u/EngineeringGood4584

She was recommended to me by another specialist my parents sent me to when I came out to them as transgender. At our first session she informed me and my mom that I'm too young for Hormone Replacement Therapy, but she would be happy to help me with whatever issues I have. After that she was my therapist from ages 14-18.

Some things I find weird now:

• she was very anti-medication, when I asked her if she could help me get medication for ADHD she recommended me an herbal suplement called "good trips"

• she stated that any kind of medication (including testosterone) will make me stupid

• she continuously brought up her other patients' stories (not sharing their names though)

• she insisted I was "too smart" always saying that "if I went to a different psychologist they'd send me to a psych ward"

• after a very emotional session she asked whether she could hug me, because "she didn't know how else to help me" and this became a thing we did after every session

• one time during a pretty peaceful period of my life - I asked her to talk about herself during my session and she talked about her divorce and the way her ex-husband was treating her for the whole hour

• she gave me her private Facebook account saying to message her whenever I want

• she said multiple times that I am "special" just like her daughter

• even though she was said to be a specialist in this field she continuously rejected helping me with my transition, saying I'm too young to do anything (when I now know that I wasn't). When I was really pushing though, she sent me to a really sketchy psychiatrist with an office in the backrooms of some old bar (?) who ridiculed me and traumatized me sexually. After that she said "He's like that sometimes" and made me believe that every doctor is going to treat me like this.

• she told me "in secret" that she didn't like LGBT, because she thought pride parades make people mad

• she told me she got her nipples pierced to deal with her trauma and recommended it to me

• she supported unhealthy delusions of a soulmate (? figure) saying she also feels the same way with some people

Now I feel like I can't go to a different therapist because "they wouldnt understand me". I feel dirty when I think about her hugging me or us discussing sexual topics. I don't know what to do, we didn't do anything sexual and she didn't pursuit me romantically I just feel used and dirty. Please tell me, if any of this is weird.

She was recommended to me by another specialist my parents sent me to when I came out to them as transgender. At our first session she informed me and my mom that I'm too young for Hormone Replacement Therapy, but she would be happy to help me with whatever issues I have. After that she was my therapist from ages 14-18.

Some things I find weird now:

- she was very anti-medication, when I asked her if she could help me get medication for ADHD she recommended me an herbal suplement called "good trips"

- she stated that any kind of medication (including testosterone) will make me stupid

- she continuously brought up her other patients' stories (not sharing their names though)

- she insisted I was "too smart" always saying that "if I went to a different psychologist they'd send me to a psych ward"

- after a very emotional session she asked whether she could hug me, because "she didn't know how else to help me" and this became a thing we did after every session

- one time during a pretty peaceful period of my life - I asked her to talk about herself during my session and she talked about her divorce and the way her ex-husband was treating her for the whole hour

- she gave me her private Facebook account saying to message her whenever I want

- she said multiple times that I am "special" just like her daughter

- even though she was said to be a specialist in this field she continuously rejected helping me with my transition, saying I'm too young to do anything (when I now know that I wasn't). When I was really pushing though, she sent me to a really sketchy psychiatrist with an office in the backrooms of some old bar (?) who ridiculed me and traumatized me sexually. After that she said "He's like that sometimes" and made me believe that every doctor is going to treat me like this.

- she told me "in secret" that she didn't like LGBT, because she thought pride parades make people mad

- she told me she got her nipples pierced to deal with her trauma and recommended it to me

- she supported unhealthy delusions of a soulmate (? figure) saying she also feels the same way with some people

Now I feel like I can't go to a different therapist because "they wouldnt understand me". I feel dirty when I think about her hugging me or us discussing sexual topics. I don't know what to do, we didn't do anything sexual and she didn't pursuit me romantically I just feel used and dirty. Please tell me, if any of this is weird.

