r/BPDPartners

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I (28) am such a terrible person. I'm so ungrateful for all my husband (27) does for me. He works so I can be a stay at home mom. We have two kids, one of each, but I feel so incomplete. I wanted more but he had a vasectomy. It would've been irresponsible having more because we wouldn't have been able to afford another kid. My thought is he could've gotten a better paying job. A couple years later I had a hysterectomy because I was having problems.

My other issue is I absolutely hate my body and always have. When I'm at a healthy weight I see that what would be what makes me actually happy in my own body would be to have breast implants. I'm a size B cup, pretty sure not even a full cup, and have always been so insecure. Unfortunately I've let him tell me how he doesn't want that. He loves me exactly how I am but even he'll say it's shocking the few times I'll take my shirt off for him.
He's such a nice and sweet guy, but I'm so pissed about those two issues and I know I'll never get over it.

I truly believe him when he said he'd never remarry if something happened to me or I left him. He said I'm it. He would never move on that I'm the love of his life.

I hate this for him. He deserves SO MUCH BETTER but seriously he wouldn't move on. But how do I live with this?

Hi!
I’m trying to better understand how the bpd mind works. Please only reply if you have bpd. I’ve asked about this on a different group and was flooded by people who were hating on bpd because they were hurt in the past.
I’ve been talking to a man diagnosed with bpd for about 18 months, on and off. We live in different countries and we never met but the connection is there. I’ve educated myself about bpd. He has a good job and has had it for a long time so he is functioning well,
He became terrified of meeting me though, saying he was almost destroyed by his ex, who was probably his fp and cannot go through that again. So he wouldn’t even meet me. He equals a casual meeting with a whole future that will end up badly for him. He says i’m the most intriguing woman he’s ever met and that’s why he cannot do this in person. (I am older, at a different level career wise, and very autonomous).
I’ll add a part of a message he recently sent. And after that he keeps his phone mostly off. He started by using FocusMode in the periods of time I messaged more actively and now resorted to turning off his phone and only turning it on briefly. (When my messages get delivered)
The message is not in English originally so this is a translation

“We have a very strong culture of love in X , very monogamous and almost sacred. Unlike some countries, like those in Y, where relationships can be lived differently, love is deeply rooted in our society. But everyone has their own experiences, and my personal relationship with love is quite particular.
In your opinion, why do you think I love violence so much? Why do I have this need to confront others, to fight with everyone I come across, to practice activities that are more and more dangerous? Feeling pain, constantly confronting the fear of death… that’s what makes me feel alive. Those are the only emotions I have always known, the only ones familiar to me. They managed to fill a void.
Unfortunately, I grew up without real love, with the constant contempt of my father and the indifference of my mother. A long time ago, I understood the reasons for my behavior and identified the roots of this very flawed construction of myself as a human being.
I tried to experience this emotion called love, but honestly,
I’m not built for it. I gave body and soul to obtain something I had never received before, and I became dependent on it, just like I became dependent on the person who gave me that love. The fall was the most brutal thing in my life when I lost everything. It almost cost me my life.
I never want to experience that kind of pain again. My life is much more beautiful when I limit myself to what I have, to what I can control”

So I proposed casual since he said love is not for him. But he won’t even hear it. He is afraid that I can be with any man, so I believe on the contrary to this message he actually wants love and attachment.
But i am curious to how his brain works .
Thank you!

My husband and I have been together since we were in college. He’s always struggled with his mental health, and it got a lot worse after we got married 7 years ago. He started having short dissociative episodes and gave up drinking and caffeine as a result. He was diagnosed with depression and anxiety and prescribed mood stabilizers and anti-depressants.

There was a year where things got really bad, he stopped working and kept trying new meds every other month. Eventually he went in-patient for a few days and got on meds. They technically diagnosed him bipolar.

He’s been going to therapy ever since and has only worked on and off. Last year he revealed some pretty heavy stuff from his youth and it’s been a struggle coming to terms with that.

I’ve stood by him through everything, though I think looking back it’s easy to see how much I’ve enabled him. I’m working on that but I fear it’s too late.

In the last 6 months he’s gone inpatient at two different facilities. They told him he’s not Bipolar, shows some symptoms of Borderline but more than likely his issues are a mix of trauma, ADHD and we think ASD. He’s worked really hard at the last facility and came home two weeks ago. He’s doing really well in outpatient treatment, but we live with my parents (partially separate living area, but no private shower or kitchen), and he just says how much he hates it here.

