u/Cold_Vanilla9791

They are going to go to rehab for a month, this’ll be the longest I’ve gone without seeing them, I’m just wondering what I should expect, what did you experience when separated from your abuser after being in a trauma bond with them?(I’m not talking about ppl who were abused and happy to get out, I’m talking specifically about ppl stuck in a trauma bond) I’m feeling a lot of mixed feelings already, I know I’ll miss them, and I’m terrified of what’s gonna happen after they go, what should I expect for myself? And how do I prepare for the separation?

They are going to go to rehab for a month, this’ll be the longest I’ve gone without seeing them, I’m just wondering what I should expect, what did you experience when separated from your abuser after being in a trauma bond with them?(I’m not talking about ppl who were abused and happy to get out, I’m talking specifically about ppl stuck in a trauma bond) I’m feeling a lot of mixed feelings already, I know I’ll miss them, and I’m terrified of what’s gonna happen after they go, what should I expect for myself? And how do I prepare for the separation?

They are going to go to rehab for a month, this’ll be the longest I’ve gone without seeing them, I’m just wondering what I should expect, what did you experience when separated from your abuser after being in a trauma bond with them?(I’m not talking about ppl who were abused and happy to get out, I’m talking specifically about ppl stuck in a trauma bond) I’m feeling a lot of mixed feelings already, I know I’ll miss them, and I’m terrified of what’s gonna happen after they go, what should I expect for myself? And how do I prepare for the separation?

They are going to go to rehab for a month, this’ll be the longest I’ve gone without seeing them, I’m just wondering what I should expect, what did you experience when separated from your abuser after being in a trauma bond with them?(I’m not talking about ppl who were abused and happy to get out, I’m talking specifically about ppl stuck in a trauma bond) I’m feeling a lot of mixed feelings already, I know I’ll miss them, and I’m terrified of what’s gonna happen after they go, what should I expect for myself? And how do I prepare for the separation?

My whole life foxes have been my favorite animal, I have a ton of fox mugs and other decorative items with foxes, clothes with foxes on them and a beanie that looks like a fox, like it was my “spirit animal” in a way, ig what I’m saying is that it meant a lot to me.

My exes infidelity accomplice also felt an extreme kinship with foxes, her pfp is a fox, my ex called her “foxxy” as a pet name, and would fantasize as them being a fox and wolf(that’s my exes animal) running around a field when they were feeling down, they didn’t think of me being their fox, it was her.

Before this I bought gifts for my ex they were the wolf and I was the fox, those were the animals that represented us in my gifts, because it was both our favorite animals, but now it all feels tainted, not only did I get replaced in my relationship, but I got replaced as the fox in their life, it’s like an extra harsh blow because of the comparison that could be made, like she’s just the better fox, she was better than me in so many ways, including being the better fox to their wolf

I know this sounds silly, but it just feels like not only did she ruin my relationship but she’s tainted a part of my personality as well, something that used to mean so much to me now just makes me recoil and feel disgust to think about, looking back on what used to me “us” now just looks like “them and her” instead, I don’t think I’ll ever look at my favorite animal the same again

They want to build back trust and be held accountable, so they’ve agreed to be completely transparent with me, in order to do that, since we don’t live together, what’s the best app I can install on my phone to see what’s happening on their phone?

Also I was cheating on, so I’m wondering if theirs a way to read messages that might be hidden from me? Or if there’s a way for key words to trigger when used in order for me to see it?

They want to build back trust and be held accountable, so they’ve agreed to be completely transparent with me, in order to do that, since we don’t live together, what’s the best app I can install on my phone to see what’s happening on their phone?

Also I was cheating on, so I’m wondering if theirs a way to read messages that might be hidden from me? Or if there’s a way for key words to trigger when used in order for me to see it?

