Am I being the ahole to myself by staying in this relationship turned situation
Hi everyone,im a crying mess right now so I apologize in advance if the writing is off or I miss something’s.
I just realized how long this is so I also apologize 🙏🏾🙏🏾
I female (25) met E male (29) in 2023 I was single so was he and ngl the attraction was instant. we went on a date,and after that it was butterflies and roses.but he insisted that he wasn’t ready for a relationship.
I said okay but I wasn’t willing to stay because at that point we had already started hooking up. I didn’t wanna do that and all so I let it all be and shortly after, I started dating another guy who seemed serious let’s call that guy D.
Fast forward to 2024 September D broke up with me 2 months after I lost my mom and somehow E and I started speaking again. And it got serious by march 2025 we started dating by June and in hindsight,there’s alot about that back then that I ignored…like him wanting to ask me out so perfectly that he ended up not doing it because he never got to be financially stable enough to do it…anyway the relationship was going so well…till date I’m sure I’ve never loved anyone the way I love him💔😭
Anyway,December last year I left a very high paying job,because I was being pressured immensely and was harassed at work and it triggered some trauma I’ve been dealing with silently since I was a kid.
I’d never told anyone not even my sister or my bestie of 15 years.
I opened up to him on how I was SA’d as a kid repeatedly for years by my cousin and a family friend and was constantly threatened to never speak up,also how I was SA’d in 2018 but the police never believed me…and I say SA’d to try and minimize it
I was full on r**ed in both instances.
I currently suffer from seizures because one of the times I was being SA’d as a kid, in the struggle I fell and hit my head so hard,I went unconscious and long story short, my doctor believes that whatever fall I had caused it…but for the longest time no one knew what caused the fall.
The entire thing made me not want to have kids even when I wanted to have a family and i told him that I can’t stand hearing children cry,because it reminded me of how I cried back then when I was being SA’d as a child.
I broke down and acknowledged that I need therapy but I can’t afford it because I just left my job…speaking to him about it gave me the motivation to finally talk to my sister and my bestie about it and I broke down both times because of how overwhelming it was.😔
I know that was a long diversion and pardon me for it 🙏🏾 I just want everyone to understand every aspect.
Around February this year we were both financially down..it was so bad we found it hard to eat.i was still job hunting too so I was almost useless at that point.
That’s where our relationship started going downhill
He told me so many times he was unhappy with his finances
I tried so hard to help him….in anyway I could but nothing…but in as much as we were having petty fights howbeit lots of em,I thought we were solid.i truly did💔
In April we were planning a picnic and we went out one day and on our way back we got to talking about us and he said and I quote “I’ve been getting tired lately of us”
I was absolutely broken
Later that evening I called him to talk about it
I asked him do you wanna work on it?…..after a very long pause,he said no….ive never cried this much over any relationship in my life
I thought I’d found my person💔
I asked why and he couldn’t give a proper answer then, but now I have it so I’ll just drop it
He feels I won’t be able to handle kids because of “patience “(in other words I don’t have the patience needed to handle children) and he fears I’ll have a hard time with the birthing process because of seizures and pregnancy and all that. He also heavily sighted his finances and how at his age he hasn’t accomplished much and stuff…things are legit hard for him he stays with his cousin and all
He also brought up how he felt bad that I left him to date D even tho he wasn’t ready for a relationship.
He says he doesn’t wanna stay in the relationship only to leave because he’s unsure of these things
He said he has always seen me as his wife but these things have been the issues that have been giving him doubts.
I confronted him about the fact that he never encouraged me to see therapy and all that.I was willing to get help even before the relationship ended but now,it seems like it doesn’t matter.
I never use to cook even and started learning how to cook in the course of the relationship
I even started enjoying to cook again.
Anyway after the breakup he didn’t leave me alone…he kept trynna talk to me and check up on me…this followed so many attempts from me to talk to him about his real reasons for breaking up and he insisted it was all the reasons I stated above…it has now slowly turned into us hooking up again and being all lovey dovey
In the process I found out he was flirting with a colleague of his that I never liked,but he called it of and insisted they’ve never done anything and said she came close after we broke up and he was down…I might be dumb for this, but I believe him.
That being said I recently asked him if we’re working on it…because it seemed like we were and he said we will work on it if he can get his finances in check a bit, and also see changes in me in the things we spoke about
Which are my health and my so called patience with kids
It feels like we’re friends with benefits now
I believe in the kids part all I need is therapy even tho it’s was too expensive and my new job barely covers my transportation to work per month..I’m literally working to not be idle…I don’t know how I’ve been surviving…
Now I’m feeling like I’m being an ass to myself for staying
And D has been stalking me but I guess that’s a story for another day
But
I’m feeling used
I’m also scared
Very scared
Please I need advice
Real advice
What should I do
Is it okay to stay?
I’ll be in the comments