r/relationshipproblems

I cheated on my gf because I was looking forward to end things. I agree i am in the wrong by cheating i should've told her but I loved her as much and didn't wish to continue at the same time, because I was jealous of her past didn't feel enough ,special and desired and I was immature to think tht I wasn't her first when she wanted to make me her last after i cheated i would be equal to her past then couldn't have the guilt so confessed to her yet she still stayed which made me realise howmuch she loves me and tht I was more than enough now I regret cheating and looking ways to end it. I wish I was more patient and handled things differently If I understood her more before I cheated tht this is wht she felt abt me i would've thrown all my insecurity behind and we'd be happy but since I cheated the relationship is like very unstable how can I reassure her

So my boyfriend just broke up with me on Aug 9th… first off, let me say that we we’re best friends before (6 months before) and he waited for me and helped me through a bad situation going on in my life. He was the one person always there for me. I could tell him anything and he’d never judge me. Ok, so the relationship was great in the beginning. We always went fishing together and had so many amazing memories (some of the best times of my life) stuff out of a movie. Several months in I started to self sabotage because it seemed to good to me true. There’s no way this person truly loves me? There’s just no way. I started getting overly emotional and saying things like, “ maybe we should break up, I don’t think this is going to work” things I didn’t mean at all. Also, when I didn’t get his attention I felt not beautiful. Even though I knew he thought I was beautiful logically, it just wasn’t clicking. I never felt like I was enough even though, looking back at all of our memories, he always made it clear that I was. Ok, so he went to a trip to Idaho for an internship. I joined him about a couple weeks in. Everything was great until I started going a little stir crazy bc we were b a tiny apartment and never had the space to really think logically. I think it was really stressing him out. He didn’t understand the panic attack and the constant worrying. He’d play games for hours and I’d overthink bc he wasn’t giving me the attention. There’s also the stress of the fact he might get offered a job and it could possibly be in another state. (Not in the south where I live). We always talked about doing long distance and making it work and then me moving out there at some point. That was causing a lot of stress on me and he kinda freaked out one day and was like maybe this isn’t gonna work. But decided that if I’m willing to work through it and chance my thinking and not say the breaking up thing… it’ll work. Rest of the trip was great. Then when I got back home ( he was there for a couple of weeks after I left) I called him a lot (not like every two minute) but like 3 times a day. He didn’t seem to be putting the effort in and he said bc you don’t give me the chance to because you’re always calling. I stopped calling as much as it got a little better but I asked him about why he doesn’t do the flowers and nice texts anymore and he broke down crying and said he’s scared I’m going to leave him if he moves and that he couldn’t even imagine his life without me. I reassured him and all the effort came back. I was the one thinking more logically at the moment. The next two days were fine but then I started to overthink it again bc he had been doing the same (he doesn’t usually overthink). I started to believe long distance wouldn’t work but I wanted to try. When I saw him for our date (when he got back) it went great but he was talking about it at dinner. I kinda got upset a little. After the movie we went back to the car and well we were intimate and it was perfect but after I got a little upset and started crying bc I was scared and said maybe this isn’t gonna work while he was saying it will if we are both in it. He was comforting me and I said are you ready to go back? So when he dropped me off he said he loved me so much and I didn’t even kiss him or say it back. Then I called him the same night and we talked about it and in a way I feel like I was playing games saying oh maybe this isn’t gonna work bc I was really upset. And the next day he broke it off bc he said I haven’t changed and that it isn’t working.

Obviously no one was there for the good moments so you might say oh he never loved me… but he definitely did. We had something very special. I just screwed up. I really want him back and I keep holding on the the chance he will come back. I was thinking abt maybe reaching out in a month or two (not begging for him back but saying I hate how we left things and check in) I mean we were best friends. We didn’t everything together. I need advice. He’s a very logical person and I feel like I may be delusional lol.

My boyfriend and I started dating in April of 2026. At the time, I didn’t believe I was ready to get into a relationship, but soon after our first date, our love hit me by surprise.

From the moment it was known that he and I were seeing one another, I received harassment from the beginning, up until even a week ago, from his ex-girlfriend. Not knowing my boyfriend super well yet but still falling in love with him, each of her messages upset me, and I questioned whether she was telling the truth because I was still getting to know him.

**JUNE 12**

On June 12, I found out I was pregnant with my boyfriend’s baby.

He kept calm that night and reassured me that everything was going to be okay and that we’d make a decision together the next day.

**JUNE 13**

The next morning, he woke up and left for a game he had already planned to go to in New York.

I didn’t say anything that morning about him going because he reassured me that he was playing the game and coming home. He also asked me to wait for him before going to the hospital so we could get confirmation together.

As the day went on, I grew more stressed about the pregnancy and ultimately did not wait for him. I went to the hospital with my friend.

During the day, I was updating him, but he had minimal responses because he was at his game.

After his game, he told me several times after 4 p.m. that he was on his way home. He had driven up with his brothers, though, and was unable to get home by himself at the time.

As more time went on and he continued insisting that he was on his way home and saying he already left when he didn’t, I felt abandoned and assumed he was lying to me. I grew angry because he had to follow his family to a bar because he didn’t have another ride.

I screamed at him on the phone to get home and to Uber home.

He eventually told me he was on his way.

During that time, I received three FaceTime calls from his brother and cousin. By the third call, I answered. I assumed maybe they had left with my boyfriend and he couldn’t get in touch with me.

As soon as I answered, both his brother and cousin were yelling:

**“What kind of cunt makes him Uber home from New York?”**

They repeated it several times.

I was in such a rage because of what they had said that I started rambling things off as quickly as I could.

I told them they didn’t know the situation, that I was already months pregnant, that my boyfriend wanted to have the baby, and basically said, “Who the fuck are you guys to call me when you don’t know the situation?”

I lied during that conversation out of anger. I was trying to say anything I could to make them feel bad for calling me a cunt.