I’ve been so betrayed and broken, and the person I’m closest to I can’t trust, they could be lying to me still about who they are and I’d never know, they’ve done it so many times, it wouldn’t be surprising at this point, they chose her over me so many times, why? What was so bad about me that I didn’t deserve to be chosen? Why do I have to endure all this pain? It’s not fair, I just want it to end, I don’t want to keep feeling all the pain all over again, they’ve done it to me so many times, so many bad things, it’s impossible to get over, because it got reinforced over and over and over again, that I’m not good enough, that I’m not worth choosing, that I have all these flaws that they need to learn to love about me, because they “are the broken one”, not me, so why does it feel like I was the broken one? From the start? I was never good enough and they made sure to point out why, how else am I supposed to feel about that? How am I supposed to not blame myself? How am I not supposed to be destroyed by their betrayals every time I think about them? And I can’t even not think about them, because if I forget about them then I’m just signing up for even more trauma and pain, I can’t trust them to hold my heart gently, not anymore, I’ve given them that chance so many times, remembering how they’ve destroyed my heart is the only thing keeping me safe rn, but it’s also making me just want to end it all because it hurts so much and I have no hope of things getting better anymore

I’ve been so betrayed and broken, and the person I’m closest to I can’t trust, they could be lying to me still about who they are and I’d never know, they’ve done it so many times, it wouldn’t be surprising at this point, they chose her over me so many times, why? What was so bad about me that I didn’t deserve to be chosen? Why do I have to endure all this pain? It’s not fair, I just want it to end, I don’t want to keep feeling all the pain all over again, they’ve done it to me so many times, so many bad things, it’s impossible to get over, because it got reinforced over and over and over again, that I’m not good enough, that I’m not worth choosing, that I have all these flaws that they need to learn to love about me, because they “are the broken one”, not me, so why does it feel like I was the broken one? From the start? I was never good enough and they made sure to point out why, how else am I supposed to feel about that? How am I supposed to not blame myself? How am I not supposed to be destroyed by their betrayals every time I think about them? And I can’t even not think about them, because if I forget about them then I’m just signing up for even more trauma and pain, I can’t trust them to hold my heart gently, not anymore, I’ve given them that chance so many times, remembering how they’ve destroyed my heart is the only thing keeping me safe rn, but it’s also making me just want to end it all because it hurts so much and I have no hope of things getting better anymore

I’ve been so betrayed and broken, and the person I’m closest to I can’t trust, they could be lying to me still about who they are and I’d never know, they’ve done it so many times, it wouldn’t be surprising at this point, they chose her over me so many times, why? What was so bad about me that I didn’t deserve to be chosen? Why do I have to endure all this pain? It’s not fair, I just want it to end, I don’t want to keep feeling all the pain all over again, they’ve done it to me so many times, so many bad things, it’s impossible to get over, because it got reinforced over and over and over again, that I’m not good enough, that I’m not worth choosing, that I have all these flaws that they need to learn to love about me, because they “are the broken one”, not me, so why does it feel like I was the broken one? From the start? I was never good enough and they made sure to point out why, how else am I supposed to feel about that? How am I supposed to not blame myself? How am I not supposed to be destroyed by their betrayals every time I think about them? And I can’t even not think about them, because if I forget about them then I’m just signing up for even more trauma and pain, I can’t trust them to hold my heart gently, not anymore, I’ve given them that chance so many times, remembering how they’ve destroyed my heart is the only thing keeping me safe rn, but it’s also making me just want to end it all because it hurts so much and I have no hope of things getting better anymore

I’ve been so betrayed and broken, and the person I’m closest to I can’t trust, they could be lying to me still about who they are and I’d never know, they’ve done it so many times, it wouldn’t be surprising at this point, they chose her over me so many times, why? What was so bad about me that I didn’t deserve to be chosen? Why do I have to endure all this pain? It’s not fair, I just want it to end, I don’t want to keep feeling all the pain all over again, they’ve done it to me so many times, so many bad things, it’s impossible to get over, because it got reinforced over and over and over again, that I’m not good enough, that I’m not worth choosing, that I have all these flaws that they need to learn to love about me, because they “are the broken one”, not me, so why does it feel like I was the broken one? From the start? I was never good enough and they made sure to point out why, how else am I supposed to feel about that? How am I supposed to not blame myself? How am I not supposed to be destroyed by their betrayals every time I think about them? And I can’t even not think about them, because if I forget about them then I’m just signing up for even more trauma and pain, I can’t trust them to hold my heart gently, not anymore, I’ve given them that chance so many times, remembering how they’ve destroyed my heart is the only thing keeping me safe rn, but it’s also making me just want to end it all because it hurts so much and I have no hope of things getting better anymore

My whole life foxes have been my favorite animal, I have a ton of fox mugs and other decorative items with foxes, clothes with foxes on them and a beanie that looks like a fox, like it was my “spirit animal” in a way, ig what I’m saying is that it meant a lot to me.

