u/Total-Throat-4030

I’m 19F and have gone through one of the toughest years of my life. The only difference is that I’m genuinely starting to develop a hatred for people, their contribution to my pain, and just random happiness and success from others accomplishments. I have never been angry or felt the way I feel now, ever. How do I cope and work through it before it manifest into a bigger problem?

I’ve been obsessed with this girl for years that I was in a situationship with. She’d always entertain me until she truly found the girl she wanted to make her girlfriend. I was very dumb and naive so I kept chasing. We’d always fall out or I’d be randomly blocked out of nowhere. Recently, there’s been events that solidifies this thing is nothing special to her and everything to me. I’m trying to move on. But it is hard to not stalk, be impulsive, and slip into this wishful thinking about us. I feel so creepy because it was always easy for the to throw me away yet I’ve gotten attached by things that normal people wouldn’t see as a big deal. I’ve spent years stalking when we were in no contact before I’d break it and it’s become a habit. I stare at her pictures of profile for hours. I pretend like she’s in the room with me in my mind. I rehearse conversations between her and me with her taking accountability for the things she’s done that’s hurt me. I think about her every second of the day (no exaggeration). And I just feel like a creep. Why can’t I let someone who’s clearly showed me time and time again that they’re not good for me??? And why am I so obsessed?? Any advice would be better.

I chased a girl the entirety of my last two years of high-school and I’m very fucking bitter. I met her in the mall with my friends back in 11th grade. She’s known in different towns as Simba, so I’ll refer to her as that in replace of her real name. I went up to her originally thinking she was a cute guy until I realized she wasn’t.but It didn’t really make much of an issue since I was open to dating girls. Simba had this very chill yet cocky demeanor and still does to this very day. I was very shy and timid so when she kept coming up to me after I asked her for her number, I decided to follow through with talking to her. We figured out pretty quickly that we were complete opposites but it didn’t stop how great the chemistry was when talking to each other on FaceTime. I had strict parents and a limit on things I was allowed to do while she lived a very fast life and partook in things much older people do and prioritize. Looking back, I think me being sheltered was exactly why I got as attached as I am now. We opened up so quick to each other and she made me feel things a boy couldn’t. She was a such a sweet talker and just said all the right things. I was a very awkward girl and she reassured me that I was beautiful just the way I was. One day she asks me out on date but would end up ghosting and blocking me the next day for girl that’ll later be the current gf she’s with now. I was shattered to find out the girl I fell so fast for was a known player and fuck boy. I had never felt something more intense with people I’ve spoken to in person than I did with her and she made me feel so good about myself and reassured me it was okay to be a late bloomer with things. I didn’t understand that people can say whatever not mean it. I also didn’t believe people can do the meanest things and really mean it the way they did. I continuously reached out to her chasing unknowingly putting myself in this weird “situationship” that would fall apart every-time a girl she was seeing entered the picture. Almost every girl was older with her own apartment or just early 20s was the same edge to them she has. I felt/feel so childish and insecure compared to them since I go to school. It sometimes felt like she knew my situation with my strict household would make me the perfect side piece for her as her being with the girls in person wouldn’t overlap with talking to me as much as she did. For the two years of on and off chaos of her saying she doesn’t like me but then doing another, we got even closer in the the process, where it sometimes overlapped with her gfs at the time which…I’m definitely not proud of. What she had me doing didn’t register until it was too late with her using it against me as to why we can’t be together as if she wasn’t a cheater since she was 13. She also didn’t tell me she had gf and watered it down to her “talking to someone.” It genuinely hurt me a lot to know I was used for when she got bored at her gf. Eventually her and that girl fizzled out and she magically had enough feelings for me again to agree to take my virginity. I told her how I never senates to do that with anybody until her and how much that meant to me only for her to flip a switch again and cut me off because she started dating one of her exes before anything happened. She had finally broke my heart because I realized it’s never gonna be me she takes serious. We got into a very bad argument about how I felt like she gave me mixed signals while she claimed I’m delusional and do too much. 5 months later she cheated on that same ex with the girl she ghosted me for two years prior. I recently reached 7 months after in June hoping to talk again. She told me we could be friends but strictly that since she had a gf which was different from her usual fuck bit behavior. We were being platonic but there were things like remembering small details about me and asking me if I was allowed to be out more as I’m commuting to my local community college that made me start wondering if they’re actually was something and I wasn’t just delusional. But I push that feeling down deep inside me so we can stay platonic. I thought we were finally on the same page and I could just have her in my life. I woke up one day to be blocked again. I didn’t reach out again. I just blocked her on everything because I didn’t overstep boundaries or do anything. I recently Simba’s gf aka the girl she ghosted
me from the start, got her name tatted, and that they live together. It really hurts that I fell in love with a person who was never really seeing me or planned on having me in their life. I was just very hard to get rid of. I also feel like I wasted that first love feeling on something so shitty. I wanted to believe it was just obsession until I try to talk to other people and realize I really did love her. Regardless if I bonded with her in person or not. I don’t know how to put away all this anger in this feeling of me being creepy and stupid. I also don’t know how to move on knowing she’s happy after making me sad for two years. What do I do?