Eventually, around 9 p.m., my boyfriend got home after Ubering back.

By that point, I had already convinced myself that he had abandoned me. I was heartbroken both by that and by what his family had called me.

When he showed up at my friend’s house. That night, I called my boyfriend a pussy. I grabbed my phone and pretended I was going to call my ex. I told him my ex was ten times better of a person than he was and that at least my ex wouldn’t react this way or abandon me during this situation.

I said each and every one of those statements specifically to hurt him, make him feel bad and upset him.

**None of it was true.**

After waking up the next day and from that point until now, I have regretted what I said.

It hurts the most when you say things you don’t mean at all to the person you love simply because, in a moment of sadness and desperation, you want them to feel the pain you’re feeling.

**THE ABORTION CONVERSATION**

A few days passed, and my boyfriend and I were doing okay.

I told him that I didn’t believe in abortion and that I felt that with us being 25 and 24 with stable jobs, getting an abortion was horrible. We got ourselves into this situation, and we should deal with it together.

My boyfriend said having the baby was not the best decision for us right now.

I told him that if I were to get an abortion, I wouldn’t be able to continue the relationship with him.

Every day being with him, being around his little cousins whom I love, seeing him interact with them, and looking at him wondering if our baby would’ve had his eyes would’ve killed me.

I couldn’t imagine keeping him in my life after making such a drastic decision.

My boyfriend still doesn’t understand my point and says:

**“If you truly love me, you wouldn’t say that.”**

**HIS FAMILY GETS INVOLVED**

Fast-forward a few days.

My boyfriend received a text from his brother that essentially said:

\> “Yo bud, I’m just texting you because I love you. I know a lot more about her than you or she would think I know. She’s played this pregnancy game multiple times with different people. She’s said some pretty fucked-up things about our family, including how she wouldn’t want her kid tied to our family.
\>
\> In a five-minute phone call, she lied multiple times and has lied a lot since you’ve been with her.
\>
\> I know exactly the type of girl she is, and I know she’s putting you under pressure because that’s what girls like her do.
\>
\> Being in a relationship with a manipulative liar is one thing, but having a kid with one is a whole different ball game. It can and will literally fuck your life up emotionally and, most importantly, financially.
\>
\> I know how much you like her, and that’s why she’s pissing me off. I know she thinks she’s crazy and scary, but before making a decision that big, I’m more than happy to air her out in front of you and catch her in lie after lie so you can see for yourself.”

I wanted to prove to my boyfriend and his family that I had nothing to hide, so I agreed to sit down and talk with all of them.

The situation they were talking about involved my ex I was with for 3 years.

We broke up because he slept with someone from the gym we both went to.

After a month of us not being together and officially deciding we were done, I slept with someone else.

**We used full protection.**

I found out I was pregnant.

The new person I had slept with was wondering why I would no longer answer him. I told him I was pregnant and needed to figure things out with my ex.

He told me, “Maybe the condom broke and it’s mine.”

I never once thought it was anyone else’s baby besides my ex’s.

Between confirmation of how far along I was and the timing, my ex and I knew it was his baby.

That is exactly what I explained to my current boyfriend’s family about the past situation they had heard about.

During this conversation on the couch, his brothers proceeded to tell me that I could have an abortion and that there was a pill to take for “mistakes like this.”

My family wasn’t getting involved, and I didn’t believe his family should be involved either.

So while explaining myself on that couch, I still stuck up for myself as well.

**NOW**

I am now four months pregnant.

My boyfriend and I have had our issues since June, but somehow we continued finding a way to make us work because where there has been stress, there has still been love — and now we have a baby involved.

From June until now, I have felt alone during this pregnancy.

The thoughts of what his family said linger.

My boyfriend’s love for me changed after the horrible things I said on June 13.

I started going to therapy, and I began having horrible thoughts that I’m already failing as a mother because my boyfriend and I aren’t doing well.

I have felt stuck and desperate.

I asked my boyfriend if he would now consider adoption because I can’t see a way out, and I’m concerned about the life this baby will have.

I never had these thoughts before because, in the beginning, I thought so highly of him and assumed we’d eventually be okay.

It’s not because I want at all to make any decision
It’s not because I don’t already love my baby.
It’s because now that he’s growing, I’m scared I can’t give him the life he deserves with two parents who love each other.

I told him I want this baby and I don’t want to make that decision , but I can’t do this alone, and I’m scared that we aren’t giving this baby a good life already.

**THE NIGHT EVERYTHING CHANGED**

Fast-forward to the night of August 16, 2026.

I am now four months pregnant.

My boyfriend was at a bar while his ex — the same ex who has repeatedly contacted me — was there.

He was telling me how much he loved me and that seeing her made him realize he wanted me around.

Despite being pissed that he was even in a place where his ex was, part of me felt happy because he was saying something that made me feel like he was choosing me.

He asked me to pick him up and, a couple of texts later, said he needed to talk to me.

I had work in the morning, but I left my house to get him after he had been drinking all day.

When I picked him up, he looked at me in the car and said:

**“This isn’t working.”**

I had absolutely no idea where the shift came from.

At **1:10 a.m.**, he told me he loved me.

At **1:17 a.m.**, he told me to pick him up so we could talk.

Then suddenly our relationship wasn’t working.

He told me his brother absolutely cannot stand me — that he actually **despises me** — and that for his brother to say that, there must be something wrong and we shouldn’t be together.

He told me his brother didn’t even ask to get off work for vacation because he doesn’t want to be around me because he hates me that much.

This is the same brother who called me and called me a cunt.

I started crying.

I told my boyfriend that I have been nice to his brother since that day and have never said another mean word to him.

My boyfriend told me it doesn’t matter.

Then he proceeded to tell me:

**I’m a bitch.**

**Nobody likes me.**

**I’m a piece of shit.**

He told me my reputation is already horrible.

