r/Infidelity

Hey all, so i’m caught in a weird moral dilemma that i just need to hear people’s opinions on.
to start me (26) and my girlfriend (25) have been dating for 2 years and we rushed to move in together, this has caused a lot of tensions and problems that have affected our relationship, lots of arguing, bickering and just generally our dynamic hasn’t been the greatest; despite it all i want to fix things.
about 2 weeks ago at the bar i work at a girl was talking with me after my shift about pretty mundane things until she got a bit flirty and touchy to which i ended up going home after it happened. due to her being a fairly regular patron i follow her and her friends one of which started dating my friend on instagram.
i battle with the guilt of having had a conversation with someone who i do find physically attractive without feeling some level of resentment towards. after which i spoke with some trusted friends and family members about whether i should tell my girlfriend about this interaction and due to me not having had done anything they recommended that i do not tell her and keep it platonic with this other girl.
fast forward to last night, the guilt was consuming me and i decided to drink my feelings away to which i ended up getting beyond hammered and blacked out. as it turned out i recorded a video message at like 5 am that i had meant to send to the girl calling her beautiful and that i’d sacrifice everything for her and then i proceeded to yell “ITALIA” (i’m actually not even sure if she’s italian) but due to me being absolutely plastered i sent it to my girlfriend who saw the video and asked me who this girl is cuz i mentioned her name in the video.
so my girlfriend said we need to break up and we talked about this girl who when she asked me who she is i told her exactly who and what our interaction was. and after talking with her she said she’ll consider not breaking up but it seems like her mind is pretty set on it;
did i cheat? should i have told her about the interaction immediately after it happened? and does anyone have any tips as to how i can fix this?
we still got a few months left in our lease and she slept at her friends place today (one of which she kissed on the lips a few times at the beginning of our relationship, and although he is in a gay relationship he is bisexual). all her friends still follow me on socials which weirdly gives me hope that maybe we can reconcile.
i don’t think i cheated and i never went any further than that with her or anyone else, but i certainly think i made a stupid mistake one of which i’ll never repeat, so yeah that’s my story, please give me advice and AMA for more details and context

****I know I am a piece of shit; I am looking for help please be kind. ****

I apologize ahead of time for the detail, but I think the details matter. I need to give some quick background here.

I'm 35 married for 2 years. Ive been with my partner for about 8 years total. We met when we were 27/26, she is a year younger. My wife is the sweetest, nicest woman ever. She is 100% loyal, she was never in a relationship until she met me. She was kind of a late bloomer. Not a prude but just wasn't sexually experienced when we met.

When we met i was barely making any money. She had a good career, got me a job, paid off my cc debt from when I was reckless with money in my early 20s.

A year after we met, she lost both her parents (covid/cancer complications). She was in great shape when we met but she had weight loss surgery shortly before we met. She has gained all of weight back and then some. I told her even before we were married, I was losing physical attraction toward her. Nothing changed.

Nevertheless, we ended up buying a house together. getting a dog, getting married and having a baby who is now 5 months old through a long process of IVF. My life is now a huge list of responsibility that I didn't really want or ask for. i always expressed that I felt things were rushed and I just wanted to enjoy life and have fun, but she was on a timeline and i felt that i owed her from everything she has helped me with. I did push back on all of these things but days and months and years of her wearing me down, i gave in to all of the above. because i thought - sure it's the right thing to do and I "want" these things in the future anyway. She has so many good qualities and i knew she would be a great mother. She loves our daughter and she has been so good. I can tell she is fulfilled in life, and our daughter is her purpose and she is satisfied.

Ive felt sexually unsatisfied for years, even though we have sex I just don't feel like my needs are being met and I want to have sex with someone I'm attracted to - which brings us to the real story....

about 7 months ago dec 2025, i went on a business trip. I met a girl at a bar that was super cool. Lets call her Luna. She is 26, cute, fit, has a nerdy/goth vibe. we hit it off and really enjoyed each other's company. We ended up having sex and then we had been talking for months as i go there once a month for business. She was so fucking cool. She has multiple partners, bisexual. constantly having threesomes and sex parties. (she gets tested regularly) She would send me pics of her having sex and making out in orgies. It was literally my biggest fantasy come true. We talked every day for about 4 months, and had phone calls every night. It was definitely a relationship.

