u/elina5321

I’m 25F, my boyfriend is 30M, and we’ve been together almost 5 years. We’re genuinely very happy and still feel like we’re in the honeymoon phase, even after all these years we're still silly together, very romantic toward each other and loving. He’s my best friend and I love him so much. There isn’t some obvious relationship problem that would make breaking up easier.

For context, I moved to the UK 6 years ago, originally for uni and decided to stay afterwards for the relationship. I met my British boyfriend here and I'm from Poland. We lived with each other for the past year and a half and started talking about marriage but he said he will propose if I'll be able to commit to staying in the UK permanently.

The problem is that after 6 years living abroad, I’ve realised I really don’t want to spend the rest of my life in the UK. I’m Polish and have become increasingly homesick, but it’s more than missing family. I just don’t feel like I fit into the UK culturally or socially, and there aren’t really any reasons for me to stay apart from him.

He is British, loves his life there and doesn’t see himself moving to Poland. I completely understand that and don’t blame him at all. But I also don’t think I can keep sacrificing the country I want to live in for the rest of my life.
I’m currently spending 3 months in Poland doing an internship and living in a city different to the one I grew up in, rather than going back to my family home. I wanted to genuinely test whether I could see myself living here independently, and so far I’m absolutely loving it. I feel more at home here than I have in years.
And that’s terrifying because I don’t want to lose my boyfriend. I want to marry him and build a life with him. But I don’t want that life in the UK.

Every conversation about this breaks my heart because it feels like we’re slowly moving towards a breakup neither of us wants. How can we ever decide that? We're of course doing long distance for now but it's pointless to stay in this state forever if neither of us is going to want to move to be with one another again. And how do you cope with potentially losing someone who is genuinely perfect for you when the relationship itself isn’t the problem?

Has anyone been in a similar situation? Did you stay for your partner and eventually resent it, or choose your country and regret losing the relationship? And if you did have to leave someone you still loved, how did you cope with it?

**TL;DR:** After 5 years in a very happy relationship, I’ve realised I don’t want to live in the UK long-term, while my British boyfriend doesn’t want to move to Poland. I’m spending 3 months living independently in Poland and absolutely loving it. I desperately want to stay with him but don’t want to sacrifice where I live for the rest of my life. How do you make this decision, and how do you survive potentially losing someone you still deeply love?

I’m 25F, my boyfriend is 30M, and we’ve been together almost 5 years. We’re genuinely very happy and still feel like we’re in the honeymoon phase, even after all these years we're still silly together, very romantic toward each other and loving. He’s my best friend and I love him so much. There isn’t some obvious relationship problem that would make breaking up easier.

For context, I moved to the UK 6 years ago, originally for uni and decided to stay afterwards for the relationship. I met my British boyfriend here and I'm from Poland. We lived with each other for the past year and a half and started talking about marriage but he said he will propose if I'll be able to commit to staying in the UK permanently.

The problem is that after 6 years living abroad, I’ve realised I really don’t want to spend the rest of my life in the UK. I’m Polish and have become increasingly homesick, but it’s more than missing family. I just don’t feel like I fit into the UK culturally or socially, and there aren’t really any reasons for me to stay apart from him.

He is British, loves his life there and doesn’t see himself moving to Poland. I completely understand that and don’t blame him at all. But I also don’t think I can keep sacrificing the country I want to live in for the rest of my life.
I’m currently spending 3 months in Poland doing an internship and living in a city different to the one I grew up in, rather than going back to my family home. I wanted to genuinely test whether I could see myself living here independently, and so far I’m absolutely loving it. I feel more at home here than I have in years.
And that’s terrifying because I don’t want to lose my boyfriend. I want to marry him and build a life with him. But I don’t want that life in the UK.

Every conversation about this breaks my heart because it feels like we’re slowly moving towards a breakup neither of us wants. How can we ever decide that? We're of course doing long distance for now but it's pointless to stay in this state forever if neither of us is going to want to move to be with one another again. And how do you cope with potentially losing someone who is genuinely perfect for you when the relationship itself isn’t the problem?

Has anyone been in a similar situation? Did you stay for your partner and eventually resent it, or choose your country and regret losing the relationship? And if you did have to leave someone you still loved, how did you cope with it?

\*\*TL;DR:\*\* After 5 years in a very happy relationship, I’ve realised I don’t want to live in the UK long-term, while my British boyfriend doesn’t want to move to Poland. I’m spending 3 months living independently in Poland and absolutely loving it. I desperately want to stay with him but don’t want to sacrifice where I live for the rest of my life. How do you make this decision, and how do you survive potentially losing someone you still deeply love?

