r/abusiverelationships

Hi ya’ll, I badly need your insights and advice. Female here. I have a partner who is the same age as me. He gets angry very easily, and whenever he does, he becomes verbally abusive and sometimes even physically abusive.

When he’s angry, he says hurtful things that make me feel worthless to the point that I slowly start believing it myself. He knows that he has anger issues. Whenever he calms down or is sober, he apologizes and asks me to help him calm down whenever he gets mad.

I genuinely want to help him, but every time he gets angry, I become overwhelmed, scared, and silent. I honestly don’t know how to calm him down while he’s verbally attacking me. Then he makes me feel guilty for not being able to help him and says that I’m helpless to him because I can’t calm him down during his outbursts.

He also blames me whenever he gets cranky. Even when I make small mistakes or become clumsy, he easily gets irritated and makes me feel like I’m worthless. Sometimes he compares me to his ex and says she was emotionally better than me.

Honestly, I no longer feel like he’s my partner. I feel more like I’m a child being scolded by a mean father — like whenever a child makes mistakes and immediately gets punished or hurt for it. Whenever he’s mad, all I do is stay quiet and apologize, but for some reason, that seems to make him even angrier.

I badly want to hear some insights from you guys because I honestly don’t know what to do anymore.

I could really use some advice

My Abusive ex believes I was the one who traumatised him and not the other way around.

I was in this abusive relationship when i was younger with someone who abused me emotionally and sexually.

I wont go over everything that happened in the relationship but he would blame me for suicide attempts, get upset and accuse me of cheating or other things if i didnt provide the emotional support he wanted, pressured me into sex when i wasnt comfortable and communicated that, would annoy/harrass me "playfully" and the only way to get him to leave me alone would be sexual acts, would try to stop me pulling away from kissing/other intimacy.

Again I wont go into the whole story, but ive recently learned he genuinely seems to believe I abused him. Genuinely everything he did to me, is what he says i did to him. Even including claiming I SA'ed him the way he did me.

I know the facts of the relationship, I even have messages from when we were together that support my memories. But the idea i may have hurt him, emotionally, physically, sexually, without realising is eating me up inside.

I know how it feels to be hurt like that. I always tried so hard to ensure he was okay in every sense. I asked how he was all the time, if he was okay, etc. He rarely did the same for me.

But now Im asking, did he try to tell me things and i didnt hear, was he uncomfortable and i didnt notice?

I always respected boundaries when I knew about them (and i still do in current, healthy, relationships) but thinking I may have accidentially violated that in any context makes me sick.

In hindsight I can think of ocassions where he might have been uncomfortable. He never communciated that at the time, including when asked directly if he was okay. But i know sometimes communciation is more, body language or indirect things.

But now I cant help but wonder if i did hurt him? Am I just as bad as he is? I dont know what to do or think.

I (32f) have been with my boyfriend (53m) for less than a year. He has helped me start a business and is very encouraging of me being a “girl boss” as he owns his own business and loves the process but the support really ends there.

I know many people will think I’m an idiot for putting up with as much as I have and I think I am too. The first few things were stuff like him calling me a bitch and hanging up on me when we would have arguments on the phone and when I was having issues with my housing and landlord one day I was venting and he yelled at me until I cried because I am “too much drama”. Any time I have a serious issue I keep it from him because he will get angry with me and that will just make it worse And tell me that my life is a “joke“

He travels a lot for work and one trip I accompanied him on overlapped with Valentine’s Day. I said the waitress was pretty and he agreed but I asked him not to stare too long while he’s out with me because it’s not respectfu. He did so anyway and ended up yelling at me when I said something. I was outside smoking and crying while he paid the bill and he comes out and goes “don’t look so sad”…keep in mind, Valentine’s Day and any holiday is very important to me and he got me an oven mitt and I am not that type of person. On my birthday he got me cheap flowers (he can afford a lot better)and that was fine I was grateful but when I called him he said he was not thrilled to speak to me and it’s this behavior all the time.

