r/BreakupSurvival

I (24M) was with my ex (21F) for over four years. I recently moved to a different city for a new job, making us long-distance. On her 21st birthday, back on May 31st, I decided to travel back and surprise her. Instead of a celebration, I caught her cheating on me with a guy from her coaching classes.Even after that massive betrayal, I was devastated and still tried to pursue her, hoping we could fix things. But she just grew completely cold and stopped putting in any effort.Realizing she didn’t want to talk to me anymore, I finally decided to walk away. I sent her one last string of texts to officially close the chapter.I essentially told her to take care, stay safe, eat well, and be happy. I explicitly said I understand she doesn't want to talk to me, so I am going away. I mentioned that I hope she doesn't miss me, but that I’m still just a text away if she ever genuinely needs me. I finished by promising I won't bother her anymore and wishing her the absolute best for her future. She completely ignored the messages and left me on read.Since that happened, I have completely turned things around. I joined the gym, got an amazing flat, and a few girls already want to be with me after hearing about what happened. However, I am turning down those opportunities because I want to focus strictly on growing individually right now.Looking back at that final text, did I do the right thing by taking the high road and wishing her well, or did I just look desperate after what she did?

My boyfriend ended things yesterday. We met on Hinge and were only dating about 5 months, but I still feel lost and empty. To complicate matters, I'm 46 and this was the first romantic relationship I've ever had (just hookups in the past). I'm worried that will make it especially difficult to get over him. I could do with some support, if anyone wants to commiserate or offer advice. 😞

My boyfriend (22M) and I (22F) were together for almost four years (LDR), and I think we broke up... but honestly, even that feels confusing.

There wasn't a proper breakup. We argued, then one day we just stopped talking. Usually after every fight I was the one begging him to talk and fix things because I couldn't bear losing him. He's extremely avoidant and has ghosted before, then come back acting like nothing happened.

This time I didn't call. I didn't beg. Partly because I was exhausted, but also because I didn't want to boost his ego by always being the one who came back to fix everything. I knew if I reached out, I'd probably end up apologizing, getting hurt again, and losing more self-respect.

It's been a week.

Two days after we stopped talking, I found out he followed several girls on Instagram. We don't even follow each other anymore because his account is private, but I actually asked my cousin to screen share his profile so I could see who he followed. I know how unhealthy that sounds, and I hate that I've become this person.

Now I'm constantly checking whether he's online on WhatsApp, checking if his location updates on Find My.I keep imagining he's talking to another girl. I know none of this is helping me, but I can't seem to stop.

Meanwhile, he seems completely fine. My brain keeps telling me he's already moving on and that our four-year relationship meant nothing to him. I know I can't actually know that's true, but it feels impossible to stop thinking that way.

I'm barely eating, barely sleeping, and I can't focus on my studies. Nothing distracts me anymore. Movies, going out, talking to friends... everything eventually leads back to thinking about him.

I don't even think I'm asking how to get him back anymore. I think I'm asking how to get myself back.

If you've gone through something similar, how did you stop obsessing over what your ex was doing? How did you stop checking their social media, location, or online status? How did you stop feeling responsible for fixing everything? Most importantly, how did you survive those first few weeks when it felt like your whole body was addicted to them?

Therapy isn't really an option for me because I'm a student and can't afford it where I live.

I'm genuinely willing to try anything because I don't want to live like this anymore. I don't want revenge, and I don't want him back just because he's lonely. I just want to stop feeling like I'm losing my mind and finally move on.

I recently got out of a long-term relationship that lasted four years, and I’m really struggling with moving on.

Even though I know the relationship wasn’t healthy and I don’t want to go back, I still find myself thinking about them constantly. I miss the version of them I used to know, and I keep replaying memories and “what if” scenarios in my head. I also catch myself expecting them to message me again even though we’re in no contact.

What makes it harder is that everything reminds me of them, places we used to go, things they liked, even small habits. I’ve tried focusing on myself, but some days it still feels like I’m starting from zero emotionally.