I’m 25F, my boyfriend is 30M, and we’ve been together almost 5 years. We’re genuinely very happy and still feel like we’re in the honeymoon phase, even after all these years we're still silly together, very romantic toward each other and loving. He’s my best friend and I love him so much. There isn’t some obvious relationship problem that would make breaking up easier.

For context, I moved to the UK 6 years ago, originally for uni and decided to stay afterwards for the relationship. I met my British boyfriend here and I'm from Poland. We lived with each other for the past year and a half and started talking about marriage but he said he will propose if I'll be able to commit to staying in the UK permanently.

The problem is that after 6 years living abroad, I’ve realised I really don’t want to spend the rest of my life in the UK. I’m Polish and have become increasingly homesick, but it’s more than missing family. I just don’t feel like I fit into the UK culturally or socially, and there aren’t really any reasons for me to stay apart from him.

He is British, loves his life there and doesn’t see himself moving to Poland. I completely understand that and don’t blame him at all. But I also don’t think I can keep sacrificing the country I want to live in for the rest of my life.
I’m currently spending 3 months in Poland doing an internship and living in a city different to the one I grew up in, rather than going back to my family home. I wanted to genuinely test whether I could see myself living here independently, and so far I’m absolutely loving it. I feel more at home here than I have in years.
And that’s terrifying because I don’t want to lose my boyfriend. I want to marry him and build a life with him. But I don’t want that life in the UK.

Every conversation about this breaks my heart because it feels like we’re slowly moving towards a breakup neither of us wants. How can we ever decide that? We're of course doing long distance for now but it's pointless to stay in this state forever if neither of us is going to want to move to be with one another again. And how do you cope with potentially losing someone who is genuinely perfect for you when the relationship itself isn’t the problem?

Has anyone been in a similar situation? Did you stay for your partner and eventually resent it, or choose your country and regret losing the relationship? And if you did have to leave someone you still loved, how did you cope with it?

\*\*TL;DR:\*\* After 5 years in a very happy relationship, I’ve realised I don’t want to live in the UK long-term, while my British boyfriend doesn’t want to move to Poland. I’m spending 3 months living independently in Poland and absolutely loving it. I desperately want to stay with him but don’t want to sacrifice where I live for the rest of my life. How do you make this decision, and how do you survive potentially losing someone you still deeply love?

I’m 25F, my boyfriend is 30M, and we’ve been together almost 5 years. We’re genuinely very happy and still feel like we’re in the honeymoon phase, even after all these years we're still silly together, very romantic toward each other and loving. He’s my best friend and I love him so much. There isn’t some obvious relationship problem that would make breaking up easier.

For context, I moved to the UK 6 years ago, originally for uni and decided to stay afterwards for the relationship. I met my British boyfriend here and I'm from Poland. We lived with each other for the past year and a half and started talking about marriage but he said he will propose if I'll be able to commit to staying in the UK permanently.

The problem is that after 6 years living abroad, I’ve realised I really don’t want to spend the rest of my life in the UK. I’m Polish and have become increasingly homesick, but it’s more than missing family. I just don’t feel like I fit into the UK culturally or socially, and there aren’t really any reasons for me to stay apart from him.

He is British, loves his life there and doesn’t see himself moving to Poland. I completely understand that and don’t blame him at all. But I also don’t think I can keep sacrificing the country I want to live in for the rest of my life.
I’m currently spending 3 months in Poland doing an internship and living in a city different to the one I grew up in, rather than going back to my family home. I wanted to genuinely test whether I could see myself living here independently, and so far I’m absolutely loving it. I feel more at home here than I have in years.
And that’s terrifying because I don’t want to lose my boyfriend. I want to marry him and build a life with him. But I don’t want that life in the UK.

Every conversation about this breaks my heart because it feels like we’re slowly moving towards a breakup neither of us wants. How can we ever decide that? We're of course doing long distance for now but it's pointless to stay in this state forever if neither of us is going to want to move to be with one another again. And how do you cope with potentially losing someone who is genuinely perfect for you when the relationship itself isn’t the problem?

Has anyone been in a similar situation? Did you stay for your partner and eventually resent it, or choose your country and regret losing the relationship? And if you did have to leave someone you still loved, how did you cope with it?