Realistically because he doesn’t work, I pay for everything and we can’t afford to live anywhere else. I also like the support my parents provide even though my husband says my dad is toxic (my dad is now also going to therapy because he has anger issues).

Also, my husband struggles a lot with food and I think he’s not eating enough so it’s making things worse at home. He’s always either over-eating or under-eating and he never wants to eat what I’m making for dinner even though he’s the one who does groceries. I think this might be a symptom of starting an adhd med but I’m not sure. He’s also taking anti-anxiety meds.

He was shortly on a very heavy bipolar med before going into this last facility and it made him horrible to me. Cruel and critical and cold. I thought it would go away when he went off the lithium but he’s acting similarly (less cruel, but still just distant). I ask him if he wants to be with me or if he thinks separation would be a better option, but he has nowhere else to go so I don’t know if he’s being honest when he says yes.

He says he feels like he’s doing so well outside of the house but he comes home and he’s so unhappy. He says he might want to go back in a treatment facility but I think that’s hardly the answer. I think that’s the easy way out right now because that’s where he’s most comfortable to the point where he actually seemed like he really enjoyed his time there.

I’m not really sure where to go from here or if he even wants to be with me. I don’t know if I want to be with him either. He’s my best friend, but I don’t really recognize the person he is right now. Is there hope that this is just him getting used to new meds? Should I try harder to get him comfortable in our home? Do I step back and just let him figure things out? He has literally nowhere else to go if he moves out, so there’s an added layer of guilt with that.

Me (18f) and my ex-best friend (18mtf) had been friends for nearly 3 years now. About a week ago after our last day of high school, I finally got the balls to cut her off after the rockiest few months of my life. Nearly all of my problems around this time have revolved around her.

Our relationship started off strong, where we bonded a lot over little things and i was the first person who she came out to as trans. i feel partially to blame for how things ended up; i naturally gravitate towards people who rely on me without meaning to, and on top of that, I'm aro/ace. She got a crush on me extremely fast, but naturally i couldnt reciprocate, so we just stayed friends. We got even closer past this point, but the relationship got worse. Eventually she started getting jealous of anybody id talk to who wasnt her, she stopped wanting to be around anyone else, and she made me feel like garbage for having more friends. On top of this, she would constantly beg for praise and physical affection. While i understand this made her feel comforted, it made me extremely uncomfortable... I had tons of conversations with her, trying to find compromises in our relationship, trying to make her happy, but it got to the point where it was either my happiness or hers.

I chose mine.

I cut her off kind of suddenly. She immediately started begging me to stay, i must have read the word "please" like 100 times, but i made up my mind, and i couldnt be around any longer. I let her keep sending me messages, she sends at least 1 a day, and shes started sending me desperate tiktoks too. Her messages also involve a ton of promises that she will kill herself and desperate pleas for me to come back... It's making me feel really guilty and scared.

Does anyone have any advice for what i should do? I havent been responding to her at all, but with what she keeps sending im scared of blocking her just because of what she might do.

I was reading a reddit thread about someone's experience with r/bpdlovedones and they prefaced saying their girlfriend has never been abusive, just spirals a lot that lead to suicidal thoughts. Then someone replied saying that's still abusive? I know using suicide to threaten or control someone else's behavior is abusive. But is simply being suicidal and expressing that because of some external factor actually abusive?? Like it's distressing for the partner, obviously, but abusive?

Hi all.

I was just wondering if this only happened to me? I noticed it when I refused to get involved in an argument they started out of nowhere when they visited my house, but here are just a few things they did, mostly when I asked them to leave.

Smashed my computer

Ripped down curtains

Smashed doors

Stole my phone then left with it

Stole my door keys then left with them

Took my dressing gown and other items of clothing.

There are many more but my brain is understandably foggy.

I think looking back it's a control thing. Anyone else experience this level of disrespect when they were lashing out?