For people who have been through something similar, what actually helped you move on for real? Did anything eventually “click” for you? How do you stop hoping they’ll come back or reach out?

I’m not trying to rush healing. I just want to understand what actually helps people get through this stage and eventually feel okay again.

We were together for seven years, almost eight. We both are 30m (me) and 30f (her). Going through the motions. We had moved in together six years ago. She always remarked how easy it was to live with me, how she felt so safe, how our relationship felt like it had lasted a lifetime and not just some years. That she had never wanted to be with someone forever until she met me. I felt accepted, understood, loved. We had our together spaces and our own interests apart, which is healthy. I am secure and never had mistrust, confidence or doubts. We talked everything, we fixed everything. Zero arguments or fights. From early on, my goal has always been to live in my hometown, with a quiet house where we could read and grow old without annoying neighbours and having some dogs and chickens. She has always been ecstatic and we were always talking about it. It was the goal moving forward for us, to be together in a quiet place surrounded by nature.

For the past year things were finally stable, generally going with the flow and the inertia of routine life. Some would say we stagnated a bit, but in time it's inevitable and you can't always keep making big sweeping changes to your life. Friends, family, couple, weekend activities. Not a bad life at all. She's a good person and has never done anything in malice.

We had our beautiful moments, I felt like our connection was just deepening and becoming more safe. We had our seven-year-old in-jokes. We had allotted "couple slop watching time" where we checked pictures of small animals we collected and sent to each other, but waited till we were together to check them. We read the same book at the same time to talk about it. We read in bed together and sometimes stopped to read aloud a good paragraph or page to each other. Fuck. Life was so good.

The past year she kept remarking how we "we were already married" and how our life was a married happy life. She gently let drop that she would like to get engaged. We had our lifelong trip to Japan in October, and I asked her there. She said yes. We returned and started planning a light, rural marriage ceremony with our friends and family. She started taking japanese classes with the aims to return there with better knowledge of the language.

About a month and a half ago (an eternity) by monday morning, she just made coffee and told me we had to talk. That she had to leave. That the feelings were gone. That she had this instinct to leave. I was shattered, devastated. She left out the door and went one month silent. I'm a stable person and I've had this abyss open before me. Dark thoughts, anxiety, panic attacks, sleeping 3h a night, ideas of harming myself. Therapy, talking to friends, whatever. After a month I asked to meet and at least TALK to me. She still needed more time. A couple days ago we could finally have our closure talk. She arrived tear-eyed, hugged me, said that she's so sorry, that she couldn't do it any other way. That she was so sorry and feeling so guilty for the pain she caused me. We spoke for four hours in a forest meadow whilst reminscing of our life together. We still felt so good, she was still affectionate to me and told me she still loved me. That fucked up, bad.

Unberknownst to me she had been slowly detaching from our relationship ever since we went to Japan and asked her to marry me (at her request). Once she had the compromise in front of her, she started getting this nagging feeling of it not being right. I have given her a stable life, a safe home (which she never had before) and a loving family. We have a deep connection and chemistry. I really tried to be my best with her. Turns out she just kept harboring these feelings without communicating them, just kept letting the relationship die on her end whilst I was just as happy as always. She didn't want the same goal any longer, she didn't know what the fuck she wanted in life but not this. After I had made the decision of marriage, after I started looking for a piece of land.

More reasons she told herself: she didn't vibe or connect with the people around us, where we have lived for 6 years. She's was not in the same wavelenght as my friends. She didn't really try to make friends for herself, she just was accepted into a friend group by a mutual. Constantly changed hobbies, aspirations, goals. She liked the idea of travelling but hated actually doing it. Now that she had started going to japanese classes, there was this younger nerd of a guy that lasted three classes as a teacher and was kicked out due to ineptitude. So you see where this is going, yeah. She brought him along with other people from the japanese academy to some friend hikes, dinner at our apartment. I'm happy to know my partner's friends and become friends with them. I have never had mistrust. In our closure talk, she told me she didn't have feelings for him when she brought him along, that it was just part of the friend group. I don't know.