Unfortunately, there was some drama, and she told me she felt guilty that she was helping me cheat and she didn't want to have sex anymore. (she knew i was married when we met). I was devastated and pulled back greatly. That hurt her too because i later found out that she still wanted the romantic/deep connection but just not sex, and when i pulled back she said that i must've just wanted her for sex. I don't know how true that is but i was definitely not taking it well. we still talk every once in a while, and I'm supposed to see her just as friends for dinner next time I go out there. It has been rough as there was some arguments and I'm not sure what will happen.

The problem is I am completely depressed now. I know this probably sounds so stupid, but i feel like i almost can't live my normal life anymore without thinking about this girl and the possibilities and fantasy that I half had and now won't be fulfilled. I feel so bored out of my mind. I feel terrible saying this but it's like i don't even care about my own daughter. i feel like I'm not connecting with her. All i can think about is Luna and how i was close to having threesomes and having all these wild sexual fantasies. I know this sounds awful, but this is how i truly feel. No sense in lying. Is there something wrong with me. My friends and family are all happy that i have a family and they are so happy for me and all i can think about is this girl.

My wife and I are currently in the process of buying a bigger house that will essentially eat our whole budget. Currently selling out house and no offers yet which is super stressful because we need the money to fix essential things when we move into the new house. We will be carrying 2 mortgages for at least a month now. With a newborn, daycare, and my wife going back to work, life is super stressful. I have no zest or desire for my current life. I feel awful saying this but it's true. I have no idea what to do. Luna is probably not a possibility anymore. She said she was 100% done sexually and i know she means it. She is open and honest with her partners, and she doesn't need someone that will potentially have drama and complications with being married. Unlike me who has to hide things and sneak around, she is free and openly does what she wants.

I feel like after i was exposed to this reality with Luna i just cant go back to my "old life". Someone please help. Is this just a short phase or do i need to leave my wife and be honest with her? I don't think I want a divorce. Ultimately, I think maybe an open marriage would be what I would ask for? She wouldn't be down for that though. Ive brought up the idea of her having sex with other men or women and she is not into that idea at all. It really is just not something she is interested in. If thats the case then I need to be honest or i will never be happy? Or should i just wait this out and maybe i will be satisfied with my normal family like everyone else seems to be? I feel so lost. I feel like I'm living a life I don't want even though I always imagined my life with kids and a family. it's like I'm mentally moving in the other direction and feel trapped by this life. Has anyone been in a similar situation? Is this rare?

Why should I feel guilty?

I met my husband of 19 years when I was a free spirited young woman with hopes of becoming a singer. He was always controlling, becoming jealous when I practiced with bandmates and so eventually I gave it up.

We fought like wild animals early on, not so much with hands (though that happened on both sides) but with words. I will never forget the time he called me a c**t. As a woman of color, that was something I had never experienced and it hit me like bricks. I forgave it.

I got pregnant after a point and we decided to make it work for the sake of our child. Still, it was toxic. But I put up with it and accepted it so I am no victim.

Fast forward 19 years.

He is still the same man, though more tame. Meaning, he still gets angry quickly, but doesn't call me out my name anymore. Hasn't in years.

We were never supposed to stay together. But here we are.

He has his qualities, for sure. Handsome, loves to eat p**** and f*** (which arguably clouded my judgement over the years), but he does not challenge me intellectually, he and I rarely see eye to eye on even the most basic of issues and I find myself coming to the bleak truth that we were supposed to be with different people.

I have been feeling an urgent sense of longing for the relationship I feel I always deserved. That intellectually stimulating, charming and engaging person who is slow to anger and is able to find the magic in life.

Why should I feel guilty if I have these fantasies? Why should I feel guilt if I snatch someone up to fulfill something in me that was buried down deep and lost?

Divorce him.

Sure, that's all great on paper. But as two high income earners who have built a life where both our incomes matter, why should I blow up my financial position?

I just want to recapture what I lost 20 years ago through someone else.

Why should I feel bad about my that?

previous post: Update: Is my Wife Cheating on Me : r/Infidelity

About a month ago I went to a group hang out that my wife was having with her friend group. I told her that I would not be able to make it because of work, but I actually went and planned to be there to crash it at around 8:30pm. I never posted an update though because when I arrived there wasn't much going on. My wife and her friends were playing monopoly and other board games with her friends around a table together. They were surprised I was there but they all greeted me and I joined them.

On July 4th we went to a cook-out picnic to watch fireworks and stuff with her friend group and others. This gathering was much larger, with probably about 70 to 90 people. The guy (I'll just call him John so it is not confusing whenever I say "the guy"). I saw John was there too. Even before when I first met him while dating my wife all those years ago, I never really liked his vibe, plus with what has recently been happening, I just chose to not really acknowledge him. Everything was quite normal for most of the night. I endured some social interactions with John here and there and everything was quite normal for the most part.