My exes infidelity accomplice (the person my ex cheated on me with) also felt an extreme kinship with foxes, her pfp is a fox, my ex called her “foxxy” as a pet name, and would fantasize as them being a fox and wolf(that’s my exes animal) running around a field when they were feeling down, they didn’t think of me being their fox, it was her.

Before this I bought gifts for my ex they were the wolf and I was the fox, those were the animals that represented us in my gifts, because it was both our favorite animals, but now it all feels tainted, not only did I get replaced in my relationship, but I got replaced as the fox in their life, it’s like an extra harsh blow because of the comparison that could be made, like she’s just the better fox, she was better than me in so many ways, including being the better fox to their wolf

I know this sounds silly, but it just feels like not only did she ruin my relationship but she’s tainted a part of my personality as well, something that used to mean so much to me now just makes me recoil and feel disgust to think about, looking back on what used to me “us” now just looks like “them and her” instead, I don’t think I’ll ever look at my favorite animal the same again

This doesn’t have anything to do with porn or relapse, but my ex did cheat on me because of their sex/porn addiction so I thought venting about how that’s affected me would still fit here

My whole life foxes have been my favorite animal, I have a ton of fox mugs and other decorative items with foxes, clothes with foxes on them and a beanie that looks like a fox, like it was my “spirit animal” in a way, ig what I’m saying is that it meant a lot to me.

My exes infidelity accomplice (the person my ex cheated on me with) also felt an extreme kinship with foxes, her pfp is a fox, my ex called her “foxxy” as a pet name, and would fantasize as them being a fox and wolf(that’s my exes animal) running around a field when they were feeling down, they didn’t think of me being their fox, it was her.

Before this I bought gifts for my ex they were the wolf and I was the fox, those were the animals that represented us in my gifts, because it was both our favorite animals, but now it all feels tainted, not only did I get replaced in my relationship, but I got replaced as the fox in their life, it’s like an extra harsh blow because of the comparison that could be made, like she’s just the better fox, she was better than me in so many ways, including being the better fox to their wolf

I know this sounds silly, but it just feels like not only did she ruin my relationship but she’s tainted a part of my personality as well, something that used to mean so much to me now just makes me recoil and feel disgust to think about, looking back on what used to me “us” now just looks like “them and her” instead, I don’t think I’ll ever look at my favorite animal the same again

My whole life foxes have been my favorite animal, I have a ton of fox mugs and other decorative items with foxes, clothes with foxes on them and a beanie that looks like a fox, like it was my “spirit animal” in a way, ig what I’m saying is that it meant a lot to me.

My exes infidelity accomplice (the person my ex cheated on me with) also felt an extreme kinship with foxes, her pfp is a fox, my ex called her “foxxy” as a pet name, and would fantasize as them being a fox and wolf(that’s my exes animal) running around a field when they were feeling down, they didn’t think of me being their fox, it was her.

Before this I bought gifts for my ex they were the wolf and I was the fox, those were the animals that represented us in my gifts, because it was both our favorite animals, but now it all feels tainted, not only did I get replaced in my relationship, but I got replaced as the fox in their life, it’s like an extra harsh blow because of the comparison that could be made, like she’s just the better fox, she was better than me in so many ways, including being the better fox to their wolf

I know this sounds silly, but it just feels like not only did she ruin my relationship but she’s tainted a part of my personality as well, something that used to mean so much to me now just makes me recoil and feel disgust to think about, looking back on what used to me “us” now just looks like “them and her” instead, I don’t think I’ll ever look at my favorite animal the same again

My whole life foxes have been my favorite animal, I have a ton of fox mugs and other decorative items with foxes, clothes with foxes on them and a beanie that looks like a fox, like it was my “spirit animal” in a way, ig what I’m saying is that it meant a lot to me.

My exes infidelity accomplice (the person my ex cheated on me with) also felt an extreme kinship with foxes, her pfp is a fox, my ex called her “foxxy” as a pet name, and would fantasize as them being a fox and wolf(that’s my exes animal) running around a field when they were feeling down, they didn’t think of me being their fox, it was her.

