r/relationshipproblems

I have been with my girlfriend, Will call her Olivia, for several months now and at first things were really great, we had a really good connection. We were open about everything whether we were ashamed of it or not. But lately a lot has been surfacing. I get really bad anxiety sometimes and my girlfriend knows this. Basically she has a habit of “half swiping” where you view the person’s message without them seeing that you read it, so to me it still says delivered. I didn’t mind it at first and I made a joke about it, but then she was denying. Fast forward to a week or two ago and it got brought up and she admit to lying about it and didn’t really have a reason for why. Her friend, call them Amber, was on the phone with us and us 3 were all playing some online uno game. Amber got back with her ex and they were talking about it but then Amber tried justifying it by saying “If you could get with one of your exes again I know you would.” Olivia denied it and we talked about it the next day and I thought it was resolved and not a big deal. She probably didn’t mean it in a bad way and just didn’t think before speaking. Unrelated to that, a few weeks later Olivia got a text from her ex, call him Matt, and he was basically just trying to start drama. Olivia was venting about it and I suggested just blocking him if he was overwhelming her, so she did and I later told her that I appreciated how simple it was and she said that she blocked him on everything. Then today I was on the phone with Olivia and Amber and they were talking about Matt, saying that they were watching his tiktoks and liking them. I don’t know what to do, i’m not sure if i’m overthinking this whole thing or if there should be actual concern. I love my girlfriend and will always work to resolve anything between us, but I just feel as if things are one sided because I can’t talk to her about these lies without her people pleasing and just agreeing with what I’m saying. Please give advice, i’m at a loss of what to do, breaking up is not an option i am even considering for a moment so please don’t suggest it.

I’ve been friends with this girl for about 3 years, but over the past 8 months, we became incredibly close. We are super attached, completely unhinged together, and extremely comfortable around each other. We basically spend our entire day together on calls or Google Meet.

Naturally, I started developing strong feelings for her. Recently, things got complicated—we had a fight, and the truth came out that I’m in love with her. She made it clear that she doesn't feel the same way and just sees me as a good friend. Neither of us wants to ruin our bond, so we agreed to just act normally like nothing changed.

But I am suffering.

She currently has a boyfriend (she calls it a "timepass" relationship), and knowing about him makes me incredibly jealous. I try so hard not to let my feelings get in the way of our friendship, but it’s killing me in the background.

I know I have great qualities, but my biggest setback is physical attraction. I’m short, fat, I honestly look ugly, and my voice is a little girlish. I feel like my looks are the only reason I’m stuck in this situation.

I actually tried talking to her about this recently. I told her I needed space so I could move on and we could eventually save our bond. The problem is, we are both so deeply attached to each other in a friendly way that if we try to step back, we both just fall into a massive void. We end up right back where we started because we miss the friendship too much.

I am so happy whenever she is around me, but I am in so much pain when I remember she is dating someone else. I can't see any way out of this cycle. Can anyone suggest what I should do?

plus: i am also so attached and i fr love her and care for her too much that i am ready to be misrable for it

TL;DR: Caught feelings for my female best friend of 3 years. She knows but only sees me as a friend. She has a temporary boyfriend which makes me jealous. I tried asking for space to save our bond, but we are both so attached to the friendship that stepping back leaves us both in a void. I’m insecure about my looks and stuck in a painful cycle. I can't see a way out and need advice.

so I found two pairs of underwear in my bfs side bed drawer in a gift bag and then within gift bag it was in a smaller black net gift bag. They didn't seem new as it had no tags and had lint on them so probably used/a bit old. The brands were from a different country. He moved countries a year ago and places a month ago so there is no way he forgot them , he actively bought it. Ofc amongst that was a sex toy and condoms but other than that nothing else... I am going to ask him about it in person next time. We also haven't been as intimate past month or so as I had an hsv diagnosis which for reference he was super supportive about. When I confronted about not having sex for a month and few weeks he said he loves me but was unsure if it hurts me so soon after diagnosis. For reference we have been dating for 6 months

EDIT: they are female and small pretty undies. Not my size so definitely not a gift for me.

Edit: he said it’s from a girl he was seeing last year and forgot to throw them out

Me \[20F\] and my boyfriend \[19M\] have been together for 1 year and 3 months. Due to my dad being an addict and passing from it, drinking alcohol and smoking is a trigger for me. I prefer to date people who are sober or only indulge once in a while. Before we started dating I expressed this to him and he informed me that he rarely does those things, and I just requested that he’d tell me when he does. About 2 months into the relationship I found out he’d been lying to me about how often he was doing it. I didn’t want this to be an issue so I began working out my trauma in therapy as well as talking to my boyfriend about these things. Eventually I felt more okay with drinking, and needed more work with being okay with smoking. Until I felt more okay, he promised to stay sober from weed. I had no doubt he wouldn’t be drinking very regularly but as weed is much more casual and accessible we needed more conversations about it. The last conversation we had about it was this April when we stated that we will keep making progress to get to a better place. My boyfriend and I never argue or have any issues, this is essentially the only thing that causes discussion, and it’s always very safe and open. I’ve had a bad feeling about him for a few months so today I went through his phone. He always preached transparency and the fact that he would tell me anything, and whatever I could see on his phone I would know about. To my surprise I found selfies of him with a weed cart dating to the very day we had that last conversation. He had been owning his own carts and smoking regularly without telling me for at least 6 months. The entire time he constantly reassured me he was sober, and that he would communicate with me if he did smoke. He says he feels deeply regretful and sorry, and he did it because he wanted control over his life, though he never expressed such desires of smoking frequently or reopened the conversation. He knows I’m open to working towards that point, but he didn’t put the effort into growing with me or expressing his desires so I could continue to grow. Instead he chose to lie to me. I feel so confused because our relationship has always felt so healthy, loving and open. We have never had fights. We love eachother so deeply. It’s always felt like he was my person and nothing could break us apart for the time being. I would’ve been okay with him smoking if we had just talked about it, but I’m not okay with him lying for months and cutting corners. I told him I’m going to think about if we’ll continue the relationship but it’s hard weigh the lying with all the love we’ve shared.
TLDR: I found out my boyfriend has been lying about his sobriety for at least 6 months and I don’t know if I should end the relationship.

I’ve been with my boyfriend (both in our 30s) for about a year and a half, and we’ve been having a lot of issues lately. Our relationship has taken a toll on both of us, and we’ve reached a point where small disagreements turn into much bigger arguments than they need to be.
We both came into this relationship with past trauma. He was cheated on in a previous relationship, and I also experienced shut downs and avoidance with an ex. I know those experiences have affected both of us.

One thing I’ve noticed is that I shut down a lot in this relationship, which is something I never used to do. A recent example of one of most recent issues happened while we were texting. We don’t get to see each other often because we live a bit far apart, so we communicate mostly through text. I noticed he seemed a little more absent than usual, so I simply said, “You seem distant.” I wasn’t accusing him of anything. I was just sharing what I noticed.

