u/DoBetter4us2024

I had a marriage that was dysfunctional from the start. We didn’t really love each other or were each other’s best friend.
But I didn’t want her to leave me, I have some abandonment issues. I haven’t heard from my ex in 20 years and only know things about her through being taken back to court over financial issues concerning her wanting more of my retirement. The anger over my choices and marrying her is dysfunctional enough. Has anyone else been in a similar situation and what helped you get past it?

I hold onto anger from 20 or more years now, I’ve made it who I am, the bitter man that people see and want to avoid. I know it’s not good for me or the people around me, but it’s always right there under the surface ready to explode. My anger comes from the decisions I have made over the years and I am not one to put on myself. I even get made about making myself accountable not only to myself but to other people also when my decision has affected them. I’m looking for thoughts, ideas and things that worked for others to try and rid myself of this anger that I bring others and myself down with. Willing to hear whatever someone has to say.

I am a person who only thinks of myself and won’t/don’t put myself in another’s place and feel what they are feeling because of the hurt I cause them. I say I’m sorry but I don’t feel the way I should for them, I will also say that I won’t do it again but I do. I want others to feel empathy for me when my feelings get hurt or I’m sad. Is there anyone who has been like I am and what/how did you do to get better and build empathy towards and for others?

I have not been action out in the usual way, I have sought out sex I have used anger and gone after the good people still in my life, one person in particular. This person has only tried to help me and get me to wake up. They have called me on the horrible person I have made a choice to be and I come at them in a passive aggressive way and pick a fight so we argue. When asked a question about my sex addiction or about my emotions I talk in circles or in vague terms be cause I don’t want to answer or I don’t like what we are talking about. I know I do it to try and frustrate them into not wanting to talk about it. They are going through a tough time now with family issues, their health and financial struggles and don’t need me making things harder but that hasn’t stopped me from coming at them. In a time I should be helping to relieve the stress and worry they are under I’m adding to it and try to make everything about me. Thank you all for letting me share.

I have let anger at my ex and I am taking away my own happiness because of it. I have snapped at other people because of it and let it ruin relationships with close friends and my own family. I don’t like it and don’t want to be angry but I am. I had a close friend tell me that my anger and regrets I have towards my ex is a way of holding on, I didn’t like hearing that.

Anyone else have this anger problem and what worked for you and helped you put it down? Thanks