Anonymous vent
Hello. I am 17 years old and in a really rough space at the moment.
I have had a lot of bad things happen in my life and i have lost trust for society and people.
I recently joined this discord server in my country (my country is quite small and isolated) and made some friends. It was good at first, sharing banter and having fun. One of the members of the server was slowly getting more and more annoyed by me over time (i am not good at socializing and make a lot of awkward mistakes) and eventually he started insulting me or calling me "it" or "this thing" and it really hurt me.
I eventually got fed up with him and told him that his partner deserves better, and then he went crazy and started bullying me and all of his friends in the server were joining in too.
They all hated me for the mistakes I made also (i find it hard to trust people and always ask if they care about me or hate me repeatedly, and I ask if I should end it all)
I have had a lot of trauma and depression and loneliness and it affects my choices.
I eventually left and they started stalking and harassing me in other servers.
Today one of my friends (now ex-friend) mentioned in the server about some false rumors about me being a zoophile from another server by bullies and now everyone is believing it and making the rumors alive again. Im scared everybody I know might think I did something I never did and never will do because its disgusting and horrible and I dont like being associated with that. They also go to the same conventions as I go to and might confront me there or tell all my friends about something they believe i did when i never did do it.
I feel really sad that a lot of people hate me, and I feel heartbroken that this may affect my reputation for the future and find it hard to make friends or find a partner or people who will care about me.
I have made a lot of mistakes in life and some mistakes have led me to this downfall, but I just want it all to go away. I want it to be over and for people to leave me alone. im scared this might chase me through life forever and everybody will think im something that im not.
if you could talk to me about this and try give me advice, it would mean a lot. thanks so much