He told me that nobody likes me and nobody ever has anything good to say about me.

He told me that if I walked outside and looked to my left or right, both people would hate me.

When I kept asking him over and over again what I had actually done to make everyone hate me, he just continued telling me that I’m a bitch and a piece of shit.

He told me I hang out with 21-year-olds and that those are the only friends I have. (Not even close to true)

I am not claiming to be perfect by any means.

I have called him names out of anger. I’ve said he’s a fucking asshole during arguments but that is the extent.

I’m not hiding any of that because I want people reading this to understand **both sides** before responding.

But I felt that night changed everything.

He went deep.

He said things that shake you to your core.

And after months of trying to repair our relationship while pregnant with his son, he decided to walk away from the relationship and the effort to make us work.

So I genuinely want people to tell me what they think, even if the answer isn’t what I want to hear.

**After reading the entire story, do you think I’m the problem and I’m failing to recognize my own behavior? Was what I said and did on June 13 enough to justify how his family and my boyfriend have treated me since then? Was telling him I couldn’t remain in the relationship if I had an abortion manipulative, or does my explanation of why I couldn’t stay make sense?**

**And most importantly: Is this relationship something that can realistically be repaired, or have we reached the point where the healthiest thing for our son is for us to stop trying to be a couple and figure out how to be parents separately?**

Please don’t just tell me what you think I want to hear. I included the things I did wrong because I genuinely want an outside perspective.

Since the night he said all those things about me we haven’t spoken since. He has not reached out.

Whenever I complain or bring an issue in my relationship, my boyfriend never really shared his pov. He always says that he is sorry or he will try to change or smth but never really push the discussion forward. Sometimes I don’t want to hear just his sorry. I want to know his side of the story and why he did act that way. Not just to hear me and accept my complaint and move on.
What do you think? Is it just how men are? And we women tends to analyse more and want to communicate more ?Or maybe he is just like that? Or just that he doesn’t want to bother more with a discussion and just want to wrap it up to go back to normal
Also we live in different cities so most of this kind of conversation happens in texts.
Ps: sorry for any mistakes in my English - im not native.
Thank you!

(please ignore my bad grammar im exhausted and so stressed out) HELP ME PLEASE I NEED HELP IM GOING INSANE im not sure if i made this clear because of a stupid comment i got so im making this clear now. i love him with all of my heart and soul and i just want to see him thrive. yes when i typed all of that out and posted it i was very frustrated (still am lwk) i just want him to be happy and live the life that hes been wanting to. he has no energy or motivation. all i want is for him to grow as a person with me. i dont want to grow while he isnt. id feel horrible. i want to be happy and grow together.

ive been in a 3 year relationship with my boyfriend who is 22, 5’10 and 116 lb. he’s clinically under weight and literally refuses to do anything about it. he simply doesn’t give a fuck. he doesn’t care about so many things. he will not put in effort to eat better and brings it back around to me saying he eats better than i do which i know. im shopping for healthier foods tomorrow and quitting fast food. i have arfid and its been hard growing up with it. i know what it feels like to be clinically underweight and i know how much effort you have to put in to gain weight and be healthy. im 20, 5’7 and 113 lb i know im still not very healthy but i’ve recently realized that i need to actually put in effort to better myself. and i want him to do it with me. he wont workout with me at home and doesnt plan to workout with me at the gym when i got a membership so i could bring him in with me. he wont even admit that hes underweight. hes so stubborn and its getting on my nerves. he ignores me and i’ve actually told him that he wont listen to me and guess whattt he ignored me, went outside, came back in and acted like our conversation didnt even happen. hes in complete denial. he does nothing at all on his own except work, video games and rarely hanging out with his friend who is actually moving away so he wont do anything at all anymore. hes too comfortable. he doesnt want to go out of his comfort zone. the gym is a chore to him, work is his workout to him but its not loll hes actually lost weight and i can tell. hes not motivated to do anything. he drinks 2 monster energy drinks a day 5 days throughout the week when hes working and not a lot of water. when hes alone he plays video games for hours on end. thats all he does. its his only hobby and i cant just stand by and watch all of this happen while im trying to get healthier and go out more. hes not growing with me. nothing has changed since we first started dating. he looks the exact same. except he would actually brush his hair and now i have to do it for him because its my job apparently. i cant do this anymore without hims growing with me. i dont mean just physically of course i also mean growing mentally and maturing together as a team. i dont understand why this is happening. i realized all of this a little after our anniversary and when i realized is that we need to lock in. were in our 20s. i dont want to be the only one changing for the better. i thought you’re supposed to want to be the best version of yourself for you and your partner. thats what ive been trying to do this whole time with changing my meds and going to therapy every week. i dont want us to break up but i honestly think that he might end up breaking up with me if i dont shut my mouth but honestly id rather him leave me then me watch him grow older while doing absolutely nothing to grow and mature as a person while im healthy, happy, doing my own thing, having my own hobbies and doing everything i can to have the life i want. he doesnt put in effort to get a better paying job so that we can start saving up to move out together. he said a lot of people can live off minimum wage but thats not true especially in california. he has two project cars and i have no clue how he thinks he’ll be able to pay for the insurance for all THREE of his cars , rent a house (we cant get an apartment because of his cars) and we just wont be able to do anything. im not going to simply survive im going to get a good job so i can afford everything i need and some things i want. and hes not thinking about the future whatsoever. i dont think he would even do it for me since he cant do it for himself. even if that means losing me. im just not sure what to do. i love him so deeply and i just need him to grow up with me because were going nowhere as a couple as of right now. please tell me what to do. just lay it all out and tell me because i dont know what to do anymore. i feel so hopeless. i need help with motivating him go get healthy and to mature with me. do you have any advice?

