r/AmITheAngel

HEEEEELP. I know teenagers are naturally rebellious, but this is making my hair go grey.

My (41F) daughter (16F, we'll call her Sierra) is on the spectrum and has ODD. She's been angry at the world since she was born. She didn't cry as a baby, she just SCREAMED. There was no medical reason, just anger. And not much has changed since then. (I do have 3 other children so I do have a baseline LOL!) Her last meltdown was a week ago when we took her phone away for one day... she wailed for 4 hours straight.

Yes, she is in therapy and has tried a plethora of different medications. She also has worked with social workers, special education teachers, autism specialists, psychiatrists, even a work-readiness program. Her stepdad (45M) and I are doing everything we can to help her navigate a difficult journey.

Like many autistic kids, Sierra has always struggled with social relationships. So she's turned to online friendships (at the encouragement of her therapist). Her "best" friend (we'll call her Amy) is 12 (which is about the social developmental level my daughter is at), and lives 1500 miles away. They FaceTime CONSTANTLY (there really isn't a chat history for us to check in on, so we just try to supervise as best we can without being intrusive).

Amy wanted to come visit last summer, and had told Sierra that she'd gotten her mother to agree to fly out with her. Obviously that fell through. We think it was just a fabrication.

This brings us to yesterday, when Sierra found out that her favorite singer (Mico?) is going on tour. Amy convinced her mom to purchase VIP tickets to the concert where they live, and even offered to purchase Sierra a plane ticket to fly out there. ALONE. Her stepdad and I both told her we weren't comfortable with the situation, and we've gotten PAGES of angry messages from her, and she won't even speak to us in person.

We got the mom's phone number and are going to contact her today. If she's the one encouraging this, we think she's the AH here. Right?

But am I being overly cautious? Am I preventing her from having a good social experience that she can learn from? It hurts to be hated so much by a human that you're just trying to help and keep safe. I'm so tired. Do I just ride out the storm and accept that when she turns 18 she will probably never speak to me again?

Context:
No, we cannot afford to go with her. Also, her stepdad took her to see this same singer back in October about 2 hours from where we live. She does have a senior trip next spring (which we just put a lot of money toward) where she can get a taste of travel without us.

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/brinz89.

^(My family disowned me 15 years ago. Complete no contact. Now all at once they want back in my life and are stalking me. I finally confronted them.)

Original Post: April 17, 2025

Disclaimer. Part of this is from a post on AITA that was removed. Then added to the events of today.

I don't know if this goes here. I just needed to get it out. I confronted them today and I can't stop crying or shaking. I don't know why. I don't know whats wrong with me right now. I'm finally calming down a little to get this done.

So I 36 male got into some trouble fifteen years ago.  I take all the responsibility for this and even to this day I carry all the shame, guilt and embarrassment for it. Also. This might come up. This is not cultural or religion. It's just shame to the family name.

The situation when I was 19 my ID was stolen and being used in another state and created a situation where my driver’s license was suspended nationwide.  Somehow any and all notifications from the other state never made it to me.  I started doing all the necessary things I needed to do to try and fix the problem. I however had a couple of tickets in my current state that I needed to pay but couldn’t because I needed to pay my rent and keep my apartment. Also at the time my full time job was having problems and was borderline shutting down, so to try and make ends meet I was doing a lot of freelance work as well. Again my fault. I knew the company was in trouble but I was still holding out hope that things would get better. I was hoping that a couple more freelance jobs and I would be able to finally pay the tickets.  This was never the case and the long story short of it I was arrested and spend two weeks in jail. Not ideal but I guess in the long run it worked out for the best by clearing the tickets in my home state. However my family felt other wise and I was completely disowned because of this.  I lost everything and everyone. The only reason I still had my apartment was because I had enough to cover the rent and the freelance work kept up.  It took another six months, but I was finally able to get the other state to release my driver’s license.  I decided that since my family hated me I didn’t need them, so a year later  I changed my last name, phone number and email.  My social media is locked down so tight you would think I was hiding national security secrets. I was able to finish college and get settled into my career and at this point I’m happier than I have ever been.

Enter current time and two weeks ago there was a knock on my door and it was my mom and dad.  Again it had been15 years and I hadn’t spoken to them not one word.  The only thing I could get out of my mouth was. “How did you find me and what are you doing here?”

My mom’s response was “Five Grand to a PI. Finally a search of Facebook with just your first name found you and the PI confirmed it was you.”

I responded.  “You didn’t answer my second question. What are you doing here?”

My mom again. “It’s been 15 years.  Looking at where you are it seems you have learned your lesson and you are succeeding.  You’ve missed out on a lot of things.”

I ended with.  “Yes I have learned my lesson.  One of them is don’t think anyone will ever help you or be understanding.  Even your family.  And yes.  I did succeed.  And I did it entirely without you.  Please leave and don’t ever come back.” shut the door in their face, locked it, checked the back door and closed all the curtains. I'm guessing they hung around for another fifteen minutes knocking demanding to be let in. I went back to bed, turned the fan on high and went back to sleep.

I did so some research.  And I have missed out on a lot.  I have nieces and nephews, brothers and sisters in laws.  But the truth is.  I don’t know any of them and I don’t think I need to.  I live a very quiet life.  I can count on two hand how many friends I actually have. A friend said I may have taken it too far.  That I should have given them a chance and if I didn’t like what they had to say then I could have told them to go away. 

