r/abusesurvivors

(My ex blocked me, and I spent the day with their family because my ex was abusive and doesn’t want them around to cause drama and because they can’t forgive them for abusing me)

It felt so lonely without you, it didn’t feel right without you, I know I shouldn’t miss you, I should hate you, but I just can’t sometimes, I feel so broken, why did you have to ruin us? Why did you have to ruin me? Why did you have to be so great? And pretend to love me, trick me? Why couldn’t you have actually loved me? And then we could have been together having a good time with your family, why did you have to treat me so horribly? Why did I have to lose you? Why couldn’t you have been someone good for me? I wish so badly that things could have been different, that you would have chose better, to treat me better, and not have thrown everything we had together away for what? Because you couldn’t handle being good to the person who loved you unconditionally? Because someone you can’t even meet in person was better? Because they didn’t hold you accountable for the infidelity, pain and abuse you’ve caused me? Was I just too hard to look at anymore? Looking at your mistake?

I don’t understand, and I don’t think I ever will, I just feel so hopeless now, like nothing will ever be good again, you aren’t here to fix things, and when I try to fix things myself they don’t work, but I know you fixing things doesn’t actually fix anything, it just loops my back into your toxic cycles, and there’s nothing can do now, I can’t help you get better do you don’t want to, and you’re just gonna move on and abuse the next person, there’s no hope for us left, there’s no hope for me, I’m just a broken person now, no one will love me like you did, I know the horrible things you’ve said about me, and they were probably true, so how could anyone like me

I know a person who under a sexual impulse thoughed her little sister in the tight. The girl don't even remember, but that's so gross!

She says she regrets so much and never wants to do anything like that again, but do you believe people like her ever deserve to repent and get better?

Met a woman who on day one said she was getting divorced. Fell in love with her for 6 years. Learned her csa started when she was 7 or 8 lasted for 4 years. Offender was friend of her older brother. Parents were dissociative. Loved her. Didn’t show her love. She got married to abusive husband. Physically verbally. Controlling has complete control of finances. Makes good $. Treats her like shit. She raises a neurodivergent child by herself who challenges her at all ends.
I read so many books on how to help her. Taught her to feel her feelings. Taught her they are valid. Taught her to recognize her boundaries and advocate for them. Treat her like gold, like she deserves. She has been separated for 10 plus years and she is to afraid to leave. So she says. Probably true. I can’t stay despite her constant affirmations of a future that seems unrealistic. He pays her bills and her life is just surviving not living. Wonder if any other women could relate ? Thanks
I also convinced her to start going to therapy. I’m lost in love and spent.

TW CSA

Hi. I’m a 21F. My father sexually assaulted me when I was 9 or 10, but I have no evidence. I am now gathering the evidence of other abuse ī have to file a police report on my father. I have a recording of my father admitting to rolling in my underwear when he was on drugs when I was 8. Like a verbal recording of him admitting it. He was confronted by my mom about it, and he hated that she insinuated it was perverted. He ended up abandoning my mom and I right afterwards in retaliation. Is it illegal and can this be used as evidence in court?

My father is an ACTIVE DANGER TO MY NIECES AND COUSINS. Need to report him ASAP.

Sexually assaulted as a newborn in my birth ward. Memories came back to me in recent years. I'm 44 now. The staff took me away from my parents after I was born, my father took pictures, and my mother held me, in order to clean me in another room but they gave me to some woman who stole my virginity away. She timed it even; below four minutes or so since I left my mother's womb. She said it was a new record, like she did it often; sick pedophile. Early 1980s. Anyone ever hear of anything like this? What do I do? Would authorities even care? I haven't told my parents yet since they would likely not believe me that it happened. Do you even? I didn't even have my virginity for a whole day after birth! 😭

(Edit: No posts attempting to deny this happened. That hurts so much on top of this tragic event happening in my past so early on. 🍼 💔 You can't believe that people don't ever remember the day of their birth? Such pain entered into me when you tried to deny it rather than sympathize that such a heinous crime was committed upon me.)

Broke up with my abusive ex after almost 2 years together. I stopped answering calls and text. Made up in my mind that I won’t allow someone to hurt me like that anymore. I’ve been putting in the work to heal and try regulate my nervous system for the past 2 months. Yesterday was my birthday and they used their mother’s phone to call me and wish me happy birthday. It honestly ruined my day because you couldn’t respect my no contact. My mind sometimes forget the trauma of being physically and mentally abused but my body didn’t forget. My sister told she hated seeing the fear in my eyes when I hear their voice. Now I feel like I’ve took 5 steps back in my journey. Everyday I go from being angry to hurt about the situation.

Hi...

I'm not sure what I'm doing here, but I keep a part of my past locked so tight that it feels suffocating, and I guess I just need to get it out.