**TL;DR:** After 5 years in a very happy relationship, I’ve realised I don’t want to live in the UK long-term, while my British boyfriend doesn’t want to move to Poland. I’m spending 3 months living independently in Poland and absolutely loving it. I desperately want to stay with him but don’t want to sacrifice where I live for the rest of my life. How do you make this decision, and how do you survive potentially losing someone you still deeply love?

Some context: I moved to the UK 6 years ago for university and met my boyfriend shortly after moving here. We’ve now been together for 5 years and lived together for a year.

I’m originally from Poland and over the past year I’ve increasingly felt like I don’t fully see my future in the UK long-term. I miss home, family, culture, language etc. and I’ve struggled to build a life here outside of the relationship. When we first started dating I thought I can find happiness here because I finally found love that I always dreamed of but now i'm
not sure if it is enough. Our relationship is great overall, we don't have many issues and we're so good at enjoying our time together, he's genuinely my best friend and is very supportive and caring towards me.

One of the biggest issues in our relationship was commitment. I felt like I was always waiting for him to be ready for bigger steps in our relationship while he was unsure. When we first started dating, he took months to make it official, I was the one who proposed living together earlier and the most recent problem was for him to decide on a timeline for engagement/getting married. I feel like I was so focused to see the relationship progress that I forgot about my own needs.

Recently, after seeing how serious my doubts about staying in the UK have become, he finally said he does see a future with me and would want to get engaged. But at the same time, he also told me very clearly that he does not see himself ever moving to Poland so I'd basically have to decide wether I stay here with him and we build our life together or move to Poland and we split up. Before, I always felt like maybe the door was slightly open to at least trying it one day, even years from now. Finding out that this is basically off the table has changed things massively for me.

I’m planning to spend around 3 months in Poland this summer to see how I feel living there again properly, and he’s supportive of me doing that. The problem is that I genuinely don’t feel like 3 summer months are enough to make such a huge life decision. Summer anywhere feels lighter/easier, and part of me feels like I’d need to experience more “normal” life there too before deciding whether I actually want to move back permanently. It's such a tough decision because we obviously love each other very much and I can't imagine not having him in my life after all these years.

My boyfriend says he can handle around 3 months of uncertainty, but doesn’t want this to drag on much longer because he’s 30 and wants clarity about the future. I understand that completely, but part of me also feels hurt/confused because this new information (that he never wants to live in Poland) changes the entire decision for me. The thought of deciding now that I may never properly live in Poland again is honestly terrifying, so I don’t fully understand why he isn’t willing to give me a bit longer to figure this out. I had a lot of patience for him to 'catch up' with me
on the bigger stages of our relationship and now the situation reversed and he is only giving me 3 months.
At the same time, I also know it’s unfair to expect someone to wait indefinitely while I figure myself out. I get that for him it will be hard to wait around on his own, in the flat we lived in together with all my things still in there while he basically waits around to see wether we break up or not.

TL;DR: I (25F) moved to the UK for uni 6 years ago and have been with my boyfriend (30M) for 5 years. I’m increasingly unsure whether I want to stay in the UK forever and want to spend 3 months in Poland to figure it out. He supports me going, but says he can’t stay in limbo for much longer than that because he wants clarity about our future. I’m struggling because he recently told me he never wants to move to Poland, which changes everything for me, and I don’t feel like 3 summer months are enough to decide whether I’m ready to give up living in Poland long-term forever.

Some context: I moved to the UK 6 years ago for university and met my boyfriend shortly after moving here. We’ve now been together for 5 years and lived together for a year.

I’m originally from Poland and over the past year I’ve increasingly felt like I don’t fully see my future in the UK long-term. I miss home, family, culture, language etc. and I’ve struggled to build a life here outside of the relationship. When we first started dating I thought I can find happiness here because I finally found love that I always dreamed of but now i'm
not sure if it is enough. Our relationship is great overall, we don't have many issues and we're so good at enjoying our time together, he's genuinely my best friend and is very supportive and caring towards me.

One of the biggest issues in our relationship was commitment. I felt like I was always waiting for him to be ready for bigger steps in our relationship while he was unsure. When we first started dating, he took months to make it official, I was the one who proposed living together earlier and the most recent problem was for him to decide on a timeline for engagement/getting married. I feel like I was so focused to see the relationship progress that I forgot about my own needs.

