r/becomingsecure

I met my boyfriend at university and we have been together for almost two years. In the middle of our relationship he had a female friend and he crossed some boundaries with her multiple times. He was never in a relationship with her but what happened really hurt me. He realized his mistake and apologized.
Things are good between us now. He barely even talks to her anymore because he is also focused on his career and his own life. When they do talk it is normally just as friends and there is nothing romantic going on.
But because of what happened in the past I still get triggered whenever I think about her. My brain automatically goes back to the old events and then starts creating bad scenarios about my relationship like us breaking up or getting divorced.
I know these things are not happening and I don’t even want to think about them but the thoughts still come back. I have a normal life. I study. I exercise and I am career focused. But this pattern has become automatic and sometimes it really affects my peace.
Has anyone experienced this? How did you stop this kind of rumination and train your mind to stop going back to the same old fears?

This kinda ties into my last post of me knowing something yet still having to check on it. I know sit with the feeling of not knowing and let my body settle with it but that doesn’t bring me comfort. Example not getting a text back while he’s at work so checking his location while he’s at work but I don’t want to look I know someone in my last post said time and I do agree but idk how to just sit with it my brain knows I know but yet something in me needs to see.

Hi everyone, I would really appreciate some advice, I have noticed that my anxious attachment is weighing heavy on my relationship, which I absolutely hate because I love my relationship so much and in all aspects it’s great. I also have issues with feeling like I would get abandoned, mainly because of something that happened in my childhood. Any tips would help, thank you in advance☺️!