I was hoping that this was going to be the end of it. But not they have taken to stalking me. I'll be completely honest... They are harmless, but just a real pain in the ass and also I have been fucking with them and having some fun with the help of a friend. He now calls them flees and will check on me asking if I have fleas or not. It's kinda funny. If I say yes then it's game on. The first night he came over and we walked down town to a really expensive restaurant that I knew they were never going to go to. Another night we went to the porn store. That was the best one.

This past week the way my days off fell I had a five day stretch so I decided to go to the city for a few days. I'm walking distance to the Amtrak station and they followed me. I kept my air pods in the whole time and I know they were trying to talk to me, but I ignored the the entire time. People on the platform even were telling me that they were talking to me and I said that I know but I don't want to deal with them. The train came and I got on and left them to watch. I LOVED IT!!!!!

It got to the point I finally had to acknowledge them. They weren't going to go away so we met at the park across from my apartment. I didn't hold anything back. I told them this was the one and only time I was going to talk to them. I took a page from the Matlock series and told them I was their judge. I was their jury. (Thank you Olympia Lawrence) I then told them that as far as I was concerned they were guilty of anything and everything and all I was doing was hearing what they had to say before I walked away from them. I asked them that why now after fifteen years they are demanding to be back in my life and why they made the decisions they did to disown me. They told me that I ruined the family name and that the shame I bought to the family was horrible and that this was the only way to make it right was to get rid of me. They said that recently my name has been coming up in conversation and that the "family" has grown with a lot of new people. That brother and sister in law are asking questions about who is Brinley. That I have a niece who they think I would love and get along with and the same for a nephew who was born last year and now should be the time to fix things. They said that looking at my apartment and the life I had that I must have learned my lesson about being a better person and managing my life better.

I finally cut them off and told them that I couldn't stand to hear anymore. I was at the point I could hear my heart beating in my ears. I told them that I did everything completely by myself. Nobody from that life exists anymore. Not one person. That they just need to tell everyone the truth that I was in jail for two weeks and because of this the decision was made to get rid of me. I told them that I did it all on my own and that my one cousin Jean who is only a cousin by marriage was the one who was there for me hence why I took her last name. I told them that to this day I'm doing everything on my own and rely on nobody and don't need or want them in any way of my life. They made their decisions and I'm making mine. I told them this will be the last time we talk and that I would be going to see a lawyer to see if there was anything that could be done to keep them away from me and that if they continue to follow me around or show up at my apartment I would have them arrested for trespassing. And I went back home and again locked everything down, pulled the curtains and have been crying since.

Update: April 23, 2025

Many of you have been asking for an update. First and foremost. Thank you all for your responses. I was overwhelmed. I read every single one. I just couldn't keep up to respond to them. I also worked some extra shifts and had some really nice over time which right now comes in handy. Please just know I was not ignoring you. I just couldn't keep up.

This isn't the update that many of you were most likely hoping for. I haven not heard from my family since I confronted them. I'm hoping that it's all done and over but at the same time I'm thinking they are trying something else. I wanted to address some other things. Many are saying they are out for money or body parts. That they see I'm successful and such. I can't see this being the case. I truly don't think it's money. If they were able to drop $5,000.00 for a PI then I can't see them hurting financially. My dad worked as a ORD for his entire career and made good money. My mom worked for a global corporation as a historical document manager. I didn't ask but I'm thinking that they might even still be working. Others said maybe they need body parts. I can't see this being the case either because all of these would have been mentioned the first or the last time we talked.

People have mentioned they see me successful and want in on it and take the credit saying that they are responsible for that in how they treated me. I'm successful in my own way. My education is in Healthcare Management and I work as a Unit Secretary. I have been here for a while and I truly love my job. I'm at the top of my pay scale and thats okay. I have made a life for myself. Yes I do have some money stashed away. I live below my means to do what I have done. I'm single no kids so it has allowed me to save money.

And now on with the update. (This is a long update because it's part of a conversation I had with my cousin.)

I have not heard from any of them since the last meet where I confronted them. I'm hoping that they are just gone at this point. I truly don't want anything to do with ANY of them. I don't care that I have nieces or nephews or that I have new brother and sister in laws. I would have to know my sister and brother and my parents to know all these new people. And frankly all of them are strangers. And it just brings up a lot of bad emotions. My cousin Jean is the only person who I have anything to do with and she has been my rock. I can't begin to thank her enough for all she has done. She has been on vacation for a few weeks so she doesn't know much of what happen. She got back and came over the other night. She showed up with wine, pizza and cheesecake. God I love that women. I opened the door and was greeted with "The wise women has arrived and has brought the makings of a great evening." I started crying to her response. "However it looks like I should have arrived a few days ago."

She set everything on the counter and just hugged me to get me calmed down. Finally as she opened the wine and fixed up dinner I told her everything. At the end she got a vindictive smile on her face and was like "We need it to talk. It's time for some family secrets to be told.

First she started with telling me that regardless of what others had said what happen wasn't my fault. I was stuck in the perfect storm which just blew up. She told me she saw my folder that had all of the work I had done to fix the problem. But it just didn't go fast enough. She reminded me that I didn't kill anyone, I didn't deal drugs or anything like that. I was stuck in a situation that didn't get fixed fast enough.

