u/prettiest_ofthem_all

My relationship is going better than I want. My anxious attachment tendencies were zero during the first few months and this month his communication has lessened due to life and getting busy or who knows and I’m going insane and it’s physically exhausting and my anxiety is hurting me. Whenever he has free time he’d call and talk to me 24/7 and was obsessed with me and I don’t know if this is what life is supposed to look like after that stage but communication has lessened and he can go days without calling me and texts are sometimes more quantity than quality and it feels like there’s so many slow days but when we actually call or talk it’s as forget as can be. My issue is that why would you do that in the beginning then lessen everything do to life as if it was just the honeymoon phase and now we’re in the normal stage. These things trigger my anxiety so bad and hurt me and I don’t know if it’s worth leaving. It’s the best relationship I’ve ever been in and I want to marry that man but I don’t know if I can handle this stuff. Maybe we shouldn’t be together till I “fix myself”. I don’t want to feel dis regulated my whole life but at the same time I don’t know if he’s completely normal and secure and it’s just my anxious attachment ruining everything. My mind feels like a personal hell and my chest is tight and tummy hurts all the time even when there’s nothing to worry about. It’s like I just WANT to worry. I get upset every two days because one day communication is 100% and then the next 3 days it’s like 60% and that change ruins my nervous system. How can I know if I’m anxiously attached and things are normal but I’m asking for more due to be revolving my life around him or if he’s actually doing something wrong.

Please help

Me and my bf have been together for a while and I could not ask for a better relationship. I wouldn’t want to be with anyone else and things are going better than I can imagine which is why I’m so mad I’m going back to my old ways. I used to have anxious attachment tendencies because 1- my mother is a narcissist and a terrible mother and 2- my ex would disappear on me for days at most and it triggered my anxiety so bad and I still get trauma about that happening because I don’t do well in silence at all (I wouldn’t blow up his phone or be crazy in front of him I’d just internally feel like shit and go crazy and life would feel so heavy and loud due to my thoughts and it was just not enjoyable living in a constant state of anxiety) then I met my bf and things were perfect bc I realized these things would happen only if I was triggered and he wasn’t triggering anything because he’s very secure and communication is stable and nothing is really giving me a reason to think + I used to go to the gym everyday and it was part of my routine so I had that time for myself and I felt like the best part of me because I wasn’t losing myself in this relationship like how I used to. Then a month ago something in his life happened and phone calls started becoming less frequent and worst of all texts started becoming farther apart and with every late text and no call my stomach hurts more and my anxiety gets worse. My issue isn’t about that it’s about how in the beginning that wasn’t happening at all everything was 100% consistent so there was no need for my nervous system to be dis regulated because everything was going BETTER than how I wanted and he was clingier than me. He’s not cheating and girls aren’t in his life or any of that and I know that for a fact and it’s not that he’s losing interested or anything it’s the fact that his consistency has lessened and it’s due to work, family, etc.. which is fine but my issue is that things changed which caused my body to go to fight or flight because a change in behaviors especially in his consistency is the worse trigger. I’m not scared he’s lost interest or that he doesn’t want me I’m just mad that he feels like he can just drop the consistency because things are normal now and that he was one thing in the beginning and another thing now. He communicates really well everyday it’s just that sometimes our texts are not quality based sometimes it’s just a hey how are you what are you doing and there’s no substance then two days later we will get on a phone call and things feel perfect again. I’m getting triggered and it’s feeling like how I felt in my last relationship and I feel like I’m losing myself again and it’s ruining my life. My stomach hurts constantly and it’s because I know this is my fault and I’m self sabotaging because literally every 3 days I’ll get upset over something due to our lack in communication but I don’t know if I’ve revolved my life around him so I’m asking for more than what’s normal or if he’s actually giving me less than what I’m supposed to get. When something is off and he’s done something wrong I’ll feel it in my gut and I know 100% so this time I just know it’s my fault. I feel offended when he has free time and he doesn’t use it with me and I get offended when he tells me he went out by himself for a breather or just to go out. My brain thinks every time he has a car ride he’s supposed to call me to talk (we’re long distance) because that’s what he did before and now it’s been like 1 phone call a week when before it used to be every single day. He has a bunch of things to do regarding work and school but I’m like you used to do all that before so what’s the difference now? My problem is that he used to do that and now he’s gotten comfortable and isn’t and I don’t want to bring it up I feel like I’ve talked about our communication way too much and it’s just not getting fixed and I don’t know what to do. Am I asking for more? Or am I receiving less? Is this my anxious attachment or is he fucking up?

Please help me without being rude or cussing me out