r/groomingvictim

So its a complicated situation. I know this might be a bit different but wife and I recently found out our daughter was being groomed. Since we found out there has been a lot of blame. To each other not our daughter. We dont blame her since shes a teenager and we know he is to blame. We are both in shock and I'm just thinking what redflags if any did we miss. We have another daughter and my wife was saying we need to protect her. Any help would be appreciated.

This is both a "my story" and a vent

Anyway

I'm almost 16, my grooming started when i was 13.

I met a man on connected2me 6 days after my 13th bday, we talked for a while, i was so derealized i barely remember how sexts and pics started. We kept talking until I thought i had a crush on him since of all the love bombing and bc how wanted I felt

Some time after i told him about my feelings (as a mistake, bc i sent the msg while he slept and then deleted it which, apparently, didn't work.) so we stopped sexting which acc made me think he actually cared about me. One time i doubled texted or did something else i can't remember, he got mad at me and we stopped talking. I started looking for that comfort with other men still on the app, kept getting groomed and also talked to him for a month again before he left etc etc.

Now this doesn't happen anymore, I got into a happy relationship, the one that started all of this tried to text me again to use me but i wasn't playing his game anymore

All good right? No

Me and my boyfriend are having some kind of problems which i wont specify which are making me feel abandoned and i started having nightmares about getting groomed and m0lested irl, I'm also hypersexual (didn't start by me being groomed but that made the HS worse) so I have intrusive thoughts, and those are getting worse too. I cant do this anymore, many things are going on in my life right now and I feel like shit. I also dont have any friends to talk about it with so i tried here

When I was 19, I met a 29 year old man on Yubo. He groomed me for over 2.5 years - I was head over heels in love with him, while he never cared at all about me but manipulated me into thinking he did. We talked every single day, all day, exchanged gifts, letters, everything. He got me “comfortable” with sexting, sending him things, and now looking back I feel unbelievably disgusting and sick to my stomach knowing he got all of that from me under false pretenses. I feel assaulted. And at the same time, he was grooming OTHER women. Girls. The one who messaged me was 18 years old, dating him for over a year.

He would make us call him daddy, loved how “little” we were, bought me mini skirts and underwear and a literal onesie that looked like it was for a little girl, with bows and bunnies on it. Pigtail holders. Thigh high socks. I feel so sick even recounting it.

He’s clearly a pedophile. Clearly would’ve went younger if he could - and honestly? He probably has. That’s the thing - he could have CP on him, he could be abusing other girls, younger girls, and no one would know. He lives in a different state, and I’m so afraid for my own safety because he knows where I live and could easily drive here, but…I wish I could DO something.

He works at a fucking school. He’s around little girls all the time.

I reached out to his sister after the breakup, asking if she knew about me (not giving away any details other than we were together for a while), and she said no, and blocked me. Don’t know what to make of that.

The whole thing just tears me apart. Knowing he’s just out there, living his life, consequence free after fucking traumatizing me and other girls, using us, abusing us. Doing it to other girls. I messaged Yubo about maybe taking his profile down, but they never got back to me.

Just don’t know what to do.

i hate that i miss someone that probably doesn't even miss me, i know that hes forgotten about me considering that it's been almost 2 years since we last ever spoke, and that actually hurts me alot because i'm not over him at all, i think about him everyday, every minute and everytime i do something that reminds me of him, its actually driving me crazyyy😭

yesterday i had a mental break down because blink-182 was playing on the radio and that was his favorite band that he would try and put me on with, i actually bawled my eyes out for a guy that never really liked me much to began with, for a guy that even if we did get back tg, i would never gain anything from. deadass hes a unemployed 26 year old bum that does dancing pill videos on tt and makes racist jokes abt jews, there is so much bad shit about this guy that would make any women run away from him. Every women BUT me, i actually love him ALOT and idk what to do anymore i just miss his beautiful face. i have dedicated a corner of my room as a shrine for him (embarrassing..) and idk im just weirdly madly inlove with a guy that would probably lose interest in me as soon as i turn 18 😓

edit: stop trying to groom me unless you're a nordic guy named handes thats 26 and lives in his grandpas house ok😡

Before you read, I am not making this post to be insensitive or belittle anyone who has actually been through this. I have ocd and with that also come intrusive thoughts and groinal sensations, which I cannot control, as ocd purpousfully targets things you don't like.

I am a member of this community on a different account, but for this post, I am using this account. Recently, I have been trying to get better, but have only been getting worse. I feel so gross for this, but I have been having intrusive thoughts about wanting to be r@ped or wanting to be threatened to be r@ped. I liked a post on a certain platform in hopes I would get a detailed private r@pe text. I would like to say I genuinely am so disgusted with myself for even thinking this, but in certain moments I think I find pleasure in it, but I also don't know if I even am because groinal sensations are very common with intrusive thoughts, and these thoughts literally came out of nowhere, and I genuinely don't know how to stop them. I really need advice because I don't want this to continue.

