhausted with myself at this point. I keep thinking I should be doing better by now, but I’m not.I still love him very deeply.
And the hardest part is that I know he doesn’t want to be with me. I know I shouldn’t disturb someone who has made that choice. I know I need to let go. But still I can’t switch off my feelings.

A few days ago, I gave in and looked at his Instagram. He had reposted things like “I miss her,”. Im not a marvel fan but edits about Doctor Strange nd his love, things about wanting a happy relationship, etc. I know those things could mean absolutely nothing about me, and I didn't even think they were about me. But a part of me still desperately wanted them to be.

Recently I went somewhere with a friend, came back, posted some really good pictures of myself. Secretly I wanted him to notice.After 1 or 2 days ,I noticed that he had suddenly made his Instagram private, archived all his posts and removed his profile picture. He did the same on WhatsApp and removed his DP there too. I have absolutely no idea what happened, and I'm ridiculously curious. My brain keeps trying to figure out what it means.
But at the same time, I know I shouldn't be trying to decode someone who has already chosen not to be with me.

Before the breakup, I was also going through a horrible period of anxiety about graduating. I was convinced I was going to fail. I said a lot of emotional things about being a failure and questioned why he would even want to be with me if I couldn't succeed academically. He didn't really reassure me much, and sometimes I wonder if that played a part in his decision to leave.
Ironically, my results came out recently and I actually did really well. I was spiralling over something useless.
His mother had also randomly asked me about my exams after the breakup, which made me wonder if they knew something about how badly I was struggling.

And this is the part that hurts the most:
Was I really that bad of a girlfriend?
Because I genuinely don't think I treated him badly. I gave that relationship everything I had. I loved him, supported him, cared about him, tried to make things work and gave him so much of myself.
So why wasn't I enough?
Was I not pretty enough?
Not successful enough?
Not interesting enough?
Not good enough for him?

I'm struggling because I can't even identify what was so wrong with me that made him decide he didn't want me anymore.And I know people will probably say, “He just didn't want the relationship anymore,” and logically I understand that. But emotionally, I'm still stuck.

Also he was supposed to leave the state but few days ago he told me the plan is not going well. (The real reason of breakup)I didn’t ask more question because I didn’t want to be hopeful.
I don't want to chase him. I don't want to contact him. I don't want to interfere with his life. I actually respect that he doesn't want to be with me.
I just don't know how to make my heart catch up with what my brain already knows.

Today I deleted Instagram because I decided I'm done snooping. I don't want to keep checking whether he's sad, whether he's happy, whether he's thinking about me, whether his reposts are about me, or what his profile changes mean.I really want to stop looking for signs.I want to stop hoping.

But how do you actually let go of someone you still love?

My results for bcom came out and I have doubts about how should I upload my results. Do we have to upload all the marksheet with both side or one side only the front page of the marksheet is ok? I don’t hv any access to printer so scanning from ph is it ok?

My ex was the one who ended things and hurt me pretty badly. Since the breakup, he reached out twice—once asking how I was and another time apologizing for how he treated me. Neither conversation led to reconciliation. I also contacted him once because he was ordering things using my Gmail and I was getting a ridiculous amount of emails, and I have very little storage. Other than that, I’ve been trying to stay away.

Today his exam result came out.

For four years, I prayed for him for this exam .Even if i forgot to pray for me i did for him. After everything that happened between us, a part of me desperately wanted to know whether he passed. I kept telling myself, I shouldn’t care. I shouldn’t contact him. It’s not my place anymore. But apparently I still care. A lot.

My friend told me to just check whether his profile picture was there because that would probably tell us if things went okay. I deleted his number, so she was checking through my recent calls on my phone and accidentally called him. We hung up almost immediately, but the call had already gone through.

Then my brain went, “Well, the call already happened. Maybe I should just ask about his result.” My friend also said that if I was going to spend the entire day obsessing over whether he passed, maybe I should just call and get it over with.

So I did.

He picked up and I started with, “Bro, what’s up with your result?”

He immediately said, “I’m not your bro.”