The weird part began when the fireworks started. Basically my wife and her girlfriends were dancing in the grass field and cheering and just kind of goofing off with music from an amplifier playing loudly. Some of us were buzzed others were drunk, and then I saw John suddenly appear as my wife was cheering and dancing next to her friends with her arms up and John holds her arms from behind her. One of John's friends (at least I am assuming his friend) does the same with a girl who was dancing/cheering next to my wife, and I thought to myself are these people crazy? because I know that girl is married too, to an acquaintance of mine (one of the only guys I would call "friend" in my wife's group). I froze up sitting in my chair by the food and waited to see if he would let go and then I can confront my wife about it. But he never did and I got antsy, so I got up and started speed walking toward them. I naturally don't have a loud voice but I yelled out "hey" as loud as I could but even I had a hard time hearing myself with the fireworks and the music playing. When I got closer to them, I can hear my wife saying "duuude" at John. I put my hand on John's shoulder and I grabbed my wife's hand and after a few seconds John lets go and dances backwards into the group. Me and my wife sat together by the food where I was previously sitting and I asked her why he keeps touching her. She responds by basically saying she's sorry and that she wasn't aware who was touching her at first and that John is just a moron. At this point I was a bit glassy eyed and probably filled with a decent amount of adrenaline. A random guy who was sitting close by heard and kind of chimed in saying how some random guy was grinding with his wife and they are "acting a fool" but that this kind of thing can just happen on dance floors and at the end of the day his girl always comes home with him. The rest of the night went without any problems.

When we got home, we talked a long while about everything. But the conclusion we came to is she agreed on my request not to go to hang outs with her friend group if John is there. I will still attend at random times as I have been doing but so far this is the resolution that I am content with after our long conversation. My mind is a little scattered right now so sorry if I didn't explain very well, but I even have half a mind to text the husband of the other girl I saw being held to let him know but I am also aware that this all could just sound so weird for him and there could be an off chance that I just start making straight up direct enemies with some people from my wife's group if I start sticking my neck out.

Help… please help. Friday night my husband, myself, and our four year old went to eat dinner at my dad’s house.
We do not see him very often because there has always been tension there and he is very narcissistic. I really wanted to try and have a relationship with my dad and so I have been texting him more and trying to see him a little here and there. Dinner went great, and my husband even opened up to him about his sexuality. About two weeks ago my husband told me he is bisexual and always has been but has been closeted all this time. He opened up to my dad about this and was received with a hug and that he was accepted. He asked my husband if he wanted to go ride side by sides Saturday morning and that he would be here to support him. He goes on and has a great time and everything is fine so I think.
Saturday my in-laws had a cookout for the holiday and me and my little family of course went. We all walked inside together but then my husband went outside and a few minutes later I realized I had forgotten the drinks in the car. When I was walking back to the car I saw my husband
Walking the same way texting and smiling and thought it was very strange. I walked behind him not even hiding my steps and he went behind the car still just enamored. As soon as he saw me step towards him his whole face froze and he tried to take his phone and not let me see it… which has never happened.
I knew in my gut immediately who they were from but had been praying I was wrong. I wasn’t. The text thread was all messages from my dad to him…. I don’t know if he was just texting back at the time I caught him or if messages were erased. They were beyond highly inappropriate…… actually they were traumatizing and I truly feel heartbroken in a way I didn’t know could exist. The messages were explicit. They also mentioned me. My own father and my own husband mentioned ME in their sexual fantasies or what the f ever.
I don’t know what to do. I’m so broken. I love my husband and our family and our life together but i cant live like this and ultimately our daughter looks up to me and i have to show her right from wrong.
If this was you what would you do?? I have been with this man since I was 17 I know nothing else. I’m
Broken.

A couple months ago I made a fake account to test my gf, due to her hiding her phone and being secretive about guys that liked her that she is still in contact with. I know I shouldn’t be making fake accounts but it is what it is.

I made her confess on the fake account by saying “tell him or I will”, because we had been flirting for a few days and I was so sick to my stomach I couldn’t go on longer.

There was no sexting but it was very flirty, including pictures she would send. She even agreed to go on a date after 1 day of talking.

I told her a couple times that cheating was my biggest fear after she asked. She always said she would never but here we are, I don’t know if I can ever trust her again. I know just texting isn’t so bad but even entertaining the account is enough for me to feel betrayed.