The saturday before leaving turns out that she broke down, told me she confessed her interest in this poor sod, then told her girl friends who she was meeting everything she had been harboring inside. Come monday she broke with me without explanation, emptied our apartment of her things, came back to live with her narcissitic father and somehow I fucking guess replaced me. She needed a month and a half to process it all and tell me whilst I was thinking of killing myself. She told me that the relationship was fine, perfect, that I didn't do anything wrong or ignored her needs. Then, why the fuck end it? She thought that if she stayed longer now that the relationship was at its peak, the relationship would go bad and she would take it on me without me being at fault. Yeah, really reassuring. She told me that now she feels so relieved and that she can finally decide what she wants going forward. As if I ever imposed anything or prevented her from doing anything she wanted. She expressed that maybe she'll try to go and live to Japan, as if that is somehow the fix to all her problems. I don't know. She doesn't know what the fuck she wants in life, and she has ruined mine as a collateral.

Now I'm supposed to just accept it all. That she ended everything without talk, without therapy, without considering me in the picture. The person I've most deeply cared for and loved in my life, gone like that. For a feeling and some excuses. She asked if, in some time, and if I genuinely want, we could keep being friends. I told her that not now, maybe in the future. It was too harsh for me to just tell her no, to disappear from my life. I'm a sensitive guy, I still love her. But I don't know what to do. She has fucking replaced me with a downgrade, pathetic guy for a whimsy feeling. I fucking hate her for it.

In a moment of weakness (forgive me, this has been the worst month of my life) I told her that maybe things could work out, in some time, if she actually realized what she wanted, and we could be together forever. She said that yes, that if that happened, she would like it. But that we had to live our own lives and go our own ways. Fate will decide.

We went in peace. But the pain continues whilst she's out there "living" and trying to find herself, whilst I curl in bed and try not to die of grief and loss. I go through my days without color or the will to go on. I feel so profoundly betrayed. I tried to go to our closure in peace and serenity. I am still so in love with her. I understood her and just wanted her to take me back. I find myself now in intermittent times of grief and intense red-hot anger. How could she? How dared she

It's so incomprehensible. It's so unfair. I did my best and she hid it from me. Why me? Why us. I'm afraid I'll never share what I had with her with anybody else. How could I? I feel she's irreplaceable and at the same time that she has betrayed in an unforgivable way.

Sometimes I want nothing more than to see you again and speak to you again.

But what would we say? What would change? It's selfish of me to want to talk, I know I made the right choice.

Even when I see you in my dreams I'm reminded why I left, I know there's nothing left for me there but my brain still has to remind me.

I miss you dearly and wish there was a painless way for us to speak once more. But it's a bad idea. What's the point of knowing you all over again?

I have had a relationship of almost 2 years and been broke up for 2.5 months ish now, I miss her very much. I was completely blindsided with the breakup, few days I helped her with taxes and one week before we had just gone a family trip with her family. Then one day she sunddenly this ain’t working out. Mind we were in long distance for 4 months by then I was taking efforts taking trip down to meet her but in the end that result in us breakup. We stayed in no contact for one week then I texted for closure got wack answer. I still check in on her sometimes but recently I asked her to give a try again when I know I shouldn’t have asked for it, but she didn’t reply at all and didn’t even see, sometimes I wanna be asshole to her and spam call her, it better to be blocked then deal with this. I was very good bf to her and never betrayed her trust but she betrayed me at the end. This was my first gf for context.

I’m struggling a lot right now. I’m hoping you guys can remind me that this wasn’t my soulmate. I made a list attached of thing he did/things I didn’t like about him.