I am so bitter and jealous of everybody. I’m a 19F and it’s been almost a year since I’ve graduated highschool. I grew up with strict parent but thought I still had a good social life. I had best friends, did sports, and everyone knew me pretty well. After Highschool, I’m struggling with the fact that I may have never had friends like I thought I did. The people i spent the most time with I don’t ever talk to. don’t get invited anywhere, I don’t get calls, and no one checks up on me unless I text them first. I moved 30 minutes away from town and commute to my local community college. A lot of the friends I have in mind while writing this, did not decide to go to college and live with their parents atm. I’ve made so many excuses to why the plans will never work out, why they stopped calling me, why they can’t do the things friends do to the point I couldn’t anymore. Every single of them I know has job. Some have some sort of vehicle and with lots of time on their hands. The only thing I didn’t realize was they have been making time for the people in their lives they want to make time for and I wasn’t one of them. This really stings because I feel like I’ve gone through some of my hardest times this period. It was like nobody cared. I don’t know what I did to be forgotten. I don’t know what I did never be considered. I was there for everybody, celebrated everybody, been the best of a friend I could be and yet I’m alone. In my hardest and most confusing time, nobody opened their arms for anything. Not comfort, solidarity, nothing. I get angry when I see people hanging out and doing new things online. It went from only being mad at my friends, to being mad my associates, to being mad at anyone enjoying life. I deleted almost every social media like Instagram and Snapchat in hopes to feel better but I still don’t. I’m always ruminating about the time I wasted, the people who did me wrong, the friends who are no longer my friends, and just wonder why the hell are they enjoying life and I’m stuck in the situation I’m in. I’ve done nothing to anybody. To make things worse, My parents are holding back, teaching me life skills like learning how to drive. So even if I wanted to do something by myself I wouldn’t be able to transport myself there as where we live don’t have any transportation or places that are a walking distance. I just feel so incredibly trapped and lonely. I even reached out to an old Situation-ship looking for friendship and they agreed to strictly be friends out of respect of their girlfriend. It was going fine for two weeks until I was randomly blocked one day. I don’t know what that was about but I think I’ve reached a point where I am just fucking done with everyone and everything. The sad part about this to me is how I have never felt this way in my life.

I recently reached out to my old situation-ship to be friends again. Context: We met two years ago and exchanged numbers after we found each other cute. That quickly ended when they ghosted me for another girl (current gf in the future.) Me being the dumb 16 year old I was made me constantly reach out and restart the cycle of talking and having an abrupt end from a fall out/them choosing another girl over me each passing year. I’ll be honest and say they told me they didn’t like me. But every-time I’d fall back they’d always reel me in closer. One time it was explicitly said that they were jealous I showed interest in somebody else. Last summer was the worse falling out we’d ever had. I asked If they would unblock my main Instagram account 3 times as they were actively trying to avoid doing it. This apparently sent them over the edge and they no longer wanted to talk to me anymore. I told them I was tired of getting mixed signals and my feelings entertained just to only be downplayed by technicality being the reason they don’t need to give me things like reassurance and focus when I don’t have the gf label. They said they communicated their feelings to me already, said that I do too much, and that I don’t take no for an answer. Basically claiming I was delusional. The next day I find out they started dating an ex they bragged about to me once because she went viral for being pretty. (Which didn’t really matter as much as they made it seem since they cheated on her with the current gf 5 months later) I blocked them and we didn’t speak for a very long time until I reached out again. During those months, unrelated issues had caused me to self reflect on a lot things. I came to the conclusion that I could have projected my feelings on them when it probably wasn’t how they actually felt. I genuinely cared about them and liked our bond so I wanted to do things the right way. They agreed to being friends and only that to respect their gf. The conversation was friendly but it always felt a little weird with the small details of me they’d remember and questions they had for me when we were catching up. They saw me one time late at night at the complex they live in and asked me if I was allowed to be out more since my parents were strict during high school. I said yes and that I moved out of town. Instead of asking me how it is or why I moved there, they tell me how decent of a drive it is and that it’s only 30 minutes away from them. They were also happy I could finally go places alone. I know it’s just casual conversation but something about that kind of set me off and I had to push the thought of us being anything but friends out of my mind. I successfully did that and everything seemed fine. I take a nap one day and wake up to find myself blocked yet again. Surprisingly, my feelings aren’t hurt this time nor do I care to know the reason why I was blocked like I usually would. I also blocked them on everything so if they randomly decide to look me up they couldn’t. So it’s safe to say I’ll never reach out again. I just thought we were finally on the same page and could just have a healthy bond. But I’m tired of chasing someone who’s been running away from me the moment they met me. Romantic or platonic I just don’t want it anymore.