This happened at 10 months and I was about to buy a promise ring for our 1 year, as we had both talked about it multiple times. I believe she is genuinely sorry as she was sobbing and begging in my arms after telling me, but I don’t know if she can change.

We are still together and we always had talks of working through things as we have similar end goals in life. I’m wondering if I’m over reacting because it was just flirting and nothing actually sexual going on.

Now I feel indifferent and when I see pictures of her I’m just disappointed, wondering how she could throw away the “best year of her life”. When I think about it I might not even care if she cheats on me again, I would just leave because I know I did it to myself at that point.

In conclusion I love her and I would love to stay with her, but I’m not sure if she can or will change, or if I can accept and trust that she has changed.

So I’ve been dating this guy on and off for 5 years. When we started dating he(29) told me(24) he was divorced. I had no reason not to believe him We worked together and had mutual friends and no one ever said anything to me. He was always very avoidant and I had a gut feeling he was cheating. Anytime I’d get too close and started asking questions why I hadn’t met his parents only his brother on a few occasions or why he stopped taking me out on dates he’d break up with me saying he couldn’t give me what I wanted. After almost 4 years of this back and forth and long periods in between hes now 33 and im 28 and both in different places in our lives to be playing games. Well we’ve been arguing a lot lately and he let something slip that gave him away immediately. He admitted to having a one night stand during one of our “off” periods and that she’s having a child. He’s moving across the country in two weeks for a new job and after much debate he finally came clean confessing it was actually his ex wife who he’d hooked up with. I obviously didn’t let it go and he eventually confessed to still being married to her. I am obviously devastated and don’t feel im in the right headspace to make such an important decision for someone else’s life. I’ve known now for 3 days and I can’t stop thinking about her. She’s moving across the country to a new place with no support and no friends for this man and with a child no less. If I were in her shoes I would want to know and feel she deserves to know but I can’t bring myself to destroy her life. What should I do?

Edit: I asked my mom for advice and she said just like I had a gut feeling he was cheating she likely does too. He told me they were married 8 years before their divorce so im assuming they’d be 13-14 years married by now. My mom thinks the wife knows what kind of man she married and best to leave it to God.

I'm reaching out here in hopes to hear people share their stories from either how couples were able to move forward after cheating occurred, or hear from people as to why they cheated and how they've made progress to better themselves?

For context, I’m 25F, boyfriend is 28M. We’ve been together over a year but don’t live together. He’s had the condom box in there since before we even started dating. I found them in his wardrobe while cleaning one time and the box was still sealed.

We’ve both been on the same page that we’re waiting until marriage to have intercourse because I’m still a virgin. He is not. We still fool around sometimes but have not crossed that line and know we won’t be until marriage.

Yesterday morning though, I was putting away a pair of his socks in his underwear drawer and noticed that he’d opened the box that’s been closed for over a year. Three strips of two were still in the closed box. Two strips of two were laid out on top of his underwear. This is a 10 pack box.

He never uses condoms for masturbation, and that box has sat untouched for well over a year. He also had already had some loose ones in a small bowl on his nightstand from his previous relationship, so why open fresh ones? All condoms mentioned don’t expire for another year or so and all are the same type/brand, FYI.

What does this all mean? Is he planning to cheat?

TL;DR: bf of over a year suddenly opened a box of condoms that’s been sealed in his dresser since before me. Two strips are laid out on top of his underwear. We don’t have intercourse and don’t plan to until marriage because I’m religious. What does this mean? Is he planning to cheat?

Lately, I keep watching her try so hard to change. On some level, I know I'm supposed to feel grateful for it. I know I'm supposed to look at the effort, the therapy, the apologies, the crying, and the realizations, and feel some kind of hope.

But I don't. Sometimes it just makes me feel sick.

Because what is she actually trying so hard to become? Honest? Loyal? Safe? Someone who can tell the truth without being forced into a corner? Someone who thinks about her husband and children before destroying them? Someone who doesn't lie for years, or bring another man into the sacred parts of our life?

That’s not some heroic transformation. That’s the bare minimum. That’s the floor. That’s the person I thought I married nineteen years ago.

And that is what unnerves me.

Her "best self" right now isn't some extraordinary, elevated version of her. It’s not perfection or sainthood. She isn't being asked to do the impossible. Her best self is just the woman I deserved from the very beginning.