At the time, I was at the movie theater, so once the movie started, I couldn’t respond right away. When I checked my phone afterward, I was surprised to see that he had gotten very upset. He became defensive and asked why I would say that or why I would assume something like that about him, even though that wasn’t my intention at all. I wasn’t making an accusation. I was just trying to understand how he was doing. This turned the conversation into something worse. He insulted my previous relationships, called me manipulative, and made assumptions that I was not happy or hiding my true self from him without asking me first.

The same thing happens when I ask something like, “Are you mad at me?” He often takes it as a negative assumption instead of a question. He tells me that I trigger him, that I’m not careful with my words, or that I should have phrased things differently. It has escalated to the point that he often says he is unhappy with me. From my perspective, I don’t think I’m saying anything offensive. I’m simply trying to check in rather than make assumptions.

I’m not perfect, and I know there have been times when I’ve gotten upset over small things. That’s something I’ve been actively working on because I don’t want to create unnecessary stress in the relationship. Instead of assuming how he feels, I try to ask him directly. Unfortunately, even my questions are often interpreted as assumptions, which turns them into much bigger conflicts than they need to be.

Because of that, I often feel like I’m walking on eggshells. I worry that if I don’t phrase something perfectly, it will be taken the wrong way. It makes me feel like I can’t ask certain questions or express myself without it turning into an argument. This has made me shut down even more and put a stop into fixing our issues in the first place. All I wanted was some reassurance and it instead became a big disagreement.

When I try to explain my perspective, I don’t feel like it’s understood. Instead, the conversation often shifts to everything I’ve done wrong, which makes the situation even more stressful. As a result, I shut down even more. Sometimes I need a day or a few days to process everything before I can talk again.
I have tried to communicate that I need space when I’m overwhelmed, but even then, I end up feeling blamed because my need for space makes him feel like I’m ignoring him. This only makes the conflict feel even bigger, and I don’t know how to break that cycle.

Me (19F) & my boyfriend (27M) have been dating for over a year now, we met while working a food service job. Of course, things were good at first, especially after we both got new jobs. However as we got deeper into our relationship and ran into life issues I saw his addiction to alcohol grow. Anytime he is upset, stressed, irritated, or even has a little free time he will drink.

During this we started to argue more, and he started behaving differently during it. He would get more aggressive, scream at me, etc but we always would have the same heart to heart and things would be good for a week now we’re back in the same spot.

But lately, he’s went too far when we argue. He’ll shout at me in front of his family, openly argue loudly, etc. And of course he goes to his family about every argument we have, but never includes his part as well. Last night we got into an argument, and it escalated way more than it should have. Once again he started screaming at me in front of multiple family members and continued to do so. He started yelling at me, calling me names like ‘ugly,’ ‘dumb bitch,’ and ‘hoe,’ and he was getting in my face and even grabbing me while we were arguing. At one point he said ‘shut up before I do something,’ which honestly felt like a threat. I never once called him out of his name but he compared my behavior (wanting to go home late on 4th july) to his and said it was the same thing.

He always tries to justify it by bringing up things I’ve done in the past or saying ‘you’ve said worse,’ but I’ve never called him out his name or disrespected him to that level. He also took a lot of digs at my past and used it to try to degrade me, literally making things up. He never seems to remember what exactly is said during these arguments. Or what he did. He still swears up and down he’s never grabbed me or physically tried to block me from leaving his house.

After everything, the only apology I got was a text saying ‘fuck I’m sorry,’ with no real explanation or accountability. It just felt empty, especially after how far he went. Now I feel like I see him completely differently, like this is how he really sees me deep down, and I don’t think he’s going to change because this is a pattern. Like yeah you’re sorry, you were sorry all the other times before too …

I just don’t know if it is possible for him to really change. I’m not exactly sure what i should do, yes we have great moments in our relationship, and he is only like this when he is drinking, but last night he was sober. A part of me feels like i’d be “doing too much” by leaving because he didn’t actually hit me. I’m just not sure how i should handle this, if i should get someone else involved or what?

About our relationship: We were together for a couple of months, but we were well acquainted for over a year. He came to see me once, but we made plans to see each other again this month for my birthday.

I fell in love with him within a month and a half of us dating. He was very consistent, respectful, caring, and more. All of the sudden, he switched up on me completely and turned into a person who I never thought he could be.

We were also in an age-gap relationship. I am in my early 20s, he is in his early 30s.
—

I want to start off by saying that I do not have concrete proof that he has been unfaithful to me, but there were signs that I just couldn’t ignore. I’ll mention some of them.

The first sign was when he and I first started dating, he said to me out of nowhere that he needs me to be around as often as possible. He needs me to keep him occupied by being on the phone with him. He stated that he needed that from me because when he is by himself for too long, his mind starts to wander. And then he said next thing you know, he may text another woman.

When he said that to me, I asked him what is the point of us being together if that’s what he’s going to do. He expressed what I thought was regret and apologized for what he said, and he told me that he did not mean it like that. I feel that I should’ve left him right then and there, but I was not thinking straight.

I have been single for a long time, and I thought that this man was my person (from the ways things were moving so smoothly) so I was subconsciously letting things slide such as that conversation.

The second sign was that he would often project by constantly asking me if there was another man. He wasn’t okay with me going out because he didn’t like the idea of other men seeing me while he didn’t have access to me. Whenever I went out, it would be with family or female friends, but he would still ask if another man was there.

The third and final sign was that I allowed him to see my phone unprovoked. He never asked to see my phone—I simply showed it to him. But after a while, I didn’t feel comfortable anymore because I felt like I had given him all of me, yet I wasn’t getting that same openness from him. So I calmly asked to see his phone. I wanted him to share his screen, but he became aggressive with me. He went off on me and accused me of tricking him into showing me his phone by doing it first.

I didn’t realize it at the time, but he was projecting, and the reason he was projecting was because he was guilty. He could see that I was hurting. He could see that I was uncomfortable, and he could see that I deeply needed reassurance. But instead of comforting me and giving me what I needed to have peace, he responded with laughter and mockery. Then he threatened to end the relationship because I didn’t trust him. He turned it around on me. That was when I knew for sure that there was something going on.

If I were to tell you that I do not miss him and that I do not want to hear his voice again, I would be blatantly lying to you. I want to hear him lie to me one more time and tell me that he loves me. I want him to lie and tell me that he’s in love with me. I want him to lie and tell me that he cares about me and that I mean everything to him. I want him to hold me again while whispering lies to me about how much I mean to him. He made me feel desired when he came to see me, but it was all fake on his end.

