How can you not want to be with someone you claim to love?
Me (25F) and my ex (27M) broke up 2 months ago. We were together for 2 years but the last months of our relationship we couldn’t really resolve conflict and would end up in really bad fights.
I had a very bad moment in my life (death of a loved one) like 3 weeks post break up and I told him, we were talking about meeting up to exchange stuff, but he came to me and was very affectionate and consoled me. We kissed eventually but I declined going further. We agreed we really missed each other but we’re doing good alone and we’d just talk if we needed and keep in light contact.
After that he started texting me about random things, most of them that he really didn’t need to, and I kept answering but it kept pushing me back to the beginning of the grief stage, until I decided to not answer again, which lasted a few days.
After that, I started thinking I should just be honest, I didn’t want to play any games.
I called him to ask to meet up and explain and we did, we decided we missed each other a lot, and he told me he loves me and thinks about me all the time. That he still has our pictures up on his room. That he can’t imagine a life without me, that he wants to have a family with me etc. We decided to not get back together but to see where it could go.
We started being intimate again and texting regularly.
Just yesterday I talked to him and asked him for clarity, told him I want to get back together and do it differently, I want us to be more curious about each other and resolve conflicts differently. I told him that I want a relationship where I’m chosen, and that I would choose him, that I think that that’s what love is.
He told me that he doesn’t want to get back together right now. He has ª startup that is just now really taking off and other jobs, and that he really needs to focus on that. That he loves me and wishes it could be different, that I’m still and will always be the love of his life and that he wants a family with me. We both cried, he asked me to lay down with me and we hugged, hands together. Then I left, I told him what I wanted clearly and that I couldn’t be with someone who can’t choose me.
After a few hours I texted him that I love him but we can’t stay in contact and he told me that he can’t think of never speaking to me again since I am and was so important to him. So I told him I needed 2 months to be alone, he said he respected it but couldn’t think of never speaking to me again.
It’s so hard for me to understand how he can tell me he loves me and wants a family with me but still not want to get back together because he’s doing so well alone. He is fully into the startup and that’s his reasoning, even when we were together all he did when he wasn’t with me was work in his startup.
How would you make sense of this? How can I?
I really can’t understand how you can love anyone so much and not choose them, not want to try…
Can anyone help me?