That thought absolutely guts me. I didn't need to be taught not to cheat. I didn't need therapy to understand that loyalty mattered. I didn't need catastrophic consequences to realize that lying to someone for years is cruel. I didn't need to lose everything before I protected my family, and I didn't need to watch her collapse in order to be decent to her.

So why did I have to be completely destroyed just for her to start becoming decent to me?

That’s the part I can’t escape.

I see the effort. I see that she’s trying, and I know she isn't the same person she was six months ago. I’m not blind, and I’m not trying to be unfair. But there is a deep, quiet rage in watching someone work this hard to become what they should have been when they took your hand, made vows, built a home, had children, and let you believe you were safe.

It feels like standing in the ruins of your life while someone proudly shows you the first brick of the house they never should have burned down in the first place.

And I’m supposed to clap for the brick.

Does she expect a atta girl for trying to be decent?

I’m supposed to be moved by the fact that honesty is finally being installed. That empathy is finally showing up. But where was all of this when it could have spared me? Where was this woman when I was giving her my life in good faith? Where was this effort when I still had a chance to choose my own reality?

That is what makes it so impossible to trust. It’s not just what she did, it’s how much agonizing work it takes for her to be safe now. If being honest and faithful requires this much effort, how am I ever supposed to rest inside that? How do I find peace? How do I not constantly wonder what happens when she gets tired of trying? Or comfortable again in the new house made of brick?

I don't want to punish change. I know it matters. But I cannot pretend it doesn't hurt like hell to realize that the version of her I am being asked to believe in now, is just the version I thought I already had. The version any adult relationship requires.

I recently found out that my partner of 4.5 yrs has been cheating on me.

For some context, we got together in high school. It was a rough start, my first real relationship. He didn't know how to treat me and deal with his emotions. About six months in, he confessed to actually dating someone when we got together (first instance of cheating). He explained that they was completely online, and would threaten to kill themselves when they tried to brake up, so I gave him the benefit of the doubt. We worked it out and it was better from there. I still think we fight more than we should, some days are bad and some are good. But it had been progressively getting better, or so I thought.

I had a male friend that I was talking to, who I confided information about the relationship with. He would talk poorly about my partner over text, and I let him probably more than I should've. I constantly defended my partner to him in person, but I guess that didn't translate over text. My friend would also tell me about his sex life, as do my female friends so I didn't think anything of it. One day my partner was going through my phone (he would often do this without asking, just takes it while I'm asleep and maybe tells me at a later point) and blew up at me saying I'm a cheater and this and that and making me promise not to talk to my friend again, to which I did because I felt like I had no other choice. I did end up talking to my friend behind his back, just to explain a little and say goodbye, because he was my best friend and I cared about him. I haven't talked to him sense. He then saw that message as well and said I was choosing my friend over him, and said that he deserves to get revenge and a whole lot of other things. I understand that this was a breach of trust and boundaries, but not cheating. He told his friends and whoever else that I cheated on him, which I let him because he was really hurt and needed to vent, and I understood that. This was a year or two ago at this point.

Time passes, we both seem to move on. My partner tells me that he's moved on and makes a point to rub it in my face how much better he was and that he didn't get revenge even though he should have. Moving to a couple weeks from present date, an old friend (we ended on bad terms) reached out to tell me my boyfriend was cheating on me. I was a skeptic, because she has embellish things before, and I assumed thought pretty lowly of me. She said that he had slept with multiple of his coworkers. I reached out to one of his coworkers (who also does not like me and talked trash to my partner about me) asking if they slept together and she said no. I went through my partners phone and did not find anything, but he does not save most phone numbers and deletes a lot of things.

Earlier in the day (on D-Day) I casually ask my partner if he cheated on me, to which he said no, and that is not the first time this has happened. I hinted to having some more information and said we'd chat later. To which later he knew that I knew that he cheated on me, and when I asked again he still said no. I then had to ask him multiple times, to which he finally confessed to "kissing" one of his coworkers when he thought that I cheated on him with my friend (to which I did not, and was also probably a year and a half ago at this point). I asked him for details and he seemed very apologetic and to regret his actions. This one girl had been intrested in him for YEARS and he knew that. Upon me grilling him for more details he said that it was only her, and they kissed two or three times over the span of a three ish week period. That they would go to work and just constantly talk and flirt with one another. I thought that he was finally being honest, turned out he was not.