The last thing I’ll mention is that he grew very impatient in such a short span of time. He wanted us to be intimate. He wanted to sleep with me. But I was holding off because I wanted to wait until marriage, and he also knew that he was supposed to wait until marriage. (We are Christians). But he couldn’t take it anymore, and that’s what I believe led him to cheat on me IF that’s what was going on.

So where I am right now is grieving. I am hurting, and the pain comes to me in waves because I deeply desire to be married. I deeply desire to have children. I deeply desire to be loved by a man—to be loved, desired, cared for, and cherished.

I wanted to share my story and seek help—not only on how I can move forward, but also to see if anybody can relate to my story. I am desperately seeking for community.

TL;DR: I need to hear opinions on whether or not I was being cheated on by my long distance boyfriend. I broke up with him before coming here. I just want to make sure I made the right decision.

Thank you all.

TL;DR: This is going to be long. I'm sorry. I don't know who else to talk to because everyone in my life has already told me to leave him, and I can't make myself do it. I need strangers to tell me what I already know, because maybe I'll finally listen.

Five weeks ago I met this guy, let's call him Jim, he's 18, he's a boxer, he's so handsome and I don't know what happened to me but I fell for him so fast and so hard that it doesn't even feel real, like I look back at who I was before him and I don't recognize that person, I don't remember what it felt like to not have my entire day revolve around whether or not he texted me back, whether or not he's mad at me, whether or not I'm about to lose him. I hadn't felt anything for anyone in years. Years. I've had guys want to be with me and I tried so hard to feel something for them and I just couldn't, it was like I was broken or something, like everyone else got to have these big feelings and I was just numb, and then Jim walked into my life and suddenly I wasn't numb anymore, suddenly I was feeling everything all at once and it was overwhelming and terrifying and I thought that meant it was real, I thought that meant he was the one, because why else would my body react like this, why else would my heart literally hurt when he doesn't answer me.

At first it was good. Or I thought it was good. He came to my pro wrestling class just to watch me, he didn't have to do that, nobody's ever done that for me, he offered to come to my graduation because I don't have anyone to go with, my mom's an alcoholic and she's not going to be there and he knew that and he offered and I melted, I completely melted because someone was finally seeing me, someone was finally choosing me. We liked the same video games and the same sports and the same movies and he asked me about things I liked that he didn't know anything about and he actually listened, he actually seemed interested, and I was so starved for that kind of attention that I just soaked it all up without questioning anything.

The first time we hung out alone we kissed and it turned into this long makeout session and I was into it, I wanted it, but then he grabbed me by the throat while we were kissing and I froze for a second because it scared me, we barely knew each other and he had his hand around my neck and it wasn't hard enough to hurt but it was hard enough to remind me that he could hurt me if he wanted to, that he was stronger than me, that I was vulnerable, and I told myself I was being dramatic, I told myself it was just a kink thing or whatever, people do that, it's fine, I'm overreacting, I'm too sensitive, I need to stop making everything a big deal.

He also told me early on that he had hit an ex once but that they were playing and it wasn't on purpose and I should've run, I know I should've run, any sane person would've run but I didn't run because he was looking at me with these eyes and telling me I was different and I wanted so badly to be different, I wanted so badly to be the girl who was worth being good for, and I convinced myself that he was just being honest with me, that he was trusting me with something vulnerable, and isn't that what intimacy is, isn't that what love is, sharing the ugly parts and being accepted anyway. That's what I told myself. That's what I still tell myself sometimes when I can't sleep at night.

The second time we hung out we were walking and this dog just started barking at him like crazy, like snarling and lunging and the hair on its back was up and I got this horrible feeling in my gut, this primal fear that I couldn't explain, and I looked at Jim and he was just standing there completely calm like it was nothing and I thought maybe the dog was just crazy but then I thought about what dogs sense that humans can't, about how animals can smell danger on people, and I got scared but I pushed it down because I didn't want to be that girl, I didn't want to be the paranoid girl who ruins everything because of a bad feeling, because what if I was wrong, what if I threw away something real because I was scared of nothing, and I couldn't live with that, I couldn't live with being the reason it didn't work out.

By the second week I was already falling and falling hard and he was texting me constantly and talking to me all the time and I felt like I was finally alive after years of being half-asleep, like he had woken something up in me that I didn't even know was there, and then the hitting started. He would throw punches at the air because he's a boxer and then he would throw them at me and they weren't hard enough to leave marks but they were hard enough to sting, hard enough to remind me every single time that he could do damage if he wanted to, and I would flinch and he would laugh and I would laugh too because what else was I supposed to do, what was I supposed to say, hey can you stop pretending to hit me because it actually terrifies me, no, I couldn't say that, I couldn't risk him thinking I was weak or dramatic or too sensitive, so I laughed and I took it and I told myself it was just his sense of humor, just boy stuff, just roughhousing.

One day I actually worked up the courage to tell him to stop hitting me and he looked at me and said "If I hit you for real you'll end up on the floor crying" and something in his voice when he said it, something cold and casual and absolutely certain, scared the shit out of me, like my whole body went cold and my stomach dropped and for a second I saw exactly what he would look like if he wasn't pretending, if he was actually angry, and I was terrified but I chose to believe he was joking because the alternative was too horrible to think about, the alternative meant that I was alone in a room with someone who could destroy me and I was letting him, I was inviting him in, and I couldn't face that so I laughed and I said you're crazy and I changed the subject and I pretended my hands weren't shaking.

That same week he told me there was a gang that wanted to kill him because his ex made up some story about him hitting her and he swore it wasn't true and I believed him, I don't know why I believed him but I did, my heart just chose to believe him and my brain couldn't override it because my brain was already so twisted up in him that I couldn't think straight about anything, everything that came out of his mouth I just absorbed and accepted because questioning it meant risking losing him and I couldn't lose him, I couldn't, I had just found him, I had just started feeling again after years of nothing and I couldn't go back to that emptiness, I would rather be scared with him than empty without him.

He started asking me for sex and I'm a virgin by choice, I've had so many opportunities, so many guys who wanted me and I just didn't want them back, not like that, I'm a hopeless romantic and I've always been serious about waiting for the right person and I thought maybe he was the right person because of how I felt about him but something in me was still saying no, something in me was still holding back, and I couldn't tell if that was my intuition protecting me or my fear sabotaging something good, and I still don't know, I still can't tell the difference between self-preservation and self-sabotage and it's driving me insane.