She went on to tell me that it was no surprise that when I did the name change that I chose the one I did. Come to find out it was the last name I was born under which was my Grandmothers (my mothers mother) last maiden name. Jean "Don't let your parents fool you. They are not the pure pillars of community that they want you to believe." I have always known that their relationship was not the best. But when I was born they were split up and my mom was trying to hide me from my dad. My Grandparents didn't like him so it was decided to give me my grandmothers family name.

She was getting more and more pissed off as she spoke. "So lets talk about names since they are so hell bent of how you shamed the family name. Your mother was the one who was born under the influential names. Her mothers family the name you took was pretty much owned two of the local towns in our county. Your grandfathers name owned owned a few businesses in a different town. Your fathers family was never heard of. They were from a different state and moved here for work purposes. Your dad has been riding off of your mothers name and connections. Even to this day your dads family is pretty much a bunch of unknowns. On top of that. Even if your Grandparents were alive they would have been completely behind you and wouldn't have bought into that whole bull shit of shaming the family name." The only time I ever saw her in a mood like this was when I was in college and when she introduced herself to the class she looked square at me and made it clear that she had no favorites.

All of this has really made me look at my parents in a different way. And none of it's positive. It just reaffirms what I want even more which is for them to just go away and never come back.

To the small few of you saying this is fake, fan fiction and what not. Go for it. Apparently all of you live in perfect worlds with perfect families and you most likely say the same thing to every post you read. I couldn't give two shits, a flying fuck or a rats ass what you think. I just need to get this out.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

I (23F) moved abroad with my husband (28M) about a year ago. Before we moved, my MIL (57F) and SIL(32F) would constantly make comments about how I was definitely going to gain weight once I got here. Like… ALL the time.

They’d say things like:
“Just wait until you move there, everyone gains weight.”
“You should buy bigger clothes now.”
“You’ll see, you’re going to get chubby.”
Stuff like that.

At first I’d laugh it off and tell them I wasn’t planning on gaining weight and that I’d try to stay active and eat normally, but they acted like it was impossible not to gain weight here.

To be fair, during the first couple months after moving, I did gain around 13 lbs. New country, stress, eating out more, different routine, all of that. But eventually I started feeling uncomfortable in my body and decided to lose the weight for myself. I changed my habits slowly, started cooking more, walking more, and lost about 33 lbs total.

Part of it honestly WAS because I wanted to prove them wrong. Not gonna lie. Their comments got under my skin.

Now my MIL keeps telling me I’m “getting too skinny” and saying people will think my husband doesn’t feed me or that he’s “starving” me. Which is ridiculous because my husband has been supportive the entire time. He literally tells me he only cares that I’m healthy and happy and that I’m not developing an unhealthy obsession with weight loss or food.

For context: I’m eating normally, and I’m not underweight or anything extreme ( my weight is 132 lbs and im 5’4).

But now I’m wondering if I became petty about the whole thing because part of my motivation really was wanting to prove them wrong after months of comments about my body.

AITA?

Location: Denver, CO, USA

So this is a doozy. I’m in Denver Colorado first off, and so is everyone in this story.

My daughter moved out and in with her boyfriend and his mother a little over a year ago. I didn’t see her for a few months and when I did she’s obviously pregnant. Obviously. I say, omg sweetie and we get a test and she’s genuinely shocked. She’s 36 weeks and genuinely shocked because “I trusted his mom because she’s a nurse”

Because her boyfriend and her NURSE boyfriends mother had been convincing her for months she was just getting fat and “acting bipolar”

Then the boyfriend tells me “I should have just bought a test for her when mom first thought”

Now here’s the kicker. When they decided to raise the baby this woman went holy nuts. She called CPS about “neglect concerns” while my granddaughter was still in the NICU. She harassed the nurses in the floor to the point they came into the room and asked the boyfriend to call off his mom.

Come to find out-the mom’s just gotten engaged. And has made comments that lead me to believe she knew that my kid was pregnancy and did and said nothing, even when asked. With all that and the freaking out over not getting the baby-to the point I am worried she will show up here.

Today I found a card in a baby book that came from that house. Addressed to the mom. Congratulations on the adoption. Dated before she gave birth.

Now I might be a little mom headed here but I genuinely believe this woman and possibly her son knew she was pregnant and played on her naïveté and vulnerability (I only adopted her at 17 she’s had it rough) so the mom and new boyfriend can have a baby.

They also are holding all the things they purchased for her hostage because “she’s supposed to be mine”

Is this ok? Can they just do that? Would it even be worth speaking to a lawyer about?

I’m so angry and scared and it just seems so WRONG.

Thank you for any input

For the last 15 years my wife has been a stay at home mom and I’ve been the sole income for our family. We’ve been able to make it work, but only just. We’ve spent years living paycheck to paycheck and taking in tens of thousands of dollars of debt to maintain our lifestyle. But though all of that I’ve managed to purchase a home and float the debt and keep us above water.

A few years ago our kids became old enough to not need daily mothering and I stared to encourage her to start thinking about rejoining the workforce to help pay down the debt. She was adamant that she didn’t just want a job, she wanted a career. So she went back to school for a degree. Four years and $60k later she’s working, but it’s part time and barely covering her school loans.