basically me (F20) and my bf (21) have been together almost a year now but things nowadays are just repetitive and feel kinda off to me, i feel like he gets moody and annoyed by me quickly but then when he wants to have s*x he suddenly becomes all clingy and loving, it just makes me feel used, when i ask him if he has any resentment maybe for things that happened in the past he just says things like what he can never give me a yes or no answer, when i ask him to be friends with benefits he seems to not understand why im saying that actually he seems to get annoyed idk what to do anymore help plss

My husband [26] and I [24] have been married for about a year and a half. My husband likes to job hop which puts a lot of stress on me because it makes me feel really unstable. For reference he’s had 6 or 7 jobs since we’ve been married. The longest he’s kept one was maybe 4-5 months. We were living in Utah and he got a fully remote job and I thought this could be our chance to get out of there while still having a steady job while we kind of settled in and I found a job wherever we ended up. We made a plan to travel through the Midwest/south/east coast and kind of feel out places to see if we liked them while simultaneously saving up for a downpayment on a house. It sounded perfect and I feel like it should have worked out. Right before we left on our roadtrip adventure he quit his job. And now I am just so stressed. We are homeless and jobless and have no idea what we’re doing or where we’re going. I have been trying to apply places and he hasn’t really done anything to find a new job. He keeps getting mad at me for being stressed and bringing negative energy into the relationship and that this trip was supposed to be fun. But I can’t enjoy it because we have no plan and we definitely are no longer looking for a house. Just a dirt cheap apartment we can rent and hopefully save up for a house in the future. He also wants kids asap but I don’t feel comfortable being pregnant giving his job hopping history and this whole situation. It feels like we haven’t stopped fighting for like a month and it’s just been literally the worst.

TL;DR
We are taking a roadtrip across country that was supposed to find us a forever home and be funded by my husbands remote job and he quit right before we left and is upset that I am stressed about it. Any advice?

I’ve been dating my (41M) boyfriend for a little over a year. When we started dating he had been separated/ divorced for a little over a year. They shared a 9 year old son. We’ve already been through a lot together, including pregnancy loss, and we were able to work through everything well. He’s told me he feels really safe with me and trusts me like he’s never before. He is honestly the best guy and partner I’ve ever had and we talked about marriage and I was about to move into his home this month.

4 weeks ago we started having disagreements. I would say something that he’d interpret wrong and I’d apologize, I got too drunk one night and got mad he went to go help a friend get his car out of a tricky spot instead of driving me home which turned into a bigger argument about how we haven’t been sexually connected (I lost the baby 6 weeks prior), and a few other things where it was about me not meeting his needs. We talked through everything and things seemed fine until I went to his house a week later and he said he wasn’t feeling resolved. In that conversation he addressed a few of these issues and then brought new things to me like how he’s felt judged in his parenting and coparenting relationship. I’ve always questioned whether I was doing ok being in this dynamic but never got feedback so it shocked me and triggered me. I recognize, in ALL of our situations, where I could have done better. In that last convo I got ovoerwhelmed and explained how I felt I was supporting him — that my instinct is to protect someone I love and my advice wasn’t judgement, it was my desire to help. I was crying and upset through all of this. In one part of the convo he told me he wanted me to do things 1:1 with his son. He had told me prior to this that his ex’s boyfriend was doing such. And I immediately felt like I wasn’t doing enough and I was being compared. In everything I’ve read about step family dynamics it says these bonds take time and not to rush it. So that was what I was doing because I found it hard to relate to a 9 year old boy who just wants to wrestle and win every game we play together. So my reaction to that statement was “Well what if I don’t want that” and he had a look of confusion. I continued to explain what I just said above. Any time there’s been something bothering him with his coparenting dynamic or something with his son, I immediately go to problem solving and I see how I’ve done wrong there. I should have asked if he “wanted support or advice”. Afterwards I left his house so I could process all the new information I got. He said he would be ready to chat when I am.

Two days later and I’m ready so I text him. Long story short he said his friend was coming over and that HE needed more time to process which triggered me again because I felt like I wasn’t important. I lost it. I called him and ended up getting loud and dumped a bunch of stuff back at him and then broke up with him. It was super toxic and I’m aware of how unacceptable that is. But I’ve never done that before in our relationship. It’s not a pattern. I immediately regretted it and apologized and owned my part but it really affected him. He said he’s completely disregulated and needs some space. He doesn’t know when he’ll be ready to talk or what’s on the other side. It’s been almost 2 weeks since that night and he’s still unsure where he stands. He has his son half the week and is a professor and he says this has really been affecting him and he’s exhausted and needs to get regulated again and maintain his focus on his son and work. That the rug has been pulled from under him and he’s not sure we are capable of having a healthy relationship any more.

I’m dying inside because I’ve done so much work on myself and have been intentionally dating the last 5 years to find my long term partner and I never found it until him. I understand that even though we think we are healed when we are single, relationships really are the mirror to what hasn’t been healed. And this experience really rocked me to my core. I see exactly where I went wrong in my ability to self regulate, not validating his feelings about being judged and shutting down a bit when he brought all that new information to me, not being thoughtful with my words during a moment I was extremely activated, and being a mess this whole time including having a panick attack in front of him (something I haven’t had in years).

I’m afraid these last 4 weeks and especially the last 2 conversations have changed his perception of me. It sounds like he doesn’t feel safe any more and that he doesn’t think we arent capable of communicating. But I know this is where growth comes from, especially because we have both been willing to look at ourselves and make the necessary changes to love eachother better in the past. But he prioritizes his son and thinks we won’t be able to role model a healthy relationship due to all of this (we’ve NEVER had a disagreement in front of him). I know we can get through to the other side, I have so much confidence in myself that I WILL make the changes, this has really opened my eyes and I’m shattered that I might lose him because of an overwhelming event that pushed us both past our limits and brought up old pain that maybe hasn’t healed from his last marriage working out (she cheated on him). He’s really in touch with his feelings, is an anxious person Iike me, and does really deep thinking.

