When my husband nd I are in arguments he will commonly hang up on me mid convo. This drives me insane and I go on a rampage of calls like 20-40 and just keep pressing it until he finally picks up only to tell me to leave him alone. Sometimes he blocks me. I lose all self respect and we have a very toxic relationship in many ways but this cycle of him hanging up and then blocking me is just making me hate him. How do I navigate this or get past it? Is it even anxious attachment or am I just crazy ?

I started dating someone a few months back, we've definitely had some bumps and I've had to learn how to do a lot of things differently than I did before when it was just me. It's a welcoming change but also terrifying. Being vulnerable is so exhausting and nerve wrecking sometimes but then the connection and warmth that you are rewarded with? So wholesome but again, terrifying (lol).

These past months has taught me that people are complex, we do not know what goes on in someone elses mind as well as we think we do. It's important to walk at our own speed and be vocal about it cause other people do the same, and if we do not communicate that, our boundaries tend to get crossed. Not on purpose but rather from them just doing their thing and expect us to do the same, which we should, it's healthy. Not that easy though.

The past week has me very overwhelmed, she wants more connection but is also okay with going at my speed, she is just very excited and it scares me. We have a few important discussions to be had to get to know each other and how we fit into each others lives and I am taking my space and trying to self regulate but I gotta say that this dance of numbness to feeling it all is tiring, I know it's a balance and I'm learning to be trusting and gentle in my dialogue with myself so it's gonna take time, and that's okay. It needs to be. It's a journey after all and I'm learning to enjoy every aspect of it as I get to embrace this life differently than before and take up new spaces ever so slow. I just think the fear gets to me a bit hard this evening, and that's okay. Whatever happens I try to see this as an experience, it has taught me a lot and I'm learning to be grateful for it.

Stay the course, much love

K.

Hi everyone.

Sorry my eng, I need some positive story.

I have an avoidant attachment style. I didn't have my first serious relationship until I was 30. To keep it brief: the guys I used to meet were the classic uninterested type—which is exactly why I gravitated toward them (and, naturally, no real relationship ever developed). Two years ago, I met this amazing guy. I really like him and we get along perfectly—so well that it almost feels surreal. For the past two years, we’ve been in an on-again, off-again cycle—and it’s my fault. Whenever things are going well, I suddenly feel nauseous and my feelings just "switch off." Through therapy, I’ve realized it stems from fear and relationship OCD. I ruminate less now, but that nausea is incredibly bothersome... I’m able to let the feeling pass now, but I don’t want it to keep undermining my relationship. It always happens after about 10 days of physical closeness... Does anyone have any advice based on a similar experience? Thanks.

Hi everyone. I’m (31M) writing here because I’m going through a deep crisis and a separation with my long-term partner (31F), and I’ve realized something fundamental that goes far beyond the usual reasons for a breakup.

We’ve been together since we were twenty; she was my first and only relationship, and I never had any other romantic or sexual experiences before her. Today, at 31, I woke up from a decade-long slumber and realized I’ve never built my own true personality, autonomy, or personal direction. For ten years, my relationship was my only scaffold, and I allowed the couple dynamic to decide the direction of my life, using the relationship as a safety net to avoid facing the fear of choosing who to be on my own and taking responsibility in the real world.

This lack of structure ended up extinguishing me. I’ve always cultivated creative passions like music, drawing, or theater, but without ever pursuing any of them seriously or professionally out of fear of failing. I adapted to the other person to the point of turning off my own preferences, even when it came to the most trivial daily matters. Over time, this unexpressed and unexplored personality started protesting in the form of anxiety, a feeling of suffocation, and a constant need to fantasize about other experiences, other people, and a sense of carefree exploration that I never lived out before getting attached to her.

Now that we’ve taken some distance to allow me to work on myself, trying to be on my own makes me feel like a blank page. I feel a huge sense of fear because I realize that being in a relationship relieved me of the anxiety of having to exist as an autonomous individual. I’ve come to understand that I cannot and should not try to mend that relationship as long as I remain just a reflection of another person, because I would simply keep using the relationship as an emotional crutch.