I’m a 19F that reached out to an old “situationship” a few weeks ago. I met them at the mall when I was 16 and we exchanged numbers bc we found each other cute.
That shortly ended because they blocked me for the girl they’re currently with (they were not a thing majority of this timeline). For two years, I would always reach out and we’d start talking again. We were “friends” but somehow would always end up saying or doing things that friends just wouldn’t do.

I’ll admit that they did tell me they didn’t feel the same way abt me…but every time I’d fall back from them they’d reel me in closer. Last summer we had a terrible falling out because I claimed they would act hot and cold with me and only bring up labels when it benefited them in the moment.

They told me that they don’t have to give me reassurance because I’m not their gf and that I was basically just delusional. A day later I find out they got back with their ex from 4 years ago. She always went viral on social media for being pretty that they would passively flex to me. (They would cheat on her with the same girl I was ghosted for back then/current gf and create huge internet drama about it, 5 months later.) and because of that I was really hurt and blocked them.

Months go by with no contact and I began to self reflect from things unrelated to this. I came to the conclusion that I projected my feelings onto them when that might have never been how they truly felt. So I reached out again to set the record straight because I genuinely cared about them and liked our bond.

They agreed that we could be friends because we were never able to see each other to go all the way and to keep it strictly platonic out of respect of their gf. I was completely fine with that. We caught up and chatted but the vibe felt like the old dynamic was still lingering despite the conversations being very friendly. I especially felt it when they constantly brought up all the little stuff I told them about myself after I was convinced it wasn’t that deep of a connection for them to remember very small or personal things. For example: They brought up seeing me at the apartment complex they moved into late at night and asked me if I was allowed to be out more because my parents were really strict when I was in high school. We were raised the complete opposite and are total opposites. I told them I moved to a new town and without asking me how it is relocating they instead brought up how much of a decent drive it was and that it was “only” 30 minutes and how they were finally happy that I was now allowed to go anywhere at any time. I know that’s a causal response but it set me off. 

I pushed that feeling down because I thought I was being delusional how I was last time so I rationalized it and told myself that it’s not enough to assume such things to bury the thought. One day I was taking a nap and woke up to being blocked. Which is funny because it’s the same way I found out I was blocked the first time they did that two years ago.

Them blocking me surprisingly didn’t hurt my feelings at all like how it did every other time. I’m just very confused. I followed the rules they set and we had been talking the other day before it happened.

I blocked them on everything so if they ever decide to look me up, they can’t. I’m done chasing a bond with someone who’s been running away from me since they’ve met me. I just thought we were on the same page with what we were and we could finally do things right this time.

TL;DR: I got blocked from an old Situationship two weeks later after we agreed to be friends.

Hi Reddit!! I’m a 19F and It’ll soon be a year since I’ve graduated high school and seven months since I moved 30 minutes away from my hometown. I commute to a local community college and mostly stay home.
I always knew friendships would shift after high school, but I wasn't prepared for what that would look like or what that could be. During high school, my parents were very strict. I couldn't really go anywhere except specific places the mall or movies, and I was never allowed to go to sleepovers until Junior and Senior year, but I still had a great social life—I did sports, went to school events, had a good social media presence, and pretty much everyone knew me. Because I didn't drink or smoke, my bonds were built during school hours or over endless FaceTime calls along with places they knew my parents wouldn’t mind letting me go to.

Now that I’ve graduated, my parents completely flipped and gave me total freedom. I was so excited to finally hang out with my friends, only to realize I didn't actually have any to begin with. I was just someone they knew because we were stuck in the same building for four years.

Over the last year, I’ve had to cut off three people I considered my best friends. Looking back, the timeline of how everything fell apart still hurts:

My first bestfriend was someone I started drifting immediately after high school when she got into a heavy partying crowd. I started hearing rumors and finding out she was engaging in some really reckless and nasty stuff like going to trap houses, getting into sketchy hotel situations with older dudes, lots of internet drama etc. I had never been into that lifestyle, and she was always trying to do things like that before she got her freedom as well. so while it was disappointing, I wasn't shocked when we completely fell off.