How can I remind him how capable we are, get him back to that feeling of safety and trust he had with me 4 weeks ago, and see that I am human and I have truly learned from my mistakes and know where I can do better? I’ve already addressed some things and validated his experience in others but he still needs more time. I’m scared that means he’s letting the relationship go and it just hurts too much because of how great our relationship truly was previously.

I’m 25F, my boyfriend is 30M, and we’ve been together almost 5 years. We’re genuinely very happy and still feel like we’re in the honeymoon phase, even after all these years we're still silly together, very romantic toward each other and loving. He’s my best friend and I love him so much. There isn’t some obvious relationship problem that would make breaking up easier.

For context, I moved to the UK 6 years ago, originally for uni and decided to stay afterwards for the relationship. I met my British boyfriend here and I'm from Poland. We lived with each other for the past year and a half and started talking about marriage but he said he will propose if I'll be able to commit to staying in the UK permanently.

The problem is that after 6 years living abroad, I’ve realised I really don’t want to spend the rest of my life in the UK. I’m Polish and have become increasingly homesick, but it’s more than missing family. I just don’t feel like I fit into the UK culturally or socially, and there aren’t really any reasons for me to stay apart from him.

He is British, loves his life there and doesn’t see himself moving to Poland. I completely understand that and don’t blame him at all. But I also don’t think I can keep sacrificing the country I want to live in for the rest of my life.
I’m currently spending 3 months in Poland doing an internship and living in a city different to the one I grew up in, rather than going back to my family home. I wanted to genuinely test whether I could see myself living here independently, and so far I’m absolutely loving it. I feel more at home here than I have in years.
And that’s terrifying because I don’t want to lose my boyfriend. I want to marry him and build a life with him. But I don’t want that life in the UK.

Every conversation about this breaks my heart because it feels like we’re slowly moving towards a breakup neither of us wants. How can we ever decide that? We're of course doing long distance for now but it's pointless to stay in this state forever if neither of us is going to want to move to be with one another again. And how do you cope with potentially losing someone who is genuinely perfect for you when the relationship itself isn’t the problem?

Has anyone been in a similar situation? Did you stay for your partner and eventually resent it, or choose your country and regret losing the relationship? And if you did have to leave someone you still loved, how did you cope with it?

\*\*TL;DR:\*\* After 5 years in a very happy relationship, I’ve realised I don’t want to live in the UK long-term, while my British boyfriend doesn’t want to move to Poland. I’m spending 3 months living independently in Poland and absolutely loving it. I desperately want to stay with him but don’t want to sacrifice where I live for the rest of my life. How do you make this decision, and how do you survive potentially losing someone you still deeply love?

I have been in my current relationship for over a year now … from day 1 my partner keeps saying it’s okay to cheat as long as you don’t get caught. I thought he was joking, until we had a short breakup and within 4 days he was trying to rekindle things with his ex. They actually ended up having sex within a week. Mind you he told me I was his soulmate … his future wife.

I forgave him since “technically” we had a break BUT 4 days?? Really!!

So today he really wasn’t in the “mood” so during the act … he stops and tells me I can be with someone else as long as he doesn’t find out.

I feel hurt and rejected. Am I overthinking?

so i have a boyfriend who is 20. how does one change behaviour during arguments? the thing is, it will never be an argument in the beginning but being the man he is, he just chooses to see it as an argument. i ask a few questions. his explanation makes zero sense to me. someone who is patient and loving wouldn’t mind further explaining it right? at this point i’m just thinking me and him are talking. but he gets impatient and frustrated. he says “i’ve already told you.” and if i ask another question which will help me understand him more, he gets angry. he calls me the r word, calls me stupid and tells me to shut up all the time.

now i’m just thinking, isn’t it lovely to have someone even try to understand you? i could have not bothered to understand and just have been very passive which he wouldn’t like, “whatever you think.“ “whatever you say sure”. but instead i’m actually trying to understand? he gets so abusive when i try to understand. he says “stop asking me stupid questions” and his explanations are actually very much in my opinion SO SHIT. like ZERO sense.

here is a REAL scenario:

i left my room to find a brush. we are on call. i don’t tell him because he had just woken up, and ill be only gone for a minute or two. he wakes up, im not responding so he calls me again. i go back to my room and im all alone in the call. i call him back, no response. turns out he is ignoring me and he finally joins me in the call and is insanely angry at me. i give him my explanation and i even go further to apologise by saying i should have told you that i left to get a brush. then i tell him, please don’t leave the call and be all angry. you can be patient. you can wait for me and then ask me, hey where did you go babe? why put all your anger into something not worth it like this. then he begins to explain how he only left to call me. so here i go with the questions: ”then why don’t you just join back in the call if i didn’t pick up? i’m already inside the call, just wait for me there.” he says he went to sleep after he called me. see this is where it starts. it didn’t answer my question did it? i asked him why didn’t he rejoin. he can rejoin AND go to sleep. so i tell him can you answer my question? what does that have to do with not rejoining, just say you didn’t want to join and you went back to sleep.. that would make a lot more sense. here he goes to call me fucking dumb, r word and stupid.

in my head, i think its just me talking and communicating AND even if so it sounds dumb, someone who should love me shouldn’t retaliate like that towards me.. right? but he thinks what i’m asking is stupid but i don’t think it gives anyone a pass to be disrespectful and hurtful towards the person they love. he then proceeds to say his old loving sentence “you’re the one who…”

yup. i left the room without telling him. i think it’s in normal human nature that it’s okay to not say, forget to say, and then apologise and be like oh yeah sorry i went to get something.. didn’t mean to ignore you :) and the other person being understanding such like, it’s okay i was wondering where you went, next time tell me if you’re going to do something so i know you’re not ignoring on purpose.

so he blames me. for this whole thing. because i didn’t tell him i’m going to do something.

the funny thing is whenever he does something he doesn’t always tell me. and i don‘t become angry like him. instead i wait, i say hello? why are you ignoring me? hi? he comes back. he explains what he had to do and i accept it.

he hits me with the i don’t listen sentence. and continues to say such awful things like “you deserved it” i personally think i didn’t deserve any of what he had just said to me. because i failed to inform my partner leaving my room for two minutes, it meant i had to be degraded like this?

please help me understand that is it me asking ”stupid” questions really the downfall of this? i’m too slow? like he says.

i do question, is it better to speak or to die.