Two weeks after we met we went to the cinema and he was touching me and I didn't stop him because I liked him and I wanted him to want me and we ended up in the public bathroom and I know this is disgusting and I'm sorry but I need to say it exactly how it happened because I need someone to understand how confused I am, how fucked up my head is right now. He put his fingers inside me and I said no at first, I said no, but he kept insisting and pushing and looking at me like I was hurting him by saying no, like I was being cruel and unreasonable, and I was so tired of fighting, so tired of being the difficult girl, the prude, the one who can't just relax and have fun, so I said yes and I let him and it hurt so bad, I wasn't ready, I wasn't wet, I had never even done that to myself and it felt like I was being ripped open and I wanted to cry but I didn't because I didn't want to ruin it, I didn't want to make him feel bad, I didn't want him to think I was broken or frigid or whatever, so I just laid there and took it and tried to look like I was enjoying it and then right after we got out of the bathroom he looked at me and said "I love you" for the first time and I felt like I was going to explode, like my heart was too big for my chest, like all the pain and confusion of the last twenty minutes didn't matter because he loved me, he actually loved me, and I had never felt that before, I had never had someone look at me like that and say those words and mean them, or at least I thought he meant them, I still don't know if he meant them, I go back and forth every single day and it's killing me.

Week three and the pattern just kept going, the joking hits that weren't jokes, the pressure for sex that never let up, and then he told me he wanted to be with me by all means unless I fucked him up and I asked him what that meant and he said don't sue him like his ex did and I felt sick, I felt physically sick because what does that mean, what did he do to his ex that she sued him, why is everyone in his past accusing him of violence, and I knew, I knew in my gut that there was something wrong, but I couldn't make myself leave, I couldn't make myself walk away from the only person who had made me feel alive in years.

We were in a supermarket bathroom and I didn't want to be there, I didn't want to do anything, but we were there and he was touching me and then he tried to put it in and I said no, I said no multiple times, and he didn't have a condom and I said no and he said it wasn't necessary because he has no STDs and I said no and he kept insisting and pushing and I was against the wall and he was bigger than me and stronger than me and he was about to do it and I was frozen, I was completely frozen, and then somebody knocked on the door and we had to leave and I have never been so relieved in my entire life, I literally wanted to fall to my knees and thank God or the universe or whoever was looking out for me in that moment.

Outside he was annoyed, he was actually annoyed at me because I didn't want to have sex with him, like I had done something wrong, like I was being difficult and unfair, and I told him I wasn't going to have sex with someone who wasn't my boyfriend and he said we don't know each other enough to date and I said then we don't know each other enough to have sex and I thought that was the end of it, I thought he would get mad and leave and I was already bracing myself for the heartbreak, already planning how I would survive without him, and then ten minutes later he asked me to be his girlfriend and I said yes because I loved him, I loved him so much it physically hurt, and I thought this would fix everything, I thought if I was his girlfriend then all the pressure would stop, then he would be gentle with me, then he would love me the way I needed to be loved.

Things got worse.

That same week we went to his best friend's birthday party and my mom was drinking because I wasn't home, she's an alcoholic and she gets vicious when she drinks, and she was calling me and saying horrible things and I had a full anxiety attack in front of everyone and I couldn't breathe and I couldn't stop shaking and Jim just looked at me like I was embarrassing him. I had told him I would quit smoking for him, he didn't like it when I smoked, and I lied, I still smoke two packs a day because I'm a mess and smoking is the only thing that calms me down sometimes, and that day I smoked an entire pack in front of him because I was spiraling and he got so mad, so cold and distant and angry, and he wanted to have sex that night too and I said no and I had started giving him handjobs by then because I thought maybe if I did other things he would stop pressuring me for sex but it wasn't enough, it was never enough, and he was so so mad at me and I felt like I had ruined everything, like I was too broken and too difficult and too much work and he was going to leave me and it would be all my fault.

During all of this every single one of my friends including my wrestling coach told me to leave him, they said he's a bad person and a bad influence and he's only going to hurt me and I didn't listen, I didn't listen to any of them because they didn't understand, they didn't understand what it felt like to finally feel something after years of numbness, they didn't understand that I would rather be hurt by him than feel nothing without him, and I told myself I wasn't leaving because I was scared of what he might do to me if I left and that was partly true, I am scared of him, I've seen what he's capable of, but the real truth is I don't want to live without him, I'm so attached to him in this way that doesn't make any logical sense, I think about him when I wake up and I think about him when I go to sleep and when we're not talking I feel like I'm drowning, like I can't get enough air, like the world is gray and flat and meaningless and he's the only thing that makes it colorful and I know that sounds insane, I know it sounds like I'm dependent and codependent and whatever else but I can't help it, I can't make it stop, I've tried and I can't.

My mom threatened to kill me and then kill herself if I don't leave him and when she's drunk she doesn't listen to anything I say so I just shut down and take it because what else can I do.

Jim introduced me to his friends and he's nicer to me around them, he puts on this act like he's so sweet and protective and I'm his perfect girlfriend and then when we're alone it's like I'm a completely different person to him, like I'm just this annoying obstacle between him and sex, like I'm only worth something when I'm making him feel good, and when we're not doing sexual stuff he's horrible to me, he's cold and critical and makes me feel small and stupid and I just take it because I don't want to lose the version of him that his friends see, the version that I fell for, and I keep waiting for that version to come back, I keep thinking if I just do this right or say this right or give him what he wants then he'll be sweet again, then he'll look at me the way he did in the beginning, and sometimes he does for like five minutes and it's enough to keep me hooked, it's enough to make me think it's working, that I'm finally doing it right.

He told me he's leaving on June 28th for another city for three months because his dad is forcing him to go and my friends begged me to break up with him once he was gone and I haven't, I can't, I talk to him every day and I miss him so much it feels like my chest is caving in and I know that sounds pathetic and I know I should be using this time to get away from him but I can't, I physically cannot make myself do it, I've tried to imagine my life without him and I just see this endless gray nothing and it terrifies me more than he does.

The last day we hung out before he left I got on the wrong bus and got lost in the city and I called him crying because I didn't know where I was and I was scared and he called me dumb and stupid and said I had to figure it out myself because I'm so fucking stupid and I just sat there on the phone listening to him tear me apart and I still wanted him, I still wanted him to come find me, I still thought if he came and saved me it would mean he loved me, it would prove something. When I finally got to him we made up in the bathroom because that's how we always make up now, through sex, through me giving him what he wants, and I asked him to ride the bus home with me because I had been harassed the day before and I was terrified of being alone on public transport and he said "if you suck my dick I'll go with you" and I didn't want to, I really didn't want to, but I did it because I was scared and I wanted him to protect me and I thought maybe if I did this one thing he would see that I love him, that I'm worth keeping, that he should choose me.

He didn't come with me.

He left a bruise on me that day too and I don't even remember how it happened, I just remember looking down at my arm and seeing it and feeling nothing, like I was outside my own body watching this happen to someone else. I slapped him at some point, I don't even remember why, and he said "the last girl who did that ended up crying" and there was this threat in his voice, this promise, and I was terrified but also weirdly relieved because at least he was being honest, at least I knew where I stood, at least I wasn't being gaslit for five seconds.

