u/serenitymarce

For context- I am a divorced single mom, and completely independent and have been for years now. I started dating a man and really adore him. We all know how big of a deal dating is after divorce. It was HUGE and scary for me but I found someone I really adore. He is also a single dad. However, the longer I have been with him the more and more I see that he is in a terrible financial place. Most of our date nights I pay for, most times that we go out I pay most of what we buy, I live in my own house while he has been living with his parent, etc. I haven’t minded because he really is a great man. He treats me well, I love spending time with him and I think we have a great connection. He has an okay job- but really isn’t making too much and I have no idea if he has debt or anything else. He hasn’t always lived with his parent but has been living with them for at least 2 years to get back on his feet. However- he hasn’t saved anything during this time, he still lives paycheck to paycheck. I try to not worry about this or anything, it’s his life and I won’t be his savior and let him move in with me anyway.

I guess why this came up today is I asked him if he might be interested in going on vacation with me in November. It would be a simple, pretty affordable vacation. I’m on a budget too, I would find a cheapish condo and we would just really have to buy flights and maybe split a rental car. I felt pretty heartbroken when he basically told me he wouldn’t be able to afford a vacation for the next 20 years. He shot it down so quick, it wasn’t even really a discussion. I really did find it massively depressing- I want to travel, I want to vacation with my partner. It’s not easy for me to afford either but I am good at saving and budgeting for something I really want.

I don’t feel at a point of breaking up with him for this but at the same time it really does feel depressing. Is it shallow to end a relationship with someone you really adore because they suck at finances?