u/Clean_Ad3953

I just broke up with my bf the other day, I thought this man would be the man I would marry. As soon as I started living with him, everything changed.

TLDR; I need to know if this is abusive or not for my sanity/closure.

He was always rough with me, for context I’m a 115 lbs female, he was 275lbs with muscles. I would always tell him “ow” or “stop” when he would get too rough, like treating me like a frat boy by putting me in head locks, trying to pluck my leg hair, playfully slapping me. Multiple times he wanted me to punch him or slap him, and I would always say no why would I do that? I don’t want to hurt you. Sometimes during sex he would get rough, holding my neck down, covering my mouth with his hand, slapping my butt so hard it would leave a handprint. This could definitely just be a sex thing but I’m very sensitive, so this bothered me a lot. He also would roughly hold my face while just in the kitchen, and talk really aggressively super up close to my face with very vulgar things, treating me like a piece of meat I felt like. At this point I always felt flinchy towards him, and I hated it.

That’s only the tip of the iceberg, he started to become passive aggressive. Telling me if I pour MY wine I bought myself that I didn’t want anymore down the drain, he will have to break his sobriety and finish it. He also made me feel like absolute shit for “laughing” at his boner when I was laughing at the situation, and mocked my voice and said I was making fun of his ED. He was passive aggressively joking about it for like 2 hours, even when we were out for brunch. Finally I had to cave in and “apologize” later that night because I felt like crap.

This is where the TW comes in with his cat. He once grabbed him by his face and pushed it in his food bowl to make him eat, he’s thrown him across the room just for wanting attention, he’s smacked him. God only knows why this cat still begs for attention from him but it was so uncomfortable and sad. I told him how much it bothered me and he looked at me like I had 3 heads, and later would joke that he “abuses” his cat.

Financial control was slowly starting to become a problem. He could go spend $180 on pokemon cards but would give me crap if I wanted to go to Target, or would ask how much clothes were I wanted to spend on. This man has a 40k student loan debt and a 16k car payment. I had my own damn job with my own damn paycheck.

There’s so much more, but this is the gist of it. If anything I just needed to vent.