I’m wondering if anyone here has ever experienced something similar. Have you ever seen an important relationship come to an end or enter a crisis, not because the affection was gone, but because you realized you had never actually become yourself? How did you deal with that sense of emptiness and the fear of the unknown at the beginning? Were you able to build your autonomy and identity from scratch later in adulthood?

Thanks to anyone willing to share their story.

I know how bad this looks from the outside, but I am in so much pain and I just need honest advice from anyone who has been here. My ex of 4 years broke up with me on June 7th. On July 19th, we had a brutal call where he said some of the most heartless things imaginable. He told me he doesn't love me anymore, called "out of sight, out of mind," and said he only stayed with me for 4 years because I was pretty. He attacked my intellect, said I have no potential for a career, mocked my love for him, and dismissed my physical pain—like not being able to eat or sleep—as "bullshit for attention."

Looking at his behavior, he checks every single box of a Dismissive Avoidant (DA) in deep deactivation. He has completely shut down all empathy, rewritten the entire history of our relationship, and flipped a cold switch. I know how terribly he treated me, but my heart hasn't caught up with my brain yet. I still love him deeply, and despite everything, I want him back. I want to know if there is any way to break through that avoidant wall or if anyone here successfully navigated a situation this bad with a DA ex.

Since the breakup, I’ve already called him and cried three separate times begging for comfort, but it only made him colder. I know I cannot and do not want to call him again—I told him on that last call that I would never reach out again, even if I died. Right now, he has blocked me on Instagram, and out of sheer hurt and self-preservation, I blocked him everywhere else (WhatsApp, Facebook).

If you are someone who managed to get a cold, dismissive ex back after a toxic post-breakup phase like this, please share your story. How did it happen? Did total silence and walking away finally make them realize what they lost once the relief phase wore off? I'm trying so hard to hold onto my dignity and stay strictly no contact, but I desperately need perspective from people who have been through this exact nightmare.

Title: I’m scared of being replaced whenever someone I’m attached to gets excited about another person. How do I stop this?

I’ve noticed a painful pattern in myself, and I’m hoping someone who has experienced something similar can help me understand it.

I have a manager at work whose attention and appreciation have become emotionally important to me. Over time, I started feeling secure knowing that I mattered to him and had a certain place in his life at work.

Recently, there has been a potential new hire. She hasn’t even joined yet, so nothing has actually happened between them.

But my manager seems very confident and genuinely excited about getting her on board.And for some reason, seeing that excitement triggered huge fear in me.

My mind immediately started going into the future:

What if he starts enjoying talking to her more than me?

What if the attention and importance I currently have slowly shift toward her?

What if I become replaceable?

I know how irrational this sounds because she hasn't even started working there. I'm already hurting over a situation that hasn't happened.

But this is also why I'm concerned. This isn't only about her.

I've noticed that when I become attached to someone who makes me feel valued or important, I become extremely sensitive to anyone who could potentially become important to them too.

I start wanting to become more useful, impressive, interesting, or important so that I can protect my place.

I don't want to live like that.

But simply telling myself, “You can't be replaced,” doesn't really help, because my brain keeps asking, “But what if you are?”

Has anyone experienced this intense fear of being replaced or losing your special place with someone?

Basically the title. My ex is an avoidant, fearful avoidant I'd say. She knew it from the start. Never did the work. She would circle back every now and again saying that she wanted to try better and harder but the same old problems would continue. This most recent time, a whole year had passed since she discarded me, egg she was honest about was her intimacy struggles, and while she was better in some respects, especially vulnerability, the same old patterns played out. I was completely disregulated. I felt completely uncared for and small once again, which was incredibly tough for me given the earlier times, and given that I had spent an incredibly tough year gathering myself back together and very vulnerably conveyed that I'm hurting and was asking for support. They were either not tended to nearly on time, conflicts never addressed, or dismissed. It was as if I was an enemy. She saw me the same. She saw me as not being compassionate, being unempathetic, being unloving, but I was merely asking her to come through on the expectations She created, which she should have given She has so much to repair and I'm once again putting my heart on the line. She was going through a hard time. She was very vulnerable this time in how she'd say she loved me and wants to make me feel special, is sorry for hurting me etc etc. but her actions just weren't consistent. Some of them really compromised emotional safety for me. The whiplash is too much. I had to walk away. I say walk away but we were conversing on and off, mostly me venting my anger, she would suggest getting back together and wanting to fix things, be vulnerable, but i felt like enough was enough. I did reach out to her the last time asking if we could try because I was feeling overcome with feelings from actually having parted. This time she was the grounded one. She said that she knows she has hurt me, she loves me but wants to stop the suffering. Fair. She has hurt me incredibly and sometimes I hate her. And sometimes I love her. I'm a mess and ashamed for reaching out. I know we're done. But does this dynamic ever work for anyone? I feel like a fool for hoping for as long as I did.