I asked him multiple times about the other girl (the one that talked trash about me who I messaged) before he finally confessed to "making out" with her as well. This is what really sent me over the edge. He knew that I did not like her, and I had told him multiple times that she had multiple sexual harassment complaints against her. She made up a story about me cheating on him (I have never once before actually talked to this girl, we just went to school together) and he believed her and let her talk trash about me constantly. He ended up giving her a ride home, and they went for a drive for like an hour and a half, before he dropped her off outside her house, to which he said they made out. He said she was flirting with him and he wanted revenge on me. I also do know that this particular girl flirts and kissed anything that breathes, hence the multiple sexual harassment complaints. This was in October, 6 months to a year after the first coworker. He then confesses to having "made out" with the first coworker as well, rather than just kissing as he previously stated. Both coworkers were in relationships and cheating on them as well, but they told their partners immediately. He claims to regret it so much and hate himself for it and whatnot, but I do not understand how you hate and regret your actions and keep doing them repeatedly. He suddenly had all the right things to say, how much he regreted it, that he'd work on his emotionally instability, finally talk to a therapist, etc. He took full accountability without blaming me, which was nice at least. He claimed to want to tell me, but I do not think he was ever going to. I gave him so many chances to own up, and even when I finally thought he was being truthful, I found out he was not, so I cannot bring myself to believe him at this point.

This was two or three weeks ago at this point. I don't know if he just made out with them, or if more happened or if it was with more people, and I've lost all trust he will say the truth. I just don't know where to go from here. The lizard part of my brain loves this man so much that I want to keep destroying myself for him. Part of me wants to believe that it will never happen again, but I believed that it would never happen in the first place, so I cannot trust that. Three makes a pattern, and there was a long period of time for him to reflect in between them. I don't know whats worse, the fact that it happened or the constant lies over and over again for years. We ran into one of them in public and still neither him nor her voiced a single thing. He looked both of us in the eyes then went on with his day. Part of me wants to move past this, stay with him, pretend like things are normal. But the other part of me knows that I will never forgive him, or trust a single thing he says. I know that most of the comments are going to recomend to leave, but I just don't know where I stand or what I want to do, and unfortunetly, it is my decision. Part of me wants to stay, be with the man that I love, but part of me wants to leave, not living the rest of my life with a cheater wondering when it'll happen again. There is a lot more to the story than what is said above, but this is just the spark notes version so it doesn't get too too long. Just any advice at all would be appreciated

my wife’s always taking her phone everywhere. is that a red flag? i know when she says I’ll go to the restroom is not for you know number 2. any advice on how to caught a cheater you know when talking about iphone tricks or something please

In December of last year I found out I was being cheated on and it was the hardest thing to heal from.
I tried moving on by dating an old friend I hadn’t talked to in a long time and then we went on a trip to Hawaii together where I met his extended family. I decided not to continue things because he ended up becoming abusive. I saw him post with a girl for July 4th so I went to her page and she had posts with him from 2024 to now. I contacted her to ask if they were together when we went to Hawaii and she said yes. She didn’t believe me, but I did all I could by giving her all the information and proof I had that he took me to Hawaii with him and that we were starting a relationship together. She stops replying and I receive texts and calls from him saying I was lying and I need to stop harassing and stalking people before he goes to the police.

I just hate the feeling of being the girl someone cheated with like I had absolutely no idea he was in a relationship. Being cheated on and then being cheated with is such a terrible feeling, I feel so guilty and I’m not even the one that cheated. I don’t know her, but I also feel she deserves so much better. After being cheated on I didn’t think I could move on and find love again, but I have and it’s amazing.

It also has affected my trust issues because I didn’t think he was that type of person to not only cheat but take a whole other girl on vacation while in a relationship.

I (25 m) and I started dating a girl (23 f) in our first semester in law school. At first it was great, but she had some issues pushing my boundaries and that created some tension. She also refused to let anyone outside of our immediate friend circle know we were together, which I thought was strange since she wanted to do other bf/gf things like going out to dinner. We were together for about two months when she broke it off with me right before finals. On the night of our last final, our entire class decided to go to a bar to celebrate, and she was kissing a guy, which surprised me because she was always super shy in social situations. I find out once second semester starts that they are now a couple. The more I thought about it, I realized she would not have had time to start dating someone new from the time she broke up with me and by the time finals ended, especailly because she goes crazy with studying. I also found an old text where she mentions getting lunch with some mutual friends and the new bf while we were still together. Finally and easily the biggest potential red flag is that I later learned she was dating a different guy before she started pursuing me.

Then at my current job, I was told by someone at my school that she remembers seeing my ex with her current bf together a lot during the time we were dating, and said she was probably testing which guy she liked better.

Does any of this make sense or am I looking too much into it?