The breakup came completely out of nowhere. Two days earlier he was sending me text after text about how he couldn’t wait to marry me and have children with me. Today he came over for what I thought was a date, broke up with me, and while I was sobbing he just said, “I gotta go,” and left. The only explanation I got was that we’re “in different places in life.” I had just graduated, landed a job making $90k/year, and already have $20k saved toward a down payment. He’s completely unsure what he wants to do with his life, but I had always told him I’d support him while he figured it out.

When I miss him, this is what I need to remember:

- He was in a fraternity and was accused of raping someone. Cried when telling me because it “ruined his life”
- He would make fun of overweight women in public and tell me he wouldn’t love me if I ever looked like them. He would literally point strangers out. He was in fact overweight himself his boobs were larger then mine:/
- He shut down or cried anytime I tried to have a serious conversation, so we could never work through problems.
- He ruined important moments by making everything about his mood, including my graduation dinner with my family.
- He drank and partied with his friends constantly. It wasn’t my lifestyle, but I started drinking much more than I normally would just to fit into his world, and it started affecting my own life.
- He had no direction or goals for his future and openly said he didn’t think he’d ever own a home.
- He had no plans to move out of his parents’ house.
- He had about $30k of debt from buying a brand-new car while still living with his parents.
- He chose his degree based solely on what interested him, despite there being virtually no jobs in our city, and then wanted to go back to school because he couldn’t find work. Only to pick another degree with zero prospects in our city.
- His work ethic was low and he acted like working full-time was too much.
- He insisted on splitting everything 50/50, but when it was my turn to pay he’d conveniently choose the most expensive restaurant and remind me, “You know it’s your turn, right?” Sometimes he’d just stand behind me after ordering and wait for me to pay. Even when it wasn’t my turn
- He sighed constantly and would pout if anyone asked him to stop.
- He didn’t get me anything for my birthday.

TL;DR: I know this man lied to me, cheated on me, manipulated me, and treated me terribly. Logically, I know I should hate him. But I can’t stop thinking about him. I think I’m grieving not just him, but the fact that I was completely wrong about someone I trusted. Has anyone else struggled more with accepting who someone really was than with losing the relationship itself?

In another post here, someone suggested finding your ex’s “ick” to help stop craving them.
You’d think the lying and cheating during the first six months would’ve been enough.
He always claimed he “didn’t think we were that serious” or “didn’t know what we were.” Except…we had very clear conversations about monogamy. I told him I wasn’t interested in dating someone sleeping with other people, and I told him I found high body counts unattractive. We both knew the relationship was casual and probably temporary, but that didn’t mean my boundaries disappeared. He agreed to them.
He still broke them.
He broke my heart more than once. I almost never cry over relationships, but I cried twice because of him last year. One time I questioned a story that didn’t add up, and instead of reassuring me, he blew the whole thing up and eventually ended the relationship because I dared question him…after he’d already cheated on me.
And somehow…I’m still thinking about him constantly.
I even got a notification that he joined another messaging app. My brain immediately went, “Why would someone with a history of cheating need disappearing messages?” Maybe that’s unfair, maybe it isn’t, but that’s where my mind goes now.
I think what I’m really struggling with isn’t just missing him.
It’s accepting that I completely misjudged him.
I want to believe I made a good choice. I want to believe I gave my heart to someone who deserved it instead of someone who conned me.
I’m smart. I’m careful. I’m incredibly selective about who I let into my life. I don’t fall easily.
I did my homework. He’s successful, respected professionally, intelligent. I never expected someone like that to be emotionally immature, dishonest, selfish, and so cold. He told me he’d never hurt me or disrespect me.
Then he did both.
I gave him everything I naturally bring into a relationship: attention, affection, emotional support, kindness, thoughtfulness. I never expected everything to be perfectly equal, but there was never real reciprocity. Not in his words. Not in his actions. Not in his effort.
I wasn’t just lied to.
I was used.
Yes, we were upfront that this started casually. But he asked me to be his girlfriend. I made it crystal clear I wanted monogamy. He agreed.
There were warning signs. Looking back, I can see them now. But I’d never dated anyone like him before. I genuinely didn’t know people could operate this way.
I think that’s what hurts the most.
I can’t believe someone looked at a good person who genuinely cared about them and decided to use them anyway.
I keep asking myself why I stayed after I noticed the inconsistency. Why I kept giving someone the benefit of the doubt when they weren’t giving me basic honesty. Why I ignored the feeling that something wasn’t right.
And why am I still crying over someone who probably isn’t crying over me?
I’ve never loved anyone the way I loved him.
I’ve also never been treated so badly by someone I loved.
Those two truths existing together have completely broken my brain.
I think I’m grieving the version of him I believed existed. I can’t reconcile that person with the one who lied so easily, cheated, discarded me, and walked away without much apparent remorse.
I don’t surround myself with people like that. I’m incredibly picky about who gets my time and energy. So realizing that I completely missed someone’s character has shaken my confidence in my own judgment.
Now I feel like I’ll never fully trust anyone again.
I get hit on all the time, and I don’t want anyone near me. Maybe there are wonderful people out there. Rationally, I know there probably are. Emotionally, I feel like this one person poisoned dating for me.
I learned so many painful lessons because of him.
And somehow…
I still wish I’d see a message from him.
Sometimes I wish I could erase him from my memory entirely.
I wish I could hate him. I wish my heart would catch up with what my brain already knows.
Instead, I find myself grieving someone who may never have actually existed.

