u/amommynous3

Edit* just want to say thank you so much for all the eye openers. By "typical abuser" I guess I meant the physical aspect wasn't frequent which somehow made it seem better, but I'm now realizing how wrong I was

My (32F) husband (34M) is not a typical abuser. We've been together for 10 years and married for 5. He's a great guy when he's in a good mood but he has a lot of built up anger from childhood trauma. When we argue he calls me names, says hurtful things, breaks things, and throws things. There has been a few times throughout the relationship where he has pushed me down hard enough to bruise my palms when catching myself. A few times while drunk he has put his hands around my throat, however, last year he had charged at me and put me in a chokehold in front of our kids and that was the first time I was ever scared he might not let go. Since that day I have lost most of the feelings I had left for him (he has also disrespected me in other ways, financially, etc.) and it felt like the marriage was over to me but I stayed for the kids and because I'm not sure how to make it financially on my own. Well, I recently came clean that I had feelings for someone else, I told him I wanted a divorce (not to be with someone else, just because I had finally had enough) and now all of a sudden he's willing to change, to go to therapy, he says he didn't realize how bad it was despite me telling him for years that I'm not happy with the way things are going and says that he will do anything to make me happy. It doesn't feel like love bombing, I think he actually means it, but I don't know if I can get past everything that has already happened, the fire is gone on my side. I'm not sure what to do.

My (32F) husband (34M) is not a typical abuser. We've been together for 10 years and married for 5. He's a great guy when he's in a good mood but he has a lot of built up anger from childhood trauma. When we argue he calls me names, says hurtful things, breaks things, and throws things. There has been a few times throughout the relationship where he has pushed me down hard enough to bruise my palms when catching myself. A few times while drunk he has put his hands around my throat, however, last year he had charged at me and put me in a chokehold in front of our kids and that was the first time I was ever scared he might not let go. Since that day I have lost most of the feelings I had left for him (he has also disrespected me in other ways, financially, etc.) and it felt like the marriage was over to me but I stayed for the kids and because I'm not sure how to make it financially on my own. Well, I recently came clean that I had feelings for someone else, I told him I wanted a divorce (not to be with someone else, just because I had finally had enough) and now all of a sudden he's willing to change, to go to therapy, he says he didn't realize how bad it was despite me telling him for years that I'm not happy with the way things are going and will do anything to make me happy. It doesn't feel like love bombing, I think he actually means it, but I don't know if I can get past everything that has already happened, the fire is gone on my side. I'm not sure what to do.