Then when he realized why I was calling, his tone became this surprised/happy mixture and he went, “Ohhhhh, you remembered?”

He told me he passed. I was genuinely happy for him. Then he literally demanded that I say congratulations, so I did. I was outside doing some personal work and there was noise in the background. He asked, “Are you outside?” I said yes. He just went “oh, hmm,” and for some reason I felt like his mood changed a little after that. I didn’t want to drag the conversation out, so I said I was hanging up and ended the call.

And now I’m spiraling.

Why did I do it AGAIN?

This man broke my heart. I know there probably isn’t a future between us. I know I’m supposed to have boundaries. I deleted his number for a reason. Yet the second something important happens in his life, I’m still the girl who remembers his result and wants to know if he’s okay.

Now I’m also obsessing over what he must think of me. I’m scared he’s sitting there thinking, “She still can’t get over me. She’s the desperate ex who keeps finding reasons to contact me while I’ve already moved on.”

And maybe the part about me not being over him is true. I’m obviously not. But I hate the thought of him knowing that. I don't want him thinking I’m sitting around waiting for him or that he can leave me, hurt me, and I’ll still keep coming back.

I feel pathetic. I feel like I have zero self-respect because I keep finding myself going back toward someone who chose to leave me. I hate how easy I still am when it comes to him. I hate that one tiny interaction can affect me this much.

But the truth I’m struggling to admit is that I still love him too much.

I can be angry at him. I can remember everything he did to me. I can tell myself there’s no future. I can delete his number. I can try not to check on him. None of it magically switches the love off. I spent four years caring about this person, praying for him, worrying about him and celebrating his wins. Two months later, my brain understands that he isn't my boyfriend anymore, but apparently my heart still reacts like he is someone I need to care about.

And now I’m terrified that while I’m struggling this much and I’ve just shown him that I haven’t.

i tried blocking i tried everything in my power but my feelings are not changing. i ha*e myself.

My ex was the one who ended things and hurt me pretty badly. Since the breakup, he reached out twice—once asking how I was and another time apologizing for how he treated me. Neither conversation led to reconciliation. I also contacted him once because he was ordering things using my Gmail and I was getting a ridiculous amount of emails, and I have very little storage. Other than that, I’ve been trying to stay away.

Today his exam result came out.

For four years, I prayed for him for this exam .Even if i forgot to pray for me i did for him. After everything that happened between us, a part of me desperately wanted to know whether he passed. I kept telling myself, I shouldn’t care. I shouldn’t contact him. It’s not my place anymore. But apparently I still care. A lot.

My friend told me to just check whether his profile picture was there because that would probably tell us if things went okay. I deleted his number, so she was checking through my recent calls on my phone and accidentally called him. We hung up almost immediately, but the call had already gone through.

Then my brain went, “Well, the call already happened. Maybe I should just ask about his result.” My friend also said that if I was going to spend the entire day obsessing over whether he passed, maybe I should just call and get it over with.

So I did.

He picked up and I started with, “Bro, what’s up with your result?”

He immediately said, “I’m not your bro.”

Then when he realized why I was calling, his tone became this surprised/happy mixture and he went, “Ohhhhh, you remembered?”

He told me he passed. I was genuinely happy for him. Then he literally demanded that I say congratulations, so I did. I was outside doing some personal work and there was noise in the background. He asked, “Are you outside?” I said yes. He just went “oh, hmm,” and for some reason I felt like his mood changed a little after that. I didn’t want to drag the conversation out, so I said I was hanging up and ended the call.

And now I’m spiraling.

Why did I do it AGAIN?

This man broke my heart. I know there probably isn’t a future between us. I know I’m supposed to have boundaries. I deleted his number for a reason. Yet the second something important happens in his life, I’m still the girl who remembers his result and wants to know if he’s okay.

Now I’m also obsessing over what he must think of me. I’m scared he’s sitting there thinking, “She still can’t get over me. She’s the desperate ex who keeps finding reasons to contact me while I’ve already moved on.”

And maybe the part about me not being over him is true. I’m obviously not. But I hate the thought of him knowing that. I don't want him thinking I’m sitting around waiting for him or that he can leave me, hurt me, and I’ll still keep coming back.

