Does the anxious avoidant pairing ever work?
Basically the title. My ex is an avoidant, fearful avoidant I'd say. She knew it from the start. Never did the work. She would circle back every now and again saying that she wanted to try better and harder but the same old problems would continue. This most recent time, a whole year had passed since she discarded me, egg she was honest about was her intimacy struggles, and while she was better in some respects, especially vulnerability, the same old patterns played out. I was completely disregulated. I felt completely uncared for and small once again, which was incredibly tough for me given the earlier times, and given that I had spent an incredibly tough year gathering myself back together and very vulnerably conveyed that I'm hurting and was asking for support. They were either not tended to nearly on time, conflicts never addressed, or dismissed. It was as if I was an enemy. She saw me the same. She saw me as not being compassionate, being unempathetic, being unloving, but I was merely asking her to come through on the expectations She created, which she should have given She has so much to repair and I'm once again putting my heart on the line. She was going through a hard time. She was very vulnerable this time in how she'd say she loved me and wants to make me feel special, is sorry for hurting me etc etc. but her actions just weren't consistent. Some of them really compromised emotional safety for me. The whiplash is too much. I had to walk away. I say walk away but we were conversing on and off, mostly me venting my anger, she would suggest getting back together and wanting to fix things, be vulnerable, but i felt like enough was enough. I did reach out to her the last time asking if we could try because I was feeling overcome with feelings from actually having parted. This time she was the grounded one. She said that she knows she has hurt me, she loves me but wants to stop the suffering. Fair. She has hurt me incredibly and sometimes I hate her. And sometimes I love her. I'm a mess and ashamed for reaching out. I know we're done. But does this dynamic ever work for anyone? I feel like a fool for hoping for as long as I did.