What really did it is on another trip we took together he wakes me up out of my sleep bc we had a fight earlier and calls me a bitch. I had a very traumatic physically abusive childhood and he says to me “if I could hit anyone it would be you” and I started crying a lot obviously and he apologized and said that we need to go to therapy. when I bring up this instance he yells at me and says it’s my fault even though I was sleeping? There ate more instances but I’ll stop there

Now he’s on these supplements that are regulating his hormones and is in a much better mood usually but still just says “stop” or something when I bring it up. he said we can’t speak peacefully so he will only do this in therapy but I do speak pw. I’m quite soft spoken and gentle (his words) so I can’t really yell if I wanted to and I’ve never insulted him other than saying he’s cruel but it’s not enough to be kind to him. I feel like it’s enabled him. Once he told me he doesn’t care about my feelings, straight up! and that he doesn’t care if I cry.

i want to forgive him and he’s making more efforts to see me and be nice (somewhat) but I don’t think I can and i am starting to accept he’s abusive and I am scared to leave but more scared to stay. He want to get married but the abuse is so bad the airport check in folks asked me if I was safe and he got mad and said it’s my body languag well, I was smiling in line and he said why are you laughing and I said I’m not and looked down…what else was I supposed to d? he continued to yell at me in public multiple times after that incident and then gave me the silent treatmenT. I need strength to leave.

ty to whoever took the time to read this

sorry for typos!!

Hi, everyone,

Just wanted to vent about my situation because at this point this all I hav writhed now.
I (35F) have been with (36M) for 16 years now. For so long I just wanted things to get better and work through them. But just line every toxic relationship I’ve had with family and friends, this one too it’s always me doing all the work when I’m not the one causing harm. The only harm I can think of and one that I know is huge is staying. I stayed for some long and about a yeah in I just feel nothing I don’t want to work through anything l. I don’t want to be with him and I don’t ever want to get married or be in relationship, I just want to be free. But we have children and I have been a SAHM for the whole relationship. I am completely dependent on him. I just can’t justify unrooting our kids, was is a woman with no income no job and who doesn’t even drive gonna do? How am I going to take care of them financially and with everything else?
Some times I think he can have full custody, he’s just as much responsible for them as I am. I will always try my best to be there for them and be involved but I chicken out. I don’t want to leave them.
I am feeling suicidal all over again. It use to be like this years ago and it came and went but now it’s unbearable and I failed our kids.
There are no shelters here, this town is very small and underfunded. I have zero money, can’t take the bus can’t leave the kids, can’t work.
Idk, I think I’m loosing my mind.

I feel like I'm in a waking nightmare right now and need help to make the right choices for my own life and also my potential child's.

I fell accidentally pregnant after being told I was infertile and would need IVF. It was in a very new relationship of just 4 months, which I thought was going well and he seemed ideal and so caring.

My partner could not have reacted more badly. He tried to project manage me into having an abortion as soon as I told him, presenting it as care for me and telling me how much he loved me, how it was the right thing, and how he didn't want me to be in pain.

However, when I expressed doubts about the possible physical and emotional impact on me of terminating the pregnancy, he immediately turned cold and shouted that I was going to ruin his life and he would not support me. He severed all links with me within hours, including removing me from shared accounts and social media. I asked him to attend couple's counselling but he texted we are no longer a couple. He is only open to a session of online abortion counselling.

I don't want to be coerced into making a decision I could forever regret, but I also am feeling scared to potentially coparent with this man, or raise a child and have him come for parental rights years later after abandoning us. Is it better to relinquish motherhood to ensure I don't remain tied to him ?

I also just got laid off by redundancy so although my family are supportive (but live abroad) I'm going to be unemployed while pregnant, vomiting every day and really struggling to function.

FYI we are not kids, he is nearly 40 and I'm 35, previously he said he wanted kids, just obviously not this early into a relationship.

What are people's experiences of coparenting or pregnancy with an emotionally abusive/high conflict ex?
Is his position likely to soften?
Shall I cut contact with him or will that reflect badly on me later if he sues for access/ custody? it is a high risk pregnancy and I worry I will miscarry from the stress he'a causing.

Title says it all, really. I was being abused by my high school sweetheart for almost five years, and even when I finally realised it was abuse I thought I wouldn’t have the strength to leave. Thanks to encouragement from a domestic violence hotline and some lovely people here (huge thank you to u/kesha_paul who helped me a lot) I did the hardest thing I’ve ever done and left him.

It was not easy even once I had left. I wanted to call him so badly, the memories of the good times kept flashing through my mind, and some days all I wanted was to be in his arms again. But now I couldn’t be more glad that I was brave enough to take the leap and listen to the part of me that knew I didn’t deserve to be treated like shit.
Now the panic attacks have subsided, I can see things clearly again and my mental health is the best it’s been in a long, long time. I have time to myself and to spend with my friends, there’s no one shouting at me or trying to control me in any way. I feel so free and happy and as if the world has colour again.