Before this I bought gifts for my ex they were the wolf and I was the fox, those were the animals that represented us in my gifts, because it was both our favorite animals, but now it all feels tainted, not only did I get replaced in my relationship, but I got replaced as the fox in their life, it’s like an extra harsh blow because of the comparison that could be made, like she’s just the better fox, she was better than me in so many ways, including being the better fox to their wolf

I know this sounds silly, but it just feels like not only did she ruin my relationship but she’s tainted a part of my personality as well, something that used to mean so much to me now just makes me recoil and feel disgust to think about, looking back on what used to me “us” now just looks like “them and her” instead, I don’t think I’ll ever look at my favorite animal the same again

My whole life foxes have been my favorite animal, I have a ton of fox mugs and other decorative items with foxes, clothes with foxes on them and a beanie that looks like a fox, like it was my “spirit animal” in a way, ig what I’m saying is that it meant a lot to me.

My exes infidelity accomplice (the person my ex cheated on me with) also felt an extreme kinship with foxes, her pfp is a fox, my ex called her “foxxy” as a pet name, and would fantasize as them being a fox and wolf(that’s my exes animal) running around a field when they were feeling down, they didn’t think of me being their fox, it was her.

Before this I bought gifts for my ex they were the wolf and I was the fox, those were the animals that represented us in my gifts, because it was both our favorite animals, but now it all feels tainted, not only did I get replaced in my relationship, but I got replaced as the fox in their life, it’s like an extra harsh blow because of the comparison that could be made, like she’s just the better fox, she was better than me in so many ways, including being the better fox to their wolf

I know this sounds silly, but it just feels like not only did she ruin my relationship but she’s tainted a part of my personality as well, something that used to mean so much to me now just makes me recoil and feel disgust to think about, looking back on what used to me “us” now just looks like “them and her” instead, I don’t think I’ll ever look at my favorite animal the same again

My whole life foxes have been my favorite animal, I have a ton of fox mugs and other decorative items with foxes, clothes with foxes on them and a beanie that looks like a fox, like it was my “spirit animal” in a way, ig what I’m saying is that it meant a lot to me.

My exes infidelity accomplice also felt an extreme kinship with foxes, her pfp is a fox, my ex called her “foxxy” as a pet name, and would fantasize as them being a fox and wolf(that’s my exes animal) running around a field when they were feeling down, they didn’t think of me being their fox, it was her.

Before this I bought gifts for my ex they were the wolf and I was the fox, those were the animals that represented us in my gifts, because it was both our favorite animals, but now it all feels tainted, not only did I get replaced in my relationship, but I got replaced as the fox in their life, it’s like an extra harsh blow because of the comparison that could be made, like she’s just the better fox, she was better than me in so many ways, including being the better fox to their wolf

I know this sounds silly, but it just feels like not only did she ruin my relationship but she’s tainted a part of my personality as well, something that used to mean so much to me now just makes me recoil and feel disgust to think about, looking back on what used to me “us” now just looks like “them and her” instead, I don’t think I’ll ever look at my favorite animal the same again

Or loving someone else more than they loved you(or atleast in how they treated their infidelity accomplice compared to how they treated me) how do I get over how they put someone they barely knew and they didn’t even meet in person over our years long relationship? They chose to reach out to them again despite knowing how much it hurt me and knowing it would end our relationship permanently, they showed way more love and favoritism to this person, more than they did for me cus they liked to shit talk about me to their infidelity accomplice, promised them that they’d never ever leave them even if I tried to “make” them stop talking to eachother, and said so many loving things to them that they’d never said to me, instead they disliked my personality and talked about everything they thought was wrong with me, they compared me to their infidelity accomplice, and they always won, they never compared me to anyone else and put me as the winner, I was only compared of it was to put me down in their own eyes

The pain I feel from all of this, being unchosen, over and over and over and over again, and not just with one person but multiple, this last one was just the worst because it actually involved cheating this time, and because of how much closer they got than they did with the other ppl, because of how much love and priority they showed them than the others, it’s indescribable, it’s the worst pain they’ve ever inflicted on me, I thought their abuse was bad, but seeing them show love to someone else, choose someone else, throw out relationship away for someone who shouldn’t even matter to them, it’s so much worse than abuse, I’d rather take the abuse if it meant they’d atleast choose me, I did for so long, but the pain from this was too much to stay, knowing that they didn’t actually love me, because they showed signs of real love to someone else, things they’d never shown to me, and then act remorseful so they could trick me into staying because they needed me, telling me they loved me, only to my face, never when they were alone, they only talked shit behind my back and then compare how shitty they thought of me to how much better their infidelity accomplice was to them, it hurts more than anything to be treated like I was just useful trash to them, and I meant nothing to them, only something to use, not something to love, because they already had something to love, the pain is so excruciating, I can’t even explain why it hurts so much, why it hurts more than literal abuse, why it’s the worst thing I’ve felt ever

How do I get past this soul crushing, heart destroying feelings from this all?

