r/LongDistance

We met, sadly things were out of our control and we had a day and half. How would you feel if you met your partner and they chose to be high the whole time? More so during intimacy.

Hey, I was curious, what made you decide to give a long-distance relationship a try ? With all the sacrifice it requiers

What's your story ?

I’m the 25M who posted earlier about being stuck between my relationship, family pressure, astrology, and guilt.

After thinking deeply for the past few days, I’m starting to realize that my confusion may not only be because of my mother, astrology, or family beliefs. I think a major part of it is that we may simply not be compatible as long-term life partners.

We both genuinely love and care for each other, and she is not a bad person at all. In fact, she has been through a lot in life, and emotionally I care about her deeply. Her mother passed away, her father left when she was young, and even her sister and brother-in-law were not emotionally supportive toward her. Right now she stays alone in a paying guest (PG) accommodation and honestly does not have many people she can truly depend on emotionally. Because of that, she became extremely attached to me, and I also started feeling very responsible for her happiness and future.

But when I honestly imagine marriage, living together, raising kids, and building a future in the USA, I keep feeling that our personalities, lifestyles, and ambitions are very different.

I’m very ambitious, career-driven, fitness-focused, energetic, and extroverted. I love music, movies, traveling, self-improvement, and staying active all the time. I want a partner who pushes me, motivates me, and grows with me in life.

She is more introverted, low-energy, and simple in lifestyle. She doesn’t really enjoy movies, music, fitness, or the kind of active lifestyle I enjoy. In her free time, she mostly prefers sitting quietly and relaxing, while I’m someone who constantly wants to do things, explore, or improve myself.

Another major difference is that I want a partner who continues working and building a career after marriage, especially if we move to the USA. But she has said she may not want to work after marriage. That honestly scares me because I know how difficult life in the USA can be financially and mentally, especially with future responsibilities like children.

Even basic things like lifestyle habits, energy levels, attraction, ambition, and future expectations feel very different between us. I’m starting to feel that while she may be a very good human being and emotional support system, she may not actually be the right life partner for me.

The hardest part is that she is emotionally very attached to me and says she cannot handle life without talking to me daily. Because of that, I kept avoiding difficult conversations and thought maybe I should just continue talking happily without discussing all these things. But now I’m realizing that doing that may actually hurt her more in the future if my heart is already becoming uncertain.

At this point, I’m honestly thinking about breaking up with her, but I’m terrified of hurting someone who trusted me deeply and already feels abandoned by many people in life.

I genuinely don’t know how to handle this situation in the kindest and most mature way possible.

Yeah it is somewhat hard for me,, like I really love him to death, like I'll do anything to make him happy. I always think about him every single day, every hour of every minute. We've been together for a year now, and I just love him more and more every day!!!.. We are in LDR rn, and it's kinda hard but that doesn't make me somewhat low on love instead it's making me crazy all over him.. I love him so so much, he's one of the reasons why, every Friday I go to church to light him candles for his safety, (his in the military) and go to church every Sunday for the same reason.

For months now, we've been putting God in our relationship, he bought a rosary and a medallion. And makes it really close, idk if it's just me, but it's just special in a way... He's what I'm thinking when I wake up and go to bed... Like his literally my everything and my world.. and this is not in a bad way but a good way... I freaking love him so so so much, and it's makes me i don't even know, I just like omygoshh I love him!! And I don't think someone can understand how much I love him like crazy, the world love makes it a little smaller, like no word can describe how much I'm into him and love him!!

guys i need your advice and view on it

i was reading our old conversations when i felt that theres something off. at that early dating time i asked him who was “name” out of interest and he answered that shes someone from musics. i believed. after some time i learned, that shes not related to music and shes just a girl he used to text and met her on those language exchange apps. it made me sad. even though i trust him, what if hes okay with little lies sometimes?

btw, im not demanding total honesty on early dating phase, but what if hes constant lier and i dont know it yet

Update: when i bring this conversation, he said he didnt understand and see no reason to lie to me. However he could mistaken her with his friends exs girl friend. But when i checked, i was asking him this question at 5th february and he was talking(not actively, but anyways) with her till 1 februa. i just dont know if hes really mistaken or im getting fooled again.

Looking for some advice on a tough long-distance situation. I’ve been with my girlfriend on-and-off for a few years. I love her completely and want a future with her, but the dynamic is getting really hard to handle.