I thought I would share a positive story of how I made it out in the hopes that if you’re weighing up if you should try or not, you can see that for me it’s the best thing I’ve ever done for myself. I wish all of you strength no matter where you are in your journey, and much love to you all 🩷

Hello friends,

I still haven’t managed to get away from my abuser, and right now I feel hollow and broken. I could really use some encouragement and support.

Last week, I had to take my dog in for surgery. For weeks beforehand, my Dom — who is also my abuser — kept “joking” that he had a gun and could just shoot my dog in the back of the head instead. Every time he said it, it hurt me deeply. My dog is precious to me. He’s family.

Then on the actual day of the surgery, instead of comforting me, he berated me for taking my dog in at all and repeated that he could have just killed him instead.

I finally told him that what he said hurt my feelings. I explained that my dog matters to me, that he still has so much life left, and that joking about killing him wasn’t funny to me at all.

His response was to scream at me over voice messages and tell me this is why he doesn’t spend much time with me and why he chooses other women over me.

We’ve been together for two years. During that time, he showed no compassion when I went through heart surgery last year, no compassion when I lost a close friend, and now no compassion toward the animals I love. Yet when he was struggling emotionally during custody battles over his son, he expected me to drop everything and comfort him whenever he needed me. And I did, because I cared about him.

What hurts so much is that I never asked for his opinion about my dog’s life or wellbeing. I don’t even bring my animals around him because he yells at them and punishes them simply for being affectionate.

And now, after I calmly told him my feelings were hurt, he blocked me. I’m the one being punished for speaking honestly about something that devastated me.

A week later, I’m still blocked. I’m still replaying everything in my head. He has a way of making me feel like I’m somehow the problem for being hurt by cruel behavior.

Usually I see him twice a week, and things can feel wonderful until he suddenly goes out of his way to emotionally destroy me again. I think part of why I’m struggling so much is because I keep holding onto those good moments and hoping they’re the “real” version of him.

I know this isn’t healthy. I know this isn’t love.

I just feel incredibly heartbroken and alone right now, and I would really appreciate any encouragement or support.

I need support. I think I've been dealing with a narcissistic abuser and I'm currently still in it, in another country, losing my mind.

I'm an American woman in Germany with 3 more days before I fly home. I need people who understand this to help me make sense of what's happening, because I genuinely feel like I'm losing my grip on reality.

**How it started:**
I met him on Hinge over Christmas while visiting Germany. He was handsome, Greek, passionate, sweet, incredibly consistent. He tried to drive an hour just to meet me on our first date. We eventually met in Munich. He planned everything, paid for everything, and the connection felt electric. I flew home to the US and we kept talking. Long story short, I flew back in March for a week together.

**When the mask slipped:**
Within the first day it started. He was critical of the way I *breathed*. The way I talked. He told me my perfume made me stink. He shushed me in restaurants. He got genuinely cruel and angry at me for bringing the "wrong towels" to the spa. He made me feel like the dumbest, most unbearable person alive. I’m someone who considers herself naturally kind and positive so I was constantly apologizing and trying to do better.

I left that trip telling myself never again. But the communication when I got home was so warm and good that I came back. One week ago.

**This trip has been the worst of my life:**
He was angry I took too long at border control after a 13-hour flight. His apartment was absolutely disgusting: rotting food, filth everywhere…but *I* was the problem for "not walking fast enough." He swatted my hand in a store and said he has to "babysit" me. When I tried to surprise him in lingerie he said he was repulsed by me. He told me he would never be with me because he needs someone better. That my shoes are ugly. That I wear too much jewelry. That I'm not doing anything with my life because I'm going back to college at 30. When I finally told him "it seems like you're not enjoying your time with me," he said I was making everything difficult.

I actually LEFT. Went to Heidelberg, blocked him, felt like myself again for the first time in days.

Then he found a way to reach me. Suddenly sweet, warm, like the man I thought I knew. And I came back. The second I got in his car: cruel again. Now he's punishing me by withholding sex and telling me he wants nothing to do with me ever.

So why did he tell me to come back???

I know the answer is probably "that's what they do" — but I am so deep in the fog I can't think straight. I feel like the most flawed, difficult, unlovable person on earth, and I *know* that's not who I am. Has anyone been here? And then I keep having these thoughts of, “is there a better woman out there for him” and comparing myself to these imaginary women wondering why I’m so unbearable.