Or loving someone else more than they loved you(or atleast in how they treated their infidelity accomplice compared to how they treated me) how do I get over how they put someone they barely knew and they didn’t even meet in person over our years long relationship? They chose to reach out to them again despite knowing how much it hurt me and knowing it would end our relationship permanently, they showed way more love and favoritism to this person, more than they did for me cus they liked to shit talk about me to their infidelity accomplice, promised them that they’d never ever leave them even if I tried to “make” them stop talking to eachother, and said so many loving things to them that they’d never said to me, instead they disliked my personality and talked about everything they thought was wrong with me, they compared me to their infidelity accomplice, and they always won, they never compared me to anyone else and put me as the winner, I was only compared of it was to put me down in their own eyes

The pain I feel from all of this, being unchosen, over and over and over and over again, and not just with one person but multiple, this last one was just the worst because it actually involved cheating this time, and because of how much closer they got than they did with the other ppl, because of how much love and priority they showed them than the others, it’s indescribable, it’s the worst pain they’ve ever inflicted on me, I thought their abuse was bad, but seeing them show love to someone else, choose someone else, throw out relationship away for someone who shouldn’t even matter to them, it’s so much worse than abuse, I’d rather take the abuse if it meant they’d atleast choose me, I did for so long, but the pain from this was too much to stay, knowing that they didn’t actually love me, because they showed signs of real love to someone else, things they’d never shown to me, and then act remorseful so they could trick me into staying because they needed me, telling me they loved me, only to my face, never when they were alone, they only talked shit behind my back and then compare how shitty they thought of me to how much better their infidelity accomplice was to them, it hurts more than anything to be treated like I was just useful trash to them, and I meant nothing to them, only something to use, not something to love, because they already had something to love, the pain is so excruciating, I can’t even explain why it hurts so much, why it hurts more than literal abuse, why it’s the worst thing I’ve felt ever

How do I get past this soul crushing, heart destroying feelings from this all?

Or loving someone else more than they loved you(or atleast in how they treated their infidelity accomplice compared to how they treated me) how do I get over how they put someone they barely knew and they didn’t even meet in person over our years long relationship? They chose to reach out to them again despite knowing how much it hurt me and knowing it would end our relationship permanently, they showed way more love and favoritism to this person, more than they did for me cus they liked to shit talk about me to their infidelity accomplice, promised them that they’d never ever leave them even if I tried to “make” them stop talking to eachother, and said so many loving things to them that they’d never said to me, instead they disliked my personality and talked about everything they thought was wrong with me, they compared me to their infidelity accomplice, and they always won, they never compared me to anyone else and put me as the winner, I was only compared of it was to put me down in their own eyes

The pain I feel from all of this, being unchosen, over and over and over and over again, and not just with one person but multiple, this last one was just the worst because it actually involved cheating this time, and because of how much closer they got than they did with the other ppl, because of how much love and priority they showed them than the others, it’s indescribable, it’s the worst pain they’ve ever inflicted on me, I thought their abuse was bad, but seeing them show love to someone else, choose someone else, throw out relationship away for someone who shouldn’t even matter to them, it’s so much worse than abuse, I’d rather take the abuse if it meant they’d atleast choose me, I did for so long, but the pain from this was too much to stay, knowing that they didn’t actually love me, because they showed signs of real love to someone else, things they’d never shown to me, and then act remorseful so they could trick me into staying because they needed me, telling me they loved me, only to my face, never when they were alone, they only talked shit behind my back and then compare how shitty they thought of me to how much better their infidelity accomplice was to them, it hurts more than anything to be treated like I was just useful trash to them, and I meant nothing to them, only something to use, not something to love, because they already had something to love, the pain is so excruciating, I can’t even explain why it hurts so much, why it hurts more than literal abuse, why it’s the worst thing I’ve felt ever

How do I get past this soul crushing, heart destroying feelings from this all?