​First, the distance is brutal—I only get to see her once or twice a month. Second, she’s a single mom, and her ex is heavily involved. He watches the kid while she works and attends all her family functions, which has been incredibly hard for me to adjust to and accept.

​The original plan was for her to relocate to my state. Moving to her small town isn't a realistic option for me because it would mean walking away from my career and everything I've built. Now, she’s terrified that if she tells her ex about the move, he’ll legally block her from taking the child out of state.

​I feel completely stuck. It requires a massive amount of trust on my end, but I feel like I'm getting very little reassurance or action. I'm constantly worried he won't let her leave and this will all be for nothing. What do I do?

Edit: she refuses to tell the baby daddy about me. I am open to moving there but it's alot for me to give up, not saying I won't but.

The baby daddy is 20 years older than her, doesn't work, or provide anything but babysitting. He's basically homeless.

My (F24) girlfriend (F22) got her visa denied to come visit me in germany. Shes from india. We're both college students and i saved up for 8 months to get her a plane ticket and pay for visa fees etc. Now her visa got denied over the biggest nonsense and we can't meet (next appointment is not available before shes supposed to get on that plane, so thats basically it). I can't help but feel defeated. We met for the first time in december 2025 for just 1 week after 2 years of dating. It was the most beautiful week in my entire life. And now i will have to wait one more year to meet her because i don't have any funds to just go visit her. Since the beginning of the year ive been working extra shifts and selling lots of personal things to get the funds to meet her and well now it was for nothing. I kind of feel lost right now and depressed because i was really looking forward to meeting her for an entire month this summer. Does anyone have any advice on how to cope with this or maybe even any positive ldr stories that started off hard but worked out they want to share with me so i don't feel alone in this..

Long story short, we both moved to Europe and after a year here she had to go back to our country due to Visa issues. At that exact same time i got a good job offer, got the Work permit and stayed (this was agreed because it was an offer i couldn’t refuse). Ive stayed until now because im going to get my citizenship in 8-12 months aprox. But the distrust between us has gotten to a no return point (i guess), she is now questioning every time she sees i got a new follower on IG, not trusting my explanations or anything. And besides all that, all the LD complications, when we are together physically we barely fight, our chemistry is the strrongest ive ever experienced, i really love her and i think she does too. But now i just feel we are just hurting each other and forcing us into something, and sadly i just cant resign my job NOW and go back. We are from a “3rd world country” and getting a european citizenship can be life changing, for both of us. But she doesnt care that much, she only wants to marry (me too, but not as passionate as her) and live wherever we can. In the end, i feel i wont meet anybody better than her, i dont want to lose her, i think she feels the same… i dont know what to do

Guys, I need your advice. Can an LDR actually start before meeting in person??
I matched with someone on Hinge and we just really clicked. Our first FaceTime lasted few hours and he even called it a date. We talk every day and FaceTime every few days. Our conversations are deep and we talk about pretty much everything. We've already had moments like I wish you were here and talked about meeting, but realistically it probably won't happen for another 5 months because of our schedules.
It's only been about a month, so now I'm sitting here wondering... what even is this and what do I do with it?
Thank you for your perspectives, l
appreciate it

Unfortunately my long distance gf decided to end things this morning. I’m absolutely devastated, as I thought she would be the person I would spend the rest of my life with. She is unsure about her future and how long she will continue to live on the other side of the world, and needs some time to figure things out for herself. As much as this breaks my heart, I want nothing but for her to be happy.

I’ve always really enjoyed coming to this community, for advice or just to read people’s stories. Although my long distance journey has sadly ended, I urge others not to give up, and follow your heart! Farewell :)

Hi everyone!

Me (24F) and my LDR bf (29M) have been together for almost a year but we haven’t met yet due to working alternating schedules. While we’re both happy being LDR and mainly communicating over text and call, it’s been getting to us a little bit that we haven’t met, but we’re still struggling to find time to meet due to our schedules.

Until now! An opportunity has arisen, I have some time to meet him by his house but it wouldn’t be for any longer than around 10 minutes (providing everything goes to schedule).

Part of me feels silly for even entertaining the idea, I mean it’s only 10 minutes but the other part is thinking of how happy we’d both be to see each other. I’m also worried that if I don’t take advantage of this opportunity now, we wouldn’t be able to try and see each other for at least another few weeks, if not months.

