i dont know if this is relatable at all but i have the worst stockholm syndrome. i swear i dont know how to stop missing my groomer and wanting to be near him and its ruining my life. im so sad that it seems like this feeling is just eternal at this point.
did getting groomed cause age regression in anyone else? not in like a weird way at all. i mean its absolutely involuntary and u feel hopeless and small. maybe thats called something else but its so draining to not have full control over myself. i dont know if being autistic made me more prone to it but i feel like i cant get a grip on reality because it also causes dissociative issues.
i'm asking because I've spent so long feeling like my nervous system is completely disregulated and I've always wondered if it's even possible to overcome the attachment that I still have (its EXTREME) to somebody who no longer wants me. Regardless that he was bad to me and sexually abused me, I still feel attached. i think abt the good times too often. It feels like I'm fundamentally ruined forever. I struggle to want a job or a future. everything just seems pointless now.
it feels like I've spent the last five or six years trying to figure out what my life even means anymore. I think about how the way my childhood was, and how all the neglect that I went through is what brought me to him. the thing that really sucks is that as I'm getting older I'm starting to feel more and more alone and like I'm just a shell of a person. the idea of even cutting contact with him despite that he no longer likes me or cares about me really scares me.. and i dont know why? what is the block in my brain forcing me to still be addicted?