I have RQ at least a dozen jobs in the past 5yrs. So much so that i'm constantly living paycheck to paycheck and don't have proper insurance for therapy.
I really do feel like a druggie who falls of the wagon- i might be a bit hooked on that high?
Tho the last job i had for nearly a year!
That's about 11 mos longer than any previous employment.
I'm so ashamed and need help
Hi everyone, i just want to vent because i think i want to know if this is normal, I don't know if i am right or wrong, if i am overreacting or it is a natural reaction to past experiences.
my dad is an angry person, very angry person. i grew up in a household where my dad couldn't talk, he only yells. he literally never spoke to me, he shouts and cusses everyone, anyone including my mom the sweetest person i have known.
his temper is unbelievable, not only that he also gets offended when someone tells him calm down and consider it talking back! i could never share or tell him anything, if i need help with something he would be the last person i would talk to. idk if i should share this but all that yelling and cursing made me or turned me into an addict, i got addicted to masturbation just so i can calm myself down, would u believe me if i tell u guys that i started masturbating around the age of 9 or maybe 10! multiple times a day, when i was younger i could do it as many as 7 times a day.
if u see me you would never tell, i am in a great shape, hardworking, and an educated person. i have a good reputation in my community and among my friends. no one knows that i touch myself coz yk teenagers tend to tell their friends about it but i never did and ppl think of highly haha.
now that i am older he can't talk shit to me and humiliate like he used and oh god he used to humiliate me in front of anyone, he even disown me once in public coz my hair is long and he doesn't like that my hair is long. my dad is so disrespectful in every possible way and i can't stand the sight of him. when he walks into my room or call my name i get so agitated and nervous. he literally can't talk without raising his voice, calls me names which he stopped coz I don't let me insult me anymore. he thinks he is god, not godlike.
i smoke cigarettes and a little of weed ever since i got back with him, not because i need him i actually left the house when i was 18, he kicked me out and got back with him this year because he needs me and in my culture i must be there for him.
weed helps me with my anger, yes i was an angry guy myself, i got it from him, i get angry quick but weed helped me tremendously. i also got addicted to sex but i stopped. i am afraid i will have to deal with addiction just so i can clear my head, i can literally hear his voice yelling at me and telling i am an idiot and stupid...
thank u for reading this long post. i hope you guys are doing amazing.
I WANNA PUNCH HIM SO BADLY!!! WHAT CAN I DO???
How do you deal with someone being SO OBNOXIOUS AND FRUSTRATING at work?
Someone who needs you to repeat the same thing OVER AND OVER again because they are so extremely SLOW?
Someone who lied and larped their way into their position?
Someone who interrupts your work to ask the most ridiculous things because they're too lazy and dumb to do their work?
Does the desire to PUNCH them ever go away?
I've been dealing with intense anger for a pretty long time. I'd say I've been an angry person for almost a decade. Like when shit happens to me, instead of venting and letting it go, I think about it for hours after the fact. I internalize a lot of stuff and replay things in my head over and over again. I also think about things people have said to me and did to me in the past. I have hate in my heart for a lot of people and am pissed off I can't do anything to them now. My thoughts often become extreme and sometimes I feel like I can end someone irl if it comes to that. Like there was this one idiot who tried to start shit with me on the road and I wanted to blow his brains out so bad. Maybe someone can relate. I know I'm not mentally healthy. I don't really care lol.
I don't know where to put this anger I feel. This unbridled rage. It has been thirty six days since my little sister killed herself. Thirty six. And life just keeps going. It does not fucking stop.... A life ended. A little girl who completed me is no longer here, and the world keeps turning, the sun goes down, comes up, birds are fucking chirping, wind is blowing. And she is dead. Her life stopped. And the world just keeps on pushing.... and pushing.... and pushing... And fucking going and we're all just fucking living, and I'm existing and she is dead.
My little sister wasn't popular. It is impossible when you come from trash. We do not have the same father(mine black and hers white)so our struggles were very different. And, I had the one advantage of my father leaving. Because, when he left, there was somewhere for me to go, where I felt like I belonged. I could always go to my Granny, while my sister just had me. And I was not always present. I'm ten years older, and my mother and I are nothing more than blood relation.
My sister called me fifty seven times the morning he took her life, and, ironically enough, I got none of the calls. I was in surgery. The surgery I told no one about. When I finally woke up and they gave me my phone, I did not look at it. I was in a lot of pain. The phone rings and rings, and I finally answer and my mother is screaming in the phone that she finally did it. And I can'teave the hospital. She left me a note. It was the password to her tablet. I opened it, and I read through every single thing. Her friends told her that they saw something online and they wanted to tell her before anyone else found out. Our mothers only fans. And, on that only fans, is my 59 year old mother, and her 60 year old bigot husband, my little sisters father, having sex with two men. Both of them.
Sometimes, I like to pretend that my little sister is alive. I talk to her sometimes. At night, I swear that I can see her....or feel her...or smell her perfume. She always smelled like cookies and vanilla sugar and bubble gum. And her laugh was ridiculous. And when I'm done pretending, I am filled with so much anger and hatred. My mother... Is taking none of the responsibility but enjoying the pay out. The donations, the free food, the sympathy. She is enjoying all of it, while I sit in an empty apartment talking to the walls.
I told her what happened and what my sister saw, and she said: "It's just sex. Grow up." I drove six hours back home, knocked on her door, and attacked her. She called the police and I took a tire iron to ant and everything I could before they got there. I got arrested and bailed out, drove back and attacked her again. And arrested again. The officer drove me down thirty minutes into town and dropped me off at a diner and told me that if he sees me again, he'll have me under the jail,but to take care because he feels so bad.... Apparently, my baby sister was a good kid.
I went home and told my little sister all about it... I have her ashes. My mother didn't fight me for them, so I have the teddy bear urn sitting by my bedside so she can sleep with me. And I keep the light on for her because I know she's scared of the dark.
Tomorrow, the sun will rise, and everyone gets up and they go on with life, and they enjoy life, and she will be dead. And my mother will get more money to drink up. And her husband can pretend to be happy. And I'll talk to the walls until I can do nothing but crawl under the bed and cry. And then I'll go to work.
We have court in a few weeks. My dad said my mother will probably not pursue charges if he pays her, but that isn't smart. I want her to pursue them.
there is this boy in my class whose presence makes so mad, last year we used to be good friends but then he got a slight glow up and changed his personality slightly, he became more calm. however, we still stayed friends, and it's not that he didn't like me, but it's that i didn't like him anymore, him approaching me,speaking with me, shaking my hand, or touching me in any way makes me so mad and i end up yelling at him for reasons i don't know. This is more severe when he speaks with my bsf, i don't like her talking with him not because i'm jealous, but because he acts with her like i do, and i don't like when people act like me, especially not with my bsf. He often asks me why i'm mad at him and i just tell him to get lost because i myself don't know. And no, i have never had even the slightest romantic interest in him.
I get angry by the littlest things, everything is like a trigger and pisses me the fuck off. I hate everyone and everything. Hate people. Hate the world. Hate normal things and structure and life and even a "how are you" pisses me off.