u/Deep-Ad9621

My boyfriend (22M) and I (22F) were together for almost four years (LDR), and I think we broke up... but honestly, even that feels confusing.

There wasn't a proper breakup. We argued, then one day we just stopped talking. Usually after every fight I was the one begging him to talk and fix things because I couldn't bear losing him. He's extremely avoidant and has ghosted before, then come back acting like nothing happened.

This time I didn't call. I didn't beg. Partly because I was exhausted, but also because I didn't want to boost his ego by always being the one who came back to fix everything. I knew if I reached out, I'd probably end up apologizing, getting hurt again, and losing more self-respect.

It's been a week.

Two days after we stopped talking, I found out he followed several girls on Instagram. We don't even follow each other anymore because his account is private, but I actually asked my cousin to screen share his profile so I could see who he followed. I know how unhealthy that sounds, and I hate that I've become this person.

Now I'm constantly checking whether he's online on WhatsApp, checking if his location updates on Find My.I keep imagining he's talking to another girl. I know none of this is helping me, but I can't seem to stop.

Meanwhile, he seems completely fine. My brain keeps telling me he's already moving on and that our four-year relationship meant nothing to him. I know I can't actually know that's true, but it feels impossible to stop thinking that way.

I'm barely eating, barely sleeping, and I can't focus on my studies. Nothing distracts me anymore. Movies, going out, talking to friends... everything eventually leads back to thinking about him.

I don't even think I'm asking how to get him back anymore. I think I'm asking how to get myself back.

If you've gone through something similar, how did you stop obsessing over what your ex was doing? How did you stop checking their social media, location, or online status? How did you stop feeling responsible for fixing everything? Most importantly, how did you survive those first few weeks when it felt like your whole body was addicted to them?

Therapy isn't really an option for me because I'm a student and can't afford it where I live.

I'm genuinely willing to try anything because I don't want to live like this anymore. I don't want revenge, and I don't want him back just because he's lonely. I just want to stop feeling like I'm losing my mind and finally move on.

My boyfriend (22M) and I (22F) were together for almost four years (LDR), and I think we broke up... but honestly, even that feels confusing.

There wasn't a proper breakup. We argued, then one day we just stopped talking. Usually after every fight I was the one begging him to talk and fix things because I couldn't bear losing him. He's extremely avoidant and has ghosted before, then come back acting like nothing happened.

This time I didn't call. I didn't beg. Partly because I was exhausted, but also because I didn't want to boost his ego by always being the one who came back to fix everything. I knew if I reached out, I'd probably end up apologizing, getting hurt again, and losing more self-respect.

It's been a week.

Two days after we stopped talking, I found out he followed several girls on Instagram. We don't even follow each other anymore because his account is private, but I actually asked my cousin to screen share his profile so I could see who he followed. I know how unhealthy that sounds, and I hate that I've become this person.

Now I'm constantly checking whether he's online on WhatsApp, checking if his location updates on Find My.I keep imagining he's talking to another girl. I know none of this is helping me, but I can't seem to stop.

Meanwhile, he seems completely fine. My brain keeps telling me he's already moving on and that our four-year relationship meant nothing to him. I know I can't actually know that's true, but it feels impossible to stop thinking that way.

I'm barely eating, barely sleeping, and I can't focus on my studies. Nothing distracts me anymore. Movies, going out, talking to friends... everything eventually leads back to thinking about him.

I don't even think I'm asking how to get him back anymore. I think I'm asking how to get myself back.

If you've gone through something similar, how did you stop obsessing over what your ex was doing? How did you stop checking their social media, location, or online status? How did you stop feeling responsible for fixing everything? Most importantly, how did you survive those first few weeks when it felt like your whole body was addicted to them?

Therapy isn't really an option for me because I'm a student and can't afford it where I live.

I'm genuinely willing to try anything because I don't want to live like this anymore. I don't want revenge, and I don't want him back just because he's lonely. I just want to stop feeling like I'm losing my mind and finally move on.

My boyfriend (22M) and I (22F) were together for almost four years (LDR), and I think we broke up... but honestly, even that feels confusing.

There wasn't a proper breakup. We argued, then one day we just stopped talking. Usually after every fight I was the one begging him to talk and fix things because I couldn't bear losing him. He's extremely avoidant and has ghosted before, then come back acting like nothing happened.

This time I didn't call. I didn't beg. Partly because I was exhausted, but also because I didn't want to boost his ego by always being the one who came back to fix everything. I knew if I reached out, I'd probably end up apologizing, getting hurt again, and losing more self-respect.

It's been a week.

Two days after we stopped talking, I found out he followed several girls on Instagram. We don't even follow each other anymore because his account is private, but I actually asked my cousin to screen share his profile so I could see who he followed. I know how unhealthy that sounds, and I hate that I've become this person.

Now I'm constantly checking whether he's online on WhatsApp, checking if his location updates on Find My.I keep imagining he's talking to another girl. I know none of this is helping me, but I can't seem to stop.

Meanwhile, he seems completely fine. My brain keeps telling me he's already moving on and that our four-year relationship meant nothing to him. I know I can't actually know that's true, but it feels impossible to stop thinking that way.

I'm barely eating, barely sleeping, and I can't focus on my studies. Nothing distracts me anymore. Movies, going out, talking to friends... everything eventually leads back to thinking about him.

I don't even think I'm asking how to get him back anymore. I think I'm asking how to get myself back.