Now he's been gone a week and we got into a huge fight because I posted a video of me and my wrestling friend doing a move where my legs were wrapped around his face and his hands were on my legs and Jim went absolutely fucking nuclear, he's threatening to break up with me because he doesn't trust me and he says I'm cheating and I told him my friend is gay but he's not, I lied, I fucking lied because I'm so exhausted from having to explain every single thing I do, every person I talk to, every move I make, and I just wanted him to stop yelling at me for five minutes, I just wanted some peace, and now he's thinking about breaking up with me and we barely spoke yesterday and today we only talked because I told him my mom had beaten me and he just gave me some advice and that was it, no I love you, no I'm sorry, just advice like I'm some random person asking for help.

And I'm sitting here losing my mind because part of me knows this is bad, part of me knows this is so fucked up and wrong and I should run and never look back but there's this other part of me, this loud screaming part, that says I'm exaggerating, that says I'm being dramatic, that says every relationship has problems and I'm just too sensitive and too difficult and if I was a better girlfriend none of this would be happening, and that part is so loud, it's so fucking loud, and it tells me that I can't live without him, that I'll never feel this way about anyone else, that this is my one chance at love and I'm blowing it by being too picky and too prudish and too broken, and I don't know which voice is real anymore, I don't know if I'm the girl who needs to run or the girl who needs to try harder, and I'm so tired, I'm so fucking tired of not knowing what's real.

Please. Someone tell me the truth. Not what I want to hear. What I need to hear. Because I can't trust my own head anymore and I'm scared and I'm alone and I don't know what to do.

\---

\*\*TL;DR: Met a guy five weeks ago, fell stupidly in love, he's done a bunch of fucked up things but I can't leave because I'm terrified of being without him and half of me thinks I'm exaggerating everything. I need someone to tell me if I'm crazy or if this is actually abuse because I genuinely cannot tell anymore.\*\*

Hey i’m a guy in my 20s and my girlfriend is 19 and we’ve been together for than a year. I know we’re both young but our love is something else. I love her so much i could take more than just a bullet for her.
Recently she got mad at me for a reel i sent to my friend on instagram just to joke and make his girlfriend angry because they were staying at his house. The video contained a girl dancing and twerking. It wasn’t just one video it was like 5 or 6 i sent to him. Even my other friend sent it to him because we were on Playstation party and came up with this stupid idea. 2 days later my girlfriend found out after she looked into my phone when i was somewhere else. She said to me that i betrayed her trust and she won’t trust me again.
This is not the first time this has happened and i have to admit that i did some wrongs even before that and worse but it was only online, and i’ve never met another girl besides her. Now she’s barely responding to my text and phone calls. And i’ve asked her if she still wants to be together with me and she said “i don’t know”. I asked and searched online and they say that she will need some time alone without contact but it’s really really hard for me not to hear her sweet angel voice. She the love of my life and i don’t want to lose her. These silent few days have eaten me inside and i’ve been pondering about taking my car and drive 200km/h into a tree without a seatbelt and seal my fate.

This girl is my everything and i don’t want to lose her in any way. she’s the only one i want. please people of reddit, help me. (She told me “i love you more” after i told her that i love her but i was balling my eyes out on the phone with her. I don’t know if that’s just sympathy or she meant it.)

Hi,I'm 21F

I just wanted to share something because I'm feeling so overwhelmed and helpless that I can barely think straight.

I'm in a relationship with this man 25M

It's been a couple of months since my previous relationship ended. After my ex, I wasn't ready for another commitment, but he pursued me, proposed to me, and did everything he could to convince me to be with him.

When we started dating, I was okay with everything, but I wasn't giving my whole heart to the relationship. I don't know why, but there was something inside me that kept holding me back. I was serious about him and genuinely wanted to be with him, but after what happened with my ex, I was terrified of getting my heart broken again. Because of that, I tried to give him space. I didn't ask too many questions or express too many emotions because I didn't want him to feel trapped in the relationship, and I didn't want to burden him with my feelings.

However, he constantly complained that I didn't text him enough, didn't ask about him, and wasn't concerned about him. But whenever I tried to change that and show more care, concern, or affection, he would disrespect me. The disrespect was so hurtful. Whenever I told him that his behavior was hurting me, he would laugh at me, send laughing emojis, and tell me that I was playing the victim card.

Recently, he didn't reply to me for an entire day and didn't text me the next day either. I became anxious and worried. I called and texted him because I genuinely didn't know what was going on. I even told him that I didn't want to bother him and that if he needed space, he could simply let me know and I would stop texting.

Instead of understanding where I was coming from, he completely dismissed my feelings. He said things like, "If I'm not replying, you're not getting attention," "You just need attention," "You don't deserve to know anything," and "Just go away, bro." nd like alot of things before like cheater,munafiq nd alot I tolerated everything,if I dont ask he would still fight that Yu didn't ask me like idk

So, I told him that I was hurt and worried. I told him that I had a right to check on him and ask if he was okay. But instead of listening, he laughed and accused me of lying. He found my pain amusing.

The truth is that I was anxious because I have abandonment issues. When he disappeared without any explanation, I genuinely thought he had left me. He never stopped to consider how that might affect me emotionally.

This isn't the first time. He constantly insults me, attacks my character, and says hurtful things without any reason. If I do something, he finds a reason to fight with me. If I don't do something, he still finds a reason to fight with me. No matter what happens, I end up being blamed and accused.

I'm deeply hurt, and I honestly don't know how to handle myself anymore. Part of me knows that it's time to leave, but I'm struggling with that reality. Right now, I feel exhausted, broken, and disappointed in myself for allowing this situation to affect me so deeply.

Now in end he said go away bro , nd I said okay I j wants to not be w him anymore and to accept this all nd nvr wanted to look back j need lil help

(this is copy and pasted from another post I made because i reaaaally need help)

Okay, so I (15F) need advice on what to do in this situation with my boyfriend (15M). Pretty straightforward.

This began about two years ago when he moved to my school and developed a **big** crush on me. I didn't like him at all. A year later, he begins asking me out constantly and I repeatedly reject him. So, he has always had a big thing for me and eeeverybody at school knew. However, I just didn't like him.

Fast forward to this year, he dated another girl in tern one. Still, he liked me and tried to get with me. However, this year I began to develop feelings for him too. BUT, if you know me then you know that it was probably just a phase where I liked a boy and then would move on within two weeks. I don't really date because I hate attachment and I really struggle to keep feelings. So usually, I break up with the guy and move on in a day.

However, me and him began to talk in late April of this year. I liked him but I never had **real** feelings like he did for me. I decided to give him a chance though and we talked all through May. During May, his female friends started spreading rumours about us and there is one in particular who just started to hate me. She would constantly talk about me. Overall, everybody hated because they thought we wouldn't last at all.

In June, he asked me out and I said yes (big mistake.. never should've gone this far). So, we've been dating for about 2 weeks and my feelings for him are declining reaaally fast.

