Im tired of falling back into old habits, I keep on talking to older men and going back to groomers. I just can’t stop and I don’t wanna do it anymore but I just can’t i don’t know how to. F17
I just want to cut again and to be put in the psychiatric hospital, I don’t care. I can’t tell anyone and everyone always thinks everything is fine and that everything is easy for me that I improved so much
I wish I could just stop but since getting into this whole talking to older men online thing I keep on needing this attention from them. I just want someone to care about me and talk to me, I know it’s not good but I can’t stop.
Everyone always says it gets easier with time. But I still think the same about self harm as I did before, yes I’m not doing it anymore, but it’s still not easy. When my parents found out it was a topic for a few weeks and then they never asked about it again. Scars fade but memories don’t and I hate stupid memories. I can’t talk to anyone because I’m a wall.
I have this constant need for attention and no matter what else I try to distract myself it never works long term. I’m always going back to talking to older men and I want to change but it’s just so hard.
So I’ve been talking to older men online for a few years now, and even though I don’t do it very frequently anymore, I still have the urge often and I just can’t seem to get away from it.
I talk to one older man almost daily and it’s been like this for like over a year and I don’t think I will ever stop expect for when I get a boyfriend or he a girlfriend.
When I think about what I did and he I interacted with older men it makes me feel embarrassed and disgusted. I wish I never started with it and I don’t know how to stop, because Everytime I need attention or something happens I want to go back my
So I got asked out in real life from a guy my age, but I still talk to someone older online. I feel conflicted because nothing happened between the person who asked me out and me yet but I feel weird talking to someone online.
I haven’t been talking much to older men inline lately expect for the one I’m talking about, but I still find myself occasionally going back to it. I wish I would actually stop for once and just live my life
So as the title already says I'm looking for romance books with an age gab, but the fmc shouldn't be a minor. Fmc should have a mental illness like an eating disorder or she self harms.
Just anything like those things. She can also be shy. What I also like is maybe they get into a fight because she hides something or just because she has a hard time dealing with something and instead of getting mad at her he just helps her and tries to be kind to her even if she yells at him, if anyone gets what l'm trying to explain here...
For the Mmc he should be emotional intelligent and in gernal not immature. He shouldn't take care of her some times and notice a lot. Maybe the story could be slow burn and not like a lot lot lot smut. He can also be a authority figure like a doctor teacher.
Books I enjoyed: Her perfect by Stephanie walls the rose hill series by Elise silver and until the ribbon breaks by ek Blair (also many of her other books)
What I don't want is for him to be mean to her. I don't like dark romance either. And nothing too traumatizing like not that Wattpad story cringy trauma. She can have trauma but like not sur v duper bad.
I’ve been struggling with a lot of different things lately and I know that I need to build more self confidence and love because I want to feel better.
One thing that has been on my mind a lot is the total pimple outbreak that makes me want to roll my eyes 292938338 times a day. I also compare myself a lot to other people, especially my twin sister. I’ve been self harming free for over a year now but the thoughts are still there, and I find a lot of things embarrassing. One thing is also that I constantly look for validation from men online which I stopped for a few weeks now but I need something that will help me to validate myself alone. Like I need to have trust in myself and not look for validation in other people. Does anyone know what I can do?
I actually got a lot better with social stuff and school and just things in general over the past months or year, but sometimes, like right now, I struggle more again. Does anatomy have advice how I can be more confident, how I can have more trust in myself and how I can love myself?
So I’ve been thinking a lot about seeing my old therapist again. Back then I was there because I had presentation anxiety and he helped me to overcome that. We stopped therapy once he said I could do it on my own.
Now I’m struggling with many different things, presentation anxiety isn’t the main thing, but over been feeling so bad at some points that I thought about self harming or 🪦 myself and I think that this time I can’t do it alone.
It’s just so embarrassing because like there are more that one topic I struggle with but I don’t know if you can talk about all different topics with a therapist and I don’t know how to tell my mom or how to tell anyone because it’s so embarrassing. So I’m not sure if I should just try to make it trough it alone or if I can ask for help.
I miss you and even though I hate to admit it, I miss you a lot and I thought it would be easy to get over you but it isn’t, it’s not easy at all.
I wish I still had a way to talk to you again just to hear how you are even though I know you’re the same. Still I wish you would know how I am. I wish I could sing songs to you and talk all day long about everything.
If I could just go back into the past and change things I would. I know I should be happy with how it is now but I just can’t seem to feel that good.
I miss you and even though I hate to admit it, I miss you a lot and I thought it would be easy to get over you but it isn’t, it’s not easy at all.
I wish I still had a way to talk to you again just to hear how you are even though I know you’re the same. Still I wish you would know how I am. I wish I could sing songs to you and talk all day long about everything.
If I could just go back into the past and change things I would. I know I should be happy with how it is now but I just can’t seem to feel that good.
I miss you and even though I hate to admit it, I miss you a lot and I thought it would be easy to get over you but it isn’t, it’s not easy at all.
I wish I still had a way to talk to you again just to hear how you are even though I know you’re the same. Still I wish you would know how I am. I wish I could sing songs to you and talk all day long about everything.
If I could just go back into the past and change things I would. I know I should be happy with how it is now but I just can’t seem to feel that good.
So guys I’m in like an art slump and I want to get back into drawing more so send me your pets, whatever they are, bunny, cats or dogs etc. I’ll draw all of them tomorrow once it’s day for me again
I try to not seek validation from older men online but I keep coming back to it. Sometimes I can do months or weeks without it but then something happens and I go back to it. I wish I wouldn’t need to feel this way.
I’ve had so many bad experiences online before, and everyday I think about them. I wish I could turn back time and change things, I wish I could just delete those memories from my brain.
But it’s just not that easy, my mom and some other people know about me being grommed and when I think about it I always feel so embarrassed. I feel like I haven’t really like closed that part yet and moved on. I’m still stuck in the past and I don’t know how to deal with what happened. I know I need to talk about it but I’m too embarrassed to.
I don’t even know if he was my groomer, but I do miss talking to him. I miss it a lot and I don’t know how long it will take to get over him.
All I do is look for attention from men to fill that void now that I can’t talk to him, I know that this is my own choice but I can’t stop.