I was groomed by a cousin older than me, from 8 or younger until probably 12? He normalized sexual things on me and my brother (3.5 age gap between me and him) and it made me reenact it on him when i was 11 to early 14. At 14 I got ahold of my sense and apologized and swore to never do those things again. He forgave me. He still does, but i still feel like a horrible predator or something along those lines.

nowadays, i'm 17, my brother is 13 and my cousin is in his 20s. He still forgives me, said i changed and grew and i'm not the horrible things i think of myself, but we both despise our cousin, especially since I talked to him and he didn't seem to care, or just shrugged it off.

I've talked to everybody I can, I know this is a therapy matter but I've tried literally anything and my parents disprove, hate, and don't approve of therapy.

I've gotten answers everywhere, most think i was just a kid who made harmful mistakes, not a rapist or predator or abuser but my mind always seems to rush to call me the worst of things, I even talked to a stopitnow crisis line person and they said i was just a kid doing hurtful things as well.

honestly I suspect it's ocd but I can't get a diagnosis because my parents. I remember I time where I tried telling them about my cousin as a kid and they didn't believe me. I still love them but they make this all so difficult, they shelter us constantly and they wont even let me get a job

Am I an evil or horrible predator??

I was groomed by a cousin older than me, from 8 or younger until probably 12? He normalized sexual things on me and my brother (3.5 age gap between me and him) and it made me reenact it on him when i was 11 to early 14. At 14 I got ahold of my sense and apologized and swore to never do those things again. He forgave me. He still does, but i still feel like a horrible predator or something along those lines.

nowadays, i'm 17, my brother is 13 and my cousin is in his 20s. He still forgives me, said i changed and grew and i'm not the horrible things i think of myself, but we both despise our cousin, especially since I talked to him and he didn't seem to care, or just shrugged it off.

I've talked to everybody I can, I know this is a therapy matter but I've tried literally anything and my parents disprove, hate, and don't approve of therapy.

I've gotten answers everywhere, most think i was just a kid who made harmful mistakes, not a rapist or predator or abuser but my mind always seems to rush to call me the worst of things, I even talked to a stopitnow crisis line person and they said i was just a kid doing hurtful things as well.

honestly I suspect it's ocd but I can't get a diagnosis because my parents. I remember I time where I tried telling them about my cousin as a kid and they didn't believe me. I still love them but they make this all so difficult, they shelter us constantly and they wont even let me get a job

Am I an evil or horrible predator??

I was groomed by a cousin older than me, from 8 or younger until probably 12? He normalized sexual things on me and my brother (3.5 age gap between me and him) and it made me reenact it on him when i was 11 to early 14. At 14 I got ahold of my sense and apologized and swore to never do those things again. He forgave me. He still does, but i still feel like a horrible predator or something along those lines.

nowadays, i'm 17, my brother is 13 and my cousin is in his 20s. He still forgives me, said i changed and grew and i'm not the horrible things i think of myself, but we both despise our cousin, especially since I talked to him and he didn't seem to care, or just shrugged it off.

I've talked to everybody I can, I know this is a therapy matter but I've tried literally anything and my parents disprove, hate, and don't approve of therapy.

I've gotten answers everywhere, most think i was just a kid who made harmful mistakes, not a rapist or predator or abuser but my mind always seems to rush to call me the worst of things, I even talked to a stopitnow crisis line person and they said i was just a kid doing hurtful things as well.

honestly I suspect it's ocd but I can't get a diagnosis because my parents. I remember I time where I tried telling them about my cousin as a kid and they didn't believe me. I still love them but they make this all so difficult, they shelter us constantly and they wont even let me get a job

I was groomed by a cousin older than me, from 8 or younger until probably 12? He normalized sexual things on me and my brother (3.5 age gap between me and him) and it made me reenact it on him when i was 11 to early 14. At 14 I got ahold of my sense and apologized and swore to never do those things again. He forgave me. He still does, but i still feel like a horrible predator or something along those lines.

nowadays, i'm 17, my brother is 13 and my cousin is in his 20s. He still forgives me, said i changed and grew and i'm not the horrible things i think of myself, but we both despise our cousin, especially since I talked to him and he didn't seem to care, or just shrugged it off.

I've talked to everybody I can, I know this is a therapy matter but I've tried literally anything and my parents disprove, hate, and don't approve of therapy.

I've gotten answers everywhere, most think i was just a kid who made harmful mistakes, not a rapist or predator or abuser but my mind always seems to rush to call me the worst of things, I even talked to a stopitnow crisis line person and they said i was just a kid doing hurtful things as well.

honestly I suspect it's ocd but I can't get a diagnosis because my parents. I remember I time where I tried telling them about my cousin as a kid and they didn't believe me. I still love them but they make this all so difficult, they shelter us constantly and they wont even let me get a job

It gets deeper in the comments but I was groomed and it made me hurt someone I love, all amends are made but im still haunted by it and doubt im a good person