I’m male, early 30s. My wife is also early 30s. We have been together for around 10 years and married for about a year.

I’m writing from an anonymous account because I do not want to be recognized.

I am in an abusive marriage. My wife screams at me, insults me, calls me a gaslighter and a narcissist, and has physically hit me. There was also a past incident where she threatened me with a knife during an argument. That incident still stays with me.

The abuse existed before our marriage. It is not caused by one single event. Before the wedding, I secretly took out loans in the five-figure range to cover expenses and avoid conflict. I know that was wrong and I take responsibility for it. She found out before the wedding. But the screaming, threats, insults, physical violence, and fear were already part of the relationship before that.

Money has been a major issue for years. She often spent more than she earned despite usually making more money than me. There were expensive vacations, trips, hobbies, credit card bills, and family-related expenses. I paid many everyday costs like groceries and kept trying to make things work financially. I now understand that hiding debt was not a solution, but I also felt unable to say no without the situation escalating.

There is almost no intimacy anymore. Sometimes there is no sex for months, and very little affection. When she screams, I often stop responding because anything I say makes it worse. When she cries, I no longer go to comfort her because I feel emotionally shut down.

At home, I feel like I have to manage everything: chores, cleaning, shopping, fixing problems, and apologizing for things I did not cause. If something goes wrong, I am usually blamed.

I feel safer outside or in public because she is less likely to scream at me or hit me there. Weekends are the worst. When I work from home and the time gets closer to when she comes home, I feel fear in my body.

I am not asking whether this is abuse. I know it is. I am asking how to safely take the next steps.

What should I do first: contact a domestic violence hotline, speak to a lawyer, make a safety plan, separate finances, document incidents, or prepare a place to stay? I would appreciate practical advice from people who have left an abusive marriage or helped someone do it.

I just woke up to the both of my parents SCREAMING at each other with both claiming physical abuse, and I am sick of discounting this as two people trying. They do not deserve the benefit of the doubt, neither of them. They never have but that is plainly clear now.

I’m sick and tired of dealing with this shit. I am a 20yo college student home for Summer break and I cannot stand being home with my parents. These people are not rational people. They are both extremely immature, extremely volatile, and extremely stubborn. They had me at 19yo and I think thats just where their brains became static.

My mother is bad. She constantly jumps to belittling and name calling my father after any little slight he does wrong (she has OCD so anything can seemingly just be wrong to her). She is not open for help and hasn’t been interested in medication (medication that my dad previously shamed her for being on and forced her to get off). There’s so many things I can say about her but I can barely sort through all my thoughts. She is extremely good at putting on a lovely face for the people not so deep in her life, but she is truly a scary individual who menaces around the house all day. She loves kids and can’t live without a damn kid around but seemingly does not love her own kids enough to remove from years of psychological and emotional abuse.

My father, also awful. Him and I have never had a relationship besides for when I pity his ass. He does not understand what boundaries are. He consistently pushes you to your limit either by physically not leaving when told, not understanding that the conversation is NOT appreciated/wanted, and so much more I can’t even fucking think of. We had NO relationship until I became 18, and even then our relationship was me listening to his bullshit explanation and giving them both the benefit of the doubt.

The issue is not so much me, it is more the 2 kids left in this house. My closest sister (18yo) and I have an out but these kids live in the same hell we had to. I know personally from all the therapy, all the meds, all the damn people i’ve seen just how much watching all of this every single day destroys you. I don’t want that for my siblings. I didn’t want that for me growing up. It’s pretty clear even just walking into my house that it’s not a safe environment. Even the animals in this house are horribly anxious. Do you know what kind of daily outward abuse an animal needs to witness before becoming like that?

I’ve tried my hardest to be unpartisan, but I don’t believe being unpartisan is giving them both the same benefit of the doubt anymore. I believe being unpartisan means both these people should lose their kids. They should have gotten a divorce the second they left the damn courthouse. There is a plethora of shit i’m leaving out.

Sorry for the rant, I’m running off maybe 4 good hours of sleep so apologies if it’s poorly written.

Tw for domestic abuse and verbal abuse mentions, as well as only a mention of self harm.

Hi, this is something I seriously needed to get off my chest and possibly get advice on.

When I was a teenager, around 17, I met this guy. He was 23, well aware I was still in school and such; already off to a bad start and I thought I was smarter than indulging an adult but I did anyways. He was kind at first, charming, even at times parental. I trusted him with my venting, and he shared his life as well.