But here’s the rub, two years ago, during her final year of schooling, i received a $2 million dollar inheritance. It’s enough that it generates more money than she can ever make with her degree, but with it came an almost immediate life style upgrade that pushed even THAT to its limit. Kids are now in private school, our house got a big renovation, her mom got a new condo and the wife got a brand new car. So I’m still stressed about money.

And now her part time job is offering full time employment at twice the salary. It’ll pay for the private schools and then some. It’s a huge weight off my shoulders, but she didn’t want to work full time. She wants to enjoy the money. I got angry at this and basically laid out our current spend rate and blamed her for a lot of it and insinuated that she needs to start pulling her weight. She begrudgingly agreed to take the job and I apologized for not acknowledging her contributions as a home maker.

But she’s still complaining about it. Dropping snide comments about other moms only working 32 hours a week and blaming me for no vacation this summer because now our work schedules conflict. I don’t feel the least bit sorry for her and it’s led to an impasse where we’re talking to each other like exes trying to coordinate childcare than we are talking like a couple.

Should I feel sorry for her? Should I rebalance the budget and try to get by with her only working 20 hours a week? AITAH??

Earlier today, I was scrolling down my home page, and a post from AmITheAngel finds its way into my eyeballs. I don’t even remember what it was titled, barely looked at that part as it contained a cross-post link for someone who posted to OUTFITS. The outfit was quite eccentric but also HELLA cute, so naturally I click on it to go read the ACTUAL post itself instead of the goobers poking fun at it.

Once I’m there, I see that OP had some mild drama with a friend regarding her sense of style mentioned in the fill title, and after seeing the picture of this cool fit and reading the vaguely rude text message screencap that went with it, I begin reading the actual post itself… big mistake. This girl proceeds to go on one of the longest shaggy dog stories I’ve ever seen, and it was bad-bad.

There are like five named people (only one of whom is actually relevant to her problem), a section about how long a commute somewhere is via bus versus car, a section talking about helping her friend move, a bit about hitting up a clearance section in a Macy’s and using the bathroom, it just goes and goes and goes. Eventually, after what I estimate was about two bananas worth of reading, the actual problem is introduced, and it’s simply that her friend thought the outfit was too extra and left a hangout very early because of it.

After reading so many words that say so little, I comment something supportive of the questioned outfit and a dash of advice about the unsupportive friend, while also mentioning how all the extra details made it confusing to understand when all put together. Comment dropped, I return to the crossposted discussion, and see that practically all the comments are about how convoluted and bizarre the entire story was. No one hating on the girl herself or the outfit, no one being mean or ugly about it, just a lot of “OMG WHY DID I READ ALL THAT.” Normal stuff, I think to myself, so I leave a couple of lighthearted comments about the sea of words I just drowned in and move on with my day.

Fast forward a few hours, I get a mod-mail from the OUTFITS team— uh-oh, I got PERMABANNED for, in their words, “participation in posts that take photos from other redditors without consent for the purpose of harassment.” Naturally baffled and alarmed, I ask the mods to clarify, and they just kept rephrasing the same thing. Even after reviewing their rules, there’s nothing stated that directly would lead to this ban. Apparently, even being a member of AmITheAngel or the various circlejerk communities is bannable there, and that seems completely bonkers to me. Like, how are these communities even open if they’re allegedly so against TOS and Reddit rules?

Now, this story has been booted off BOTH main “Am I the AH” subreddits before I could even get any answers, which I guess pretty conclusively mean I am in fact the a-hole. At this point, nobody has really clarified what exact rule got broken so I can like, you know, not do it again? So now I’m sitting here, just wondering how this weird little pocket of the internet stays even remotely functional with such convoluted and unclear rules… whatever, I’ll just stick to passionately discussing imaginary things and pointless memes from now on, happier with all my fellow weirdos anyway.

My (32f) son is only 4 and I love him more than anything, but he is also a lot. He just can't handle being told no. No matter what store we'll go too he's always asking for something and if he's told no he'll throw a tantrum.

The mix of me feeling bad for him because I adore him so much and figuring he'll grow out of being a brat eventually. I end up buying it for him most of the times anyway.

It's still very frustrating and he makes me want to just shop online instead. I was on the phone with my sister about this on the phone basically venting. I'm not gonna go over the entire conversation, but the one comment that made me upset was when she said if he doesn't learn how to accept no while he's young, he'll eventually grow up making women's lives hell because he can't handle no.

I love my sister, but is this not a major reach? He's just a 4 year old boy acting like a typical toddler whenever they get told no. Yes, it's annoying but I think comparing my son to grown men who think they're entitled to women is taking it way too far.

I didn't argue with her over it or anything, but I did nicely tell her that I don't think that's exactly comparable because one is greatly worse than the other. She says it will likely turn into that. I didn't start anything, but I was pissed that she made that comparison about my son for acting like an annoying 4 year old.

Yes, I did want to vent a little about how he has been getting on my nerves because that day I had called her, it was after I had got back from the grocery store with him. However, he's still a good kid and I love him a lot. I understand her saying I have to teach him to accept no, but it didn't need to go beyond that. AIW?