A while ago I (32M) started a job at a large office in London.

One of the members of my team (33F) is a conventionally attractive woman. She looks just like the actress Felicity Jones. She is in a long-term relationship, lives with her boyfriend and she has hinted about not being happy in her relationship.

Since I joined she has made it clear she likes me. Shortly after I joined the company, she moved seats to sit directly next to me. We get on well but I just see her as a good friend.

From what I understand, her boyfriend has been unemployed for a while and has been temporarily retraining in another part of the country.

At a work party a while ago she booked a hotel room. She even booked a hotel I recommend to her and she repeatedly checked beforehand if I would be drinking that night, like she was hoping I'd have few inhibitions.

It was a circus themed party and she wore a very revealing outfit - short strapless dress, pigtails and clown makeup.

At the party I complimented her outfit, entirely platonically. As soon as I did that she started touching me and continued to do so throughout the night. Mostly just holding her hand on my back for a long time.

I abruptly told her I was leaving and she became confused. She kept trying to persuade me to stay. I kept saying I wanted to leave, pretending I didn't understand what she was getting at. She then became emotional and said "Are you suuuuurrreee?". I just replied "Yeah." And she went silent.

As I was walking out I turned to look at her and could see she looked like she was starting to cry.

I left the party and as you can imagine it's been a bit awkward sitting next to her since then.

I really don't like cheating and I actually feel a bit insulted that she thought I would take part in an affair.

Any advice?

I was with my girlfriend for almost 5 years. I loved this person with my entire being. I am so heartbroken by what I discovered today.

She has bipolar I and was diagnosed after she cheated the first time in our relationship. I stayed. This was just over two years ago. I tried to be understanding. I wanted to accept her including her flaws. She was manic. She wasn’t thinking straight.

Well I found out the summer after that that it happened again, just with someone new this time. I never learned all of the details of these cheating episodes. I excused it. She wasn’t on the right medication. She was manic.

Well, I found a Spotify playlist she made when I opened Spotify the other day. It was her with a man I’ve never seen before, snuggled up against him, one arm around his waist, the other around his shoulder. My heart sank. I confronted her and I caught her in a lie because I had more information. She said she didn’t know his name even.

I decided to snoop and I was appalled by what I discovered. I found that she had signed up for a dating account twice during our relationship, once was a paid one. The worst thing is that she met up with the guy she first cheated on me with two months ago.

I confronted her with all of this evidence and she had excuses for each of them. She said her friends signed up for dating accounts on her phone since they were banned. She met up with the guy for closure because he was horrible to her.

I stood up for myself for the very first time. I called BS and I told her that she is a pathological liar. I told her that the person I knew never existed and I don’t know who she even is. She was angry and told me she felt like she couldn’t be honest because I would “act like this”. I’ve been told by my friends that I’m one of the easiest people to open up to. I like to think that I’m a kind person and that I’m accepting of others.

I just feel like I’m crazy. I feel like I did something wrong and I don’t know why. I feel so guilty because she’s on vacation in another country for the very first time, and it’s special for her. Today was supposed to be an amazing day for her. I had to act with urgency because I had given my notice at my job and I was going to move with her around the end of this month.

Thank you for taking the time to read and respond.

For context before any of this we have had a perfect relationship. As of the past couple of months though my girlfriend and I have had a dead bedroom problem. She would say that I wasn’t meeting her needs or making her feel wanted. Any attempt I would make would immediately get shut down and be what feels like being pushed away. 3 weeks ago I brought this up and things did improve. She would constantly mention this other guy who she said was an old friend from her previous job. I have no problems with her having male friends but she also mentioned him multiple times a day. She also said he used to have feelings for her and if he tried anything with her she would shut it down and stop talking to him. One night I decided to look at her messages with him and found he was constantly saying sexual things to her. I confronted her and she said it was only going on for 2 days and she was going to tell me. She did not reciprocate any of the sexual messaging that I know of (it was on Snapchat and multiple snaps were sent between them.) She felt really remorseful and I decided to give her a second chance. Our bedroom life started to decline again and I started to be pushed away so I checked her phone again. I found more messages between them and the guy apologized to which she said no don’t be sorry. I haven’t confronted her yet but was planning to propose soon and I want to marry this woman and feel completely lost about what I should do.

TL:DR
I caught my partner sexting another guy for the second time and feel lost on the situation.