TW: Parental Abuse, Sexual Abuse, Child r*pe

When I was 6, my dad did it for the first time...then every single night until I was 11, my dad would find me after my mama went to sleep.

When I was 11, my mama, who was also abused, fled the country with me.

I'm 23 now and haven't talked to my dad in 3 years.

The thing is that, until I always entering my 20s, I was so dissociated that I literally couldn't remember anything from those years and suddenly when I was 20, I was faced with the truth through flashbacks that started.

I've since then been diagnosed with CPTSD and I'm on therapy but I can't help but wonder if maybe I'm remembering wrong, maybe I'm Ruining his life and reputation by believing my own mind, cause who could "forget" something like that.

I can't go into it but my mama has since found proof that this did happen but I still can't shake the guilt, he Terror that maybe I'm remembering wrong...

I just wish I had someone to talk to about this stuff...so my DMs are open...and if you went through something similar and also need a friend...I'm here for you too...

Thanks for reading

She asked who I was to him and if knew him. I immediately had a panic attack and felt like I couldn't breath. She told me him and his parents and their lawyer have been keeping tabs on me and said I just got my most recent ex arrested for grape(I didn't he was arrested for felony strangulation) and I feel so paranoid it's not funny. The back story is super long but the ex she's referencing use to burn my face with the metal part of a lighter, break anything I loved "by accident", constantly make me late to trigger anxiety, belittle me, choke me out, bite me on my face. Grape me. Like everything. And his parents are rich enablers. They defend him, pay his legal fees, and coddle him. I feel so sick and stressed. I've deactivated my tiktok changed my fb profile pick to a blank screen, double checked my privacy settings, and everything in between.

I went to the hospital there was a doctor male also i said to my mom pls don’t I did not want a digital rectal exam they force me he instert with one finger normal then two finger I said what the f in my mind then he instert deeper near end of rectum back and forth he touch my prostate then after they move me to another room then i heard i gonna get both endoscopy oral and rectal I shower because i smell bad just to be clean then the blood stop for a while I sleep for 1 hour then it was 1:00 am then a doctor came he need a sample from my rectum bleed I told my mom pls no I don’t want to get a bullet rectal Swab in not necessary I poop blood on bucket toilet there the sample then mom your waisting doctor time he left for a while I was mad with my mom what did I did to you I am a great son pls no then doctor came back he said that he need the sample but he cannot touch me or force me then mom said that I can put it for you or your self if you don’t feel comfortable I did want to he force me two of them one was short and the other was freaking long almost like a vibrator bullet but the swab was made for vagina not for rectal I was shaking of fear mom hug me I said f you I almost convinced her to take me home leave the hospital but she force me endoscope there was a rude nurse like if you don’t drink this prep drink I will put it your nose or rectal I was shaking more I was hungry I was getting wild i wanted to eat a human mouth shaking of hunger then next day was the endoscopy they send me to another room i was giving a hardtime if they give up then a nurse told me if I want juice box she took me to the anesthesia room there was a lot of female I said shit oh hell no I was fighting the anastesia they said if we can sleep him we cannot force him it to much for him then they put more knock me down remove my clothes it was so many abuse I wanted to tell if my mom did not stop me from getting abuse will she get arrested if I report it on police now I am 23 or get a lawyer will all get arrested I am curious I am nervous if mom get arrested I don’t have a job

And I don’t mean just “break up” but like actually left for good, what did you do? What did that process look like? Were you reckless? Were you scared? Were you overly cautious? How long did it take to move on? Did you move on too fast or wait too long to move on? What mistakes did you make? What did you learn? Was it easy or hard?

TW: CSA, perverted partner/ abusive adult relationship

My ex worked at a mental health hospital and used to work for child protective services with long term abuse cases. Because of that, I opened up very early about my mental health. A little earlier than I usually would. I also shared that I was sexually assaulted as a kid and he figured out it was my dad. I eventually mentioned there were others too, it started when I was a baby, I’m a CSAM survivor, I was coerced by my ex in high school, and molested by my neighbor as young adult. I didn’t share beyond that.

Because what I went through was quite severe and has nauseated some professionals (torture survivor), I wanted to get an idea of what he could handle. I thought a good way to figure this out was to ask him about the worst case he saw while working with child protective services. He told me the vague details, and he seemed genuinely traumatized by that case. He got extremely upset (possibly triggered) when I asked >!how bad the kid was hurt!<; I wanted to know if he knew about those effects since I have some. He started crying at some point, and when I asked that question about injuries, he said it felt like I was “purity testing” him (no idea what he meant by that). Anyway, main point is the worst case he saw genuinely seemed to have traumatized him.