Basically what the title says, the thing is - I don't think he wants to be one. I'm calling him a "he" because he says I'm one of the people "allowed" to do so. I feel weird as a trans guy myself, because everytime I try to bring up this topic he says something along the lines of "Well I don't want to fuck my life up." and if someone is transphobic towards me he says "You see why I decided to go back", which is ??? questionable at best. I think that's supposed to be read as a joke, but we both know it's not and it makes me feel like shit.

For some further context, from what I know his parents are fine with him being a guy (they're also one of the people "allowed" to call him a "he"), his boyfriend is fine with it and his friends and generally people around him were fine with it, except for a conservative grandpa, but they weren't speaking much anyway.

I know he's not cis because when we're alone he talks about himself using he/him, also when his boyfriend got jealous of me being his friend, I informed both of them that I was gay and my friends response was "Well and I'm not a woman". So?????

I'm not unfamiliar with being nonbinary, since I'm nonbinary myself, but it seems like for him it all stems from some sort of imaginary?? transphobia he DIDN'T experience (as he himself told me). And I'd be okay with him just saying he's nonbinary, but instead he goes for the polar opposite of anything remotely masculine and just sorta sadly jokes about being a girl now. I personally watched him buy like thirty skirts in one week and you can wear whatever you want, but it sort of feels like he's trying to convince himself?

Should I interviene or something? I can't really describe it using words, but he just sort of looks uncomfortable all the time. Also anytime I mention transitioning (which I'm actively doing) he brings up it's "negative" side effects with so much disgust it makes me feel bad about myself. I get jokes about balding, because whatever, but I don't think there has been a single time testosterone was mentioned where he didn't immediately inform everyone around us with a disgusted face that you get bottom growth.

On one hand I don't care, if he wants to be a girl - he can, I just want him to stop with the weird comments and statements FILLED with envy. On the other hand however I don't want him to suffer, he's my friend. I dunno what caused whatever this is, but it really seems like it's all coming from him. We live in a pretty supportive environment.

I don't know how to feel about this, if anyone has any advice or whatever really, I'd appreciate it.

I've been in therapy for almost 5 years since I was 13. Last year I realized my relationship with my psychologist was VERY inappropriate and caused me a lot of harm - especially sexually. She also recommended I go to a sexologist who deeply traumatized me.

It's been slowly ruining my life since then. I know I have to go to therapy for it, but I can't bring myself to trust any specialist. Since my issue is mostly sexual I don't want to bring it up on the first visit, but I have no other way to check whether the person I'm speaking to understands my problem. I tried to seek help and bring it up immediately as I walked into their office, but I felt as if I was violated and like I downplayed the severity of my situation.

Does anyone have any advice? I hardly ever see anyone talk about therapist on patient abuse, I really have no clue how to deal with this.

I was just looking through old pictures of me when I was 8 and I can't believe the things I was watching at that time. It's genuinely distressing and thinking about it makes me want to cry. I feel like I've been hurt, but noone pushed this upon me and I want to blame it on somebody, but I can't. I was just a kid, I didn't know any better. I can't believe I've been struggling with this shit for over 10 years now. I really need to go to therapy.

A few months ago I started taking Zoloft and while really helpful it really messes with my head. I struggle (amongst some other things) with really bad suicidal tendencies and they strengthen especially in the morning when I should take my next dose. The issue is that when I wake up Im SURE that I don't deserve to be alive and my entire life is over and the worst. I sort of force myself to take the meds everyday, because I have people that depend on me and I learned that I shouldnt trust myself with this, but I feel weird everytime the meds start working. I feel like I'm not really being myself in a way, because I remember my line of thinking and I remember why I wanted to do it, I just don't anymore.

I'm struggling with this because I don't know which line of thinking is really mine. I feel like the healthy one is not really me since it depends on the medication I take, but I learned the hard way that I shouldnt trust myself without them either since my ocd has caused me to do some awful shit.

Does anyone have the same issue? I sometimes feel really guilty for taking the meds, because in my mind I deserve everything I'm feeling and it's perfectly logical, but when I do take them it all just disappears so it sorta feels like I'm cheating? in a way

I need an outside perspective on this