u/lady_bugg312

My boyfriend is so fucking horrible. But then I love him. He is so controlling, so manipulative and he physically abuses me too. We’ve been together for 4 years. I was 16F when we met and he was 28M. Im now 20 and I’m so deep in the abuse I can’t even decide what’s real and what isn’t. If I’m right or wrong? Or sometimes I can’t decide if it is even abuse or I’ve deserved it. He has severe anger issues. Spoilt mentality. He is insecure AF. He’s all of those things and more but will come across nice as pie to everyone else. He usually goes for my throat when he gets angry. He’s dragged me around our bedroom so many times. Sometimes he will come up behind me and just drag me by my throat if I’ve pissed him off or something. It was so bad once I fell unconscious for a minute and couldn’t speak properly for a week. I don’t know what to do anymore. Nobody knows. I’m so fucking stuck in this shit. It hurts so much everytime and I genuinely fear for my life because it’s like he’s out of control when he does it. I don’t want to be in this anymore because I feel like it’s affecting me and my body. I’m scared one day he will severely injure me and I might not be able to recover or worse. Can I have some advice on how to leave and how to plan it without fucking up my life.

I’ve been in this relationship for 4 years. About a week into our relationship he smashed up the kitchen, glass everywhere all because he lost his phone. Then a few days later we went to a party, I came home early and he came back and was so angry towards me accusing me of getting with someone then I tried to tell his friend that came in as well and my partner just pretty much said I was lying making me feel like an idiot. That’s just the beginning. 2 years into the relationship, I don’t have friends, my family doesn’t care and he has started physically abusing me. He mainly goes for my throat and will drag me around by my throat. I’ve got multiple scars from carpet burns and blood stains on the bed from where i would be bleeding somewhere. There’s been SO much. He doesn’t care whilst he’s doing it too. The only time he ever stopped was when I was so hysterical and for some weird reason he got freaked out and kept apologising. He’s controlling and he’s abusive and it’s the worst. Just to add to the pot, I was 16 F when I met him and he was 28M. I get so conflicted with the way I feel, one minute I’m certain that I’ll break up with him and the next minute it feels easier to just do nothing and enjoy the relationship because it is good… sometimes. We live together so I find it really difficult to get away. 1. I don’t think he’d leave if I broke up with him 2. I’m not sure whether I can cover the bills on my own 3. I don’t know what he’ll do if I tell him I don’t wanna be with him.
My body is so tired. About a month ago he strangled me so hard I was going unconscious and could barely speak because my voice had gone so hoarse. I had to go to work and it feels so isolating knowing you can’t tell anyone about it. And how weird is it telling him you love him just to keep him peaceful when you know inside it makes you feel sick because it’s the complete opposite of how you feel. This post is raw so sorry if it’s a bit all over the place with how I’ve written it.
Can someone help me? I need advice

I’ve always wanted to learn how to dance, especially in heels. Anyone know if there’s any classes in the area? Also if you’ve been before or are still going, how is it?

Please let me know if you know anywhere that sells nice dairy free or vegan deserts.

Thank you 🙏