u/Ornery-Divide-6583

Me: more anxious

Her: avoidant, probably dismissive

Age: both 30

Her characteristics:

Extrovert, into fun, very open, honest even when it hurts other people, less emotional intelligence, very active, likes to control the relationship on her conditions, very girly vibe, loves romantic gestures, likes validation.

Her past:

A couple of relationships that lasted around 1.5 years.

Never returned to her exes except for her first abusive relationship when she was 19. Maybe the others never offered. Strongly believes that her man never leaves.

A couple of 5-6 month situationships.

Last situationship was 1 year before me. The guy broke up with her and later she found out he had cheated and got married quickly, after a couple of months. She was hurt for many months, but never showed it to the outside world, just buried those worries and pain inside her.

Relationship story:

4 months dating. Sparks all over the place from both sides. Strong emotions from both sides. Both committed, investing time, spending time together, thinking about the future and possibilities of getting married.

Then a small conflict and breakup initiated from my side. She never asked why. She said, "It's your decision." Done. More like a strong deactivation of emotions.

Scenario after breakup:

I was thinking a lot after the breakup. After 2 months, I tried to talk with her and convince her to talk and work on the problems. It was needy and there was pressure from my side to talk and fix things. I tried to do this for a couple of weeks. Overexplained.

She was just cold, with no emotions. She said that she was busy with other things in life and had no time for relationship discussions. Never ignored me, but only cold replies without emotions. But I never received a proper "No" or "Yes." More like ghosted.

Current observations for the past 8 months:

1. Stalking my Instagram continuously without a break, using a fake profile (later I found out it was her fake account). She is one of the first to view my stories, doesn't matter when I post. It never stopped.

2. Seems like she is living her life normally: hobbies, friends. No signs of new guys.

3. From my side, same: living life, traveling, working, hobbies. Struggled for a couple of months, but now mentally stable. But I still have love for her. However, I don't require her to come back.

Unpredictable future:

1. She'll never reach out.

2. She'll reach out, but temporarily.

3. She'll reach out and maybe something will work out long-term.

4. I'll no longer be interested even if she reaches out.

Feel free to leave your predictions based on your experience. I'll update after 6 months with what happened.

Me: more anxious

Her: avoidant, probably dismissive

Age: both 30

Her characteristics:

Extrovert, into fun, very open, honest even when it hurts other people, less emotional intelligence, very active, likes to control the relationship on her conditions, very girly vibe, loves romantic gestures, likes validation.

Her past:

A couple of relationships that lasted around 1.5 years.

Never returned to her exes except for her first abusive relationship when she was 19. Maybe the others never offered. Strongly believes that her man never leaves.

A couple of 5-6 month situationships.

Last situationship was 1 year before me. The guy broke up with her and later she found out he had cheated and got married quickly, after a couple of months. She was hurt for many months, but never showed it to the outside world, just buried those worries and pain inside her.

Relationship story:

4 months dating. Sparks all over the place from both sides. Strong emotions from both sides. Both committed, investing time, spending time together, thinking about the future and possibilities of getting married.

Then a small conflict and breakup initiated from my side. She never asked why. She said, "It's your decision." Done. More like a strong deactivation of emotions.

Scenario after breakup:

I was thinking a lot after the breakup. After 2 months, I tried to talk with her and convince her to talk and work on the problems. It was needy and there was pressure from my side to talk and fix things. I tried to do this for a couple of weeks. Overexplained.

She was just cold, with no emotions. She said that she was busy with other things in life and had no time for relationship discussions. Never ignored me, but only cold replies without emotions. But I never received a proper "No" or "Yes." More like ghosted.

Current observations for the past 8 months:

1. Stalking my Instagram continuously without a break, using a fake profile (later I found out it was her fake account). She is one of the first to view my stories, doesn't matter when I post. It never stopped.

2. Seems like she is living her life normally: hobbies, friends. No signs of new guys.

3. From my side, same: living life, traveling, working, hobbies. Struggled for a couple of months, but now mentally stable. But I still have love for her. However, I don't require her to come back.

Unpredictable future:

1. She'll never reach out.

2. She'll reach out, but temporarily.

3. She'll reach out and maybe something will work out long-term.

4. I'll no longer be interested even if she reaches out.

Feel free to leave your predictions based on your experience. I'll update after 6 months with what happened.

In my life, I had many relationships, long-term ones (2 years, 5 years), short-term flings for sex, etc. But my last relationship changed everything about me, I felt a huge amount of different emotions at once.

I met this girl, and we fell in love so hard within a few dates. The sparks were all over the place. It was impossible to hide those emotions and feelings for both of us. And then the breakup happened because of my panic.

I heard some stories from her past where she had sex for fun, and I panicked because I saw her as my future. Her past long term relationships never triggered me. From her side, she was also planning a future with me. I was more anxious, and she was more avoidant. But since she felt love and safety, she was very open with me, caring, lovely, and started to commit to the relationship.

I panicked. After 4 months of dating, I broke up with her because I felt jealous and angry about those stories, which I didn't like which gave me nightmares. But the love hadn't faded away.

After 2 months, I realized it was a mistake and that I had overthought her past way too much, she didn't do anything bad at the present time with me. I asked her to meet and talk, but she was so cold and gave me no proper answer. She said she was busy with life, projects, etc. I never got a proper NO or YES.

I tried to convince her for a couple of weeks by overexplaining everything. She never ignored me and always replied quickly, but she was brutally cold. I assume that was the avoidant brutal discard. It was like she went back into her shell and stopped showing any emotions at all.

It has been 8 months. She has been stalking me from day one until now from a fake account (which I found out she owns). She was one of the first people to view my Instagram stories, etc. It seems like she checks my account every couple of hours. For the past 4-5 months, I've been traveling, working, and living my life without paying attention to her stalking. Friends, families, hobbies couldn't replace those memories with her.

I still don't understand her. Why couldn't we just be adults, have a conversation, and stop all the struggle?

I even studied attachment styles, limerence, twin flames, and all that stuff a few months back. Then I stopped. Dating other women also couldn't replace those feelings I had for her.

Anyway, my love never faded away. Deep down, I have a feeling that she might come back someday, and I'm sad that maybe by then it will be too late.

For now, I'm just living my life without worrying too much about it.

This is my story. Maybe you can take some useful information from it. I'm still curious about what's on her mind, so feel free to comment with your ideas.