If you ever read this, J…
You have no idea what being with you did to me.
Not because you left.
Because of how you left.
Because of the lies. Because of the manipulation. Because you made me question my own instincts and my ability to trust people.
You are the most damaging person I’ve ever had a close relationship with.
You never gave honesty a real chance. Everything revolved around protecting yourself and getting what you wanted.
Oddly enough, despite everything, I don’t just feel anger.
I feel pity.
Because I don’t think people become this emotionally detached for no reason. Somewhere along the way, something taught you that vulnerability was dangerous and that using people was safer than loving them.
I think there probably is a version of you that wants genuine connection.
But every time it gets close, you bury it.
You build another wall.
You choose self-protection over honesty.
And in doing that, you don’t just hurt everyone around you.
You slowly become someone incapable of receiving the very love you keep pretending you don’t need.

I've been through breakups where their stuff just kind of sat around... cause dealing with it was a big deal.

I couldn't bring myself to throw it away... but using it and enjoying it was too painful too.

Anytime I saw it just sitting there... it was a painful reminder.

So you might still have their hoodie...

You might not wear it but you never threw it out either.

It's just hanging there in the closet for eight months...

A physical placeholder for a version of the relationship that already ended.

Then one day... you finally pull it out of the closet...

Donate it... or chuck it in the garbage...

Maybe give it to a friend or whatever.

Their smell has faded from the fabric and it's just turned into another musty piece of clothing that hasn't been washed in awhile.

And that's one of those moments that hits... the hoodie isn't some big emotional symbol in your closet anymore...

It's just another piece of fabric.

What's the object you've been holding onto without really deciding to?

