u/figprincess

When my husband nd I are in arguments he will commonly hang up on me mid convo. This drives me insane and I go on a rampage of calls like 20-40 and just keep pressing it until he finally picks up only to tell me to leave him alone. Sometimes he blocks me. I lose all self respect and we have a very toxic relationship in many ways but this cycle of him hanging up and then blocking me is just making me hate him. How do I navigate this or get past it? Is it even anxious attachment or am I just crazy ?

I don’t really know what I’m looking for with this post—maybe perspective, maybe advice, maybe just to know I’m not alone.
My husband and I have a very toxic communication pattern that I don’t know how to break.
I have baseline anxiety, and since being in this marriage it’s become almost unbearable. During arguments, he’ll sometimes tell me things like, “You’re crazy. I can’t deal with you. Bye.” Then he’ll hang up or stop responding, and sometimes he’ll block me.
The moment that happens, something in me completely spirals. I start calling over and over, sending texts, trying to get him to respond. I hate admitting it because it’s embarrassing. Looking at it from the outside, I know it probably looks “crazy.” I wish I had the strength to just stop.
The part I struggle with is that it feels like I’m being pushed into my biggest trigger. Being dismissed, called crazy, and then blocked makes me feel rejected and abandoned. Instead of backing off, I end up desperately chasing validation, respect, or just some acknowledgment that I’m not the terrible person he’s making me feel like I am.
I also know that I’m responsible for my own behavior. No one is forcing me to make those calls. I’ve been in therapy, I’ve taken medication for anxiety, and I’m genuinely trying. I know I need to learn how to regulate my emotions better.
But I also can’t help wondering: isn’t it reasonable to expect a partner not to intentionally escalate a fight by calling you names, invalidating you, and disappearing? Shouldn’t both people have some responsibility not to trigger each other’s deepest wounds?
I feel stuck because I know my reaction is unhealthy, but I also feel like the environment I’m in brings out the absolute worst version of me. I don’t recognize myself during these moments, and afterward I’m left feeling ashamed and wondering why I couldn’t just let him walk away.
Has anyone else been in a relationship where you became someone you didn’t recognize? How did you figure out whether the problem was your anxiety, the relationship itself, or both?

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