But when I would make friends my age, he'd get weirdly possessive and ignore me for days. When he came back, he threatened to leave for good. I have BPD so it was more than harmful to my mental to say the least. Then came the verbal abuse, being told he understood why my dad abused me, that I deserved it, among other things about sensitive topics I opened up about. He'd purposely grab my arm I self harmed on when I made him upset, tugging it and ripping open the healing wounds. He threatened to kill me on occasion, saying his dad killed his mom and it's not far fetch. But even through all that, he was endearing in a way I haven't seen before. For a moment I really thought Id marry him.

We broke up because he cheated on me, and he still harasses me here and there to remind me I'm stupid. I've reported it to police just to be told they can't do anything.

But even after all this, even after I'm happy with my wife; I still deep down want his approval. I want his affection, I want to be the only one he looks at, I want to prove I'm not anything he's saying. I want that parental figure, that boyfriend, the fictional husband in my head I conjured up. I can't stand the thought of him with other people.

Even as I have those deep feelings I love my wife above all. I know I love her and she's perfect; which is why I feel so guilty over these feelings. Is this normal? Should I feel ashamed? I feel too guilty to being it up to people or my therapist. I'm scared of it being taken the wrong way. I don't love him I don't want him, but I can't shake the feeling of needing him. I hope this makes sense.

He popped a blood vessel in my eye from hitting me so hard and a chunk of my skin in my thumb is missing and my eye is super sensitive now and I have a bad headache. It all started from us going to see the new movie “obsession” together prior to us going he decided let’s get drunk now I’m not too fond of drinking but I did it because that’s his thing but I’m starting to feel he has a problem we had two cutwaters then a margarita from the taco place. Anyways he was complaining the whole time during the movie and fell asleep and I was upset because I paid for these tickets I really wanted us to see it. So we get into the car he’s bashing the movie being all mean and stuff and I’m getting upset and he’s like “shut the fuck up” I say no next thing you know bam he hits me in the eye so hard I seen a flash I was so scared because I thought we had got past this he called me a “pussy” and told me that would make me be quiet once I felt better I pulled his hair and tried to kill us while he was driving he pulled over and started punching me in my ribs and just doing alot I’m feeling scared because now we are back cool. He promised me he would stop drinking and we go back to our regular gym stuff. Do you think if he stops drinking he’ll actually turn his life around or I am really stupid. He does MMA training and we play around together and I often wonder if this play fighting we do initiates other thoughts in his head. Why me? I was pregnant with his child and lost the child and he was there the whole time for me so I often wonder why he would treat somebody who once carried his child like this all of a sudden idk I’m just lost and 21 and confused

Body shamed me and asked me that “I should eat less”. Stalking. Verbal abuse. Sexual abuse. Gaslighting. Cheating. Told me how he likes others women bodies more than mine. Strangled me for not wearing clothes he likes. Blamed his cheating on me. Made sure I cried on my birthdays. Told me he was compromising not being with his type of women for being with me.

I was with my ex from the age of 18, he was older than me by two years and he was my first ever 'serious' relationship. I was naive, I never knew what a relationship was supposed to be. As with many of the stories posted on this subreddit, he was somewhat nice and sweet to begin with, but slowly he began to change. There were signs that I would dismiss, like how he would call me stupid, or tickle fights turned into me being kicked and shoved (one time his own dog jumped between us when I was on floor and began to growl at him when he tried to get near me - another sign I should have left). I had so many bruises and I would often wake up in the middle of the night while he was asleep crying without really knowing why, which in hind sight must have been my brain trying to tell me I wasn't actually happy.

There was one time we were both out shopping together, we were having a conversation and the subject somehow happened upon how his Dad used to grab him by the scruff of his neck. I didn't know what he was talking about at the time and half laughed asking what he was talking about. He said 'You know!', and proceeded to grab me by the back of my neck hard. My eyes started to water and I was begging him to stop. I said 'Ow! Stop, that hurts!' and through laughter he said 'No, it doesn't'. I kept begging him to let go, and he still didn't and continued to laugh. I eventually clenched my hand into a fist and punched him right in the balls so he would finally lessen his grip. He got angry at me and said 'WTF! Why did you do that?'. People around me looked on in horror at what happened, I got embarrassed and he walked off in a huff because he wouldn't listen to me when I told him he was hurting me and had to literally punch him in the balls in order for him to actually listen. This is one of many physically abusive incidences he did to me to make me feel small, and I was so young and naive that I kept saying to myself over and over 'He didn't mean to'.