For context, I am twenty one and my partner is twenty. We were messing around outside and I found a stick on the ground. It was a good stick, about a foot long, a slightly pointed end that I was stabbing boxes with. When I was about to leave, he told me to give him the stick to put in the fire. I wanted to keep it and he tried to grab it out of my hand to get rid of it, but I was determined, saying I was going to make something out of it. (I do a lot of crafts and can find a way to turn anything into art) He got mad and yelled at me saying "fine keep the stupid fucking stick" and muttered about me being childish. I dont understand what the big deal was about me wanting to keep a stuck in found on the ground? I left, only saying "bye" before I did.

Am I the ass hole in this situation?

Edit: for everyone saying "dump him" this was extremely out of character for him. He usually shares my whimsical enthusiasm for such things. While it was a bigger reaction than I thought necessary, it is very out of character for him

In college I was in a friend group of 5 other people. One of them I don’t talk to anymore, three of them I asked to be in my wedding as bridesmaid and the post is about Sara ( fake name).

I have one issue with Sara and that is her money habits. She is lovely besides this. My issue with Sara is that she expects other people to foot the bill and since I make the most out of my friend group they usually look at me to cover her cost. 

Sara is the main pusher of this. If I ever bring it up she claims I am looking down on her for being poor and that it isn’t her fault that teachers don’t make much money. It has happened over and over again. If I say no, she basically has a tantrum ( in my eyes) and I get called for being selfish.

It’s annoying, and my other friend also have gotten annoyed with it. I decided I didn’t want her as a bridesmaids. I don’t want to deal with her whining about money or have to spent my money to cover her cost. 

I tried to call her to tell her why she wasn’t going to be a bridemaid before I told the other 3 girls. I knew it would be a shock and I didn’t want her to learn from someone else. She never got back to me. I tried to call her three times. This weekend I asked the other women and they said yes.

One of them posted online saying how excited she was and I got a call from Sara. I explained why nicely and we got into an argument.

She claims I am punishing her for being poor and I told her that her money issue is the main reason. She is shit talking to the friend group at the moment and I want an outside opinion on this 

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/ThatOneCloneTrooper

For months I was confused why I kept finding long hairs in my house. Then I saw my neighbour coming out of my house.

Originally posted to r/creepyencounters

Thanks to u/queenlegolas for suggesting this BoRU

TRIGGER WARNING: >!Stalking, invasion of privacy, breaking and entry!<

MOOD SPOILER: >!Extremely creepy!<

Original Post  May 6, 2026

I'm a man in my 20s that lives alone on the very top floor of an apartment block. I've had short hair for the last 10 years of my life. The longest hair on my head is maybe an inch long if that even. However, across my house I kept finding long hairs on the floor. Like, long brunette hairs, at least 5-6 inches. Sometimes longer. And they would be everywhere. Bathroom floor, in the shower, in my cupboard, in my kitchen, on old clothes, living room floor and sofas etc etc.

I've been single since November and clean often enough that I'm certain it's not my ex-girlfriends' hairs. Plus the colour doesn't match anyway, she had solid black hair, these are more a light brunette. Plus, finding them in the places like the shower? Where running water is hitting all the sides 5+ times a week?

Anyway, I waved it off as "well I work with a lot of people and use the gym and bus sometimes so naturally hairs are going to stick to my clothes"...

Well. One day (this past April) I finished my early am gym session and got the call that I didn't have to go work that day, so naturally I start to walk home all happy that I have the day to myself. I'm on the 5th floor (the upper most floor) of the building and the apartment is in such a way that there is only 1 apartment per floor. I start to hustle up the stairs and don't use the elevator since I'm sweaty from the gym anyway.

JUST as I whip a right to go up the last set of stairs from the 4th floor to the 5th floor I see my neighbour's (on the 3rd floor) daughter coming down the stairs. We lock eye-contact. We've never spoken before, mostly because we've never had a reason to but also because out of respect I didn't want to make her uncomfortable since she's 19-21ish and I'm slightly older. The most interaction we've had is that I've spoken to her mother and father before when bumping into each other on the stairs.

I gave a confused "hello?" - at this point I'm thinking that she maybe went to knock on my door to ask for something? A cup of sugar maybe I don't know? I was expecting her to reply with something like "oh hi, do you have any xyz"...

Nope. She gave a silent "hey" and brushed right past me. And only then when the smell of my own shampoo hit me did I notice her hair was wet. Like. Fresh out the shower a minute ago wet.

Now I'm not saying she showered in my house. Or that I have a stalker that's been living in my house while I've been at work. She very easily could have just been there to ask for something. And most generic brand shampoos smell the same.

But don't the pieces all fit a bit too well? Her hair colour matches the hairs I would find around my apartment. And like I said before, they were EVERYWHERE. In my bed to in my sock draws.

And if it is a case of me having a stalker? How did she know I came home early enough to bolt out the shower in time? Our apartment doesn't have cameras, its an older building from before 2000. And why would she be stalking me? For how long has she been doing this? We've never dated, never had a proper conversation, I maybe saw her 20 times in the past 2 years given that I work and she (presumably) studies or works too.

As all these thoughts are buzzing through my head and I'm standing outside my door for a solid 2 minutes grappling with what just happened. I go to turn the key to my door and it opens without me having to unlock it. And I know for a fact I always double lock my door. It's the type with a lock near waist level and a 2nd more secure lock with a different key around shoulder level.

