Everything was going fine, we were talking every day, and then he fell sick and after recovering started ghosting me, so I just directly asked for a heads up if he doesn't want to talk, and he said yes, he does not feel like texting and won't text now because he feels my energy is a little too much. I do not even understand what he means
I’ve been dating my boyfriend for about 8 months. Around 3 months into the relationship, I had an ectopic pregnancy and had to undergo emergency surgery where my right fallopian tube was removed. That experience affected me deeply emotionally because I’ve always wanted kids and a family someday, especially since I lost my mom when I was 6.
After the surgery, my mental health got really bad and our relationship became very unstable. We’ve broken up and gotten back together multiple times. During fights, he tends to completely disappear for hours or even longer ,no calls or texts and I end up begging, crying, and panicking. I know he has a very avoidant personality, while I have a very anxious attachment style.
The thing is, now that I look back, I feel like a lot of the fights may also have been caused by my own behavior. I became very insecure, overly emotional, and reactive because I constantly felt unloved or ignored. Most of our fights were over “small” things like him not giving me enough time, poor communication, me overthinking, etc. But we also never properly talked through issues, so everything just kept building up.
Now I genuinely can’t tell:
Is this relationship unhealthy/incompatible?
Or did trauma and my anxious attachment ruin something that could’ve worked?
Another thing weighing on me is that after the surgery, I’m scared it’ll be harder for me to find another relationship or build a family in the future, so part of me stays because of fear too.
I really want honest advice, especially from people who’ve experienced attachment issues, grief, or relationship trauma.
I feel completely trapped in my life right now and I don’t know what the right decision is anymore.
I just turned 18 today, and on my birthday my aunt told me that if I continue seeing my boyfriend or continue the relationship, I’ll need to find somewhere else to live because she thinks the relationship is too toxic and doesn’t want it affecting the household anymore.
For context, my boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years. There has been cheating and toxic/abusive behavior in the relationship before, and I know from the outside people probably think the answer is obvious. But I love him deeply, and I honestly think we have a trauma bond, which makes everything feel so much harder emotionally.
I lost my parents when I was young, so attachment and fear of abandonment are huge issues for me. He’s become such a major part of my emotional support system, daily life, and comfort that the idea of cutting him off feels unbearable to me. At the same time, I’m scared of being hurt again. I still think about the cheating constantly and worry he could do something like that again or hurt me emotionally in another way.
What makes this even harder is that he’s not in a good situation mentally or emotionally himself, and I’m genuinely scared that if I fully leave him or cut him off, he could spiral into depression or hurt himself. I also feel terrified to even tell him what my aunt said because I think he might decide on his own to stop talking to me completely so I don’t lose my housing or damage my family relationships further.
The problem is, I already feel like I’ve ruined those relationships anyway. Before my 18th birthday I secretly stayed the night with him, and since then things with my family have become horrible. My sister didn’t even come to my birthday today and hasn’t spoken to me since. I feel like I’ve already thrown away parts of my relationship with my family over this relationship, which makes me feel even more attached to him because now it feels like he’s all I really have left emotionally.
I feel stuck between:
- staying with someone I love but risking my housing/family support and possibly getting hurt again
- or leaving someone I’m deeply attached to and feeling completely alone and guilty
The worst part is that I’ve become so overwhelmed by all of this that sometimes I start feeling like my life is such a mess that the only way out is to stop existing entirely. I have been depressed most of my life, my mother committed suicide when I was 8. I think that’s part of the reason I’ve always seen it as an option if things got too hard. And as an opportunity to maybe see my parents again if there is something after we die.
I believe in God but it’s hard to be certain there is something there when you die if you are planning on killing yourself. You want to be hopeful that there is something there and it’s not just nothingness but at the same time I cant help but wonder if I’m going to end up cutting the only experience of this life, the only awareness of the universe I’ll ever get. And then that’s it. Of course it will happen one day and I’ll die but it is hard to make the decision to stop the experience of life early without the 100% reassurance and proof that there is some kind of peace or heaven after death. I genuinely feel emotionally exhausted and trapped and I don’t know how to move forward.