I feel pathetic. I feel like I have zero self-respect because I keep finding myself going back toward someone who chose to leave me. I hate how easy I still am when it comes to him. I hate that one tiny interaction can affect me this much.

But the truth I’m struggling to admit is that I still love him too much.

I can be angry at him. I can remember everything he did to me. I can tell myself there’s no future. I can delete his number. I can try not to check on him. None of it magically switches the love off. I spent four years caring about this person, praying for him, worrying about him and celebrating his wins. Two months later, my brain understands that he isn't my boyfriend anymore, but apparently my heart still reacts like he is someone I need to care about.

And now I’m terrified that while I’m struggling this much and I’ve just shown him that I haven’t.

i tried blocking i tried everything in my power but my feelings are not changing. i ha*e myself.

My ex and I were together for 4 years. He broke up with me on July 7, and I handled the breakup badly at first. I cried, begged, and tried to convince him to stay about three times. Our last conversation was July 19, and that call was horrible. He said some extremely hurtful things to me, and after that I stopped contacting him completely.

On July 28, one of his friends suddenly messaged me asking how I was doing. I later found out that my ex had actually asked him to check on me. I also recently learned that around that same time, his grandmother had been hospitalized and his parents were out of town, so he was basically dealing with everything without them there.

Then on August 11, my ex himself texted me very casually asking how I was. He said he hadn't checked on me earlier because there were family problems going on. I didn't reply. After a while, he sent another message basically saying, "Take care of yourself."

On August 14, he called me once. I didn't pick up, so he sent me a really long message. He apologized for how badly he treated me during our last conversation and said he had deliberately said hurtful things because he thought it would help me move on. He apologized for ruining our relationship and wasting my time.

But he also made it very clear that he wasn't contacting me because he wanted to reconcile.

He said that whenever something goes wrong in his life, he remembers me because for four years I was the person he told everything to. He basically described me as a "habit" he hasn't adjusted to losing yet. Then he told me that his grandmother had died and that he wanted me to know because she used to really like me.

When I read that, I immediately called him back. But I only asked about his grandmother. When he tried to move the conversation toward us and the relationship, I told him I didn't want to talk about that. I could tell that it hurt him, but I ended the call anyway.

Since then there have been little things that have confused me even more. He changed his WhatsApp bio to just a dot. He viewed my Instagram story even though we don't follow each other. He opened his Instagram account around the time he reached out to me and now suddenly it's private again. There was also some weird activity involving purchases through my Gmail/account.

Now that I know the full timeline with his grandmother, I feel awful.

The day he asked his friend to check on me, his grandmother was hospitalized and his parents weren't there. The day he first personally reached out to me, his grandmother had died. So now I'm wondering whether he was reaching for the person who had emotionally supported him for four years because he was genuinely falling apart.

I still love him. I still want our relationship back. That's what makes this so difficult.

Part of me desperately wants to message him and tell him that I'm here if he needs someone, because imagining him grieving alone genuinely hurts me. I don't want him to think I don't care about what happened to his grandmother.

But another part of me knows what will probably happen. I'll become his emotional safe place again, I'll listen to him and comfort him like his girlfriend, and I'll start hoping that this means we're getting back together. Meanwhile, he has explicitly told me that he doesn't want to repair the relationship.But my mind is telling me maybe he would hv suggested reconciliation if i had just listen to him that day or went with the conversation.

I don't know how to separate compassion from hope anymore.

Would it be cruel to continue keeping my distance while he's grieving? Or because I know I still want him back, is staying away actually the healthier thing for both of us?

Has anyone been in a situation where an avoidant ex came back for emotional comfort during a crisis but explicitly said they didn't want reconciliation? What did you do?

My ex reached out to me for the second time and I’m honestly confused about what he wants.

A few days ago, he texted asking how I was. I didn’t reply. Three days later, he reached out again. This time he called me once, I didn’t pick up, and then he sent me a long-ars message.

In the message, he apologized for our last call and said he had intentionally said some really shitty things to me because he thought it would make me move on faster. He said he hopes I’ve moved on from him now.