Recently, after seeing how serious my doubts about staying in the UK have become, he finally said he does see a future with me and would want to get engaged. But at the same time, he also told me very clearly that he does not see himself ever moving to Poland so I'd basically have to decide wether I stay here with him and we build our life together or move to Poland and we split up. Before, I always felt like maybe the door was slightly open to at least trying it one day, even years from now. Finding out that this is basically off the table has changed things massively for me.

I’m planning to spend around 3 months in Poland this summer to see how I feel living there again properly, and he’s supportive of me doing that. The problem is that I genuinely don’t feel like 3 summer months are enough to make such a huge life decision. Summer anywhere feels lighter/easier, and part of me feels like I’d need to experience more “normal” life there too before deciding whether I actually want to move back permanently. It's such a tough decision because we obviously love each other very much and I can't imagine not having him in my life after all these years.

My boyfriend says he can handle around 3 months of uncertainty, but doesn’t want this to drag on much longer because he’s 30 and wants clarity about the future. I understand that completely, but part of me also feels hurt/confused because this new information (that he never wants to live in Poland) changes the entire decision for me. The thought of deciding now that I may never properly live in Poland again is honestly terrifying, so I don’t fully understand why he isn’t willing to give me a bit longer to figure this out. I had a lot of patience for him to 'catch up' with me
on the bigger stages of our relationship and now the situation reversed and he is only giving me 3 months.
At the same time, I also know it’s unfair to expect someone to wait indefinitely while I figure myself out. I get that for him it will be hard to wait around on his own, in the flat we lived in together with all my things still in there while he basically waits around to see wether we break up or not.

TL;DR: I (25F) moved to the UK for uni 6 years ago and have been with my boyfriend (30M) for 5 years. I’m increasingly unsure whether I want to stay in the UK forever and want to spend 3 months in Poland to figure it out. He supports me going, but says he can’t stay in limbo for much longer than that because he wants clarity about our future. I’m struggling because he recently told me he never wants to move to Poland, which changes everything for me, and I don’t feel like 3 summer months are enough to decide whether I’m ready to give up living in Poland long-term forever.

I’m 25F from Poland and my boyfriend is 30M from the UK. We’ve been together for nearly 5 years and our relationship is amazing, we get on so well, hardly argue, and I feel really loved and safe with him.

I moved to the UK almost 6 years ago and while I built a life here, I’ve always had this underlying feeling that something is missing. I stayed mostly because the relationship was so good, and I thought that would be enough long-term.

Now I feel like I’ve hit a crossroads. My career hasn’t gone the way I expected, I don’t have a strong support system here, and if I’m being honest, if it wasn’t for him I think I would’ve moved back to Poland after uni.

He recently got his dream job and is really happy here, and he’s been clear he wouldn’t want to move to Poland. He loves living in the UK and the language barrier would make it hard. We’ve talked about getting engaged, but before that I would need to commit to staying in the UK long-term, which is what’s making this so difficult. He wants me to decide within the next 5-6 months as he's getting older and wants to start settling properly.

The relationship itself feels perfect, but I don’t feel like I fully belong here. I think part of me always assumed he might be open to moving one day, but now that I know he isn’t, it’s forcing me to face this properly.

What scares me is the long-term reality. For example, if we stayed here, got married and had kids, and something went wrong years down the line, I could end up stuck in the UK without a support system. Even things like only having limited annual leave to visit family for the rest of my life feel overwhelming.

At the same time, the thought of losing him is devastating. I’ve never had such a healthy, loving relationship and I’m genuinely scared I won’t find something like this again.

I’ve also been considering going back to Poland for around 3 months to properly “test” how it feels, but that would likely mean leaving my job here and finding something temporary there. I don’t even know if that would help or just make things more confusing, what if I make a decision and these doubts don’t go away either way?

Another thing that makes it hard is that when I’m with him, I feel like I couldn’t imagine life without him. But when I’m away, I feel a strong pull towards Poland and a life there. It feels like I’m constantly split between two versions of my life.

I guess I’m just wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation - choosing between a really good relationship and a place that doesn’t fully feel like home. How did you assess your decision, and do you have any regrets either way?

**TL;DR:** 25F from Poland, with 30M UK boyfriend (together \~5 years, great relationship). I don’t feel like I belong in the UK long-term, but he doesn’t want to move to Poland. Considering a 3-month return to Poland to test it, but scared of losing a really good relationship and also scared of committing to a life that doesn’t feel right. How do you make this kind of decision?

I’m 25F from Poland and my boyfriend is 30M from the UK. We’ve been together for nearly 5 years and our relationship is amazing, we get on so well, hardly argue, and I feel really loved and safe with him.