It would be a brand new area I’d be visiting, and obviously as a woman, I’m conscious about going to a man’s house (I don’t really go to any man’s house!) but I’d just love to see him, and he’d love to see me too.

Do I go for the 5 minutes, or try for another day?

Travel costs

Hello! I (30f) currently do all the traveling to see my partner (25m) - I am American and he is Canadian- he states currently he doesn't feel like he would feel safe here- and I get it, me either 😅

Our first visit was a group vacation- and I flew to his country and we did cost sharing for lodging.

My 2nd trip out there i paid for my flight and our hotel, he paid for most of our meals and the few museum admissions we went to- besides when we met up with my friend, who i covered the bill for our table then..

We are now planning the 3rd visit and he asked if I could stay longer this time- 10 days instead of an extended weekend like normally.. I would love to- but I'm a paraplegic and on a fixed income/ssdi and trying to also save for when we move in together next year- hes also saving for a DP on a home, but still is lucky enough to be able to stay with family for pretty low rent.

I'm conflicted to ask him to help pay for my lodging because its adding up quickly and God forbid I use a ton of my savings and things dont work out for us and now I'm out thousands of dollars?

What do you guys think?

Been in a committed relationship for over 10 years, 7 of those were sponsored by LDR! The first 3 years together were like movie love and we unconsciously built the foundation of the relationship because during the 5th of LD shit went way down and we were still able to hold on to each other despite immense pain.
Took us the past few years to recover a little bit from all that suffering and we got married this year.
Been married for 3 months and we’re in separate continents with a 5 hour time difference.
Last year we had a few months together before I had to move due to visa issues. Since I moved back home (we’re from the same country) some unexpected career paths have come knocking on my door even without me actively seeking. Last year I was done with a job in a country nearby my partner’s, packed my things and moved into my partner’s house because I was so frustrated of LD and didn’t wanna do it anymore. Actively didn’t apply to jobs anywhere except my partner’s current base country. Since these said opportunities came my way, my partner is more into me pursuing them than myself. I’m so tired of missing them but I’m also apprehensive about not utilising the career that’s come my way.
I’ve lived by the book, all studious and nerdy, got 3 degrees with plenty of merit from around the world but I’m genuinely tired of having to live away from the person I love the most!! We’re 32(f) and 34(m) and we don’t want kids but we love and miss each other so much so that my partner thinks I might resent them or myself if I don’t take the opportunity that life’s presenting me with!!

What would you do?
I’d rather take advice from someone who’s been in such a position than someone who’s just been together forever in their relationship because LD is a different ball game altogether!!!

Appreciate any help, TIA _/\_

Hello! Me and my boyfriend met on a video game and ever since then it’s been pure bliss. One of the sweetest caring person/man I’ve ever met and one of the best relationships I’ve ever had!!

I live in Maryland and he is currently in Missouri/Kansas City It is a 16 hour drive but I was thinking about a round trip plane ticket. I find that to be a bit stressful in planning and timing and just nerve racking in general?

I guess my advice or even question would be how did you and your partner close the gap? Would u guys have any financial advice about the travels? I’m doing my own research and we probably won’t be planning right away as we are both just not ready in this moment with money and timing but would you guys have any advice? Suggestions? What airline did you guys use if any?

Our relationship is going really great and we are both very happy and healthy and excited for the future!! Thank you!

Today I had a conversation with my boyfriend that turned into an argument because we can’t seem to find a middle ground. My boyfriend (28M) and I (24F) have been together for almost 3 years, and we’ve always been long distance. We live in neighboring countries and see each other once or twice a month. He has had a stable job for 2 years, and he was recently promoted to a better position with a higher salary. I’ve been in university for 3 years, and I still have about a year and a half left before I graduate.

We are planning to get engaged this year before September, something we both agreed on and that I’m really excited about. The problem started during a conversation we were having about our future (or rather, my future) after I graduate. He doesn’t want to leave his current job in the neighboring country where I study because he has a good salary and the job includes an apartment to live in. In other words, his life and work are comfortable, and he doesn’t want to give that up.

I don’t want to move to the country where he works because there are no job opportunities there for my career. During the conversation, he gave me the option of moving in with him and having him support me financially. Another option was for me to start a business where he lives, and he would help me financially with that. Lastly, he suggested that I work with him.