Me and my partner have been together for 6 years, since I was 19 and she was 20. I haven’t paid enough attention to her condition, and I’m just now learning about it. She’s pushing me away the past few days and saying she wants to be done but just a few days ago she was talking about getting my name tattooed on her. I know she loves me and she’s just struggling and I’ve been trying (unsuccessfully) to just give her space. I’m trying everything and nothing matters to her, regardless of trying to do better, learning about the condition, I just want to help her. Would it help to just not text anymore? I am open to any suggestions. This has been a cycle every 6-8 months for the past 6 years but this time feels different and I just want to do anything I can. Please any suggestions appreciated

For a while I've been leaning toward not telling people I'm involved with that I have BPD

I got diagnosed during my last relationship. My BPD mainly showed up as being suicidal and that was triggered bc I was facing homelessness and grieving my Dad. I was also very depressed. My ex was really supportive through it which I'll always be grateful for.

We were arguing one time about a betrayal of his, and I made the point that there had been a lot of things in the relationship I'd just had to keep getting over and move forward from, and it was really starting to bother me. He replied with something like, "I'm not the only one fighting for this relationship. I didn't tell anyone you had BPD or that you were suicidal."

And that really hurt. I'd shared that stuff with him because I thought it would help both of us. With the suicidal stuff specifically, he had actually wanted to tell his friends and family, basically everyone, and I had to beg him not to because it was so embarrassing for me. I would've been fine with him talking to one specific person for support. But during this argument, he used the fact that he hadn't told anyone as evidence that he was "fighting" for us. And then later, when we were actually breaking up, he cited me needing too much reassurance as a reason, even though the reason I needed reassurance was because of the thing he had done.

The reason I was suicidal during the relationship wasn't anything to do with him. It was some problems at home that filled me with shame and anxiety. Since we broke up I've been pretty stable. I've done two cycles of DBT, I do a lot of self-reflection, I haven't been suicidal or self-harmed. I'm in my final year of college now and doing well.

I have a real problem with vulnerability now. The words he said in that argument still ring in my head, and the way he said it felt like information he was holding over me. Which sucks, because during the relationship I was actually very self-aware that my mental state could be a burden. I told him I worried about stressing him out, even said I'd thought about breaking up so I'd stop hurting him, and he was the one insisting he wanted me to rely on him and tell him when I needed reassurance. So I leaned in. And then it was thrown in my face.

I've talked to friends about this and they generally said it would be good to disclose to a future partner, informed consent and all that. And fine, I get it. My hesitation is that I don't mind saying I've struggled with feeling suicidal or depression. What I don't want to do is use the label BPD, because people attach so many assumptions to it.

A friend made a point that really clicked for me. If you're in a relationship with someone with BPD and you do something genuinely awful, like cheat on them, and there are ongoing problems in the relationship because of that thing you did, you can break up with them and just tell people "they had BPD" and there will be no further inquiry into what you actually did. The BPD label can absolve the other person of any wrongdoing.

I also just have a thing about narrative control I suppose. I really don't want to be presented in a way that gives people a shorthand to dismiss me. When I was that vulnerable with my ex, it was a huge deal for me, and I'm not downplaying that it was stressful for him too, I know it was. But it was a big deal for me because I'd normally never let myself be that vulnerable, precisely because I'm so afraid of it being used against me. And then it kind of was, even if only adjacently. I don't even fit a lot of the BPD stereotypes. I've never split. I don't experience having a favorite person. And I definitely don't care to be prioritised all the time in a relationship.

So I don't know how to proceed. How does vulnerability look in a relationship where it can be blamed on, or summed up by, your mental illness? I want to be open and honest, but I struggle with being so honest that someone could use just the name of my diagnosis against me. "She had depression" or "she struggled with suicidal thoughts" doesn't come with the same slew of assumptions. "She had BPD" does a lot of work without anyone having to elaborate on what either party actually did.

Maybe I just need to let go of needing narrative control. Or maybe I should stick with never saying I have BPD. I genuinely don't know. A lot of my shame around BPD came purely from the internet. When I first got diagnosed I was actually relieved, because I finally had a name for what I was going through. Then I went online and started seeing these communities, and so much of what was being said didn't align with me at all, but I still ended up feeling deeply ashamed of the diagnosis itself.

Hello, I urgently need help with my partner, who has BPD, because I'm very worried. She recently told me she's completely lost motivation; she doesn't feel anything anymore and feels empty. She's lost all of her motivation and refuses to get help. I saw on her social media that she posted a suicide date, and I'm absolutely terrified for her.

She told me there's no hope for her anymore. I fear for her health and her life, and I really want to help her urgently.