He's very clingy. He always wants to call (and I mean **always**.. 24/7!) and text but I am not the type of person to enjoy that. I'm getting sick of his constant need for connection. He always wants to hang out. He always wants sex (which I barely enjoy because he doesn't listen to what I enjoy anyway). He always wants me to do things with him. Did I mention his constant need for sex? It's veeery annoying. Additionally, I haven't said "I love you" to him but he always says it to me and will be butthurt if I don't repeat it back. I can never pull away. Whenever he kisses me, he tries to makeout (even in public or at school) and I try to pull away... and an argument happens. Maybe I'm just unaffectionate or afraid of PDA, but I love personal space and time sometimes. We argue quite a bit. He is overprotective of what I wear, where I go, who I'm with. He hates all my male friends (especially my gay best friend and my childhood friend).

Now, I do like him. I just don't enjoy being with him. He's caring, funny, sweet and when it's good, it's amazing. But that's about 1% of the time. I just can't keep going. My friends told me I should stay until at least September to prove everyone wrong, keep his feelings from getting too hurt, and keep myself grounded.

I hate dating at this point in my life. I'm very avoidant of dating and love. I don't love him though.

I've met his family, he's met mine. I always talk with his siblings and they **adore** me. Even his friends adore me being with him and that's rare for them. I'm just sick of him.

Please, what should I do? It's draining me everyday. I don't know whether I should leave him, stay with him, or talk to him about it... I have talked about it with him but he really doesn't listen well. He's been obssessed for over 3 years now and I only liked him for a bit. What should I do? We're on a holiday break and I'm going to see him tomorrow.

If you need extra information, I'm sure I can answer if it helps.

I'm looking for outside opinions because I'm too close to the situation. My boyfriend and I have been together for about two years. He doesn't want any indication on social media that he's in a relationship. He doesn't post me, won't mention having a girlfriend, doesn't seem want signs he's in a relationship. In previous relationships, he did publicly post his girlfriends and make it obvious he was with them. I don't ask to be posted. I would honestly just be happy with something as simple as his profile saying he's in a relationship, or some acknowledgment to our relationship. He also followed a number of accounts that primarily post thirst traps or sexualized content. On its own, maybe that wouldn't have bothered me as much, but combined with easily seeming single online, it hit contributed to how I feel. One a public stream of his recently, I had been noticing what seemed like flirtatious interactions a bit with him and a follower of his. I didn't say anything because I didn't want to ruin this streaming for him, and I wasn't sure if I was over thinking it. On one of his more recent streams though, him and that same follower had a bit of back and forth flirty banter, in which he called her a cutie pie. A name I don't recall him ever calling me. Apparently she had previously asked if he was married. He answered honestly that he wasn't. He didn't volunteer that he was in a relationship. Meanwhile, I feel like the affection and romantic attention in our relationship has become much less consistent. Compliments, affectionate names, romantic attention doesn't feel as natural or frequent anymore. I send loving messages and compliments, and do the same in person, but they're rarely reciprocated if acknowledged. When I've brought these concerns up, he's told me he thinks I'm reading too much into them and that social media isn't real. Since we see these situations so differently, I've started questioning whether I'm being fair or assigning meaning where there isn't any. If I'm being unreasonable in feeling hurt. I also know he's been under a lot of stress, and I know that stress can affect how someone shows up in a relationship. I'm trying to keep that in mind while also being honest about how these things have affected me I am questioning my level of expectations and what is more realistic out of a relationship, especially nowadays with social media and how certain kinds of affection and attention are given outside of the relationship vs what is given inside. Am I connected things that shouldn't be connected, reading too much into things and assigning meaning where there is none?

How would someone navigate feeling valued and secure with these patterns?

I’m (22F) , my boyfriend said to me multiple times before that I’m not his type even though he’s the one who had crush on me for a long time before we started talking,he said that his type is tanned skin & tall girls , and I’m pale and short , couple days ago we were playing truth or dare with our friends. One of them asked him if a girl who’s just your type approached to you would you sleep with her ? AND HE SAID YES ?!!! . Mind you he has been the sweetest throughout our relationship which shocked me when I heard this . I need a genuine advice what should I do

I'm really curious I want to know everyone's opinions

I randomly connected to a stranger on a chatting app 2.5 years ago. We both thought that it's gonna be just another random conversation and we'll end up getting bored and eventually stop talking. But universe had some other plans. Gradually we both grew feelings for each other and now we are together. We live 1500km away from each other. It's a long distance. After 1 year of knowing each other, he finally came to meet me. That was the first time we both met I person. We talked it through. We can't be together for a long because he'll soon be arranged into a marriage with some other girl. And there's no choice of protest due to religious difference. He told me in the very beginning that he can not go against his parents. Later I tries to break up because being in a relationship with him and knowing the end all along at the back of my head.. was too much. But he didn't let me. I didn't go away. Rather came here to meet me again, when I already told him I don't want to meet him. Eventually we came together again.

Now it's bothering me again. What should I do ? Should I stay with him as long as we can.. or should I saperate paths right now?

TL; DR\*\* we can't be together in the future because his parents would never agree due to religiousdifference. Should I use the time and live with him for as long as we can or part ways right now?

I’m 26F with no kids. I’ve always wanted to have children one day, but I’m starting to question if I’m okay with the situation I’m in.
My boyfriend is 35. He has 4 kids with 2 different women. Three of those kids are with his most recent ex, who he was with for about 10 years. They only recently ended that relationship before we got together.
He’s told me he wants a child with me someday, but honestly it goes in one ear and out the other because of the circumstances. It feels easy to say, but I’m thinking about what that would actually look like.
He’s already mentioned having a new girlfriend to some of his family, and apparently some of them have responded with things like, “Don’t have any more kids.” Hearing that kind of made me stop and think.
If we had a child together, I’d be the third mother of his children. I’d also be entering a situation where there are already four kids and two co-parenting relationships that will always be part of our lives.
I don’t judge anyone for having children with multiple people. I’m just wondering if I’m being naive by thinking I could handle that long-term.
For anyone who’s been in a similar situation—either as the person with kids already or the new partner—what was your experience? Did you ever regret it? Were there challenges you didn’t anticipate? Would you do it again?
I’m trying to separate my feelings for him from the reality of what I’d be signing up for if we eventually had a family.

Edit: I appreciate everyone who’s taken the time to give genuine advice, even if it’s tough to hear. I’m open to honest opinions and constructive criticism—that’s why I posted. But if your comment is only meant to be rude or make fun of me for asking, I’d rather you just keep scrolling. I’m looking for perspective, not insults.