I only have a few days to tell my aunt if I am done with him or if I am looking for a new place to live. The only plan I have is the note I’d leave behind when I end my life. I think I would spiral into the worst depression and darkness of my life if I gave him up. But I’m also not satisfied being with someone who I don’t trust to not cheat on me. I don’t get why my brain works this way, anyone reading must think I’m an idiot and it’s so obvious what I need to do and leave. But I can’t help but love him and feel empty without him.
I would really appreciate advice, especially from people who’ve experienced trauma bonds, toxic relationships, family ultimatums, or feeling emotionally dependent on someone
(so for privacy obviously all names i use will be fake) and there will be time jumps and boring stuff left out .i met caleb in 2023 on this app where you can talk to people and make friends, from memory it was called wizz. we chatted for a little then i gave him my number and we would text often. i told my best friend abby at the time that i had met him and it turns out she was best friends with him and he had just gotten out of the mental hospital. i didn't care and wouldn't judge someone based on mental health so i didn't ask too much about it but he later told me it was because of an ex girlfriend and he ended up severely depressed. we end up liking each other but never dated because i was too scared to commit. there were a lot of ups and downs in our friendship but even if months went by we would end up talking and hanging out again. forward to late-ish 2024 we find out he was talking to a girl who was freshly 14 and he was 18, he made it seem like he didn't know and that nothing happened but we spoke to her and she told us they'd had sex and after finding out her age he still engaged in activities with her. that was a big thing and didn't speak to him until 2025 because i wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. at that point i'd become friends with my ex best friend kaylen who was 16. we went to sleepover at his house, he was there with his boyfriend and i went with abby and kaylen. we were all drinking (except for kaylen ofc) and then we went to sleep. in the morning when his boyfriend james and abby left it was just us 3 left. we were on the bed with him and he was laying in kaylens lap and she was just playing with his hair. he then asked us to play truth or dare or some stupid shit and we said okay sure. after the usual random stuff he asked to kiss us both then insinuated wanting a threesome. no thanks. also found he had sex tapes from ex girlfriends on his phone?? which he bragged abt btw. fast forward a month later i wanted to get out of the house because i HATED being home so i'd be willing to do and say anything to get out so i asked him if he could come pick me up and he said why so i said some stuff i shouldn't have because him and his boyfriend were in an open relationship and i knew he's always wanted to sleep with me so that got him to say yes which it shouldn't have taken that but anyway. he asked his boyfriend and he was fine with it. i went there with 0 intention to do anything just wanting to leave my house and be with a friend. we cuddled up, held hands and watched a musical and then he asked if i wanted to kiss and i got nervous because i have never kissed a boy before so i just got all shy and avoided it but he kept asking and pushing and getting slightly aggressive so i messaged my nan to come and get me, it was around 11pm. i said i had to go home and babysit my siblings and he got really weird and tried to grab my phone so my other friend liam drove out to wait with me until my nan got there (i told him too). caleb watched through his window then came to the front door, saw us standing outside liam's car and walked back inside. liam lied and told everyone i said caleb raped me, NEVER would i ever lie about something like that so i cut him off.
after that whole thing and word got around everyone hated me and i was getting call after call. i lost abby, and a couple months later they vandalised my house. i called caleb and he denied it even though deep down i knew it was him i believed him. it was him, abby and his boyfriend. oh and some random bitch who was extremely irrelevant. we went to the police and a 'case' was made, a LOT of people had a go at him for it including my boyfriend. but mostly me. i was so mean and disgusting but i was pissed and hurt. then his boyfriend broke up with him. he killed himself that same year. after talking to abby she said his boyfriend breaking up with him and the whole vandalism thing broke him. i felt so bad and even though i hated him and resented him for all the shit he did it felt like part of it was my fault and deep down when i think about it i just think of the guy i met who felt like my other half.
sorry this is so long and if some of it is irrelevant and ik a lot of what i did was wrong and i have wanted to kill myself for it but there's nothing i can do but beat myself up for it every day
edit: some dates are wrong, met him in 2022 and the incidents for from early 2023 to mid 2024 ish, jm sorrh j was very emotional writing this and got mixed up
hi, to sum up my situation i’ve been dating this guy for two years and he’s pretty great, he doesn’t start fights or get jealous easily but at the same time, he doesn’t do anything. he doesn’t buy me gifts unless it’s my birthday or christmas, he doesn’t take me out on dates (even something simple like going ti the park), he’s just incompetent. whenever we do go somewhere i have to plan everything. the navigation, where to eat, what to bring, stuff like that.