If you've gone through something similar, how did you stop obsessing over what your ex was doing? How did you stop checking their social media, location, or online status? How did you stop feeling responsible for fixing everything? Most importantly, how did you survive those first few weeks when it felt like your whole body was addicted to them?

Therapy isn't really an option for me because I'm a student and can't afford it where I live.

I'm genuinely willing to try anything because I don't want to live like this anymore. I don't want revenge, and I don't want him back just because he's lonely. I just want to stop feeling like I'm losing my mind and finally move on.

I (22F) have been with my boyfriend (22M) for almost four years. We're long distance.

I've finally realized that this relationship probably isn't right for me anymore, but I'm struggling to make my heart accept what my mind already knows.

He's very avoidant, while I'm anxiously attached. Every argument follows the same pattern. He doesn't like discussing problems. He expects enough time to pass so everything goes back to normal, while I'm left wanting to talk things through. I usually end up being the one reaching out because I can't handle the silence.

Recently I thought I was going to fail my graduation exams. I was extremely stressed and probably PMSing. During that emotional breakdown I told him maybe we should break up. After calming down, I called him back and told him I didn't actually want that. He simply said yes.

The next day my anxiety became unbearable. I called him and said, *"Babe, I need you. I just want to talk."* He said he had to take a bath. I called later and he said he had to sleep. I told him I felt like I was spiraling and really needed him. Instead of comforting me, he told me I had nothing to do, that I should study, that I could talk to other guys because he didn't care, and he called me controlling.

I ended the call saying I wouldn't disturb him anymore.

The next day he called in the evening. I didn't answer. He called again at night. I picked up, told him I was about to have dinner, and he just said he was going to watch football. That was the entire conversation. No asking if I was okay. No apology. No discussion about the fight.

Since then we've had no communication.

What hurts the most is that this isn't unusual. After almost every fight he acts like nothing happened. He has never once said something like, *"Please stay. I don't want to lose you. Let's work through this."* I'm almost always the one trying to fix things because I'm terrified of losing him.

The worst part is what I've become.

We unfollowed each other on Instagram, and I noticed his following increased. I've become obsessed with checking it. I've even asked other people to send me screenshots of who he's following. I know that's unhealthy. I know it isn't who I want to be.

I've also been vomiting from anxiety, barely eating, and barely sleeping. Therapy gets recommended a lot, but I'm a student and can't afford it where I live.

I don't think I want to save this relationship anymore. I think I genuinely want to leave for good because I don't feel emotionally safe in it.

The problem is that my body refuses to let go.

Every part of me wants to call him, apologize, and fix everything, even though I know it'll probably end with me getting hurt again.

For people who've been through something similar:

* How did you stop feeling like you had to check their social media?
* How did you stop feeling responsible for fixing every fight?
* How did you stop your body from craving someone your mind knew wasn't right for you?
* How long did it take before you finally felt okay?

I'm not really looking for people to tell me to "just leave." I think I already know that.

I'm looking for practical advice from people who loved someone deeply but still managed to let them go.PLEASE HELP

I (22F) have been with my boyfriend (22M) for almost four years. We're long distance.

I've finally realized that this relationship probably isn't right for me anymore, but I'm struggling to make my heart accept what my mind already knows.

He's very avoidant, while I'm anxiously attached. Every argument follows the same pattern. He doesn't like discussing problems. He expects enough time to pass so everything goes back to normal, while I'm left wanting to talk things through. I usually end up being the one reaching out because I can't handle the silence.

Recently I thought I was going to fail my graduation exams. I was extremely stressed and probably PMSing. During that emotional breakdown I told him maybe we should break up. After calming down, I called him back and told him I didn't actually want that. He simply said yes.

The next day my anxiety became unbearable. I called him and said, "Babe, I need you. I just want to talk." He said he had to take a bath. I called later and he said he had to sleep. I told him I felt like I was spiraling and really needed him. Instead of comforting me, he told me I had nothing to do, that I should study, that I could talk to other guys because he didn't care, and he called me controlling.

I ended the call saying I wouldn't disturb him anymore.

The next day he called in the evening. I didn't answer. He called again at night. I picked up, told him I was about to have dinner, and he just said he was going to watch football. That was the entire conversation. No asking if I was okay. No apology. No discussion about the fight.

Since then we've had no communication.

What hurts the most is that this isn't unusual. After almost every fight he acts like nothing happened. He has never once said something like, "Please stay. I don't want to lose you. Let's work through this." I'm almost always the one trying to fix things because I'm terrified of losing him.

The worst part is what I've become.

We unfollowed each other on Instagram, and I noticed his following increased. I've become obsessed with checking it. I've even asked other people to send me screenshots of who he's following. I know that's unhealthy. I know it isn't who I want to be.

I've also been vomiting from anxiety, barely eating, and barely sleeping. Therapy gets recommended a lot, but I'm a student and can't afford it where I live.

I don't think I want to save this relationship anymore. I think I genuinely want to leave for good because I don't feel emotionally safe in it.

The problem is that my body refuses to let go.

Every part of me wants to call him, apologize, and fix everything, even though I know it'll probably end with me getting hurt again.

For people who've been through something similar:

• How did you stop feeling like you had to check their social media?
• How did you stop feeling responsible for fixing every fight?
• How did you stop your body from craving someone your mind knew wasn't right for you?
• How long did it take before you finally felt okay?

I'm not really looking for people to tell me to "just leave." I think I already know that.

I'm looking for practical advice from people who loved someone deeply but still managed to let them go.PLEASE HELP