I (now 25 Male) had been dating a woman (now 25) for the past seven years. We met at undergraduate orientation and instantly I was drawn to her. We instantly had a connection. Throughout the years she had severe familial problems which resulted in her being homeless (she suffered with mental health issues in the past, has been in institutions, and sent to a troubled girls camp) and we stayed together throughout it all and I did my best to support and help her. We continued to date throughout undergraduate. Eventually I got into law school and she did not get into the graduate program she desired so she moved with me. I helped her find a job at a top institution which happened to be the same institution that I was attending law school. For the past three years we had our ups and downs. Unfortunately, six or seven months ago she began to have “doubts” and wanted to have “other experiences”. We spoke about this and at times it seemed to be subdued but other times the doubts would resurface. A few months ago, she met some friends and began going out more and began to be more private with her devices (despite the fact that she was the one that often took my phone secretly and searched; she knows my passwords and I was perfectly fine with that). Recently she began getting drunk, calling me bro and telling me not to call her (when drunk) then she would apologize the next day. One day, after we had been intimate, she told me that she needed space and I offered to leave the apartment. The following week she asked for space again, but this she offered to buy me a plane ticket home to my parents. I couldn’t do that at the time because I am studying for the Bar Exam. Nevertheless, I moved to an Airbnb for the week while letting her have the apartment. For that week we were pretty much no contact, until at the end of the week I returned. She asked that we attend couples counseling with her therapist and of course I agreed. At the counseling, her and her therapist informed me of pre-discussed ideas on how to help her (open relationship and opening our bedroom to others), obviously I was opposed because we had been together for seven years and I didn’t want to be with anyone but her. That weekend we had an enjoyable time, going out on dates and flirting until the following week where she voiced her need for space. As I prepared to buy another Airbnb she asked why I won’t just leave to which i finally understood what she truly desired. She left to stay with her friends and asked that I be out before the next morning so that she can get ready for work. So, alone, I packed my apartment which I’d gotten for law school, drove home with all my stuff (leaving behind my pet because parents are allergic). Since then, it seems her friends have vilified me as being an anchor on her when all I’ve ever done was support her. In her words, because I didn’t let her quell the doubts or get experiences then it was like me holding her hostage and she would hate me forever. I supported her throughout several years of graduate school rejections, assault trauma therapy, homelessness, familial issues, and daily life stress. Unfortunately, it’s been a rough few weeks because in a single stroke I lost my best friend and the woman I planned to marry once I passed the bar. Now, as I study, I feel depressed and broken. She has moved on, partying with friends, moving into her new apartment at graduate school, and reconnecting her family (because I brought them back together to be at arm’s length because the bitterness and resentment was consuming her) while I’m left shattered. I’m not perfect I know that, in her words I let myself go (no longer being extroverted or going out, no longer eating the best, working out rarely) while in law school. Towards the end, I corrected those problems and I’ve maintained those fixes but inside I still feel broken. I’ve read plenty of blogs that say to sit with the feelings and embrace them, and I’m trying to work on myself and study for the bar, but I just felt like I needed someone to talk to.

Apologies for improper spelling or grammar.

I'm not saying you were healed or completely over them.

Just the moment you realized that you're going to survive this.

Maybe it was the first time you laughed again...

Sleeping through the night...

Realizing you hadn't checked their social media all day...

Making plans for the future...

Going on a date...

Hearing their name and not spiraling

Enjoying your own company again...

For me, I think one of the biggest signs of healing is when life starts taking up more space than the breakup.

When you become curious again.

You start thinking about something besides them.

I think a lot of people in here could use a little hope right now.

So let's give it to them.

What was your first sign that you were going to be okay?

I'd love to hear from people who have some distance from their breakup...

Or maybe you can just think back to a previous breakup and how you recovered.

Oh. my. god. it never seems to get better, does it? 5 months post-breakup and it suddenly hits me late at night that he isn’t mine anymore. This wave of sadness came over me and drowned me. I suddenly feel that pain on my chest like the first day.
I feel like I am never going to love again. I need a fucking break.