I drop my bag, throw off my shoes and run to the shower. And yep. It's wet. I hadn't showered since yesterday morning.

I'm a confrontational person, not that I go looking for fights but I'll definitely pursue an answer if something is bugging me. So back down the stairs to the 3rd floor I went, knocked on the door of my apparent stalker and her family. She opens the door but with the chain still on. I see half of her face from behind the door.

"Yes?" - "Umm can I help? Were you at my door or inside? I don't want to make this a police thing now but you came down the stairs and I know you were inside?" - "I just had to get something, it won't happen again.. ok bye see you"

Door closed.

This happened last month, I've been cleaning my house every weekend closely now and got the locks changed and put a motion sensor camera above my door. It only films and triggers on the steps coming up to my door so the 4th apartment still have their privacy.

So far so good, I don't think she's been inside since. But looking back, I think she'd been living in or going in or whatever in to my apartment since January because that's my earliest memory of finding hairs. She never took anything of value like my laptop or the few watches I have. Seemingly she just showered and ate some of my food and laid in my bed?

I do now also always take the elevator and avoid the 3rd floor like the plague.

EDIT: I'm not really worried about my safety because 1. I'm 200lb and do a lot of fighting training and 2. The new camera has never gone off once since installed other than myself triggering it when I'm home. Finally 3. I told the old retired husband and wife on the 4th floor that I suspected a robber was trying to break into my apartment last month (I didn't want to start spreading rumours and gossip) and asked them to keep an ear out when I'm at work. I feel fine and safe. Just creeped out. Like my personal space had been violated.

EDIT 2: Someone DMed me to check my coats and bags for airtags as to how maybe she knew I was coming home early that day. I don't have a lot of stuff so I think I would have 100% found it by now given how often I clean but I'll defo do another sweep of my stuff.

Update  May 12, 2026

(Re-upload - Mod said first post broke rule 6 so I've taken a bunch of details out)

Hi all, update following my last post a week back about me catching neighbour coming out of my apartment having used my shower.

My cousin’s husband is a police officer so I went to him directly about filing a report. He came over to my apartment first as I gave him a visual break down of what happened on the stairs and changes odd things I’d noticed in my apartment since January. Primarily just hairs everywhere and missing food. And how my door was unlocked that day. Though I did a thorough clean following the event on the stairs my police friend was able to still find some hairs and so he bagged those up.

I gave him my statement in detail and some dates best I could, when I remember finding the first hair; when I first noticed food going missing etc.

Also he advised me not to talk to the family not even with a friend to avoid any confusion or get lawyers involved or muddy the waters with accusations.

With all that done he left and came back 2-3 days later. He and his partner went to talk to the family on Sunday because they knew both parents would likely be home then. Long story short she confessed to everything immediately and broke down into tears and apologised once my police friend brought up how 5 months of entering someone’s house even with keys is still very much an offence and she could easily end up with a sentence of some should I pursue it. And that that sentence could very easily involve the inside of a jail cell irregardless of if she stole something or not. (I don’t know how true this is, it might have just been my friend and his partner pressing and exaggerating for a confession but it worked).

They talked for an hour with the parents and her all in the same room to get answers from her. Then the same day he came up to mine with his partner and they gave me the breakdown.

Answers to commonly asked questions below:

⁃ how did she get in/have her own keys? The locks on our doors are the type that use a code on the lock barrel that only the manufacturer or partnered/approved locksmiths have access to. She knew this because her parents got the locks changed when they first moved in. And in fact she used the same locksmith from all the way back then.

The locksmith presumably remembered the family and apartment but just didn’t pay attention to it being the 5th floor this time instead of her own 3rd floor. So he came over and took the barrel out, saw the code, went and made a set of keys and done. I was none the wiser. Both my locks on my door are different brands but presumably they operate in the same way so having 2 locks made no difference.

⁃ what was she doing in my apartment? Anyone who said she just needed space, you were right. She has 2 younger step-siblings and her mother is a tutor (not a teacher as I presumed previously, she tutors at home) so at any given point there’s always some kids around the house. She would say to her parents she was going out to study or work or a girl friends house and use my house as a hotel while she studied or relaxed. The reason she used mine was partly because she knew it would be empty but also because my schedule was predictable. As I work an average 9-5 like everyone else but leave the house at 6-6:30 to get gym done too that essentially gave her the house from 6 to 5.

⁃ How long? My guess was right. It started in January, once she figured I’d broken up with my gf at the time around November. My gf would stay at mine when I went to work and back sometimes so yea that would have been an interesting situation if they had crossed paths.

⁃ So then how did she knew I was coming home early that day? And that I wasn’t going to work straight after gym like usual and so she bolted out the shower? Or on the days I didn’t go gym how did she know not to come in? Two fold. Firstly I go to a commercial gym in my country and so they have an app. Irregardless of if you’re a member or not, one of the things the app lets you see is how many people are in each branch so you can see how full it is. All you have to do is download it and scan the QR code at the entrance by the turnstiles to add it to the “my gyms” tab. It literally shows you like “Branch No. 21 (Address) - 9/50 - 18% full”, she would refresh the app in the morning and if it went up by 1 around 6-6:30am and she heard me go downstairs or use the elevator (not hard when it’s 6am and the apartment is otherwise silent) then she would know the house is empty.