Honestly I should have more heat for him than I do but all I can do is wonder why. Not only did this man groom me until marriage, he ruined the best parts of love , self worth , intimacy and so much more and robbed me of my light. As I lay here tonight feeling so heavy and trapped , I know he finds comfort in the fact that he has “tomorrow “ to make it right even though I know deep inside nothing he could ever do will repair 20 years of his damage starting when I was 13. My mind betrays me at times because it resorts back to considering him first but not anymore…the disgust I have inside with myself for allowing this is picking me apart. I wanted forever , I gave all I could and he walked all over me . He promised me so much to the point that it was engrained in my mind as reality and it was all lies. I’m the one walking away even if it destroys me, i deserve atleast to learn myself without him. I was too young to realize that his friendship was only an entrance into owning me 🥲

i miss it so bad . i wish i had support..
i miss it more than anything. i miss being loved .

ive had to shut down my IG and my snap, ever since my groomer leaked my pics ive been getting messages from older men talking to me like they know i was abused, i kinda ignored it for a while but last night one of the guys started messaging me, idk why but i replied, it started off normal then quickly escalated into sexual stuff, i sent him videos and picture, i just couldnt stop, idk why i couldnt stop

I'm sorry if my account seems weird I'm using an alt one because I don't really trust that he's not looking at my posts... he used to but then they got hidden by default so. I don't know.

I've been talking to this guy for 6 months and he's like twice my age. He promised me he wasn't weird, obviously he lied or whatever. Only a month in things already became conditional. Either I agreed to be s3xual with him or we were done.

And I just wanted him to like me so I did.

And it's been like that ever since and even though I hate it I keep my mouth shut and play along. There were a couple of times I said no to him and he'd try and convince me before eventually dropping it.

But things have changed.

The stuff he wants me to do just become increasingly graphic and increasingly violent. In a way he almost treats me like some kind of pet too. I can't go into too much details obviously since it's a long story but the last time I tried to say no to him I had to send him videos of me slapping myself so he'd talk to me again

So that was that

Like, 3 days ago we had a video call and you can guess the kind of things that were happening. And he always like, asks me if I enjoyed it even though he should know I fucking don't. Usually I just say I don't know and he accepts it anyway but this time he wouldn't.

So I told him it felt weird and he asked me good weird or bad weird and I told him it was bad weird because I was sick of pretending.

He told me it was the wrong answer and hung up on me.

With it being online and stuff I know there's a lot of danger removed but it was so awful sitting in my bed half naked all by myself... and I've sent him angry texts, I've sent him apology texts, but he won't reply to me.

He was online yesterday too.

And to make it even worse, he acts like he owns me while actively looking for other girls to hang out with. He doesn't know I know that, though.

I can't bring myself to block him because I'm still hanging on to the frail hope that things would be good. He said he'd marry me someday and we were going to meet as well

Nobody's ever loved me the same as him

Even though it's certainly killing me I really don't want to let go...

it sounds stupid, but i genuinely dont know what to do anymore. without having a groomer i feel so lonely and bored and somehow my mental health ends up worse. idk how else to say it :c
pls help

hi people. i’m currently 15 years old and have been struggling with major depression for about a year and a half that has caused hallucinations and other things.

i feel like i am at the lowest point in my life right now. i feel so unlovable because my own parents couldn’t. i have been through so much and i understand the family i am with now try to distract me from it and buy me things but when im alone with my thoughts i just feel like i am worth nothing. suicide has crossed my mind since i was in maybe 4th due to the death of my grandpa but lately it’s gotten much worse.

i am supposed to take medication for psychosis but i haven’t taken any for about a month. i feel so alone like i don’t have anyone in my life and i can feel myself slowly shutting down. i haven’t talked or interacted with my family in a few days and i don’t want them to feel like it’s their fault.

i feel so alone. i feel crazy. what 15 year old is on 3 medications.? what 15 year old has been to the mental hospital 3 times ? i’ve spent my 14th and 15th birthday in there.

i don’t know what to do anymore. i have no friends, i feel like everyone is turning their back on me and i just want to disappear. idk what im gonna do when school starts next month.

it is me against depression and it’s winning. i hate everything about myself i am genuinely struggling. everyone has always given up on me and i can’t keep going. i just wanna disappear.

I don't know what to do I'm already dealing with really tough mental health issues. I had been groomed 4 times in the past and that really affected me most recently it has increased my sexual activities quite a lot which is not important to this. But with this I don't know why I just want to go back go through it all again and just today I've been searching online (although not effectively) of somewhere i could go to get it to happen all again. i dont know what to do why

Hi. I just wanted to thank everyone here. I feel like I'm carrying a heavy burden that I cannot tell anyone. It weighs on me. Here I can vent. Talk about anything that happened without being judged. Even though I don't interact with many of you here, just having a safe space I can go to where people understand what it's like makes it a little better. When I read y'all's stories, my heart breaks just like it did for my past self. I haven't been on this sub for long, but I'm grateful I found it. So again, thank you. You got this. Sending virtual hugs to you all.

