u/whatmarissa

my boyfriend and i have been together for half a decade. this year, we've started living together and it's made me realize how little he respects me. he constantly lies and manipulates me, steals my phone/keys/car. and then makes me out to be the problem when i'm upset at his constant disrespect. a few months ago, he was arrested for felony DV.

his lawyer (who i'm in debt paying for) enrolled him in BIPP classes (Batterers Intervention and Prevention Program). i was very excited when he first began because i feel that the class is very much needed to improve our relationship. I saw this class as a great opportunity for him to actually self reflect and to learn healthier behaviors. I think that even I could learn something of value from these classes, since I know even I'm not perfect. I would see the classes as a great opportunity, but he sees them as a nuisance and a punishment.

However, since beginning these classes I've noticed that he is using the topics he's learning as ammunition & as a means to manipulate rather than self-reflection and improvement.

For example, today he had a lesson about communication. Afterwards, while he was talking to me about fixing a window in our apartment I walked away to use the restroom and informed him as such. He got upset and told me that I never listen to him. Despite the recurring issue in this relationship being that he never listens to my issues.

When I left the bathroom, he started yelling, getting as close to my face as possible, and chasing me around the apartment. I work from home so I was trying to get away from him so I can do my job. He even slammed my work laptop on the counter. He used me "not listening" and my "lack of communication" as a means to justify his actions, specifically citing his BIPP class. He even told me that his BIPP instructor would be "proud" of how he was acting and that if she saw this, she would tell him to leave me. He started accusing me of doing the things he does on a daily basis: not listening, not taking accountability, etc.

I ended up taking my work laptop to my car and leaving the neighborhood entirely just to get space from him. And this is far from the worst of our arguments. I feel like he is constantly taking my issues with his behavior and somehow turning it around on me, and instead of his classes forcing him to take accountability he is just weaponizing the material that he is learning.

I know I shouldn't be here. I'm just a lost 23 year old without a support system trying to muster up the strength to let go of someone I've loved deeply for years. I just want change. If this class can't help him, I'm not sure if anything will.

My current job is hybrid, in-office position that allows us to WFH one day out of the week. Recently, they have allowed those in my exact same position the ability to WFH full time, with no medical reason.

However, I formally requested a TEMPORARY WFH accommodation due to an injury causing chronic pain. They asked me to get this form filled out by my doctor, which I did. I sent it over to them today and within an hour my boss & his boss had a meeting with me telling me that they're "not offering that accommodation anymore." Despite other people still having it... and offering this same temporary accommodation to those in the past. It doesn't make sense to me. They only offered me FMLA instead.

My question is, is this legal and what should my next steps be?