Many years later, when we had broken up (after he cheated on me and lied by saying I wasn't 'invested enough' in the relationship), I am now in a healthy and loving relationship, where my current partner would never lay a finger on me and I haven't had any so called 'accidents' with him that I would have to lie to myself about. However, there was only one time where he lightly squeezed the back of my neck, which meant to be affectionate gesture that I ended up shutting down completely. What was a nice day out suddenly turned dark to me. That touch on the back of my neck made me travel back to that moment, my blood ran cold, I could feel my ex's grip around my skin and I'm fighting back the tears and having that horrid sensation of wanting to scream but I'm too much in shock to do anything else. I pushed myself out of my boyfriends arms, explained what happen and from the look of his face he instantly understood that I wasn't okay. He kept his hands to himself, watched me carefully as we took our train back home and waited until I was ready for him to touch me again. We got home, I cried and I went into his arms where I could feel safe again.

I honestly hope that whoever reads this and has come up with the same excuses I did for my ex, that 'he didn't mean it', I really hope you never have to tell yourself that more than once.

I (F, 38) have been married to my husband (M, 38) for 15 years. We grew up together and both came from difficult family backgrounds, so we bonded early over understanding each other. When we got together in our early 20s, we were very much in love.

We had our first child at 25 while we were both in university. The plan was that he would finish school first while I stayed home with the baby, and then I would go back to school once he had a stable job. That never ended up happening. I tried to go back, but without much support, my grades suffered and I dropped out. I’ve been home with our kids since, and we now have three.

Over the years, things have changed a lot. A major issue has been intimacy. After having three kids, I often feel completely overwhelmed and touched out, but my husband expects frequent physical intimacy. When I say no, he becomes moody, withdrawn, or angry. Over time, I started going along with sex and physical contact just to avoid conflict and keep the peace.

There have been multiple times where I asked him to stop during sex because I was in pain, and he didn’t stop. Afterward, I would feel upset and cry, and he would apologize the next day.

He has also lied about being in pain to get me to touch him intimately, which I only realized later.

More recently, things have escalated in ways that feel like clear violations of my consent. He has initiated sexual activity when I was too intoxicated to properly consent. There was also an incident where, while I was asleep, he did something sexual to me without my knowledge or permission, and I woke up feeling shocked and violated.

I have told him that these things feel like violations and not okay to me, but I don’t think he truly understands or accepts that.

His moods are very unpredictable. Some days he is kind, helpful, and feels like the person I fell in love with. Other days he is cold, angry, or completely withdrawn. I feel like I am constantly walking on eggshells trying to keep things calm, especially for our kids.

He can get very upset about the house not being clean, and I sometimes rush to clean before he gets home to avoid tension or him snapping at me or the kids.

What makes this even harder is that there are stretches—sometimes weeks—where things feel completely normal between us. During those times, it’s easy to fall back into the routine of everyday life and convince myself things are okay. I still love him, and we have so much history together.

But at the same time, I carry a lot of anxiety, chronic fatigue, and other ongoing issues, and I’ve started to wonder if my body is reacting to the stress of all of this. Even during the “good” periods, I can’t fully let go of the resentment for what has happened.

From the outside, he seems like a great husband and father. He cooks, cleans, and people often tell me how lucky I am. That makes it even harder to talk about this, because I feel like no one would believe what happens behind closed doors.

I feel anxious, disconnected, and sometimes like I want to run away. At the same time, I feel stuck. I don’t have family support, we live in a foreign country, and I’m not in a strong financial position to support myself and three kids on my own.

I think this is abuse, but part of me still questions it because of the good days and because of how he is outwardly.

If anyone has been in a similar situation, how did you know for sure, and how did you even begin to get out?

His parents bailed him out and he got released earlier today. His parents have always hated me and didn’t believe me after they found out what happened, so I’m not surprised they helped him. His sister believes me though and is on my side. He obviously has a bunch of conditions he’ll need to follow now, but I’m still worried he’s going to try to find me and hurt me or worse kill me. Since the day he was arrested and up until now I’ve felt safe and almost happy and now I’m back to feeling scared, sad and on edge. It’s exhausting. My plan moving forward is to stay with my best friend permanently. He doesn’t know her address and she lives like half an hour away from the city he lives in and I used to live in.