I moved to the UK almost 6 years ago and while I built a life here, I’ve always had this underlying feeling that something is missing. I stayed mostly because the relationship was so good, and I thought that would be enough long-term.

Now I feel like I’ve hit a crossroads. My career hasn’t gone the way I expected, I don’t have a strong support system here, and if I’m being honest, if it wasn’t for him I think I would’ve moved back to Poland after uni.

He recently got his dream job and is really happy here, and he’s been clear he wouldn’t want to move to Poland. He loves living in the UK and the language barrier would make it hard. We’ve talked about getting engaged, but before that I would need to commit to staying in the UK long-term, which is what’s making this so difficult. He wants me to decide within the next 5-6 months as he's getting older and wants to start settling properly.

The relationship itself feels perfect, but I don’t feel like I fully belong here. I think part of me always assumed he might be open to moving one day, but now that I know he isn’t, it’s forcing me to face this properly.

What scares me is the long-term reality. For example, if we stayed here, got married and had kids, and something went wrong years down the line, I could end up stuck in the UK without a support system. Even things like only having limited annual leave to visit family for the rest of my life feel overwhelming.

At the same time, the thought of losing him is devastating. I’ve never had such a healthy, loving relationship and I’m genuinely scared I won’t find something like this again.

I’ve also been considering going back to Poland for around 3 months to properly “test” how it feels, but that would likely mean leaving my job here and finding something temporary there. I don’t even know if that would help or just make things more confusing, what if I make a decision and these doubts don’t go away either way?

Another thing that makes it hard is that when I’m with him, I feel like I couldn’t imagine life without him. But when I’m away, I feel a strong pull towards Poland and a life there. It feels like I’m constantly split between two versions of my life.

I guess I’m just wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation - choosing between a really good relationship and a place that doesn’t fully feel like home. How did you assess your decision, and do you have any regrets either way?

TL;DR: 25F from Poland, with 30M UK boyfriend (together ~5 years, great relationship). I don’t feel like I belong in the UK long-term, but he doesn’t want to move to Poland. Considering a 3-month return to Poland to test it, but scared of losing a really good relationship and also scared of committing to a life that doesn’t feel right. How do you make this kind of decision?

I feel really stuck in a bit of a loop with my boyfriend and I don’t know how to get out of it.

I’m almost 25, from Poland, and he’s almost 30 from the UK. We’ve been together for nearly 5 years and overall our relationship is genuinely really good. We love each other, we have fun together, and I genuinely can't imagine my life without him.

The issue is around engagement and how that connects to where we live.

I live in the UK with him, but it’s not my home country. I met him while I was at university here and I stayed after I graduated because of him. Staying here long term is a big decision for me because it means being away from my family, my culture and everything familiar. I’m willing to stay for now and properly try to build a life here, but I can’t honestly promise I’ll want to stay forever because life can change and I don’t know what things will look like in a few years.

He says he does want marriage and a future with me, but when I ask about timelines for engagement he says he hasn’t really thought about it like that. It’s more about me being happy and fully settled here before he is ready for it.

From my side, that makes me feel quite insecure. I feel like I’m making a big life choice by staying here, so I need to feel like we are actually building towards something and an engagement would make me feel more secure. I just want to feel like he’s thinking about it and moving in that direction.

But from his side, I think my uncertainty about staying in the UK makes him hesitant to fully commit or think in timelines, because he doesn’t know where we’ll end up long term. I think he is worried that one day I'll wake up, say I'm moving back to Poland and we'll break up.

So it ends up feeling like a loop. I want more commitment so I feel secure staying here, and he wants more certainty about how I feel about the UK before committing. And nothing really moves forward.

I also feel like in an international relationship there has to be some openness to moving at some point. I’m not saying we have to move to Poland, but I don’t think I can commit to building a permanent life here if the idea of ever living somewhere else is completely off the table. We’re both still young and so much can change with careers and life in general.

I feel like we both have genuine reasons and worries and I do understand his perspective. If I decide to move to Poland and he is not ready for it, it would probably lead to break up. At the same time, since he is the main reason why I am staying here I need some security and real commitment so I can feel secure here.

Is there any way out of this loop?

TL;DR: I’m almost 25 from Poland, he’s almost 30 from the UK, together nearly 5 years. I want more clarity around engagement because I’m building a life abroad, but he’s hesitant because I’m not sure I’ll stay in the UK forever. We feel a bit stuck and I don’t know how to move forward.