I was groomed actively from ages 14-17, got physically intimate for the first time at 17 by another man who groomed me and now that I'm an adult I want it again so bad, I get off on it a lot and ik I shouldn't and don't get off on other people's stories but the thrill of it and remembering kinda makes me feel a way. My bf is 31 and Im 18, I have to hold myself back from asking him to do certain things because he's not at all into that stuff and I respect him for it but I also crave it baddlllyyyyy. Idk 🫠

i'm asking because I've spent so long feeling like my nervous system is completely disregulated and I've always wondered if it's even possible to overcome the attachment that I still have (its EXTREME) to somebody who no longer wants me. Regardless that he was bad to me and sexually abused me, I still feel attached. i think abt the good times too often. It feels like I'm fundamentally ruined forever. I struggle to want a job or a future. everything just seems pointless now.

I live with my boyfriend and he has joint custody of his daughter 50% of the time. She is 16 years old. She has had a best friend for about three years who has had a rough home life, the father died a couple of years ago and the mother is in prison. She’s getting raised by her 80-year-old grandfather. Something has been happening lately and I just don’t know how to handle it. My boyfriend and the 17 year-old girl have been engaging in heavy flirtatious activity. Up until recently, my 16 year-old (I will call her stepdaughter) has not picked up on this activity however, we are both highly upset now. We went to the beach last week for five days and immediately they ramped up they’re flirting. My boyfriend adjusted the rearview mirror of the SUV we were in so he could look at the girl and they locked eyes and smiled through the mirror. I confronted my boyfriend about it, and he cussed me out and called me a jealous old woman. He told me I was crazy among other things. Throughout the week, several other things happened and at one point, they were both almost blatantly flirting in front of us. Examples could be the girl getting up and walking in front of my husband and stopping right in front of him so he could look at her body. He did the same exact thing to her. On the last day at the beach, my stepdaughter came up on the beach where he and I were sitting, and the girl was with him and I stepdaughter made a comment that she had had fun at the beach and that she felt like it wasn’t long enough and didn’t wanna go home. The other girl chimed in and said a few things agreeing to that, and my husband looked at the girl up and down and said well, you know what they say with anything good. Once you get a little, it keeps you wanting more. And he smiled at her the entire time and she giggled like she thought it was the funniest thing. The girl has also told my stepdaughter that she is planning to find a sugar daddy as soon as possible. When I got my stepdaughter one on one home after the trip, she and I had about a three hour discussion and she told me some other disturbing things about the girl. She said that the girl had been kicked out of another set of parents house already, and that she had been flirting with the dad. This particular father wanted nothing to do with it so they banned the girl from their home. I even tried to talk to my boyfriend later on and let him know this information and he said oh I’m sure it was because of a jealous old wife.
There are many other things that I have noted over the past couple of months as well, which seem off. I’m starting to wonder if there could be a possible grooming situation that has been taking place right before our eyes for the past year or two. I’m really thinking of calling DCS, but I have contacted someone that I know and they said that with little proof DCS won’t do anything and it will definitely come back on me. I really do not want them to find out that I did it and so I don’t know how to go about turning this in or even if I should. I don’t know that anything has been done physically yet, but if it hasn’t, it’s on its way by the time she turns 18. I feel like action needs to be taken now to protect this girl. However, I think she also needs protection from herself.
I don’t really know what else to do at this point, but I’ve considered talking to the girls boyfriend who is 18 or I’ve considered talking to his parents, but I’m afraid that would also backfire on me and my boyfriend would find out that I did that.
I’m so upset and hurt and he is blatantly lying to my face. My stepdaughter has blocked her on social media and stopped talking to her and she is blowing her phone up because she can’t come over. I really don’t want my stepdaughter to have a confrontation with this girl because she’s a non-confrontational child. I just don’t know how to handle this. Every time I bring it up to my boyfriend, he completely blows up at me and tells me that I’m accusing him of being a child pedophile. I do think this is a tactic just to shut me down though.

i don’t even really know what to say. i miss him and i feel pathetic for it. :(

IDK what to do the person who leaked them is already going to jail so idk what happens next

when my nudes got leaked, i called the officer in charge on my case, within like 25 mins he and some cops were at school, confiscating phones to delete the pics and to ensure they havent been sent, they got rid of the email, they did warn me that once theyre out theyre out but theyve done their best.

Kind of funny to me, I make a post talking about how I still suffer from being groomed in the past, and I get a DM request asking if I want to vent. Too bad for them I'm a male and also an adult now and when they found that out they blocked me lol. Stupid losers.