Hello! Just for some background, me (19M) and her (19F) have been dating for nine months now. I’ll call her Diana for a fake name.
So how the breakup initiated: me and Diana were lying in her bed on our phones, as we often do. We were both on TikTok when I saw she posted a video of her having fun at a carnival that came into town. I thought it was a cute video and left a comment: “I love you ❤️❤️❤️.” Just simple boyfriend stuff.
I happened to be glancing at her phone when I saw her delete the comment right in front of me. Naturally, I asked why she did that. At first she tried to kiss and hug me, hoping I’d let it go, but I didn’t. Finally she opened up and said, “I don’t know, I just don’t feel the same with you. I’ve lost the spark for our relationship.” That obviously hurt to hear. I paused for a bit and asked, “Do you want to be together?” She said she didn’t know, and the night ended with me leaving her place early to give her time to think about what she wanted.
That was three days ago, Wednesday night, and as I’m writing this it’s Saturday afternoon. In those three days I’ve been overthinking, analyzing reposts that are clearly about me. Things like “I can be clingy, but when it’s over, it’s over” or “I’m the type to never speak to you again but think about you everyday.” Obviously those had me spiraling. Then this morning she deleted her Life360 connection with me and unadded me on Snapchat. So at this point I know it’s over. She said she’ll call me later tonight so we can talk.
I can’t say I didn’t see it coming to a degree. She’d been pulling away for a while, not saying “I love you” back lately, less affection, less initiation. It’s always been a somewhat rocky relationship; we’ve had two minor breakups of a day or two before, but this one feels different.
I know I’ve caused many of the issues in the relationship, you can look at my past posts if you want more detail, I don’t want to delve into it too much here, but broadly: I didn’t stand up for her when my mom was disrespectful toward her for a while, there was a period I wasn’t showing her love even though I felt it, I had a porn addiction I hid from her for a long time, and there was an incident where I shoved her and another where I called her a bad name in frustration. I’m in my own head about how I never deserved this amazing, sweet girl. I’ve been a terrible partner to her and she’s tolerated me for far too long than she should have. What hurts the most is that as terrible as I was, she still begged me to change and stayed with me anyway. Now she’s the one who’s given up, and I’m the one left wishing things could continue. I’ve been in individual therapy since the most recent incident, and working on the other stuff too. She begged me to change for months, and I finally did in the last month or two. But she said it was too late and she can’t get over the past.
So now I’m sitting here like an idiot, waiting for a phone call from the only girl I’ve ever loved (also my first relationship) to crush my heart. And don’t get me wrong, I deserve it.
I don’t know exactly what I’m looking for honestly, some reassurance, advice for getting through a breakup, maybe some insight on the situation that I can’t see. Anything would be useful honestly, I don’t know what to think at this point. Thanks for reading.

It’s been about three weeks since finding out that I got cheated on, things are definitely getting better. I’m not crying every day, but I still find myself thinking about him every day and how I still wanna get back with him even though I know it’s not a good idea my head and my heart are fighting.

I wanna know if anybody who has been through this what did you do to move on and feel better I know it’s not gonna go away overnight, but I’m so sick and tired of this plaguing my mind all day every day. I really want to prioritize putting myself first and healing. I wanna prioritize my health and my mental health and make sure that I feel the best that I felt just right now I feel like I’m in a rut where I don’t wanna do anything and all I wanna do is just find other ways to take the pain away whether that be substances or other distractions.

any advice on what you did to get out of this and start feeling like yourself again would be really helpful

So me F-26 and boyfriend M-26 have been together 5 years. We live together. And have 2 cats.

The relationship is annoying me now. I think it’s a mix of me doing everything, being the bread winner and feeling more like the responsible one in the relationship that’s caught up on me.

I want to break up. I start a new job that pays more in a few weeks. He got let go from a job that paid okish and now he does agency work. Doesn’t pay very good.

This in turn has left me paying for a lot more. This is just one thing.

I do all the cleaning. The planning. Everything.
He panics under pressure. Can’t really look after himself well.

There have been times i have had to say to him ‘ honestly take a shower please’. And then he only brushes his teeth for 20 seconds. So I’m also put off of kissing him.

I don’t want intimacy. We haven’t had a date night in YEARS. Nothing.

We haven’t been on holiday together. He’s had lads holidays and such, but nothing with me.

It’s stressing me out.

If anything I want to be single to get to know myself more. The whole relationship is weighing me down.

I’m such a morning person, and love to go on walks. If I ask him to come with me he kicks off and tells me no. We don’t do anything together.

