u/Dreamcatcher45678

I’m 23(F) and my ex is 30(M). We were together for almost three years and recently broke up. I’m struggling to understand whether he genuinely loved me as much as he always said he did.
When we met, he was incredibly thoughtful. He planned dates, constantly bought me beautiful flowers, and made me feel loved. Before me, he’d only had one serious relationship from 19-23 and has always said he struggles to get over people.
Throughout our relationship, I knew he had a gambling addiction, and I stayed because I loved him. I stayed when he moved back in with his mum at 28 to get his life together, and I even stayed after he broke up with me once before. We got back together about eight months before our final breakup, and during those eight months he really put effort back into the relationship. He planned dates, treated me well, and I genuinely thought we were rebuilding what we’d lost.
Our final breakup happened while we were travelling together for three weeks. Near the end of the trip I found out he’d been gambling without telling me. We argued, and instead of trying to fix things he said, “I’m not good for you. This is for the best.”
He kept telling me he loved me more than anything but that I deserved better. That’s what’s confusing me. If he loved me that much, why didn’t he fight for us? Why didn’t he get help sooner? Why make the decision for both of us instead of letting me choose whether I wanted to stay?
What hurts is that I never left because of the gambling, him moving back home, or our previous breakup. I kept choosing him because I genuinely loved him.
Now I’m questioning everything. One minute I believe he loved me because of how he treated me, especially after we got back together, and the next I wonder if someone who truly loved me would hide his gambling and then walk away.
He never said he stopped loving me. His reason was always that he wasn’t good for me and that I deserved someone better.
So I’m asking people who have no emotional attachment to the situation.
Does this sound like someone who genuinely loved me but felt broken and overwhelmed by his addiction? Or does it sound like someone who had simply fallen out of love and used “you deserve better” as an excuse?
I’m not looking for false hope that we’ll get back together. I just want to understand what happened because right now my heart and my head are telling me two completely different stories.

I’m 23(F) and my ex is 30(M). We were together for almost three years and recently broke up. I’m struggling to understand whether he genuinely loved me as much as he always said he did.
When we met, he was incredibly thoughtful. He planned dates, constantly bought me beautiful flowers, and made me feel loved. Before me, he’d only had one serious relationship from 19-23 and has always said he struggles to get over people.
Throughout our relationship, I knew he had a gambling addiction, and I stayed because I loved him. I stayed when he moved back in with his mum at 28 to get his life together, and I even stayed after he broke up with me once before. We got back together about eight months before our final breakup, and during those eight months he really put effort back into the relationship. He planned dates, treated me well, and I genuinely thought we were rebuilding what we’d lost.
Our final breakup happened while we were travelling together for three weeks. Near the end of the trip I found out he’d been gambling without telling me. We argued, and instead of trying to fix things he said, “I’m not good for you. This is for the best.”
He kept telling me he loved me more than anything but that I deserved better. That’s what’s confusing me. If he loved me that much, why didn’t he fight for us? Why didn’t he get help sooner? Why make the decision for both of us instead of letting me choose whether I wanted to stay?
What hurts is that I never left because of the gambling, him moving back home, or our previous breakup. I kept choosing him because I genuinely loved him.
Now I’m questioning everything. One minute I believe he loved me because of how he treated me, especially after we got back together, and the next I wonder if someone who truly loved me would hide his gambling and then walk away.
He never said he stopped loving me. His reason was always that he wasn’t good for me and that I deserved someone better.
So I’m asking people who have no emotional attachment to the situation.
Does this sound like someone who genuinely loved me but felt broken and overwhelmed by his addiction? Or does it sound like someone who had simply fallen out of love and used “you deserve better” as an excuse?
I’m not looking for false hope that we’ll get back together. I just want to understand what happened because right now my heart and my head are telling me two completely different stories.