So me and my bf have been dating for about 2 years now. We had a very happy and a stable relationship all along. But the issue is, I am in my final year of college, so I have plenty of time during my day. He works and goes to office and comes back at around 10 in the night. He clearly doesnt have energy to stay awake or talk at night. In the morning I have to go to college. And even at night when we facetime for sometime, it is pretty dry and we dont have anything to talk about except the usual how was you day, what did you eat kinda stuff. We’ve had tons of arguments over him sleeping early at night. He is a morning person and I am a night owl. We do not get time to talk apart from weekends. Every night my mood gets off either because he doesnt have energy to talk maybe, or we are just out of things to talk about idk. Idk how to handle this. We love each other plenty, have a very healthy relationship otherwise. Two years were pretty smooth tbh. But now it feels kinda messed up. He doesnt really feel any issue in anything thats going on. I dont think this is working for me coz every night my mind gets fucked up because of us not being able to talk. Not asking about will this work or not, or shd we end. Just asking solutions on how do i not feel bad every night. Coz i know he is no where at fault here. But im just a gurl. I wait for him all day for him to stay silent on calls at night. How do I help myself in this ?

Tldr: been tgthr for 2 yrs. ldr bf works whereas i go to college. We dont find a common time to talk. And at night he is too tired to talk or just stays silent. Every night my mood goes off coz of this. Relationship has been extremely stable mature and non chaotic but feels like it has lost the spark. How to fix this.

My partner [M32] and I [NB28] have been together for two years. We live together, have cats, and both absoutley adore eachother.

The problem I have been having is that he is an angry yeller. He has only yelled AT ME maybe two times in our entire relationship - both of these times were in extraordinary circumstances and he promptly apologized.

That being said, he will yell in frustration multiple times each day. When he yells it is NOT at me or about me, it will be expressing frustration and anger with various situations (I am trying to avoid being too specific because I don't want to give anything away. Let's say for example he is stuck at a hard level in a video game, I would be able to hear him yelling about it from the living room.)

I have some significant childhood trauma and have been diagnosed w ptsd. One of my triggers is yelling, it sends me into full flight or fight every single time, even when his yelling is not directed at me. I am also autistic and aside from hating loud noises I am totally unable to differentiate between a mildly frustrated yell versus a genunely angry yell.

I can't tell the difference between him shouting in frustration with a video game versus him yelling from being in intense physical pain and distress. I have started erring on the side of everything being a minor frustration because it is easier for me to stay regulated through that that then it is for me to treat every time he yells like an urgent situation. However, I have then dismissed or not reacted appropriately to him being seriously injured because I simply did not realize that what he was yelling about was serious.

I used to compulsively appease him in these situations, literally doing whatever I can to lessen the frustration of whatever is bothering him so that he stops yelling, but now I am so fried that I just shut down. Just this morning he was yelling about something and he exclaimed/growled so loudly it made me jump in fear of the loud noise even though he was not in the room. He then walked into our bedroom, where I was, and proceeded to yell/vent about the situation upsetting him. I sat on the bed silently and dissociated until he got back into bed, I then expressed that the situation is shit and I get his frustration in a sentence or two before leaving the room. Thirty minutes later and I am still tense and on edge.

I am at my wits end. I love this man so much but cannot continue on in this relationship if nothing changes - but I do not know what needs to change and, more importantly, I don't know what is reasonable to ask him to change.

In the past I have tried to ask him to express his anger and frustration differently but that seemed to make him feel as though I don't want him to express his anger/frustration at all, which isn't the case. I actually like that he is able to express how he is feeling with me but I find the manner of his expression so so dysregulating.

Right now I am thinking about taking these two courses of action as a solution: 1) having a conversation with him where I state that I will leave the room every time he yells and then doing that, 2) asking him again to please stop yelling and trying to explain how I am feeling better.

Can people please provide me with some feedback on this situation and how I am planning on handling it? I am not sure what is reasonable to ask of him/do myself.

Is it normal for you? And do you need to really love that person to do so ?

These last 2 days i’ve (15 M) been in PA for a basketball camp. i’ve been super busy since the camp lasted literally all day, from 830 AM to 730 PM and 9 AM to 530 PM. all i did was play basketball and sleep. i told my girlfriend (15 F) i was at this camp. over these last 2 days, she did not text me at all and then she got mad because i hadn’t texted her when she could of easily just texted me me to check up on me or see what i was doing. she had her friend text me to tell me to text her. she couldn’t tell me this to my face. today i tried to talk to her and she gave me dry responses and when i asked if we could talk about it or move on, she just said “idk”.

for the majority of our 2 year relationship, i’ve always texted first. she rarely texts me first. i’ve always said i love you and goodnight first and when i didn’t she never has. she always tells her friends about our arguments and they end up coming to me to ask me about it. i’ve talked to my girlfriend about this saying that i didn’t want her to do this. she said okay but does it anyways.

she has also called me controlling. i super pissed when the michael jackson movie came out because i wanted to see it with her and i told her this but i couldn’t at the time because i had been busy with school and basketball but i would be free right when school ended. she went with her friends without talking to me about it first.

i just feel disrespected and unappreciated. please let me know what i should do i’m lost. 🙏🏾

