u/Bexgay

I've posted here many times about my issues with my gf who has bpd. We are both female, she's 29, I'm 28.

Lately it has been getting worse and worse, she has an episode literally every other day. One moment she's laughing having the time of her life telling me she loves me, the next moment it's like she sees me as her enemy.

I've been trying to show up as much as I can and it always feels like it's not enough or I end up triggering her more.

I genuinely don't understand how to handle everything. Before, she told me everytime she has an episode she needs reassurance. Everytime I do give her reassurance It's like speaking to a wall, like nothing is computing.

When she tells me whats on her mind causing her so much trouble and I tell her that I understand how she feels, she gets mad at me and goes on saying that no, I don't understand because I have never felt the way she does. To which I replied that I don't need to experience the same feeling to understand how they feel. This is going to be a stupid example, but the same way people describe how it feels to burn yourself. You don't have to put your hand in the stove to understand that it must be awfully painful, right?

Then she is all serious and withdrawn, I ask what's wrong, she tells me that she felt triggered I asked if it was something I said or did. She tells me that indeed was something I did and when I ask what I did she looks at me with plain disgust before saying "how can you not realize?" like I'm sorry but I feel everything is triggering her lately. Like I can't have a conversation about my family because it's triggering to her because she had a rough upbringing. I can't stay quiet because then I'm pulling away and that scares her. Like honestly I'm lost, i don't know what to do anymore.

I seriously need help and this is the only place where I feel partners of people suffering this disorder can understand this feeling

Edit: added more text.

My gf and I have been together for around 11 months. We don't live together and we live like 1 hour away from eachother, meaning that we don’t see eachother much (once a week).

The thing is that we are on facetime ALL day long. Like literally the only time to myself that I have is the time I'm at work and the time it gets her to commute from work to home.

Sometimes she'll be tired and just have me there on call, looking at her watching a show (with her loud tv) or whatever and honestly it's like bro why am i even here hahahs like if you want to relax why do we have to be on call. I get that the company is nice but I've found this is interfering with my everyday stuff as I really don't want to be on call while cooking or SHOWERING.

I don't know how to tell her that I am low key hating this because she has bpd and literally every tiny thing i say or do can trigger her into a dark place.

Please helppp

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So... my gf (f29) has bpd, and her episodes are becoming more frequent. Like 2 days ago she cried and threw shit around because she was out of conditioner.

I freaked out and still today I'm feeling weird around her. Today she had a tough day at work and as i was trying to be supportive she continuously said that it feels like i am cold towards her. And i am getting tired of defending myself by telling her that I am here for her whike at the same time working on myself so i don't take every mean thibg she says personally...

I think she needs counseling and there's no way i can bring it up without her being upset. But i don't know if i can be that person for her

My gf (f29) and i (f28) got into a huge argument last night.

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These past couple weeks I've been busy. My parents are visiting and I have been hanging out mostly with them. I've been working mornings and then I would go with them.

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Yesterday, we were talking on the phone, as I arrived from hanging out with my parents and then I had to momentarily hang up but when I called again she didn’t pick up, immediately after I receive a text saying that she was going through a depressive episode and that she needed some time. I respected this and said "okay, call when you feel ready even if you're not feeling okay, I'm here for you"

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She calls me and she's all normal I asked what happened because I obviously got worried, she tells me that it's okay, that she handled it herself. I was like ooookaay.

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We had plans to watch a show so I asked if she wanted to do that she said "mmm... you can watch it if you want, but I think I'm going to watch a movie instead" so I was like okay. Because I didn't want to intrude in her healing process and the way she worded things made me think that she wanted to do it by herself which I respect, we all need alone time sometimes.

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So I told her that I wasn't going to watch that show without her that I would only hang out there if she wanted me too. She told me to end the call. So this is where I asked her why was she pushing me away.

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This question ignited the fight and she went on saying that she has been feeling unloved, misunderstood and that she doesn't feel safe around me anymore. This stung and I was like what even are we doing then? Because what have I done to make you feel unsafe? She didn’t say and instead she went on a tangent with how annoying I am by making everything about myself and taking everything personally.

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I told her the argument was getting confusing to me, because if she's feeling unloved and unsafe with me I think its something not to be taken lightly and of course I am going to take it personally if it's because of me she's not feeling okay.

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Then she goes on telling me that she feels that I don't care anymore because why would I let her go through an episode by herself and why would I not ask to join in watching the movie with her. This is where I lost my patience and told her that literally she told me. That I didn't want to push it over and make her feel worse (because this has happened in the past) she got really upset, cried, raised her voice and I was like what even is happening rn....

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So I was like I think we should speak to someone, like a therapist (she's not doing therapy atm) she told me that I could if I wanted but that she doesn't think it would work with her. This was terribly off putting because as much as I understand the condition I feel she has gotten too comfortable with me allowing her to be mean to me that she doesn't want to change.

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I feel that whatever I do or say ends up being the wrong thing. She asks for reassurance but when I give it to her I am pushed away. She asks for space but when I give it to her I don't care anymore. I am honestly lost and I don't know what to do...

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Sorry for the long text... please help :(

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My gf (f29) and i (f28) have been dating for 8 months. Over the time we've been together she's been clear that she has bpd, I made the conscious decision to be her partner.

I have an anxiety disorder (great combo, I know) and our biggest issues have been due to our sometimes unstable mental health.

I have a really hard time understanding how she feels when there's an episode happening. I feel that I am walking on eggshells because anything can trigger her, and when she's triggered she says mean things and I end up feeling upset.

This past weekend, we were together hanging out, the weather was awful so we couldn't do what we wanted to do, she felt upset and she felt like I didn't want to be there with her, she started telling me to go home, crying, screaming pushing my hand away when I tried to comfort her. I understand that one of the biggest issues with bpd are abandonment issues so I told her that I wasn't going anywhere.

Everything started yo come back to normal but sometimes I still feel weird around her, one days she's the sweetest, kindest person but when she's in a dark place it's DARK.

I don't know what to do or how to be the supportive partner she deserves in moments like that...

If any of you guys have any piece of advice it will be appreciated...