I know why I don't trust anyone,and am constantly aware of my social capital with people. It's directly related to my abusive parents and garbage upbringing. Thanks for the neglect, and abuse of the mental, verbal,physical & sexual variety mom & dad.

I wish I could just laser that part of my brain and kill it. I hate what I've experienced, and how I can't seem to fake being normal or confident. At best I can put a face on at work.

I hate it, and I hate who I am.

One of the biggest misconceptions about being single is that the solution is simply to "love yourself more."

While self-love is important, it doesn't explain why so many people still feel incomplete when they're alone.

If you've spent years believing that happiness, security, or worth will finally come when someone chooses you, your mind naturally starts treating relationships as the answer to every uncomfortable feeling.

The goal isn't to stop wanting love. Humans are wired for connection. The goal is to stop believing that your life can't be meaningful until love arrives.

Here are a few things that can genuinely help:

1. Figure out what you're really looking for.

When you think, "I want a relationship," ask yourself what you actually hope it will give you.

Do you want someone to make you feel important? Safe? Understood? Less lonely? More confident?

Most of the time, we're chasing a feeling rather than a relationship itself. Once you identify that feeling, you can start creating it in other ways instead of expecting one person to provide all of it.

2. Stop putting your life on hold.

Many people treat being single like a waiting room. They postpone traveling, trying new hobbies, decorating their apartment, learning new skills, or even going to restaurants because they imagine those experiences will be better with a partner. But your life isn't a rehearsal for the future. The more you build a life that feels meaningful now, the less pressure you'll place on a future relationship to create that meaning for you.

3. Learn the difference between loneliness and emotional dependency.

Loneliness is a normal emotion. It simply means you want connection. Emotional dependency is believing you can't be okay unless a specific person is there.

Those aren't the same thing.

Instead of trying to eliminate loneliness every time it appears, practice sitting with it for a little while. Call a friend, go for a walk, journal, or spend time doing something that genuinely absorbs your attention. Over time, loneliness becomes an emotion you can experience rather than something you have to escape immediately.

4. Build trust in yourself.

A lot of people spend years looking for someone they can rely on without realizing they don't yet trust themselves. Self-trust isn't built by positive affirmations. It's built by consistently keeping promises to yourself.

"If you say you'll exercise, do it."

"If you need rest, allow yourself to rest."

"If someone crosses a boundary, honor it."

Every time your actions match your values, you become someone your own mind feels safer relying on.

5. Stop idealizing relationships.

When you're lonely, it's easy to imagine that people in relationships have finally found happiness.

The reality is that relationships don't eliminate insecurity, anxiety, or loneliness. Healthy relationships can absolutely enrich your life, but they don't replace emotional regulation, purpose, or self-worth.

If those things are missing before the relationship, they'll usually still need attention after it begins.

6. Make your world bigger than romance.

If romantic love is your only source of excitement or emotional fulfillment, it will naturally feel like the most important thing in your life. Build close friendships. Invest in family. Join communities. Develop hobbies that genuinely interest you. Work toward goals that have nothing to do with dating.The richer your life becomes, the less your happiness depends on one area of it.

7. Measure your life by more than your relationship status.

Ask yourself this:

"If I never met my future partner this year, what would still make this year meaningful?"

Maybe it's learning a language.

Improving your health.

Starting a business.