My girlfriend and I moved in together in the middle of February , and at first everything was great. We were excited to finally live together and have that time with each other after being together for years. But shortly after moving in, her job started sending her out of town constantly. Shes a local trucker, not an OTR driver, so I never expected her to be gone for such long periods of time.
She was gone for basically the entire month of march and was only home for about two weeks in April . Now, I’ve been told I probably won’t see her again until September because her trips keep getting extended. I understand that he’s working and I’m proud of her for working, but it’s starting to feel like we moved in together just to go back into a long-distance relationship.
She tells me that my feelings are valid, and sometimes she gives me money or says she’ll take me out when he gets back, but that isn’t really what I’m asking for. I want time with her. I want to feel like we’re actually living together and building a relationship together. Every time I get excited about him coming home, his trip gets extended again, and it’s becoming frustrating and emotionally exhausting.
I don’t want him to think I’m mad at her for working. I’m mad at the situation and hurt because I feel like I’m constantly waiting for my girlfriend to come home. I just want her to understand that money and future plans
Mdon’t replace actually having her here with me.

My BF and I had a huge argument 2 weeks ago which got sort of physical (embarrassingly, I grabbed him while he was trying to leave, asking him not to leave; we then grabbed each other back and forth and I raised my fist at him). I apologized and agreed that he should leave, but he didn’t; he said he didn’t want to.

Last week, I got overreacted about something and yelled at him via text. He didn’t come home that evening, saying he was afraid things might get out of control and be worse than the week prior. He said we should break up, but then he changed, saying he doesn’t want to split, that he just wanted distance/space to forget that fear before returning home.

He came over with his friend the next day to get his work clothes, and we talked for 2 hours. He repeated that he just needed to overcome the fear. He got most of his clothes but said, “I don’t need to take all of them because I’ll still be coming over.” He left some pants and most of his shoes. I reminded him to take his baseball bat and his folder of important documents, but he said he didn’t need to take them. We hugged, he kissed my forehead, and he left.

He planned to come over the next day and the day after that but got busy (which was fine because I had other plans anyway). I admittedly called/texted a lot in those first 3-4 days desperately, and he answered/responded most of the time, but of course it wasn’t the same.

He came by 5 days later (2 days ago) to get the baseball bat, and he gave me some food that a restaurant accidentally gave him. He told me to tell my mom that he and I would go visit her soon. There’s been nothing since, besides my asking him for a password yesterday. But he has been quite busy.

I want him to overcome that fear so that we can get back together, but I don’t know if I need to go completely no-contact or continue the communication. Does it sound like he might truly be trying to come back or is he just bread-crumbing me? I know I royally messed up, but I do want us to get back together. I’ve started therapy and plan to continue. What else do I do? How do I facilitate this healing process?

TL;DR — my ?bf moved out because he was afraid that things would get out of hand when I was mad, due to what happened in a past situation, but he left a lot of important stuff at my/our place, saying he would still be coming over, but he hasn’t come back to spend time yet. I want him to move back in but he might still have that fear. Other than therapy, what do I do in the meantime? Do I continue responding to his rare communication or is he just bread-crumbing me? How do I facilitate this process of overcoming his fear? How do I convince him to move back?

me (18F) my ex (20m) and this guy named “Ian” (20m)

I genuinely don’t want this to sound like I’m trying to make everything about myself or excuse what I did. I know I was wrong for lying and I take full accountability for that. I just need unbiased opinions because everyone involved seems to have already picked a side, and I honestly don’t know what to think anymore and i’m in shambles.

My boyfriend/ex and I had been together long-distance for a while. Before this entire situation happened, he had been treating me pretty badly for months. He insulted me, called me names, and there were times where he would leave me crying by myself. Eventually I broke up with him and Ian was the one who helped me realize that my ex wasn’t a good person and he’s not shit.

The thing is, I never actually felt like I had moved on from my ex. I would literally be in a call with Ian and randomly start crying because I missed my ex. I told Ian and my close friend multiple times how much I missed him. Ian would tell me to remind myself of how bad my ex was and that I shouldn’t go back.
Ian and I were never officially together. I told him multiple times that we were nothing. At one point, after only a few days, Ian himself told me that he wouldn’t even consider me and my ex together anymore, because my ex and I went to no contact for 5 days, so I accepted that we were broken up/not a thing. I waited until MY EX reached out to break the news to him, he was hurt and tried to help me restart the relationship. but i got told i shouldn’t do that and i really regret listening to Ian

This is where things get complicated.

While my ex and I were completely broken up, Ian and I did become emotionally close. We called each other baby and crossed sexual boundaries over calls. I understand completely that looks like a relationship, and I’m not going to pretend it doesn’t.

But I genuinely never saw myself as being in a relationship with Ian. I never told him I wanted to be with him. I never committed to him. I even told him we were nothing. I was still thinking about my ex the entire time.

Eventually, I started thinking about contacting my ex again. I checked up on him and thought about whether I actually wanted to give him another chance. After a few calls and talking things through, I realized I might actually want to be with him again and try again.

I told my ex a lot about what happened with Ian, but I didn’t tell him about everything. Specifically, I didn’t tell him about the sexual stuff or that we had called each other names. At the time, I genuinely thought that because we had been completely broken up, what I did during that time was my own business. But looking back, I know I was also scared of telling him because I knew it would hurt him.

He eventually found out through other people that Ian is friends with including call logs and messages, and now he feels completely betrayed.

I understand why he’s hurt. I don’t want to sit here and say “we were broken up, so I did nothing wrong.” I think I absolutely did something wrong by lying and withholding it when we got back together. I should have been honest with him instead of deciding for him that knowing would only hurt him.

But at the same time, everyone is saying that what I did proves that I moved on from my ex and got with Ian and I got with my ex after me and Ian did something sexual and ian had backed off because he made a mistake and said i got attached but i told him myself that i never was attached like that, i just wanted the comfort and that’s what I don’t understand, everyone is on my ass about what i did but, in simplicity, i twisted words and lied. i get that. i never cheated.