What can I do? I'm so worried :(

*bring up, not being up 😅

I have been with my spouse for 11 years. The past year has revealed that I spent the first ten years managing their emotions, and I just can't do it anymore. But of course, things are only worse since I stopped. I didn't realize how bad things were because I was too busy acting as a mediator in my own conflicts 😅

But now we can't even talk without it blowing up. Me holding my boundaries just reveals they don't really seem to like me if I am not catering to them.

I know what I need to do (it says it's a flag to say on this subreddit 😅) but how do I bring myself to start a conversation I already know will go terribly. I don't know what way it will go, but I do know it's going to be big and exhausting. But it can't be more exhausting than living like this, right?

This has been the third time in my life I’ve encountered another female threatening to stab me, also officially diagnosed with BPD.

Uhm what the actual f?

I tend to be a people pleaser and tend to get along with people(or at least that’s what I think). But every time I’ve said no to something that made me uncomfortable or did something these specific individuals didn’t want me to do, I’ve been threatened to be stabbed.

Now these are like absolutely ordinary people on the outside. Like some of them are laboratory technicians or medical scribes or cafe baristas who get along with people generally, have a big social media following and appear to be absolutely “normal” up until the whole “I feel like I’m going stab you” phrase comes up. One of the worst ones was when a chick was describing how she’d cut off parts of my genitals and etc.

But hasn’t happened yet. Yet.

Should I take it seriously? How do I report this verbal threats? What do I do?

Hello everyone, I really need some honest outside opinions.

My boyfriend (M21) and I (F20) have been together for about 1.5 years. We truly love each other very deeply, but our relationship has become extremely difficult over the past year.

Unfortunately, he got pretty lost in substance use (mostly weed and codeine), and for months now he has often prioritized smoking, hanging out with friends, or isolating himself instead of our relationship. We used to see each other multiple times a week, but recently we even went through a phase where we didn’t see each other for an entire month because he said he needed “distance and time.”

Yesterday we saw each other again for the first time, and honestly it was beautiful. We both cried, talked openly, comforted each other, and realized that we still really love each other. He told me that the distance is supposed to help us rebuild a healthier foundation because before that we were constantly arguing and emotionally completely exhausted.

I understand his perspective to some extent. The problem is: I’m someone who really needs closeness. Spending time together, physical affection, and seeing each other are extremely important to me. For him, it seems okay to see each other less often as long as we still text and slowly “heal.”

What really hurts me is that during this time, he still hangs out with his friends a lot, smokes daily. I don’t know if I’m being too sensitive or if I’m justified in feeling neglected.
He posts edits on Tiktok, which I think is cute, but I find it hard to accept in some way, because his whole attention is on tiktok.

Another thing is that before his exams, he kept telling me:
“Just wait, after my exams everything will get better and I’ll have more time for you.”
But honestly, the opposite happened.

He has also told me multiple times that he wants to go to a clinic or start therapy because he knows he’s lost right now. Now I’m scared that just because we emotionally reconnected again, this whole “getting help” topic will slowly disappear into the background.

My question is:
Should I continue supporting him, stay patient, and hope he genuinely gets help? Or should I start emotionally letting go because my needs in this relationship are constantly not being met?

I’m honestly scared that I will never truly feel like a priority in his life again.

I also talked with my therapist about this, and he just told me that I shouldn’t overthink everything, and that I need to protect my heart. Which is hard because I got diagnosed with BPD almost 2 years ago.. I wonder, HOW I can detach, so I stop analyzing everything he is doing and stop feeling unwanted. Just because he is posting tiktok’s, or is meeting up with his friends shouldn’t make me think that he doesn’t love me. Is it possible for him, when I give him that space he needs, like not meeting that often anymore, being a safe place for him and accepting his boundaries, would that make him ever prioritize me again?

When we meet up, it’s so beautiful between us and it feels like two souls are just connected to each other, and he thinks the same…
I’m just so confused whether i should let him go, or not. Because I’m asking myself, if I allow him that space, will he come back stronger? Or am I waiting hopelessly…

thank you for any advice and/or your opinion on this!!

:)

My partner has BPD and honestly I have no idea how to deal with any of this or even really understand the disorder, so any advice helps.

We met about a year ago and things moved fast. Talking constantly, got close really quickly, and after a while they started being really affectionate, like telling me I was their favorite person all the time, they made me feel special, as if I was the most important person to them. That hit different for me because I'd never really felt that kind of thing before, like someone actually valued me just for being me and I've been neglected a lot in relationships. We ended up falling for each other and started dating.