Reading more books.

Traveling.

Strengthening friendships.

Growing emotionally.

Those things still matter, whether you're single or not.

Being okay with being alone doesn't mean you stop wanting love. It means you stop believing that your life is incomplete without it. Ironically, when your happiness no longer depends on finding someone, relationships become healthier because they're no longer carrying the impossible responsibility of making you feel whole.

🌷 Safe space for all of us 🌷

If this post helped you and you'd like to go deeper in healing work, I've created a subreddit for psychology, inner work, attachment, emotional healing. Helping and healing together with love. Check out highlighted post of becomingsecure sub(healing sub💚)

I have been repeatedly told during my youth that I was "weird" and "naive" for trying to understand others and rationalize their behavior. Now that I have understood the different forms of insecure attachment, every mockery starts to make sense and I can't stop obsessing about it. At this point I just want to terrorize those who hurt me by telling them that everyone will dump them and that they will live their remaining days all alone. Is there any advice you can give to me so I can heal from that gaslighting?

I'm gonna dig into the secure land by using a psychological technique called internalising, when you identify your patterns as parts with different needs and strategies.

Something happened to me tonight after my partner shared that earlier in the relationship he kept distance when I was dissociating so much and subconsciously pushed my feelings away.

I still have traces of that pattern, when my needs have been more unmet than met, I go inside and I shut down. A small part of me still finds safety in that, but over time the part who knows the cost of shutting down, has become louder, and that part wants to tear the walls down and enjoy being here, grounded and connected with myself and others, in the present and knows that's the true safe space.

So I'm currently forging a path for that part. I'm also reminding myself how to communicate to that part , so that part feels secure enough to stay and continue the growth.

Whats interesting with this is, where do my abandonment triggers go? Where did they come from, and what happens when I no longer give them the spotlight? I thought they would scream louder and revolt like in the past, (from push to pull, from building brick walls, to throwing bricks and claiming abandonment.)

But it seems like they are one with this part that wants to step out in the light, only they are the voice of fear. Let's call it the dark side, they view themselves as helpless and they want me to be saved by my partner, while the light side is *the voice of courage*, and it tells me I am able to impact my own reality - I am my own hero.

The biggest revelation in this is that the more I judge myself, the more helpless I become, the thicker that wall gets, and the safer it feels to not see the light of day. And this gives the illusion that fading away behind a wall is better than being in my human flesh.

My Self-attacks antidote, is my self-empathy. Underneath my defences and triggers lays vulnerable truth, my insecurities , my sorrows, and fears, and they come from the wounded child. The one who carries the terror of the trauma. If I care to meet that child when I'm feeling insecure, my abandonment triggers fade by themselves. The hard ice cube in my hand, becomes water that calmly pours down between my fingers, like a river, it feels peaceful inside my pulse, and in my mind I'm free from chains I myself once used on me.

I'm getting a bit metaphoric but you understand, it all gets a new meaning, once we can start to choose courage. I'm not always courageous, but I know I can be, so my focus regardless previous results, is the present direction of courage.

I hope this nut cracker can resonate to someone else and hopefully lead you right too. In the past I felt ashamed-exposed by my vulnerable posts but I'm not this time around, this is me my purpose has always been to learn and inspire. I'm in my right element right here right now.

Hi everyone,

I'm writing this because I'm hoping to find some clarity and hear from people who have been through something similar.

For several years, I've been working on my anxious attachment, abandonment triggers, and the guilt that often comes with them. I've noticed that these feelings become especially intense with people who are inconsistent or unclear. The less predictable they are, the more my anxiety grows.

My biggest trigger is when a conversation is left hanging. For example, I send a message and the other person replies hours later or even the next day. Rationally, I know people have their own lives, work, friends, and responsibilities. I don't expect anyone to be available all the time.

Right now, I'm not in a relationship, but there is someone I'd like to get to know better. We've only known each other for a short time, but I hope there could be a genuine connection. I'm doing my best not to let my attachment wounds get in the way. At the same time, I'm trying not to put him on a pedestal too early, although I don't think I've been very successful at that.

