r/empathy

Why can’t I feel empathy and why do I hate everyone around me?

For some context, I (17) am currently in 10th grade. I’m president of the student council, I volunteer in elementary schools, and somehow I’m also the weird kid that became popular.

When I was younger I barely spoke. Around 6th grade I realized that the only way I could make friends was by making fun of myself and becoming the funny one.

My parents are always confused because everyone else describes me as kind, funny, friendly, outgoing, and extroverted. But they know who I really am.

I hate everyone.

I feel this constant, unexplained hatred toward the people around me. If someone upsets me, I feel intense rage and usually isolate myself because I feel like I’m going to completely lose it. I cut people off, block everyone, and disappear for days.

I find flaws in everyone. Big things and tiny things. My friends constantly skipping exams, doing things I think are stupid, little habits that shouldn’t matter. I become obsessed with people’s imperfections and eventually I can’t stand them anymore.

I genuinely feel like there is nobody I actually like.

I recently ended a 3-year friendship with my first and only best friends because I couldn’t stand being around them anymore. They were heartbroken and cried, but even now, a month later, I can’t honestly say I care. They didn’t even do anything wrong. I just started hating them.

I hate my family too, and the thing is—they’re genuinely good people. Especially my mom. She’s amazing. But I always find reasons to fuel my anger toward them.

The worst part is I don’t think I feel empathy.

I fake it constantly. I say the right things because I know I’m supposed to, but I don’t actually feel anything. I have selective empathy, I guess. I feel it for little kids, animals, and people suffering in situations like Palestine or Congo.

But when my friend’s grandma died, I didn’t care.

When my best friend was hospitalized after trying to end her life, I felt almost nothing. While she was there, our other friend tried calling me with updates and I blocked her because I wanted to sleep.

My older brother had a near-death experience and I barely felt anything, even though I love him.

And to explain how deep this goes:

I don’t want to be successful when I grow up.

I don’t dream of a big family, a career, or a perfect future. I want an office job or a minimum-wage job where I work incredibly long hours and come home to a tiny one-room apartment.

I don’t want time for friends or family.I want to be completely alone.

I love kids, Genuinely, kids make me happier than almost anything else.But I will never have children.

Because I know myself. I know I would eventually hate them too. I would resent having to constantly be there, constantly maintain a relationship, constantly give parts of myself away.

People ask me what my sexuality is and I usually say I’m not interested in relationships, and if they’re more woke I say I’m aroace.

But I don’t think that’s the full truth.I think it goes deeper than that.I honestly don’t think I’ll ever be able to have a relationship.
The idea of texting someone every day feels exhausting. The idea of living with someone genuinely scares me.

The thought of a relationship doesn’t make me excited.

It makes me feel sick to my stomach.

How do I learn empathy?

I know I sound like a horrible person. I know this all sounds awful.

I just want to be able to feel something.

I don’t want to be like this anymore.I know this probably sounds dramatic because I’m only 17, and maybe people will say I’m too young to know any of this.

But this has genuinely been ruining my life for years.

And I can’t even tell you exactly how long, because for some reason I barely remember anything beyond the last 6 months. I’m not exaggerating.

I genuinely struggle to remember huge parts of my life and I have no idea why.

I am fortunate and blessed to have the life I do. But that eats me alive. I'm really beginning to struggle to live in the world that we do. The media I consume every single day is the cause, media in which exhibits the cruel reality and brutality of the world, whether it be footage of genocide, animals being mistreated, our earth being killed. Is it better to live life with eyes closed adding to the cause, or open but to struggle in silence and limited in your commitment when it feels like everyone else who you share society with have their eyes cemented shut and their brains and hearts fuelled by ignorance?