But then one time when we were making out like a month later, he said that when I’m ready, I can tell him the details of my trauma, but that it would probably turn him on. I reminded him “I was super young for a lot of it” to which he responded with something along the lines of “not the super young stuff”. I don’t remember how I responded but it was not the horrified response it should’ve been. But at least I didn’t tell him anything.

My question is, why did that one case genuinely traumatize him, but my shit would be a turn on?

Ive been ruminating and my hope is that if I can find some explanation, I’ll be able to let it go finally.

TL;DR: My ex used to work with child-victims of CSA and he was genuinely traumatized by some of what he heard about. But he said my trauma would be a turn on. Why the dichotomy?

To preface this, I'm an adult child early-mid 20s, cannot drive(no car, soon-to-expire PERMIT), no job, only some money, stuck living with my mother and ex stepfather due to neglect from one party (mother and ex).

A few days ago, I was given some very terrifying news from my mother that was basically "if this thing comes out [ex] might go to jail, and he will resist and might kill himself or us". I can't tell if this is real or not though, because she is mentally ill and tends to be very paranoid, and has lied to me a few times, but this was/is an abusive household (not physically) so I'm not sure what to think!

I don't necessarily want to leave her, because she does seem afraid of *something*, and I really don't want to leave my half-brother or our dog, but I'm SERIOUSLY CONSIDERING moving in with my bio dad. If not to escape the situation, then to simply get my fucking life on track and finally learn to be an adult outside of an unstable household

I just don't know how I can get out of this, if it's true then I'd be finding out around August and I just cannot do it. I can’t do the waiting. She asked me not to say anything to my dad but I'm so fucking scared, I haven't been able to sleep the past few days. My dad has two teens to take care of with my step mom, I don't want to add more to the pile especially since I'm an adult, but I know he's my dad and would be more than happy to help me out of here if he knew. I was going to switch custody over to him when I was in high school, but I chickened out. I feel so fucking stupid

I’m currently staying the night at his house, today(it’s 2am) would be the last chance I have to talk to him about this before I head back to my mom’s. I really don’t want to bring something this heavy up to him when I already barely visit, especially since we were having a nice time yesterday and since my mom asked me not to, but I just don’t know what to do. I only found out about this after I already made plans with him

I’m sorry if none of this makes sense, I’m so tired and stressed and I’ve been crying I didn’t read over it. It’s 2am

Edit: thanks to those who pushed me to actually say something, I feel a little better now. He and I, and my stepmom, had a long talk about things. As I thought, they’re both more than willing to help me and even willing to let me live with them until I can get onto my feet. I’m going back over for the 4th, hopefully we can actually get things moving now

TW: mentions of domestic and sexual abuse

I (28F) am a survivor of domestic violence from my father. I have this friend (29F) who has been in an on and off relationship with a guy that is a walking red flag. Without giving much details, he can't take no for an answer and he keeps insulting her.

At first I was trying to be there for her because I know that leaving is not easy and that love blinds you, I also refrained from talking bad about him because I didn't want to give him ammunition to try to make her cut me off. All my comments about him were as neutral as I could make them.

Last time she broke up with him, it really looked like it was the last time. She said it was due to sexual incompability but to me it didn't sound like a simple incompability since he kept trying to push her into doing something she didn't want to.

That time she asked me for a reality check, she said she needed it, so I told her exactly why I think he's a red flag. She thanked me and it really looked like they were done forever, even though she said the relationship was "mutually toxic" since she was the one who kept breaking up with him and taking him back (which... no. It's absolutely not the same).

Last week she told me she was still friends with him, today she told me he's back with him.

I feel like crying, I'm so afraid for her safety and I want to be there for her, but at the same time this is lowkey triggering me because the whole situation is so similar to what my parents used to do and keep doing. She told me it's different from what my parents do and asked me to trust that she wouldn't fall in love with a bad person, and that I only hate him because I have only heard the stuff she has said while she's upset.

Frankly, I don't care if she said it while she was upset, he still doesn't know how to take a no and that's dangerous regardless of how the rest of the relationship is.

I want to be there for her, but at the same time I know myself, I know that I'm either going to stay anxious or lash out at her. I have been working on both of those things for years now, I have been handling it well so far, but I don't know if I will be able to keep it together if I get specially triggered.

I don't want her to not have me available for this because her mom really likes her boyfriend and encouraged her to get back together with him, so there's no hope on that front. But I don't know how to manage my own feelings, I don't know how to go back to talking neutrally about him, I only feel like screaming.

Has anybody else dealt with this?