Now for the creepiest most messed up bit of it all. She had put an AirTag on my car. She insisted that she had only put it recently and initially just presumably gambled that I wouldn’t be home sooner than expected (or maybe she just put an ear to the door), but then one thing lead to another and yea. (I don’t know how much I believe this, again this could be an attempt to not look so guilty)

That day when we clashed she refreshed the app and saw I left the gym, but then my car didn’t move, she connected the dots and tried to leave asap. When she heard me coming up the stairs she didn’t have time to lock up and so we met on the stairs with my door remaining closed but not locked. (Extra detail, the AirTag was stuck to under my car).

⁃ The using my shower? She claims she didn’t do it always just on hot days or days she couldn’t at home. I can’t deny or confirm this, like I said previously being a gym goer id shower 5+ times a week so.

⁃ How did her parents never notice? Well the dad leaves early for work, 5am ish since his bus route starts around 6. The mom is up around 6-7. But since she’s preparing for her own students for the day + her own kids to send to school she wasn’t too bothered what her eldest 20 year old daughter was doing really. She’d just say “I’m going to the college library” or “I’m going to my girlfriend’s” and that was good enough.

⁃ Did she have a thing for me like a crush? My police friend didn’t really say anything about this presumably he never asked since it’s not as important as other details or it never came back. It makes little difference.

⁃ How’s my standings with the family right now? The mum and dad both apologised to me. The mum via text and the dad in person at my door, he offered to pay for the camera I installed as his daughter was the direct cause of it but it was cheap off of amazon so I said no it’s fine. We had a 10-15 minute conversation and he was very apologetic and explained his daughter had always been extremely quiet and well behaved so something like this would never have crossed his mind in a million years.

He added that his daughter’s never had a boyfriend (at least that he knows of) and only has a few friends so her social interaction skills aren’t necessarily top notch and that even when guests would come she’d hide away in the spare room. So to the few people who predicted that maybe Covid and lockdown lead to her not having good social interaction skills. You were half right. He again offered me money for my troubles like missing food, new locks and cleaning etc but I felt bad enough already I declined.

He did also ask if I would press charges and I again said no. More on that below. He said he will send his daughter to apologise to me in person too when the situation has calmed down as she’s apparently very very tense and upset and hasn’t left her room in days.

⁃ Am I going to press charges? No. I’m still not happy about the situation ESPECIALLY the f**ing AirTag on my car, but the family is apologetic as well as the culprit herself and honestly no one is going to gain anything from this. I would like an apology though. (For anyone that cares about the extra detail, she got the AirTag as a gift a while back from her parents because she kept losing her stuff)

⁃ Have I seen her since? No, she won’t apparently leave her room and is terrified that I’ll press charges, though presumably her family’s told her I said I won’t.

⁃ How do I currently feel? Well I was never especially worried or nervous just really really creeped out about the whole situation. It felt like I’d been a parasite host and somehow never noticed until then. I currently still feel a little angry and a small part of me is thinking to seek “revenge” but any “revenge” I seek like money or slander is truthfully going to impact the parents more than her.

- Do I feel bad for her? Truthfully? No. She’s not 10. She’s 20 or something and educated so yea you should be remorseful, feel guilty and scared. Get over that hump and we’ll talk. Plus there’s loads of spaces for young adults like public libraries and her college spaces. By no means was my house the only viable option.

⁃ Finally. Did she use my bed? Or wear my clothes? Believe it or not. Yes. She did.

⁃ Any advice I can give? Check your wifi devices. If I had checked that I would have noticed her phone and laptop all the way back when. Obviously my wifi modem is in my house and so she helped herself to that. Again it’s one of those things. How often does one check their wifi devices. Truthfully, with all my family visiting me and their devices I probably wouldn’t have noticed 1 extra phone amongst the existing 10+ but I 100% WOULD have noticed the 1 extra laptop. So let that be a lesson to all. And yes I have removed her devices from the list and changed my password.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

I (24F0 am currently pregnant. The pregnancy wasn’t planned, it was a one careless weekend and now were here kinda thing, but myself and my now fiancé(26M)  are trying our best to get ready.

For extra background, my fiancé and I have been together for 4 years this august. Marriage has been something we have talked about and agreed on, but my fiancé was always anxious about what ifs and wanting everything to be perfect.

About a Month ago, his younger sister (25F) got engaged  and since then she’s had a “this is my year” type mentality and I have been all for it.Then we found out I am pregnant.

My fiancé took it as a sign he was being a chicken and needy to make that next step happen of getting married. So he proposed, nothing flash or big. He recreated our first two dates and we ended the day with a bbq at my parents house.

She had texted my fiancé how we overshadowed her and that between the pregnancy and the engagement we’ve stolen all the attention. She said she was tired of having to hear about us and how excited her aunts were while they were at her house helping her plan her wedding. 

My fiancé and I aren’t even planning a wedding right now, hers is next august and were kinda buy preparing for a baby.

His sister has also always had a short fuse especially when it comes to my fiance. For example, last year when we all attended a wedding, my fiance was kind of the life of the party. Dancing, sociallizing, getting other people hype and dancing, was literally voted life of the party by the bride and groom. The next morning at breakfast his sister went in on him calling him a embarrassment and attention seeking.