Hi everyone, just wanted some advice on what to do in my situation.
I’ve been in a relationship with someone of 8 years now. We’ve had our ups and downs as anyone does, but 6 months ago we had a breakup that lasted two weeks. Since then things have been fine but I just found out that she had slept with someone during that time. I asked her multiple times what happened because I knew she spoke to someone in that two weeks but she told me that nothing happened. She finally comes to me and tells the truth yesterday but I basically had to pry it out of her. I’m not sure if I should continue my relationship or not. She wants to, but I’m unsure.
Would you stay in the relationship or break up?

I’m 27F and my boyfriend is 28M. We’ve been together for a few years. My dad passed away from pancreatic cancer in November 2025, and I’m still grieving. This has been the hardest period of my life.
I’ve been questioning whether I’m expecting too much from a partner, or whether I’ve been accepting too little.

Over the course of our relationship, I’ve tried to support him however I can. He’s on my spousal visa, I let him use my car whenever he needs it because he doesn’t have one yet (he pays for fuel), I’ve bought him a lot of things over the years, including clothes, and I even bought a PS5 for our home knowing it was mainly something he’d enjoy. I’m naturally a very generous person.

I also carry a lot of the mental load. I organise meals, groceries, and generally make sure life keeps moving. Around the house, he does contribute and I’m not saying he does nothing, but it’s inconsistent. If he doesn’t do some of his chores, they often end up becoming mine because I don’t want to live in a messy home. I’ve suggested hiring a cleaner so the pressure isn’t on either of us, but he doesn’t want to, so I end up picking up the extra work anyway.
The biggest issue, though, is emotional support.
Since my dad died, there have been so many times I’ve been crying in another room and he has either ignored it or carried on as though nothing was happening. If he does come to me, he’ll ask, “What’s wrong?” even though my grief has been a daily reality for months. Sometimes I don’t need him to solve anything. I just want him to sit with me, hug me or acknowledge that I’m having a hard day.
We’ve argued about this before. During one conversation he told me that he does support me, but that the kind of support I’m asking for is “too much” and that he “can’t do those things.”
That sentence has really stayed with me because I honestly don’t feel like I’m asking for anything extraordinary. I’m asking for emotional presence from the person I’m building a life with.
Recently I suggested we have a “State of the Union” relationship meeting after reading Keep Love by Paul Brunson because I wanted us to work on our relationship. He said he wasn’t ready and wanted to postpone it.

Today he told me he was taking some parcels to a female friend he’s known since primary school and then going for drinks with her afterwards. My issue isn’t that he has a female friend. If he’d gone for drinks with a lifelong friend on any other weekend, I genuinely don’t think I’d care.
What hurt was the timing.
He wasn’t ready to spend an evening repairing our relationship, but he was ready to spend an evening socialising. To me, that made me feel like fixing our relationship wasn’t a priority.
I told him exactly that.
Now I’m sitting here wondering whether this is just one incident that’s upsetting me, or whether I’m finally reacting to a pattern I’ve been ignoring for a long time.

I don’t want people to simply tell me to break up. I’m genuinely looking for honest perspectives.
Am I expecting too much from a 28-year-old partner, or does it sound like I’m asking for a pretty basic level of emotional support, shared responsibility, and prioritisation?

This is my first post, and to be honest, I'm a little shy. Basically, I'm a 30-year-old guy, my girlfriend is 28, and we've been together for four years. Over the past six months, I started noticing something was wrong between us. She became distant, wasn't as warm as before, and stopped caring about me, complimenting me, or supporting me. I tried to talk to her about it many times, but she convinced me she was just tired, that everything was fine, and that she loved me just as much as before. I didn't connect it to her hobbies. Then a couple of months ago, it was an ordinary day. We woke up together, drank coffee, laughed, then took our cat to the clinic for a procedure. When we arrived with the vets, she came back to me in a strange way and started talking. Something like, "We've been so different lately; I feel like we're living different lives." "We're not making any progress, you're earning little," I'm a military man who covers rent and all small expenses, I hardly spend anything on myself, everything is with the family, "You sleep almost until lunch, and I want to establish a routine, go to bed at 11 and wake up at 9," I'll give you another comment, because of my job, from Monday to Thursday I don't live at home, but in another city several dozen kilometers away, every day I wake up for work at 6:30 in the morning, and go to bed around 02:00 at night, and on the weekends I want to get enough sleep, "You hardly exercise. I don't admit my freedom with you, I might want to go somewhere, maybe for a few weeks, I want to go abroad, in short, I want to separate," for me this was a blow, I never infringed on her in any way and never forbade her anything. She wanted to go to a BTS concert, so I helped her buy tickets, I'll support her, and I'll be making sure they arrive. Now about BTS: right around the time she started to cool off towards me, she became really involved. She listened to songs, watched interviews, and music videos, and she developed a bias (her favorite member). I even warned her back then to be careful with that. Then she started calling herself ARMY, and I didn't pay any attention to it and supported her interest in every way. Then my girlfriend stopped accepting any criticism of the group; I'm very skeptical of perfectly structured trends and stories. Micro-quarrels started happening against the backdrop of all this.

Let's go back to two months ago. We still live together, but I was really worried. I started going to the gym, started waking up earlier on weekends, taking care of myself, basically doing everything she talked about. After a while, everything returned to normal. Exactly a month ago, she announced she wanted to break up for good, and it was a huge blow to me. Old grievances surfaced in our conversation, many harsh and unacceptable words were said about me, and so on. Just when I'd calmed down, thanked her for four years together, and calmly started to walk away, she caught up with me and said, "Come on, give your friend some time," I explained. For a week, I was killing myself, reflecting, drinking heavily. And at some point, I discovered that I had her Google account on my tablet. I immediately went to her GPS. It was a response to my self-esteem and mentality. For the last six months, when we were still together, she kept asking me questions like, "How can I meet Taehyung in real life?", "Can a Taehyung date a foreigner?", "How can a 28-year-old girl move to Korea?", "How can I get a job at HYIB?" Then she offered photos with another guy, hugging, kissing, gazing sweetly into each other's eyes, walking hand in hand through Seoul. Shock, panic, anxiety, and the realization that I'd been abandoned long ago. You could say I'm overreacting, if not for another very interesting request. The main idea was, "I love watching them bare all over themselves, it makes me ache inside. I want to exercise so I can approach them. I hope I'll be able to do something someday, at least get noticed, I just need to prepare." It was a low blow, when someone who admired you starts admiring other men and ruins a potential relationship over imaginary ones.

That's not all, if you're interested, I'll write a continuation.

I've been in a relationship for almost two years, and I feel like I've slowly lost myself trying to make it work. I love her more than anyone I've ever loved, and this isn't a post to make her look like a bad person or to get strangers to hate her. I just want honest opinions because I genuinely don't know if I'm expecting too much anymore or if this relationship has become emotionally unhealthy.

