u/Equivalent-Set-9763

I believe that my homosexual desires are disordered, I and other SSA people or TQ+ people are not disordered people. We are all made in the image of God with bodies inherently worthy of dignity.

If there are people who, when “born again” or having received an evangelical style deliverance, no longer had homosexual inclinations… why should I stay in a Christian denomination that condemns me for it, but also doesn’t show evidence of people being able to no longer have their homosexual desires?

I would get real spacey and stuff around me would seem dream-like and my memory would be shot. He’s my ex now thankfully

I have OCD that flared up one time with a prescription medication I used for sleep. He noticed that it flared up, and thankfully I was able to get medical attention for it, so I’m grateful he saved my life

However

When I was going through the episode, he said “do you want to go to the hospital every 3-4 years? That’s how mommies lose custody…..” and he said it in a creepy taunting voice as if speaking to a child. I gasped when he said it and he was like again taunting, “uh huh that’s right” I was aghast, and felt helpless

He lasted apologized when he noticed that I didn’t do anything on purpose to try and aggravate a flare up. He said ‘I understand if you have to go the hospital every now and then, it’s just sad”

You know it’d be one thing if this was a one off but this relationship had a repeated pattern of doing something obviously violating, apologizing, doing something else violating, him apologizing. Sometimes the apologies were not full apologies.

When he said that “that’s how mommies lose custody” it felt like a jab to the stomach. It was strange that he saved my life but at the same time I lost a sense of safety that never really came back

I’m not saying everyone with BPD is like this. He barely got therapy. We broke up three weeks ago. I’m now coming to terms with how he hurt me and gaslit me. He had tons of problems giving full apologies

I want to confront him one day, and ask for an apology. Is this unrealistic?

When he threatened to use my OCD as a reason to take custody of any future children, and when he threatened to say a defamatory lie to others about me he had a creepy voice put on.

Said “that’s how mommies lose custody” in the same tone he’d speak to a child

When does the realizing end? He was a really troubled guy. It’s been three weeks, it’s so painful realizing certain things. Like yes, that mean joke was actually likely meant to fr hurt me. And that yes, that one time he wasn’t respecting my “no”s was coercion.

He saved my life at one point and could be so tender and kind. He’d be like that but then do mean things too. It’d reach a boiling point where I’d confront him about as tactfully as possible and then I was the bad guy.

I can see why people think he was an asshole. And also, when I objectively think about it, yes he was an asshole. I even went to a batterers intervention program because I thought I was the abuser and they told me my ex was the abusive one.

He used my mental illnesses against me to the point when I was suspicious he was going behind my back about something (I had every right to, looking back) I supposed myself it was my OCD or PMDD. Like he’d say “I’m not doing xyz, you’re just having PMS”

Some people have even told me that my ex is not worth anymore energy or time. Some people say he was more than an asshole

There’s more on my profile

Idk why I can’t stop ruminating about it. FWIW I am seeing a therapist and we are working on my “need for certainty” issues

He said for us not to block each other, but still to go no contact and restrict each other on ig. He liked a post on my ig 3 weeks after the breakup.

Some have suggested that it’s to maybe find a way to control the narrative- How exactly would that play out?

So I made a post here under another account about this.

Basically the Catholic Church, including my local FSSP parish, have denied me the opportunity to have an exorcism rite or even blessing done in person and have basically said “follow up with your psychiatrist”

I contacted a local Orthodox Church, and the priest said “I have low serotonin and take meds too! Our brains get sick too” bs

I’m honestly considering converting to evangelicalism at this point.

Should I be scared?

For example, let’s say you saw a famous movie and your client was the writer of the movie, how would that inform the work?

I think my ex did things that made him sus but I ignored because I thought it was just OCD

would smile at his phone, when asked what was funny he’d say in a serious tone “nothing” then started to completely ignore me at one point in time for stuff on his phone while I was talking

was going barhopping with friends. He put on perfume when he didn’t put it on earlier with me present. Pointed to ring as he was heading out the door

30 minutes on toilet, no noise coming from bathroom. Morning after barhopping pointing at ring thing

seemed to be annoyed with my presence for no reason all of a sudden at one point in time

gut feeling. Sudden sinking feeling one night and the words “he’s cheating on you” came into my mind. Denied it and offered for me to look through his stuff

second instagram account. I didn’t check what it was. When I asked him, he took a while to type out what it was. Said it was a bodybuilding account where he was going to show his weight loss and bodybuilding journey

didn’t tell me until 2.5 years in that he didn’t like how we did sex

towards the end started making fun of my body which he NEVER did before

FWIW I have OCD and can’t trust myself

would smile at his phone, when asked what was funny he’d say in a serious tone “nothing”

\-was going barhopping with friends. He put on perfume when he didn’t put it on earlier with me present. Pointed to ring as he was heading out the door

\-30 minutes on toilet, no noise coming from bathroom. Morning after barhopping pointing at ring thing

\-seemed to be annoyed with my presence for no reason all of a sudden

\-gut feeling. Sudden sinking feeling one night and the words “he’s cheating on you” came into my mind. Denied it and offered for me to look through his stuff

\-porn addiction

\-second instagram account. I didn’t check what it was. When I asked him, he took a while to type out what it was. Said it was a bodybuilding account where he was going to show his weight loss and bodybuilding journey

\-didn’t tell me until 3 years in that he didn’t like how we did sex

\-when I would ask him what was on his phone he would say in a whiny tone what it was, sounded like a lie

\-lied a lot, said his body count was 20 then years later said it was 30

\-towards the end started making fun of my body which he NEVER did before