Because of that, I usually keep everything to myself. I don't want to overwhelm the other person or sabotage what could become a healthy connection. So instead of acting on my anxiety or constantly seeking reassurance, I sit with it. The problem is that the need for connection feels enormous, and holding all of that inside can be incredibly painful. It's exhausting. It feels like carrying around a huge emotional weight that no one else can see. It's also hard to explain to people who haven't experienced it without worrying they'll see me as "too much" or as someone who's simply "too needy" or "still stuck in the past".

Another thing I struggle with is knowing ""what's real"". I can never tell if I'm reacting to my anxiety or if the other person's behavior is genuinely inconsistent. Sometimes people really do disappear and reappear whenever it suits them, and it's difficult to know when my intuition is valid versus when my attachment system is being activated.

I'm trying really hard not to let this control my life. I don't want fear and insecurity to make my decisions. I want to become more secure, build healthy relationships, and stop feeling like every delay or uncertainty is a threat to the connection.

Has anyone else experienced this, especially in the early stages of getting to know someone? How do you tell the difference between anxiety and genuine inconsistency? And what has genuinely helped you become more secure, so you don't end up suffering so much while getting to know someone?

Thank you for reading and for all your advices!

I’ve been thinking about a pattern I keep seeing in relationships: some people seem warm, attentive, and very invested at the beginning, but once things start getting more serious, they suddenly become distant.

At first, it can look like they simply lost interest. But from a psychological perspective, that’s not always the full story. Sometimes the distance comes from fear of intimacy, fear of commitment, or an unconscious habit of keeping emotional distance.

What I find interesting is that this doesn’t always happen after a conflict or a bad experience. Sometimes it starts exactly when the connection becomes deeper and more real.

Do you think this behavior is usually:

loss of interest,

fear of intimacy,

or an unconscious attachment pattern?

TL;DR

After 2+ years together, we broke up today due to a worsening push-pull dynamic: her anxiety fuels clinginess and overcompensation, which triggers my avoidant tendencies and makes me pull away—creating a painful feedback loop we couldn't break. I finally decided to end things. I'm heartbroken and unsure if I made the right call, wondering if I'm being stubborn or if this was truly unsustainable.

My ex-girlfriend and I have been dating for just over 2 years and broke up today. She struggles with OCD and bad anxiety and was hospitalized due to it when she was a teenager. She has often experienced nights of vomiting symptomatic of her anxiety (though, over the last 6 or so months, this has mostly subsided). I also have bad anxiety. However, where mine differs is that I tend to bottle things up where she externalizes.

Up until about 6 months to a year ago, our relationship was amazing. Very loving, fun, exciting. However, since then it has been a slow decline. It's hard to say in broad terms what has been happening during this time, but the gist is this: she is afraid of losing me. I try my best to reassure her and express my love to her to the best of my abilities, but she always seems to return to operating out of anxiety.

I'm finding it hard to actually put into words what was going on, but it's basically been a push-pull situation, where she gets scared that I'm losing interest for some reason or another, and will then overcompensate to try to connect with me. I will then pull away in reaction (this is kind of the main theme). This manifests in her double texting me when i don't respond immediately, or her texting me I love you multiple times a day, or that she's been thinking about me all day, or, while we're hanging, she'll look at me and smile and stare into my eyes, to the point where it makes me uncomfortable. She just seems to be more and more obsessed with me the more I pull away from feeling smothered.

I don't think we've been great at communicating about this, as we both are avoidant (though, I tend to be the main one that ever brings anything up) and I think it's gotten to a point where there is so much unresolved tension, that it seems almost impossible to unpack. The few conversations we have had up until recently have been mainly about things like "you often get upset when I want to stay in alone for the night" or "you tend to hold onto me at parties and don't really talk to anyone besides me", all coming from me. Things that are generally symptoms rather than the roots of the issue. She is honestly very good about actually making changes and most of the time does do the things I ask of her.

This began a steady feedback loop of anxiety within me where I would feel guilty for not reciprocating, then pull away out of my avoidant nature. This would then cause her to reach for me even more, which would then cause the cycle to repeat.