Then he said he’s going through an emotional time because of some family issues. Apparently, he was used to sharing everything with me, and because he can’t do that anymore, he’s been thinking about me. He specifically clarified that he was “remembering me, not missing me,” which honestly confused me even more.

He also made it very clear that he wasn’t reaching out to reconcile because he’s planning to leave the state in about two months. He apologized for the trouble he caused me, wasting my time, and ruining our relationship.

At the end of the message, he told me that his grandmother had passed away. His grandmother used to like me a lot, so he said he wanted me to know.

That was the one part that made me call him back. I asked what happened to his grandmother and he explained everything. Then he tried to bring the conversation back to the first part of his message—the relationship. I told him nicely that I wanted to talk about his grandmother, not the relationship.

At one point I asked what the point of him going out of state was, and he started explaining his reasons. I cut him off midway and basically said, “It’s your choice. Do what’s best for you.” I wasn’t rude or angry when I said it.

He still seemed to want to discuss our relationship. He mentioned that he had written all of that and that he felt kind of sad. I just said, “Understandable,” and didn’t really engage with it. Eventually I wished him luck and ended the call.

The weird thing is that I don’t really feel anger, love, or even the desperate need to get him back anymore. I’m mostly just confused.

If he genuinely sees no future with me, is leaving the state, doesn’t want reconciliation, and apparently doesn’t even “miss” me, why did he reach out again after I ignored his first attempt? Why was it so important to him to discuss our relationship with me? He could have simply informed me about his grandmother and left it there.

Also, was calling him back a mistake? I only called because his grandmother passed away, but now I’m wondering whether responding at all gave him some kind of validation or satisfied his ego.

For anyone who has dealt with an avoidant ex or been on the other side of this situation: what do you think was actually going on here?

My ex reached out to me for the second time and I’m honestly confused about what he wants.

A few days ago, he texted asking how I was. I didn’t reply. Three days later, he reached out again. This time he called me once, I didn’t pick up, and then he sent me a long-ars message.

In the message, he apologized for our last call and said he had intentionally said some really shitty things to me because he thought it would make me move on faster. He said he hopes I’ve moved on from him now.

Then he said he’s going through an emotional time because of some family issues. Apparently, he was used to sharing everything with me, and because he can’t do that anymore, he’s been thinking about me. He specifically clarified that he was “remembering me, not missing me,” which honestly confused me even more.

He also made it very clear that he wasn’t reaching out to reconcile because he’s planning to leave the state in about two months. He apologized for the trouble he caused me, wasting my time, and ruining our relationship.

At the end of the message, he told me that his grandmother had passed away. His grandmother used to like me a lot, so he said he wanted me to know.

That was the one part that made me call him back. I asked what happened to his grandmother and he explained everything. Then he tried to bring the conversation back to the first part of his message—the relationship. I told him nicely that I wanted to talk about his grandmother, not the relationship.

At one point I asked what the point of him going out of state was, and he started explaining his reasons. I cut him off midway and basically said, “It’s your choice. Do what’s best for you.” I wasn’t rude or angry when I said it.

He still seemed to want to discuss our relationship. He mentioned that he had written all of that and that he felt kind of sad. I just said, “Understandable,” and didn’t really engage with it. Eventually I wished him luck and ended the call.

The weird thing is that I don’t really feel anger, love, or even the desperate need to get him back anymore. I’m mostly just confused.

If he genuinely sees no future with me, is leaving the state, doesn’t want reconciliation, and apparently doesn’t even “miss” me, why did he reach out again after I ignored his first attempt? Why was it so important to him to discuss our relationship with me? He could have simply informed me about his grandmother and left it there.

Also, was calling him back a mistake? I only called because his grandmother passed away, but now I’m wondering whether responding at all gave him some kind of validation or satisfied his ego.

For anyone who has dealt with an avoidant ex or been on the other side of this situation: what do you think was actually going on here?

My ex reached out to me for the second time and I’m honestly confused about what he wants.

A few days ago, he texted asking how I was. I didn’t reply. Three days later, he reached out again. This time he called me once, I didn’t pick up, and then he sent me a long-ars message.