The early days were a lot. Talking all day, spending nights together, just doing couple stuff, it felt almost overwhelming in the best way. I'd never been loved like that before so it genuinely felt like I'd found the right person. And I want to be clear, nothing about their behavior has ever felt toxic or abusive. No blowups, no threats, no crazy stuff, no raging.

But things have shifted and I miss how it used to be. For the past few months they've just been distant. It wasn't sudden, but gradual; short replies, hours without a response, and when I try to be affectionate or flirty they straight up just ignore it, which makes me feel dumb for even trying. We barely text, don't really spend time together anymore either and they almost never suggest it.

They've mentioned going through "splits" a few times, which I looked up and apparently is a BPD thing. Every time I try to bring up how I'm feeling they say it's not on purpose, but nothing actually changes.

Sometimes there's a moment where they say something sweet and I feel relieved, like "there it is, there's the person I love, there's something solid to rely on", but then it goes right back to the usual coldness. I feel like I'm being fed breadcrumbs.

I don't know if they're just losing interest and don't know how to say it, or if this is something that actually passes and they will eventually go back to how they were before. Just trying to figure out how to handle it or if there's anything I can even do.

Hi, my girlfriend likely has BPD. We are both young and just recently turned age of majority so she is not officially diagnosed. She has severe mood swings, sometimes multiple a day. Really bad abandonment issues. Very reactive, and many more signs. I would like to apologize in advance if I mislabel or misuse any words. I am new to this and am still trying to figure it all out. Feel free to correct me in the comments.

I wanted to write this to get my thoughts out and ask some questions and possibly get some advice. It may be very messy and slightly confusing so I am sorry about that. I understand if mods need to take it down for whatever reason.

My girlfriend and I have been dating for just over a year and a half. At first everything seemed great and there wasnt any really obvious "problems" (sorry if that is the wrong word to use). Over time I realized she was very very emotional, which i didnt have any problems with, I just saw it as something to get used to.

As time went by I was starting to realize that she really really depended on me, for everything. She always needed me to tell her what to do if she was bored and if I couldnt give her a good option she would get very upset and normally stop talking. This is a common thing for her, she will stop talking if she gets upset. Another example, if we ever are planning to see each other, and I have to cancel, she gets very very upset. Now I would also like to mention that this is my first relationship, so I have nothing to compare this relationship to in terms of what the norms are, which is why I didnt really question it at first.

I have a pretty good idea as to why I am depended on so dearly. A few years ago her primary caregiver unfortunately passed away, who wasnt one of her parents. She was very very close to this person and this person essentially took care of her, her entire life. Her actual parents seem like nice people, but they arent as caring as her guardian was. I think once I came into her life, I sort of replaced her guardian in a way. I showed her love, and made it very clear that I cared about her and that she mattered a lot to me. Which I think she was lacking in from her parents.

I also want to say that I normally dont mind being depended on a bit, it doesnt bother me too much. But she really starts to scare me sometimes. She has brought up taking her own life a lot, I really dont know what to do in those situations. She often isnt home alone so that puts my mind at ease a lot of the time. She has never attempted that I know of which is a good sign I suppose. This ties into "depending" on me because she'll often say something along the lines of "If we hadnt gotten together, I probably wouldve already taken my own life". Which really scares me and truthfully makes me feel trapped. I'm not saying I want to break up, but I hate feeling trapped.

I love my girlfriend very much, and I wish nothing but the best for her. But I sometimes feel as if Im not the right person for her. I am truthfully impatient, and I feel like I couldnt properly support her for 60+ years. I dont know what to do. I have encouraged her to go to therapy or seek help in some way but she says her parents wouldnt approve of (not sure how true that is).

I dont really have a specific question to be answered I just needed to get my thoughts out. I am open to advice or criticism or questions, or just comments in general.

Thanks for reading.

Sometimes I'll go through BPD communities or see TikToks from people with BPD and from partners of people with BPD, and while I get that it's a spectrum and varies person to person, there's so much I just don't relate to. The violent outbursts, severe splitting, the manipulation and control. Obviously those aren't universal traits, but they get talked about like they are.

I have BPD and I don't experience any of that. What I experience is a lot of shame, and I've struggled with self-harm and suicide attempts in the past.

