r/BPDPartners

I have a genuine question about bpd split.
Do partners with bpd, when they split on their partner due to exhaustion of fights or in general during split.
Do they feel the urge to go to new relationships?

And if yes and if they went into a new relationship,

How do they feel about their splitted partner and once they unsplit how might they feel?

These questions are not to judge anyone
I highly respect every one with or without BPD

This is purely for awareness and healing purpose
🙏

Thank you for your time on this

[supprimé]

Last night I did something very scary. We went out to dinner and the waiter came with the check and my husband said give to my account pointing to me as a joke but my purse was on the other side of the table. He handed me his phone to use ApplePay and I got nervous I knew it would take me a minute and he would get upset.

Sure enough it took me a while and after I paid he started berating me saying I have told you how to use this 30 times I am asking you to be in charge and your hands are shaking and you are fumbling making me look like an abusive husband. I just stayed silent I couldn’t believe this was happening again and I thought I can’t keep doing this

Then we walked out to find another bar and I was doing deep breathing to calm my nervous system. He said you know you deep sigh about 80 times a day I replied I do it to calm myself he said yeah because of me do you know what it is like to live with someone who sighs all the time. You have no plan where are we going? I said we are looking for a bar and he said we just passed 5 that I like. I was so out of it I don’t notice. I told him every time I suggest something he yells at me. Over the last 3 months I have moved us from a 4 bedroom house to an apartment that he know hates because of scratches on the floor and countertop by myself work a full time job, manage the money and pay all the bills and he has been suicidally depressed I get it but I have a lot of my plate. He is in a fragile childlike state he tries to do what he can but most days it is a struggle to get out of bed

Anyway He got mad and walked away. I went back to the new apartment waited to make sure he could get in he hates carrying keys and the packed a bag and told him I was going to sleep at the old house since I needed to be there early the next morning.

He sent this text after I left: I’ve spent all week suicidally depressed and begging for help and you leave me. You work so hard to be my dutiful helper but seem to have no investment in being a partner. We seem to be in a place beyond broken. How the fuck do I reach you. I have never walked away before but I told myself I was going to protect me. I think I am done he views the world through Dominance and submission and wants a MommyDom I want an equal partnership. I will make sure he is housed and financially stable to be able to Heal his mental health and recovery from his trauma but I want to live.

Edit: Partner is BPD, Autistic and OCD

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My husband and I are 32, we've been together for 12 years, married for 5.

After his most recent and longest hospitalization earlier this year, he's been committed to therapy and working on himself.

I always thought it was interesting that his BPD never seemed to leak or explode into our relationship. If anything he would turn his negative thoughts inwards.

Three weeks ago he knowingly crossed a non sexual boundary with a female coworker that he knows I'm uncomfortable with. This coworker has become his favorite person, and even though I've told him how I feel, he continues to see her outside of work.

It led to a huge blow up and long story short he told me that he thinks we only got married because it was "what we were supposed to do." Basically insinuating that our entire relationship may be a mistake.

It was a slap in the face and punch to the gut at the same time. I'm dumbfounded. He has never, not once, expressed resentment or doubt about our relationship.

We're in a stalemate until couples therapy later this month.

As I've been reading other people's stories and experiences it just dawned on me - he always displayed quiet BPD.

The only thing that's changed is after his hospitalization he started doing DBT with his therapist as EMDR caused the initial hospitalization.

Has anyone experienced this? Were you able to work through it?

I love my husband deeply. I don't want this marriage to end. But I'm so broken right now, I don't know how I'll ever trust him. How long has he been feeling this way but continuing to go through the motions to appease me and make me think everything is ok?

How do we get through this without ending up apart?