I'll start with my own mistakes because I know I'm not perfect. I've been insecure at times, I've overthought things, I've been possessive in certain situations, and during one argument I called her a horrible name that I deeply regret. I've apologized for that countless times and I've genuinely tried to become a better partner. Whenever she tells me I've hurt her, I sit there and listen for as long as it takes. I've spent 30–40 minutes, sometimes even longer, apologizing in detail, explaining what I did wrong, why it happened, reassuring her, promising to change, and trying to make sure she feels heard. I don't do it because she forces me to ,I do it because I love her and I want her to feel emotionally safe.

The problem is that I don't feel like I receive that same effort back.

Whenever I'm hurt and try to explain my feelings calmly, I feel like my concerns somehow become secondary. Instead of feeling understood, I usually get explanations about why she reacted the way she did or why she wasn't trying to hurt me. By the end of the conversation, I feel like the original issue I brought up has barely been acknowledged.

One thing that's affected me a lot is that she's told me to "be a man" during arguments. She's also compared me with other men before, and there have been conversations where she said she feels emotionally validated talking to other men. Whether she meant it the way I took it or not, hearing those things from the person you love absolutely destroys your confidence. Instead of feeling like I was enough, I started feeling like I was constantly competing with some version of a man that I could never become.

There was another incident that still stays in my mind. Before we started dating, she had exchanged flirty or sexy snaps with a few guys. Even after we got into a relationship, she continued maintaining Snapchat streaks with some of them and would occasionally send cute selfies or gym selfies. They weren't explicit, but knowing the history made me uncomfortable. One day I made the mistake of checking her phone without her permission. I know that was wrong, and I take full responsibility for it. I apologized for hours, literally cried to her, promised I'd never invade her privacy again, and I haven't done it since. But what hurt me was that the conversation became completely about me checking her phone. The reason I had been hurt in the first place the snaps and why they made me uncomfortable was never really addressed. It felt like my wrongdoing completely overshadowed the issue I had brought up.

Another thing that really bothers me is the difference in accountability. When I hurt her, my apology has to be detailed. We spend a long time talking about it, and I make sure every concern she has is answered. But when she hurts me, I usually get one or two sentences saying sorry, and that's the end of it. I've accepted those apologies because I didn't want to keep fighting. But one day I asked her why there was a different standard. I told her that if her apologies could be that short, maybe mine could be too, because I thought there should be equality in the relationship. Instead of understanding what I meant, she got upset and told me I wanted "princess treatment." That honestly hurt because I wasn't asking to be treated better than her. I was just asking to be treated the same.

The biggest issue for me is that I don't feel emotionally heard. I'll write long messages explaining exactly what's hurting me, trying my best not to attack her, trying to communicate maturely, hoping she'll understand my perspective. But I often feel like her replies don't actually address the main concerns I've raised. Sometimes it feels like she responds to the easiest parts and skips over the things that matter most to me. I end up feeling like my emotions were acknowledged on the surface but never truly understood.

Over the past year, this relationship has affected me mentally more than anything else in my life. I've isolated myself from friends, my confidence has dropped dramatically, and I honestly don't recognize myself anymore. I constantly question whether I'm controlling, insecure, too sensitive, emotionally abusive, or whether I'm simply asking for the same emotional effort that I give. I spend so much time blaming myself that I genuinely don't know what's real anymore.

I still love her. I know she's not a monster, and I know she has her own struggles. That's why this is so confusing. If I didn't love her, walking away would've been easy. Instead, I keep trying to fix myself while wondering if I'm ignoring the fact that I'm hurting too.

So I'm asking strangers because I don't trust my own judgment anymore.

Am I expecting too much emotional accountability? Am I being unfair? Is this just normal relationship conflict, or does this sound like a pattern where one person's feelings are consistently prioritized over the other's?

The confusing part is that this relationship isn’t always bad. In fact, the last two months were probably the healthiest we’ve ever been. We were solving arguments within 20–30 minutes, communicating better, forgiving each other quickly, and she even came to India for our entrance exams and stayed with my family for a week. It genuinely felt like we had both matured and were finally becoming the couple we’d always wanted to be.

But over the last 20 days, everything has gone backwards.

Whenever we argue now, I feel like the conversation quickly shifts from the actual issue to attacking my biggest insecurities. I’ve struggled with clearing my PG entrance exams for the last three years, and she knows how much that hurts me because I’ve cried to her about it before. During arguments she’ll say things like, “What were you doing for the last three years?”, “Where’s your PG seat?”, “Know your level and act accordingly.”, “You’re not earning.”, “You’re not providing for your family like a man.”, “Be humble.”, “You’re not behaving like a 29-year-old.”, “You’re immature.”

I was working and studying for my entrances for the past 1 1/2 years and I recently left my job for preparing full time.

Maybe she’s trying to push me to improve. Maybe she’s frustrated. I honestly don’t know anymore. But those words don’t motivate me,they hit the deepest wounds I already carry every single day.

The thing that hurts the most is when she tells me she’s not attracted to me. She says she’s attracted to me when I’m emotionally supportive and calm, but when we fight and I become emotional, she’ll tell me she’s not attracted to me physically because of how I behave. I’ve been trying to improve myself. I’ve cut out junk food over the last couple of months, started losing weight, and I’m working on my health. I’m not overweight (BMI 23)but I do have some belly fat that I’m actively trying to lose. So hearing the person I love tell me she’s not attracted to me during arguments absolutely destroys my confidence.

Even small situations become exhausting. We have this habit of sleeping together on FaceTime every night because we’re in a long-distance relationship. At first it was something sweet that we both enjoyed. Recently it feels like it’s become an expectation. Yesterday I couldn’t stay because I had to look after my niece while everyone else was out, and then I went for a short walk. I was gone for maybe 20 minutes. She got upset because I wasn’t there with her the previous night either. I explained everything, apologized, reassured her, and eventually she calmed down. But I couldn’t help feeling like if I hadn’t come back quickly, there would’ve been repeated calls and another argument. Something that started as a loving ritual now sometimes feels like an obligation, and I don’t know if I’m being unfair for feeling that way.

At the same time, I know I have my faults. When she brings up my deepest insecurities repeatedly, I get emotionally overwhelmed. I raise my voice. I bring up things from her past that we’ve supposedly already resolved. I become defensive instead of calm. I’m not proud of that. I know I contribute to these fights too.

The hardest part is that we’re both preparing for major entrance exams right now, and instead of being each other’s peace, it feels like we’re adding stress to each other’s lives.

Am I being too sensitive? Am I expecting too much emotional accountability? Does it sound like she’s trying to motivate me in a harsh way, or does it sound like she’s crossing a line by repeatedly bringing up my deepest insecurities during arguments?

Please don’t just tell me to leave. I genuinely want to understand whether I’m missing something or whether these patterns are unhealthy for both of us. I just want honest perspectives because I honestly don’t know anymore.