Over the past 2 months, it has reached a breaking point for me. It started with me bringing up that I felt like she was being snippy with me lately. She responded by saying it's just a bad habit she has with people she's close to, and that it is because she's been so stressed about work lately. She eventually began to really cry and say that she's so thankful that I'm not breaking up with her and actually trying to work though things. I went into this conversation just being like "this is just something we have to talk about because its bothering me, but once we talk about it, it will be fine" but for some reason the next day I got hit with a wave of doom, like I just realized that our relationship was on the rocks. This sent me spiraling and really trying to introspect to figure out what was going on. Many nights where I literally could not sleep because I was so anxious about our relationship. Days where I was on the verge of vomiting from anxiety. We ended up having multiple conversations where I basically said that (more or less) both of our anxiety issues are causing a rift in our relationship, and that I want to work through it but I'm scared that it's not going to work out. She responded positively all things considered. Though, there were a lot of tears. This led to her beginning to address some of the clingy aspects of herself.

Fast forward a couple days. We're booking a train ticket for a trip we're planning. It is getting stressful because it's the last train and there are only 2 seats and neither of our payment information is going through. She starts freaking out and trying to take the keyboard away from me so that she can do it. I tell her she's stressing me out. She apologizes and we finally get the tickets booked. Throughout the rest of the day, she apologizes a bunch more times and every time i tell her that it's ok. This incessant apologizing stressed me out a lot and led to last night, where I literally could not sleep and had to call out of work.

Today, I decided that enough is enough, and that I need to break up with her. I did it and that brings us to now.

I am heartbroken and unsure if I made the right decision. I love her so much and don't want to lose her, but at the same time I don't think I can continue to endure these sleepless nights and agonizing days. Did I make the wrong call? I don't know if I'm just being stubborn and unwilling to change or if this is really a breakup type situation.

I have been dating this man for a couple of months now. He is incredibly sweet, always shows up, and is very consistent. Whenever we're together, he is fully present—he barely checks his phone and gives me his full attention.

The challenge is when we're apart. Texting just isn't his communication style. He genuinely enjoys his own company, and before we met, he had been happily single for over 10 years.

I've started to struggle whenever we're apart for a couple of weeks. He can go a few days without texting me, so I usually end up reaching out first. When he does reply, it's often hours later, but he responds as if everything is completely normal.

I've never dated someone like this before. I know that constantly seeking reassurance through texting probably isn't healthy for me, and I'm genuinely trying to work on becoming more secure.

Do you have any advice on how I can navigate this? More importantly, how can I work on myself so I don't rely so much on constant communication for reassurance?

Hi everyone.

I'm mostly secure leaning anxious. Two months ago my ex partner ended our relationships in a way that felt to me like out of the blue. We were ok, never had arguments or issues, when something came up we would talk about it openly and we would reassure each other of our love and commitment. Fast forward towards the end, I started to feel he was distant. It's not like it happened in a vacuum, he was inded going through a lot (1 year divorce, selling the old house, adjusting to co parenting, work, financial worries), but he was not sharing with me what was happening, he somehow stopped being so open about what was going with him so my anxiety grew and I started to fill in the blanks or I would indirectly or directly asking him what was going on. I have to say that throughout the months of our relationship I also felt anxiety at the fact that he had not told his ex wife about us (we were long distance, met through our remote work years before) and we were planning for me to move to his country so we could be together, so I felt we were moving forward, planning the move, but at the same time I felt uncertainty because he had not told her, as he himself said he would.

Around the same time I felt he was distant, the last two weeks before the breakup, I also went through major situations that did not have me feeling great (death of a childhood friend, financial strain, etc), and I shared with him, especially the financial strain (which I did not want him to solve, I was just sharing my struggle so he knew why I was feeling down), but somehow, he was not there. He would say "oh, sorry", "you will get through it", but there was no follow up, he would say he would call and then deferred it to the next day because of things around his kids (which I understood but yet I felt alone in my struggle). 5 days went by like this and I was feeling him more and more distant, so I finally brought it up and told him that I understood his situation but that I was missing feeling close to him and that I was feeling emotionally alone. He then took this and said he was also feeling alone, that the distance became hard and that he thought he could not give me the relationship I wanted or deserved and he did not want to give me false hopes - he broke up through text. I texted him that I could not understand if we were doing good and he never brought up any struggle with the relationship or distance before and we were - just a week before - talking about the move and researching what we needed for it. And that was it.