If anything else happens to me it was at the hands of Morgan Willis

Johnshawn minor

Deshawn birden

Erickia traynor

Dayvon solan

I'm not a drug addict but sombody who was beimg drugged to keep from talking and remembering what they was doing to me , to the public they show fake love behind closed door it's not stop abuse and if I dont let them in my life they try and

Make me look crazy and suicidal as there way around it much like human traffickers they keep moving me around to people and places that they are protected in and long list of other people involved like Cordell Wilkerson who was selling me mixed drugs and trying to record me having sex in places like Tennessee and Chicago and Atlanta maine ,Illinois, Michigan California tampa fl Alabama, Doeone Sims

Adonis Sims are among of family of people that keep trying kill me and or make me overdose just need apart of my story to be put out there even if it sounds crazy they have been doing this for years to me and I need help I can't fight them all by myself anymore

im so lost ...

I never thought it would happen. It’s been two years of abuse. She’s an addict and it took me too long to realize. I’ve just begged for her love too hard to where it makes her hate me. I feel so dumb. I walked into her house late tonight and she shoved me out with her hand around my neck. I feel so so stupid. I just wanted to show her love. I didn’t listen when she told me she was going to bed because I thought it would be okay to come snuggle. Yeah we have been fighting. Really really bad. I guess she was coked up and also mad at me. I’m so sad. She told me that I was scum of the earth, that when she killed herself it was my fault and she would make sure the world knew it, that she hated me amongst other awful things.

I used to get upset and say mean things, maybe a few months into dating until I realized I’d never want to intentionally hurt her. It should’ve never happened. But for her it’s never stopped. She has spit on my face on a plane twice now. I don’t know why I’ve been so idiotic and blind to see how she feels about me. Regardless of her feeling bad and wanting my attention. I feel so stupid. Tonight I hope was the last straw for me. I’ve seen my mom be abused emotionally and physically and I can’t let that be me too. I’ve hurt her too, in other ways. I really wanted her to be the one. I’m so sad.

Im just wondering how common it is for those with a histroy of SA cope with intamcy. My abuse was childhood and im in my late 20s now it was SA on a regular basis for a year to 18 months by a foster relative .

I was always a reserved person because of it. Im in a realtionship 11 years hes been my only intimate partner really but im struggling with intamcy. Its absolutely destroying me and taking its toll. I feel guilty all the time. I feel like im not normal like im difficult he also tells me that so it doesnt help.

Ive an issue when its comes to beginning intamcy if its not said directly to me that its okay or any form of indication then I cant and will not physically act. After 11 years he expects me to be able to just u suppose know and be able to do these things to him he thinks its unnatural that I need that validation. Id never want to make a wrong move on anyone and it holds me back alot but I also dont feel secure enough to either without any indication.

I tried the compromise which is be vocal about it flirt you know and if were both there then its okay but this doesnt happen , what actually happens is I do that and he pretty much ignores it then tells me I do nothing , that im lacking and under performing (that broke me i always feared my past woukd impact me in this way and it did ) ,ive been in therpay for years ive told him what im asking is not a big thing tbh its normal to me that a partner can say they want any form of intamcy openly and the other party agrees or doesnt in that time. He just expects me to know randomly. "Jump him " is how he put it.

Im vocal , I ask for simple cuddles all that ive sent photos ive done eveything I can think of and it goes over his head entierly his new recent thing is if you wont come to me first and physically intaite then we can go without ( he knows thats something i wont do and he knows why ) he also knows I just need some clarity vocally that its okay .. at this point I hate myself for it am I ever going to get past it he makes me feel so abnormal about it but I cant be the only one struggling with this. I just dint want to hurt anyone, upset anyone make anyone uncomfortable because I know what thats like.

I stuck to the compromise and it was set so id gain that confidence to be able to be more involved at the start physically but im doing it alone. I could be vocal ect for days on end about it flirty ect and its just tossed aside.

I feel useless really and to damaged.

The thought of being stuck like this and my partner or future partners seeing me struggle like that but resenting me for it abit makes me think I should be alone so It doesnt effect them to. Some days I just get so down i just dont respond I dont talk im more angry at my past as it goes on and even more angry at myself I feel like a failure.

It also means any effort I make isnt really good enough outfits photos ect for him to show im interested and i will also have to go with out the intamcy i really want for days or a week or more. Its really only ever when he decides but theres no communication either no desire a chore. I get into bed and im going asleep and then hes in the mood but i dont interact much in that time because theres no build up, nothing ,I cant take my body from 0 to 100 like that I just lie there at the start ( i hate that to i hate it )... thats a broader issue on his side theres never a compliment ect out of his mouth ever either. Ive been shot down with his only fans searches and things to it didnt help I already feel pushed back sexaully and that was part of it. I feel like its all my fault tho that we are here .

Has anyone at all any experince with this.

I was wondering if there’s a specific term or set of behavior that can explain when men do this.

In other words, using humor to try and mask something that’s otherwise creepy or disturbing.

Example: asking about my body but in a “joking” haha sort of way, so that I don’t get “offended” and it’s “just a joke”