My fiance has a lot of social anxiety and I finally understood why. But to the main issue, we recently stayed with his parents for a weekend because they wanted to celebrate the pregnancy and the whole first grand child. Most of the weekend was great we went to the beach, hikes, dinner, but the whole time his sister was visibly upset and making aside aggressive comments everyone mostly ignored.

Things really blew up while i was washing dishes, his mom came in to tell me how I shouldn’t be doing that and that i should be restin. His sister laughed and said “I thought we weren’t supposed to roll out the red carpet for unwed, unplanned pregnancies”. His mom screamed her name and I responded with asking what her problem was. It turned into an even bigger arguement and screaming match wer his mom was crying trying to pull his sister away and both fiancés and his dad came from the den to see what was happening. 

After my fiance told me I shouldn’t have responded to her and made everything worse in a already stressed relationship. Part of me feels bad because I know things get really intense with his sister and that conflict really hurts and messes with him, but also another part of me feels like I shouldn’t have to just take her bitching just to keep the peace that clearly isn’t there. 

So, im a 17 year old girl and I live with my family still. I contribute my fair share in cooking, cleaning, and I go to school (im currently trying to get a job) anyway recently my brother and his wife, my sister in law has moved right next to us so theyre over all the time for dinner. And maybe three months ago my sister in law saw me cutting up onions and putting them into a pan for dinner and she threw a fit saying onions were too spicy for me to cook and she wasnt gonna eat any if I made whatever it was that I was making with onions, so I had to throw away everything and restart because if I didnt then I would get yelled at, and that's the worst thing so id rather just throw it away. Well the same dinner I made without onions and garlic she said had no flavor. And even though that happened, for maybe a week i didnt add onions and garlic, and every time i didnt she would complain saying it had no flavor. So since then ive decided to prepare dinner maybe an hour before they come over so they dont see me cutting onions and garlic, ive also made sure to do it when none of my siblings are around so they dont see and in turn tell my sister in law. Well, last night my other brother saw me cutting onions and he didnt care too much he just walked away, but when it was dinner time and we were all eating we got onto a topic of everything's "too spicy" for my sister in law and how she doesnt like ketchup or onions, and that she cant even have takis or whatever. My brother, thinking that it was so funny was saying "oh you cant have onions like theyre too spicy?" And she agreed then was telling him its just how she grew up, she hates them and blah blah blah and so he went "well you dont have a problem eating this dinner" and she was like "what are you talking about? This has no onions in it. She was told not to do that anymore because it makes me sick" and my brother went "but you had no problem with the dinner BEFORE I said anything. So are they too spicy?" And when he said that she started acting like "oh I need some water, oh this food is too spicy, someone get me milk" and I got yelled at. I was told I was the asshole and I shouldn't have done it. But was i the asshole?

I’m 32F. I own two houses outright - one I bought 5 years ago before we met, and one I inherited 2 years ago. Both are paid off. I’m financially independent and those properties are my main security.

My fiancé is 34M. We’ve been together 3 years, engaged 8 months. He moved in with me 2 years ago and lives rent-free. He pays for groceries and some utilities, but that’s it. He makes about half what I make.

The issues started when we talked wedding logistics:

1. The house/deed thing
2. He said if we’re getting married, his name should be on my house deeds. “It’s not fair that I live here and contribute but have no ownership. If we’re equal partners, we should be equal on paper.”
3. I said no. I offered a prenup keeping the houses as separate property, and asked him to pay fair market rent if he wants to live here.
4. His kids and debts
5. He has 2 kids from a previous marriage. He pays for their private school and says it’s a huge financial strain. He asked me to “treat them like my kids” and implied I’d help cover that after marriage. He also told me he has about $40k in personal debt from an old business that failed.
6. His reaction
7. He refused to sign a prenup, said it means I don’t trust him and I’m planning for divorce. He said asking for rent is insulting and makes him feel like a tenant, not a husband. He’s now saying I’m being greedy and that if I loved him I wouldn’t protect my assets like this.

I told him I’m not comfortable merging finances or assets when he has debt, won’t sign a prenup, and wants me to take on responsibility for his kids’ school costs. I asked him to move out and told him I’m calling off the engagement unless he agrees to a prenup.

Now he’s telling our families I’m cold and using my money to control him. My mom says I’m being too harsh and should “work it out.”

AIO for kicking him out by the end of the week and ending the engagement over this?

Update:

Thank you to everyone who commented - seriously, reading your replies helped me see this clearly.

For context on our dynamic over the 3 years we’ve been together:
He never did any childcare or housework here. I took care of the entire house. He sometimes bought groceries and paid utilities, which I mentioned before, but that was the extent of it.

He does make money, but most of it goes toward spending on himself and his kids’ school back in Europe. He doesn’t spend much on them outside of school because they live with their mom. He also has his own assets in Europe. He never wanted to marry me until now, and it’s obvious it’s because he wants the green card.

The irony is he had no problem charging me Airbnb-level rent to stay in his place when we visited his country. He can dish it out, but the second I ask for a fair split on the house we’d live in together, I’m the villain.

I’m not signing over my safety for someone who’s been using me for access. I’m single now, and honestly, I feel lighter already.

Thanks again for keeping me grounded.