When I first got diagnosed years ago I was actually relieved. It felt like finally I had some kind of label that could give me a starting point. But ever since, watching how people talk about BPD online, the way they demonize it and make us out to be abusive monsters, I'm starting to think I don't want to be open about it anymore. I used to think disclosing was important because the diagnosis genuinely helped me. Now I'm reconsidering ever telling a future partner. Obviously if it were going to affect the relationship I'd feel like I owe it to them. But I've been stable for so long, and the way I actually experience BPD doesn't line up with the stereotypes at all. The whole label feels so loaded with assumptions that I don't want to say "I have BPD" and have someone immediately project a bunch of stuff onto me.

I cringe thinking about times I've casually mentioned it when people were discussing their own conditions, because back then I didn't realize how stigmatized it was. Of course, every mental illness has stigma, but I didn't realize how bad it was for this one specifically. Anyone else feel this way?

I've been looking to find some ways to calm myself down in the middle of a split, as literally nothing seems to be able to. especially in arguments with my FP. He's not the best at reassurance or communicating, and I feel horrible just erupting at him when he can't immediately make me feel better. I understand this isn't rational and toxic, which is why I'm seeking help, the STOP and 5-4-3-2-1 method are pretty helpful so things along those lines. Tysm ❤️

I have BPD. My ex and I broke up about a year ago, and the reason he gave was that I needed too much reassurance and he wasn't the kind of guy who could constantly provide that.

For context, I don't experience emotional outbursts. What I did struggle with during the relationship was suicidal ideation, self-harm and a lot of insecurity about myself. I carried a lot of shame and anxiety. He supported me through that period, and I'm genuinely grateful to him for it.

However as I was slowly getting better, he did something I considered a betrayal (he knew it was a betrayal). I had an emotional reaction to it. Nothing extreme, but I would break down crying about it sometimes, and it made me feel even more insecure in the relationship. Before that incident we never actually argued, but after that arguments became more frequent. I was always for clear communication and expressing each other's needs, but I think by the day he broke up with me, he'd had enough.

He sent a voice note saying he thought we should break up. I told him if that's what he wanted, then okay. I said I still considered him a kind, funny person and listed off some of the things I appreciated about him (because he also said he felt nothing he did was enough), but that if that was his decision, then okay. He sent a few messages after that saying he was sorry, and then a screenshot of the pictures of me in his camera roll asking which ones he should delete (??). I didn't reply to any of his messages after the first one I sent.

For someone with BPD, I was honestly proud of how I bowed out. I didn't make it a massive deal. It hurt. I won't pretend it didn't. It was probably the most painful thing I've gone through and he was my first relationship. But I never showed him any of that pain. I wanted to keep some dignity. And tbh, even though I'm grateful for his support during the worst of it, I was deeply embarrassed that I'd let myself get to a point where he ever saw me like that. So after the breakup, I decided I was at least going to claw back some dignity.

That's what I thought it would be. Except he won't stop hovering.

I muted him on Instagram. I avoid his social media entirely. But he watches every single one of my stories, and usually he's the first to view them. I unfollowed him on Spotify and Discord because I didn't want to see his activity pop up. He's also tried to reach out a few times, and I've ignored it because I want that door closed. I don't understand what's going on. He cited the reassurance thing as the reason for breaking up, which is fine. Even if the real reason was that I was emotional, or that I'd been unstable, that would also be fine. Nobody is obligated to stay with you. Nobody has to play caregiver. I get that. But why is he doing this now? I've done so much work not to reach out when I wanted to. I've done a lot of work to rebuild some self-respect, especially because he's the one who left. I worked hard to close this chapter with dignity intact, and now he's the one lingering on my profile and trying to make contact.

For the longest time I felt like a bad person just for having BPD. I read all these stories about how people with BPD are abusive and manipulative and never change, and even though I try not to internalise that because I know it doesn't apply to me, it still made me feel permanently culpable in the relationship. So I'm doing the work. I'm not contacting him. I'm closing this chapter. And now he wants to reach out, and he's watching everything I post, and I just don't get it. I don't want to open that door again. I want to move on, get better mentally, and keep working on myself. I'm just genuinely confused by his behaviour.

TLDR: He broke up with me about a year ago because I'm too much, now he won't stay away.

I can't even explain why but I feel she and I need to be together .