I’ve been in a relationship for 4 years. I just found out he had a one night stand with a girl and I also found 2 chats on his phone with other women. He hooked up with the girl in the beginning of May but he picked up my engagement ring at the end of that month. I have no clue how someone can do something like that and still go through with an engagement. This is all new to me and I need advice on how I should move. I know he was planning on popping the big question but I feel conflicted now. Is there room for repair or should I just leave?

UPDATE: It hit the fan today, she still hasn’t come home. She texted her grandfather last night asking for money. He called me and talked to me to find out what was going on. I told him everything. He then brought up concerns of her stealing from him. She has stolen $80k over the last 12 months. $2500 over the last 30 days from him. He’s 86 years old and she’s just taken advantage of him. Come to find out the state sent an investigator over to his place about two months ago to find out where his money was going. I went through his charges on his bank account and found a charge from an online abortion pill pharmacy. Did some research and she definitely placed the order. That was 3 weeks ago, I’m assuming she probably took them and is just stringing me long to use what she can out of me.

This is going to be long, and I originally used speech-to-text, so I apologize for any mistakes.
My wife(33f) and I(32m) have been married for a year and a half and together for four years total. Over the course of our relationship, I have caught her emotionally cheating four times and physically cheating once. The physical cheating is what completely broke me, and it happened about a month ago.

I went on a trip to help a friend build a cabin. When I got back, I noticed she was texting a guy. When I asked her about it, she lied straight to my face and told me it was nothing and that she was just trying to sell something to him. She got upset with me and told me that I needed to trust her because she was my wife and that she would never do something like that to me again.
I tried to let it go, but for the next couple of weeks I had this awful gut feeling that something wasn’t right. Eventually, I went through her phone and found the texts between her and the same guy. They were devastating. She was talking about sexual desires and saying things to him that she used to say to me.

I confronted her. At first she got defensive and focused on the fact that I went through her phone, but eventually she admitted it, apologized, and said she was sorry.
The very next day she came to me and told me she was pregnant and that the baby was mine. I’m still not completely sure, and I do plan on getting a paternity test just so I know for certain.
That changed everything for me. Before finding out about the pregnancy, I was ready to file for divorce. But the thought of having a newborn and not being there for those moments made me reconsider. I told her I was willing to stay, try to forgive, and work through things.
Then Father’s Day happened.
She told me she was going to stop by her stepdad’s house for Father’s Day. Something didn’t feel right, so I drove by the house she cheated on me at and saw that she was actually there. I tried texting and calling her, but she ignored me.

Later that night, she finally texted me saying she had been at her dad’s house and was stopping to get fuel on her way home.

When she got home, I confronted her. She kept lying until I started showing her proof. Only then did little pieces of the truth start coming out.
She even showed me a gas receipt from near her dad’s house, which was about 20 miles away from where I had seen her. The timestamp on the receipt was around 30 minutes after I had a timestamped picture proving she was at the other house. She had literally driven from the house she wasn’t supposed to be at over toward her dad’s area just to get a receipt to try and prove she wasn’t lying.
Eventually she admitted everything.
At that point, I was done. I left and stayed with my parents while I tried to figure out what I was going to do.
After about a week, I started feeling guilty and came back. We had a long conversation and decided that we both wanted to try to fix things. We agreed we would take it slow and work on rebuilding.
Now we are only a week out from that conversation, and I found out she is lying to me again.
She is currently on a trip she didn’t tell me about with the same woman whose son she cheated with. They are at their cabin. She claims it’s on girls only trip but it still doesn’t sit right.

This has been over a month of constant hurt, and every time I start trying to move forward, another lie or another piece of deceit comes out.
I honestly don’t know where to go from here.
Part of me wants to keep trying because I want to be there for my child from the very beginning. I know custody situations with newborns can be complicated, and I’m terrified of missing those moments the first crawl, first words, first steps, all of it.
I want to be present as a father.
But at the same time, I don’t know how much longer I can keep living with the constant lies, broken trust, and pain.

Hi All,

Me (M43) and my long term partner (F38) of 10 years have sex roughly once a year. I've been a part of dead bedroom reddit groups for a while but recently I've started to come round to the idea that maybe there is someone else in the picture that is using up her sexual energy etc.

I think I trust her, but lately she's been working out, buying a few new clothes, and she's saying stuff like "we should have a weekend to ourselves every now and then". We have a 4 year old child together, and one would look after the child whilst the other one visits a friend for the weekend etc. Our sex life is still zero.

I've just purchased an auto recording device to stick in her car but I think that's seriously breaching her trust.

Do I have grounds to investigate further with this device based on my situation?