Parents keep abusing me and I need help/advices on getting financial support.
TW: SA, Mental abuse, Physical abuse, Psychological abuse.
I'm 17F from India. I fucking hate this country and people who abuse their kids. I've lost all hope in life and I genuinely do not know what I am going to do.
I have a long history of abuse. Mostly caused by my parents. It was so bad that when I was 9-10 I had suicidal thoughts. Plenty of them and I was actually considering ending it all. Looking back on those thoughts now I want to hug myself and cry endlessly. I did not deserve all that. And because of it I had actually never thought to plan my life.
Since according to me in the past I somehow was fixed upon myself that I wouldn't make it past 16. But now that I am 17. I don't know what to do in my life anymore. Every time I ask my parents for advice (a horrible mistake of my life.) They keep degrading me.
Always say things such as "Just be a housewife."
"Why don't you die somewhere else?" "I wish you were gone when you were young." "I'll marry you off to an abusive man like your father"
Yeah all sorts of those things. I don't care if it's a death threat or anything but I get deeply hurt if I am being constantly degraded. My so-called good for nothing father who deserved to be dead degraded me constantly.
He tells things such as often telling me how I am chubby. (I was born chubby) How I wear glasses. (I have very bad sight SINCE I WAS FUCKING 6.) How I am so ugly how I am so bad in academics. Oh and did I forget he told me "Why do you need a bank account? Do you want to make p\*rn for a living?"
Pause. I don't care about my appearance but in academics I always scored 90s and above. That still wasn't enough for them. So because of the stress I started scoring low in boards. Because I had to study at home. They NEVER let me properly study.
As if degrading me wasn't enough he would spit on me.
Once he came into my college because he had to pay fees and started shouting at the principal and the director "WHY THE FUCK SHOULD I BE PAYING MONEY FOR HER?!" She shamed me there and left after paying the fees. The director called me aside and told me to be careful. At first idk what she meant but now I see what she had meant. That same day outside the office. I was sobbing and shaking so hard that some random woman who had come to pay her child's fees, held me, comforted me, gave me a drink like lassi. That was the first time I actually felt motherly love.
My mom is good for nothing. I would rather not see her face ever again. She abandoned me when she was supposed to divorce my father. And then she protected her son and left me to be abused by my father's side. That wasn't the only time.
I swallowed a 5 rupees coin once and had to be admitted in the hospital. She left me to go eat breakfast yeah sure whatever. But when her son had a fever? She stayed by his side never leaving for ONE second and kept me in relatives houses.
She doesn't care about me much that I figured after she kept dismissing my SA and told me that it wasn't sa after it had happened so long.
Genuinely fuck you. I was 8 I didn't know that was SA how the FUCK would I know.
Always favouring her son. Never shaming him because he's a guy. But me? I get shamed in public, relatives, teachers, doctors. Am so fucking tired.
I want to leave these people and gain my financial freedom. I made a bank account today and once I update my aadhar I want to earn money. But idk how since I am a minor.
My skills would definitely be in art. I love doing art and I am actually quite good at it too. I want to save as much as I can for a laptop or PC to earn more and draw more.
Please give me ANY advice as you can. I cannot deal with this household, once these people die I will not bother to attend their funerals. I will be partying 101%.