In the message, he apologized for our last call and said he had intentionally said some really shitty things to me because he thought it would make me move on faster. He said he hopes I’ve moved on from him now.

Then he said he’s going through an emotional time because of some family issues. Apparently, he was used to sharing everything with me, and because he can’t do that anymore, he’s been thinking about me. He specifically clarified that he was “remembering me, not missing me,” which honestly confused me even more.

He also made it very clear that he wasn’t reaching out to reconcile because he’s planning to leave the state in about two months. He apologized for the trouble he caused me, wasting my time, and ruining our relationship.

At the end of the message, he told me that his grandmother had passed away. His grandmother used to like me a lot, so he said he wanted me to know.

That was the one part that made me call him back. I asked what happened to his grandmother and he explained everything. Then he tried to bring the conversation back to the first part of his message—the relationship. I told him nicely that I wanted to talk about his grandmother, not the relationship.

At one point I asked what the point of him going out of state was, and he started explaining his reasons. I cut him off midway and basically said, “It’s your choice. Do what’s best for you.” I wasn’t rude or angry when I said it.

He still seemed to want to discuss our relationship. He mentioned that he had written all of that and that he felt kind of sad. I just said, “Understandable,” and didn’t really engage with it. Eventually I wished him luck and ended the call.

The weird thing is that I don’t really feel anger, love, or even the desperate need to get him back anymore. I’m mostly just confused.

If he genuinely sees no future with me, is leaving the state, doesn’t want reconciliation, and apparently doesn’t even “miss” me, why did he reach out again after I ignored his first attempt? Why was it so important to him to discuss our relationship with me? He could have simply informed me about his grandmother and left it there.

Also, was calling him back a mistake? I only called because his grandmother passed away, but now I’m wondering whether responding at all gave him some kind of validation or satisfied his ego.

For anyone who has dealt with an avoidant ex or been on the other side of this situation: what do you think was actually going on here?

My ex reached out to me for the second time and I’m honestly confused about what he wants.

A few days ago, he texted asking how I was. I didn’t reply. Three days later, he reached out again. This time he called me once, I didn’t pick up, and then he sent me a long-ars message.

In the message, he apologized for our last call and said he had intentionally said some really shitty things to me because he thought it would make me move on faster. He said he hopes I’ve moved on from him now.

Then he said he’s going through an emotional time because of some family issues. Apparently, he was used to sharing everything with me, and because he can’t do that anymore, he’s been thinking about me. He specifically clarified that he was “remembering me, not missing me,” which honestly confused me even more.

He also made it very clear that he wasn’t reaching out to reconcile because he’s planning to leave the state in about two months. He apologized for the trouble he caused me, wasting my time, and ruining our relationship.

At the end of the message, he told me that his grandmother had passed away. His grandmother used to like me a lot, so he said he wanted me to know.

That was the one part that made me call him back. I asked what happened to his grandmother and he explained everything. Then he tried to bring the conversation back to the first part of his message—the relationship. I told him nicely that I wanted to talk about his grandmother, not the relationship.

At one point I asked what the point of him going out of state was, and he started explaining his reasons. I cut him off midway and basically said, “It’s your choice. Do what’s best for you.” I wasn’t rude or angry when I said it.

He still seemed to want to discuss our relationship. He mentioned that he had written all of that and that he felt kind of sad. I just said, “Understandable,” and didn’t really engage with it. Eventually I wished him luck and ended the call.

The weird thing is that I don’t really feel anger, love, or even the desperate need to get him back anymore. I’m mostly just confused.

If he genuinely sees no future with me, is leaving the state, doesn’t want reconciliation, and apparently doesn’t even “miss” me, why did he reach out again after I ignored his first attempt? Why was it so important to him to discuss our relationship with me? He could have simply informed me about his grandmother and left it there.

Also, was calling him back a mistake? I only called because his grandmother passed away, but now I’m wondering whether responding at all gave him some kind of validation or satisfied his ego.

For anyone who has dealt with an avoidant ex or been on the other side of this situation: what do you think was actually going on here?