We broke up 3 weeks ago and I still miss him.
I’m writing for advice/an outside opinion on this and partially just to get this out of my head as I feel like I am annoying everyone around me by bringing it up so much. Also sorry if this is all over the place as my brain is still a bit all over the place from the break up and so my thoughts may come out a bit disorganized in this.
So my ex and I broke up 3 weeks ago. We were together for 8 months. We had quite a bit in common and I really liked him a lot. He told me all the time he liked me a lot too. The reason for the break up was due to a lack of communication on my part. I am a pretty shy person and I have some anxiety and childhood issues that contributed to my introverted-ness and anxiety around talking. He is more extroverted and he talked more than I did. When it came to talking about more serious topics, it was hard for me to talk about them. Anytime he would notice something was wrong, he would ask me 'what's wrong?' and I wouldn’t really say until a few minutes before I left his place. 4 or 5 days before we broke up, we were talking and he brought up how I didn't talk a lot and how we didn't have any deep conversations and unfortunately that was true. I told him then that I would work on communication and I honestly was going to and still am going to work on my communication skills. I wanted to have deeper conversations and all but my anxiety held me back. I know that communication and anxiety is something that I have to work on regardless of whether we get back together or not.
I ended up calling him and we broke up over the phone. I brought up breaking up and he basically agreed. We both mutually agreed to breaking up. He sounded disappointed during the conversation but didn't really fight to keep the relationship.
This is my first ever relationship and we used to text every day and we hung out every weekend so I think that is partially why this is hitting me so hard. I know that the communication issues could have been easily fixed with a conversation or two or at the very least, with a conversation, he could have had a better understanding as to why communication might be a bit more difficult for me and had a bit more patience and instead I brought up breaking up and that may also be a factor as to why I can't get over him. It's something I could have and should have talked to him about that possibly could have helped and knowing that I didn't talk to him about it is really eating at me. I really regret breaking up with him.
I want him back and I want to work it out but at this point I don't see any possibility of it happening. I messaged him twice about having a conversation in person. He responded both times saying we can have a conversation then but a convo would have to be at some point in the future. I sent him a text asking if I could call him and talk to him for a few minutes and he never responded to that text. I know that was a mistake asking to call and I shouldn’t have sent that message. I really want to text or call him right now but I honestly don’t think that will be a good idea as that might do more harm than good.
I really liked him and cared for him a lot and I know he did care about me a lot too. Moving on feels so impossible. I have been trying to keep myself busy so I don't have much time to think about him I’m trying not to think about him right now but I can’t stop thinking about him. This hurts so much I hate it. I wish I had never brought up breaking up. I still wish that I was with him. I just need some outside opinions/advice. How do I move on(especially when I don't want to)?