I keep looking at flats. For me. To see what I can afford. And I can do it. But it’s addressing it to him. He loves an argument and I hate them.

We also have cats. I pay the insurance for them and do a lot of the caring for them. I know he loves them a lot. But I can afford to look after them by myself. He won’t be able to. I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t take them with me.

How do I do this

The saddest realization after a long-term breakup as a woman is not just losing the person—it's wondering if you wasted years you'll never get back, and if you'll still find someone meant for you as you get older. 💔 While it seems like men can easily start over anytime they want even often feels like a guy can move on more easily and find someone new whenever he wants—even someone younger. 💔 . Life can feel so unfair sometimes. 😔

It’s going onto two months next month since my ex broke up with me. Some context she’s 9 years older than me and has a son she had been single for 6 years and had lost a lot of weight when we started talking and then dating. We started dating last November and we had almost six months of happy moments and loving but she had some issues. She always thought that I could maybe leave her for somebody younger since she never felt enough for me even when I would tell her the opposite. I would always tell her how beautiful and loving she is. We had very few arguments about anything just minor discussions. Only time we ever had a serious discussion was when she thought I was ogling another woman at a party but apart from that we were happy together I showed her love she hadn’t received before she would tell me and I’d tell her I felt appreciated with her. So Mother’s Day weekend I had gotten us tickets to a comedy show and we had gone and enjoyed it and the next day we spent the whole day together but I couldn’t be with her on Mother’s Day due to untimely dinner reservations and other family obligations. That Monday tho I had gotten notice that the gift I had gotten her had just come in and I called her to tell her to that I wanted to see her to give it to her it was a engraved bracelet with her and my name and both our birthstones it wasn’t much but it was a gift from my heart and something she hadn’t received before hinted about wanting something she could wear all the time that had meaning. Through out the day we texted but she was being rather cold like she had never been as if we were friends I’d tell her I loved her and couldn’t wait to see her and she’d reply how sweet of you and other things along those lines. So it comes time to see each other and as soon as I see her I notice something off with her and I was right because as soon as she sees the gift she breaks down and tells me we need to talk. She tells me she went to the doctor and they told her she had some woman issues that I won’t go into detail but that it could present issues for her if we wanted to have children together. I told her that I understood all that and that I was there for her but she went on to tell me that she thought that logically we should break up because if our age difference and she didn’t want to take the opportunity away from me if I wanted to have kids later on and that she still loved me but it was better for me if we broke up. At the time I didn’t interject and maybe I should’ve but I didn’t know what to say then. Later on that week I found out she was clinically diagnosed with depression and I called her that weekend to see how she was doing and she told me she missed me and how she didn’t expect that I would easily give in to the break up so I told her that I didn’t want to break up and that I wanted to see if we could talk things out to get back together and she seemed willing todo that but as time went on she gave me mixed signals and told me she want mentally in a space for a relationship and she needed time so two weeks go by and we talking and we see each other and when we see each other it’s as if we hadn’t broken up we kiss and talk and things seem good but that same weekend she takes off on a trip last minute even when she tells she’s doesn’t feel like going out and gives me more mixed signals and late responses to my texts and so I go no contact for a couple days and then I call her. I ask her what we are and what are we going to do further in to this and she says she doesn’t think like being in a relationship for her right now is good but wants to remain friends still. I tells her I can’t because she meant so much to me and that I can’t be friends with her knowing I’ll always want something more with her and she says she understand and we part our ways. Since then it’s been hard getting through the days and I was starting to feel good about myself again but i fell hard again this week when I came across her ig story where she playing sad music with the context of relationships and how it might actually be over and misses us and I find out that she texts my sister and asks her about her relationships and how she wishes that her and I could’ve stayed friends. It’s just so hard to get through this I still lover her but I don’t know what happened really and why she shows me mi ed signals when she tells me different on how she feels about me. I have spoken to her since then it’s been no contact but why does she do these things especially more when she knows that I’ve seen them