Lost with constant lies and deceit
UPDATE: It hit the fan today, she still hasn’t come home. She texted her grandfather last night asking for money. He called me and talked to me to find out what was going on. I told him everything. He then brought up concerns of her stealing from him. She has stolen $80k over the last 12 months. $2500 over the last 30 days from him. He’s 86 years old and she’s just taken advantage of him. Come to find out the state sent an investigator over to his place about two months ago to find out where his money was going. I went through his charges on his bank account and found a charge from an online abortion pill pharmacy. Did some research and she definitely placed the order. That was 3 weeks ago, I’m assuming she probably took them and is just stringing me long to use what she can out of me.
This is going to be long, and I originally used speech-to-text, so I apologize for any mistakes.
My wife(33f) and I(32m) have been married for a year and a half and together for four years total. Over the course of our relationship, I have caught her emotionally cheating four times and physically cheating once. The physical cheating is what completely broke me, and it happened about a month ago.
I went on a trip to help a friend build a cabin. When I got back, I noticed she was texting a guy. When I asked her about it, she lied straight to my face and told me it was nothing and that she was just trying to sell something to him. She got upset with me and told me that I needed to trust her because she was my wife and that she would never do something like that to me again.
I tried to let it go, but for the next couple of weeks I had this awful gut feeling that something wasn’t right. Eventually, I went through her phone and found the texts between her and the same guy. They were devastating. She was talking about sexual desires and saying things to him that she used to say to me.
I confronted her. At first she got defensive and focused on the fact that I went through her phone, but eventually she admitted it, apologized, and said she was sorry.
The very next day she came to me and told me she was pregnant and that the baby was mine. I’m still not completely sure, and I do plan on getting a paternity test just so I know for certain.
That changed everything for me. Before finding out about the pregnancy, I was ready to file for divorce. But the thought of having a newborn and not being there for those moments made me reconsider. I told her I was willing to stay, try to forgive, and work through things.
Then Father’s Day happened.
She told me she was going to stop by her stepdad’s house for Father’s Day. Something didn’t feel right, so I drove by the house she cheated on me at and saw that she was actually there. I tried texting and calling her, but she ignored me.
Later that night, she finally texted me saying she had been at her dad’s house and was stopping to get fuel on her way home.
When she got home, I confronted her. She kept lying until I started showing her proof. Only then did little pieces of the truth start coming out.
She even showed me a gas receipt from near her dad’s house, which was about 20 miles away from where I had seen her. The timestamp on the receipt was around 30 minutes after I had a timestamped picture proving she was at the other house. She had literally driven from the house she wasn’t supposed to be at over toward her dad’s area just to get a receipt to try and prove she wasn’t lying.
Eventually she admitted everything.
At that point, I was done. I left and stayed with my parents while I tried to figure out what I was going to do.
After about a week, I started feeling guilty and came back. We had a long conversation and decided that we both wanted to try to fix things. We agreed we would take it slow and work on rebuilding.
Now we are only a week out from that conversation, and I found out she is lying to me again.
She is currently on a trip she didn’t tell me about with the same woman whose son she cheated with. They are at their cabin. She claims it’s on girls only trip but it still doesn’t sit right.
This has been over a month of constant hurt, and every time I start trying to move forward, another lie or another piece of deceit comes out.
I honestly don’t know where to go from here.
Part of me wants to keep trying because I want to be there for my child from the very beginning. I know custody situations with newborns can be complicated, and I’m terrified of missing those moments the first crawl, first words, first steps, all of it.
I want to be present as a father.
But at the same time, I don’t know how much longer I can keep living with the constant lies, broken trust, and pain.