The second bestfriend I had to break things off with cut incredibly deep. We had been best friends since the 8th grade. I supported her through absolutely everything: terrible relationships, toxic friendships, her toxic mother, and even comforting her through grief like the death of her grandmother. I’d do grand gestures for her like ask her to home coming, and plan little silly dates after she had a bad situation with a boy. I’d let her stay up all night and talk about her feelings. So much to the point where it became all about her and a problem if it wasn’t. But unfortunately because of our history I didn’t see that way.

We ended because of something so incredibly stupid. I asked her for some Dubai chocolate, and it blew up into a massive argument where she turned around and called me a "gaslighter and a manipulator." because I wasn’t hiding the fact I was upset about it. That was the only time I’ve ever asked her for anything. She then claims that I was never there for and if she told me about myself in the third person I would tell her to not be friends with me. It was the most digusting thing ever because that wasn’t true at all. I would always be so drained with her because of how much she took and didn’t give. And it wasn’t like she was just saying that to seem like the victim, she GENUINELY believed that’s how I treated her. What really turned me off was when she still expected me to want to be friends with her still after she said the most degrading things to my character. In her eyes her telling me “If I didn’t care about you. YOU wouldn’t be having this conversation with ME right now.” as if that proves she fucking cares about me but she’s deciding to talk to me. In that moment I realized she didn't actually like me as a person but just liked having me around for emotional support and what I could do for her. This hurt me to my core because I wasted years on a person making so many excuses. When really all the selfish shit she did in the past she was knowledgeable about.

The third best friend was my closest high school friend and the last straw. We talked and saw each other every single day. Had inside jokes, told each other everything, the whole bestfriend package. Over the summer, I tried repeatedly to link up with her, but she was always working, already had plans, or just didn’t have any money in general. In October, she canceled a movie date the day of. I was always so patient with her because she never had a car or a job yet, so I used to always orchestrate rides for her and pay if I wanted to see her. But one day, when I saw her posting pictures at the movies with her boyfriend, I started to realize that she always had time and rides for her boyfriend, and her other friends except for me. When she finally got a car and a job, the reasons started to feel like complete bullshit to me.

A few weeks ago was my birthday. She texted me "happy birthday," and I jokingly replied with my CashApp link. She said, "I got you when I have it twin." I knew it was BS, because even though it was a joke I’d seen her online buying food for people she barely knew and volunteer driving random girls her boyfriend was cool with places. A few days later, I saw some Strawberry Shortcake socks at Five Below (she loves Strawberry Shortcake). I took a picture, texted her saying they reminded me of her and that I missed her. No response. This was the last straw. I broke our Snapchat streaks and stopped texting her. We’re still friends online and stuff but I just don’t try to text first. I’ve accepted that if this falls off it just falls off.

I've been battling extreme loneliness ever since then. I watch people from my high school hang out on social media and I feel so jealous and confused. Why am I never considered? And what am I missing that stops me from being memorable? These weren't random acquaintances these were people who told me to my face that we were great friends.

My follower count on Instagram hit 1,000 recently, and the higher the number went, the lonelier I felt. Having all the "likes" and fake digital support from people whose actual presence I craved became too much to the point I started being jealous of associates hanging out with their friends. It got so bad that I deleted Instagram a month ago.

2 weeks ago I hit up my old situation-ship saying how much I missed them. (I’ve had feeling for them for over 2 years) but it would always usually end with a falling out, then ghosting me for another girl, or wanting to end things bc they got a gf. I asked if we could be friends again in January but they said no because they were talking to someone. This time they said, yeah, but they had a girlfriend and since we never did anything, we could be cool, but it was strictly that. I don’t know if I was gonna act on my feelings or not but I know I just wanted to be friends. I missed her and I just felt lonely from all the other ending friendships. It seemed pretty good, it was just genuine casual We didn’t talk every day but when we did, it was good. They remembered a lot of things I told them about myself and it kind of made me feel weird, but I decided to push that in the back of my mind and not assume things. Yesterday, I woke up from a nap to find out that I was blocked yet again. We had spoken to each other the other day. I don’t really feel sad over this one after all the other bonds that ended because I learned that people do what they’re gonna do. So I blocked them on everything and I genuinely will not fucking talk to them ever again.

I do have a solid group of friends right now that I met through volleyball, and we play at the gym every Friday. I am incredibly thankful for them, but they are all guys. I love them, but it’s a totally different dynamic. I am still completely starving for a genuine female bond, and it feels like I'm starting from scratch.

Has anyone else dealt with losing literally everyone after high school? How do you even begin to make new, genuine girl friends when you're a commuter college student?