he’s also very immature. he always makes stupid cringy jokes and acts like a kid. even when i get irritated with him he tries to get out of it like a kid would (he tries to guilt trip, says he’s just stupid and he’ll do better, or buys me gifts to convince me not to be mad at him when he never buys gifts for me otherwise). it sounds stupid, but i don’t know if he does it maliciously, or if he’s just that dumb. whenever i bring these issues up he tries making things right, but in the end he goes back to his manchild ways. no matter how many times i’ve told him what i want he never changes.
it upsets me because in all other aspects he’s great, and i love our relationship. i just want a guy that loves me the way i want and he might not be that guy. i know it’s not the end of the world if we break up, but he’s already met my family and i’ve met his, we’re pretty committed (plus he might have bought us concert tickets that i CANNOT miss).
i’ve had a massive crush on this guy from my class, i know nothing about him except that he’s emo and has a few pins on his bag of bands that i like. i know it’s unfair to my boyfriend because i totally made up a whole relationship in my head with his emo guy and im just delusional. i want so bad to break up with my boyfriend because ive given him so many chances and try to shoot my shot with this guy but i know it can’t.
also, not to sound too depressing but i know im not the most attractive girl ever, and realistically, i know my boyfriend isn’t either. we’re kinda meant for each other in the sense that we’re just not attractive enough to date anyone else, so i know i have no chance with this emo guy or any other guy for that matter
maybe i should just stay with my mediocre boyfriend because in reality i can’t get anything better lol
So my bf (36) and I (41) have been together for 10 years and recently bought a home together in November. He has started to game pretty much every night and on the weekends he tends to stay up super late and falls asleep on the sofa and doesn’t come to bed at all. This follows on to him sleeping in most mornings while I keep myself occupied waiting for him to wake up. I’d like to add that we have no children.
I keep bringing up the fact that this is ruining our relationship but he doesn’t seem to get it. He says to stop nagging him and that we get our ‘time’ together watching telly or hanging out before he starts gaming but it’s really starting to piss me off. I feel like we are roommates at this point but how do I get through to him that this is affecting our relationship? Am I overreacting? I’d love to hear your thoughts and opinions on this.
Struggling with crippling depression, grief, autism, etc., just getting out of a SH relapse, all because everyone has succeeded in convincing me that everything is my fault. Even my therapist is giving up on me because I'm just so horrible. No matter what I do I'm always the bad person or the person who started it. No matter how nice I try to be, people only see me for my past mistakes and bad moments. Even when I know for a fact I'm not at fault, I'm still tempted to punish myself in some way because I just know in my heart that it's gonna be my fault no matter what.
This first paragraph was kinda vague, so I'll elaborate: a friend who emotionally abused me and abandoned me had left me hurting for a long time. They'd constantly threaten suicide if they didn't get what they wanted, and when I try to talk to my partner about them, my partner says that they had every right to leave me. My dad also called me a bully when I was in elementary school because of my undiagnosed autism making me act out in class. I even blame myself for my dog dying of cancer because I feel like I ignored the signs.
Sometimes I wish I could just be seen as the victim for once, just once, in my life. I wish people would stop looking at me as some sort of unlovable monster. I wish I could stop seeing myself as a monster, but I just can't.
Crying right now cuz I need to visit a dentist but I’m so scared due to getting scammed by them previously and other painful visits. And on top of that, being broke does not help. Why dentist ppl lie to their patients so much why cant they just fix the problem and make jt look pretty. I’m so tired of being lied to by doctors who are supposed to be there to help you.
I brush my teeth everyday and floss couple of times a week. Ever since my last cleaning done (it was very very painful) my gums bleed a lot since. I’m tired of being a women in this world. It’s so hard for us and nobody but us seem to understand this. Everything constantly seem to hurt I just want a break and be cared for and loved.