Was I wrong? Did my anxiety caused the ending? Another thing that I have been reflecting upon (yeah, I have been thinking a lot about all this these past two months) is that maybe he did not like that I would tell him I felt jealous of his ex wife reaching out to him about her own personal struggles (nothing big or dramatic just: "I feel jealous, what does she call you/text you to talk about this? I think she may regret the divorce and want you back - which I still think as she asked for the divorce and for what he said he was a good man to her).

Thank you for reading. I would love to hear your opinions. I am working towards becoming more secure.

My relationship is going better than I want. My anxious attachment tendencies were zero during the first few months and this month his communication has lessened due to life and getting busy or who knows and I’m going insane and it’s physically exhausting and my anxiety is hurting me. Whenever he has free time he’d call and talk to me 24/7 and was obsessed with me and I don’t know if this is what life is supposed to look like after that stage but communication has lessened and he can go days without calling me and texts are sometimes more quantity than quality and it feels like there’s so many slow days but when we actually call or talk it’s as forget as can be. My issue is that why would you do that in the beginning then lessen everything do to life as if it was just the honeymoon phase and now we’re in the normal stage. These things trigger my anxiety so bad and hurt me and I don’t know if it’s worth leaving. It’s the best relationship I’ve ever been in and I want to marry that man but I don’t know if I can handle this stuff. Maybe we shouldn’t be together till I “fix myself”. I don’t want to feel dis regulated my whole life but at the same time I don’t know if he’s completely normal and secure and it’s just my anxious attachment ruining everything. My mind feels like a personal hell and my chest is tight and tummy hurts all the time even when there’s nothing to worry about. It’s like I just WANT to worry. I get upset every two days because one day communication is 100% and then the next 3 days it’s like 60% and that change ruins my nervous system. How can I know if I’m anxiously attached and things are normal but I’m asking for more due to be revolving my life around him or if he’s actually doing something wrong.

Please help

I (33F) matched with a 36M on a dating app 3-4 months ago. He said he had commitment issues and wanted something casual while I wanted a partner, so we agreed to be friends. Despite that, we got very close, talking daily and spending time together. He opened up about personal struggles but was emotionally inconsistent, often ignoring my feelings. After a family trip, his behavior changed—he reduced communication, avoided conversations, canceled plans, and asked for space without following up.

After a week, I reached out about losing my AirPods and we resumed talking normally, even working together briefly. A few days later, after a small conflict, he became distant again, then unsent messages and unfollowed me. I tried contacting him with no response, then wished him well, unfollowed him, and deleted his number. A day later, he sent a casual WhatsApp link, which I ignored, and it’s been over 20 days. I’m now planning to visit a country he really likes and knows a lot about. do you guys think it’s a good idea to reach out to him for recommendations, given we have that in common? Or will he think I’m desperate for his validation or attention? I know I can google things to do but I want hidden gems/people recommendations

TL;DR: Got close to a guy who said he didn’t want commitment, he became inconsistent and eventually ghosted/unfollowed me. Now I’m traveling to a place he knows well should I reach out for recommendations?

Me and my Partner have been together about 1 and a half years. At the start of the relationship i Had No Problem about her gaming, talking and texting with other men. I don't really know when it startest. I only know that i am completely Controlling her. If i would do otherwise, u would get a really hard anxiety attack.

For example: recently, my girl was gaming with a random guy she knew from playing. And of course—I got an anxiety attack again. I then proceeded to text her.

She, as understanding as she is, of course told me that she will try to do otherwise. I love it that she is so understanding—don't get me wrong. But I noticed she definitely feels a little bit restricted because of me. We also just had a fight about this, and I know I want to be better for her.

I really want to stop controlling her, spying on her and just want her to feel free.

**How do I stop myself from constantly controlling her?**