If I had actually moved on, why was I repeatedly telling Ian that we were nothing? Why was I crying to him about missing my ex? Why was I thinking about my ex throughout the entire time? I tried to move on because the breakup was horrible, but I couldn’t.
I also felt emotionally pressured by Ian in certain situations. I don’t want to say I know what his intentions were, because I don’t. But there were moments where I felt like I couldn’t really say no because of how much I depended on him emotionally and because of everything else he had done for me. and honestly whatever my feelings were, are valid regardless of his intentions.

There were times I told him I was uncomfortable or embarrassed, and he kept bringing things up and wanting to see me when we did something sexual over the call but i didn’t, however he did show me himself and he himself kept stating how that turned him on more and kept mentioning it so i went with it.

Another thing that makes me uncomfortable is that Ian had been talking badly about my ex from the beginning. Earlier yesterday he started saying things like he thought we had something going on and he was okay with how we talked before and then asking if I had gotten back together with my ex. that same day, he had told me that my ex wasn’t shit and that I should move on. Then after finding out we were together again, in my eyes, i feel like he’s trying to get us to not get back together. my ex went to him and asked everyone, if they think it’s unforgivable and everyone said no and it hurts because part of me feels like they’re only saying that to get us to split apart.

That’s part of why I eventually wanted Ian and his friend group completely out of our lives and to be blocked and removed.

Now there is also that whole friend group involved. My ex made a group chat to talk about everything, and people were sending him screenshots and call logs. I feel like everyone is defending Ian because they’re all friends with him. Two people in the group even basically said that they don’t care about the situation and just want to protect Ian.

That makes it extremely hard for me because I feel like nobody is trying to understand the situation at all, it feels like everyone is against me for my mistake which i took accountability for. They hold me accountable for what I did, but nobody seems to have held Ian accountable for his part in any of this.

I also understand why my ex is upset because I previously told him how I felt about being cheated on/betrayed, and now he feels like I did something similar to him. But I don’t believe I cheated because we were completely broken up. I do believe I betrayed his trust by lying afterward.

And I don’t want to use what my ex did to me as an excuse either. He didn’t treat me the best for months, but that doesn’t make my actions automatically okay. I can acknowledge that he hurt me and still acknowledge that I hurt him.

The part I’m struggling with now is whether this relationship can actually be repaired.
At one point my ex said that if everything was true, we could “never ever be something ever again.” But later, when he was talking with everyone, he apparently said to the friend group , he doesn’t know what he’s going to do. So I don’t know if that means there’s still a chance or if he’s just trying to process everything.

I want him to be happy, and if he genuinely doesn’t want to be with me anymore, I don’t want to force him to stay. But I also really want the opportunity to work through this because I gave him another chance after everything that happened between us.
I know I can’t expect him to forgive me just because I forgave him. I know forgiveness isn’t something someone owes you. I just wish he could understand that I never intended to replace him with Ian, and that I was genuinely struggling after our breakup.

so, please be brutally honest with me.

Was I wrong? How much of this is actually my fault? Was I wrong for what happened with Ian even though my ex and I were broken up, or is the bigger issue that I lied about it afterward? Is it fair for my ex to feel betrayed? And do you think there’s any realistic way for us to repair this relationship, considering that he had also treated me badly before the breakup? I gave my ex a chance to redeem himself and built that trust again, and maybe selfishly i truly hope he can forgive me.

Me(23) F and my bf(23) M, a few days ago we were at his house, he went to take a bath and I was sitting alone with his mother she told me he can’t do anything alone especially house work he doesn’t help her around the house or preparing meal etc. and I told her that I want in my marriage to be 50/50 ( im talking about chores) for example I make the dinner he washes the dishes and she said no one lives like that it’s always more on the girl.

He came back got ready to go outside with me and his mom asked him if she needs to prepare the breakfast for tomorrow he said yes and she replied like ahh again you won’t help me with that and I said well let him do it himself he needs to make meal by himself and he pointed at me and said is THIS what should I bring home ? Then again for second time the same sentence, in this moment his aunt is here too. I didn’t say anything I was in shock from what he said and his mom didn’t say anything either.

We got out of the house im starting an argument because of that and he put his hand od my mouth to not talk because the neighbor was passing by and he would hear us arguing, mind you when he put his hand on my mouth there were a group of boys In front of us sitting and watching… but he blocked me from talking because his neighbor might’ve heard something??? We are in the car after that im yelling at him he yells back even more and louder, stopped at the reastaurant to eat I said I don’t want to he said okay let me solve this situation I said I don’t want to talk he said okay then let me say what I’ve got I said I don’t care and I won’t listen because you can’t make out of this situation and he said okay im bringing you home, no contact for the rest of the night and the day after, after that he texts and said that if I don’t admit that im wrong we should be done and I said I don’t see where im wrong here to give such a stupid comment in front of me and his mom mocking me like im object is this what I should bring home? Is he for real? Today he admits he’s wrong about the comment and the hand putting on me to shut me up but still says that I’ve made a mistake too

I (25F), have a boyfriend who has a huge trust issue. Due to his past where his ex cheated on him, it somehow projected on our relationship. I have a lot of guy friends, I actually did work on live streaming on the black app. Before i met him, i somehow have numbers of followers on TT as I did work there. just recently, i have a post on that app then a follower commented on my video. he sent that to me asking me who he is. i told him that it is just a follower, but then he told me that it was “one of my boys.”

I think he doesn’t trust me enough for saying like that. I actually set all my accounts in private as I do not want someone to ruin the relationship that I have been building. every time we fight, there is always “go to your other guys” or “i know that you’re hiding something from me” or “you’re just gonna cheat on me” like where is trust? we are together for almost a year yet the whole year of 2026 is full of doubts.

i am so so tired of proving to him that he is enough.