The problem with the options he gave me is:

1. I don’t want him to financially support me because that would change the relationship a lot. I’ve always been an independent woman, and that’s how my parents raised me. My parents have paid for my entire university education, and it would feel like a waste not to pursue my career. It would also be for an indefinite amount of time, and I don’t like that.
2. I don’t want to start a business because it has never interested me. Also, I can’t really start a business related to my career in a small town (he lives in a beautiful beach town).
3. I’m not interested in working with him because working with family or partners usually doesn’t end well. I also don’t like his line of work, and most importantly, I wouldn’t be pursuing my own career.

The options I gave him were that we could continue spending more time long distance (him working in his current country and me working in another one) until we find a solution that allows us to work and be together. The other option I gave him was for him to move with me to the country where I want to work, which I think is a good idea because the place where I want to work is actually his home country.

On top of that, this was our original plan when he first started working and moved to his current country: that once I graduated, we would move together to his home country so we could live together and work in careers we both enjoy in a beautiful country that we both know well.

He didn’t like either of those options. That’s when the conversation turned into a fight, because he told me that if that’s how I think, then maybe the best thing would be for each of us to go our separate ways — basically ending the relationship.

So that’s our dilemma. We don’t know what to do, and I’d really appreciate help thinking of possible solutions.

BF (31) and I (35F) have been together a year. We’re international - he’s from Canada, I’m from US. It’s been a year of online dating and we never met.

I’ve been waiting on him to get his passport and it just came in today. He has been unemployed and Ive been nagging him (feels awful) to figure out work and to figure out passport since Oct 25’. Nothing has changed besides the passport (7 months later).

I understood id have to cover the cost of his visit to me. Today, he asks me for money for arrangements to get to airport because he wants to do an uber/direct route to the airport - which is really expensive. I sent him routes he can take that are more cost effective and he told me i should’ve waited to book the flight. I booked it with a 4 week lead time so it’s not crazy expensive. I feel so angry that he is just now looking into how to get to me and is blaming the inconvenience on me. And the fact he needs money to get to the airport. I feel so disrespected to the point I’m contemplating canceling the trip and the meetup altogether. I feel like he doesn’t care about my financial wellbeing and hasn’t put any effort to figure out how this relationship will work since we are international. Am I making a mistake letting this go now?

Hey Guys,

I am a man who always wanted to build a family. Not into hook-ups either.

Have always had long term relationships and always tried to make it work. Almost got married once. And for the past few years all I got matched with are girls who just wanted casual, short term relationship or just plain scammers(I never fell for one).

Since it wasn't working out in my country, I decided to try elsewhere. Tried a couple of countries. Had several matches. But, conversations lead no where or scams.

Decided to try Chisinau, Moldova, matched with a girl(from Odessa, Ukraine. Odessa is close to Chisinau.) on March 31. Decently(gracefully) dressed pics(no skimpy clothes etc.). Has a verified profile on Tinder.

Initially, would get a couple of messages and vanish. About a couple of weeks ago, she replies asking can we move the conversation to telegram as she isn't active on tinder. We exchanged IDs and have been continuously chatting(around 20-30 messages per day). And these are proper conversations(e.g. How AI has affected work). We exchange day to day things, pics too now(just selfies. nothing naughty).

We had a video call (she wanted to do one too.). I was so surprised by her body language(seemed very genuine). Smiles through and through. I casually mentioned to her that she is very easy to talk to. She got offended thinking that I am calling her easy. It was cute.

She knows very little English(still learning) and uses google translate to text me. I just started learning Ukrainian.

What she says so far:

- she is looking for serious relationship

- doesn't have a dad. Mom and Grandmom in a village.

- left village as there were no opportunities.

- broke up with her ex due to his regular drinking and has tried drugs and didn't want to give up.

- she works as a receptionist(has 24hr shifts twice a week). Doesn't fret the hard working. Whenever I tell she works very hard, her reply always is I don't have to work for the next 3 days.

- she is studying economics and banking (1 more month to finish). Has a ~550eur loan for college.

- has a passport.

- checks up on me daily.

- has never asked me for money or any other kind of help.

- isn't online 24/7(good). Replies within 2-3 hours usually.

- doesn't have social media. Says insta banned her account when she posted about the war. I have done reverse image search and found no profiles with her pics.

All our conversation has us missing each other.

The conversations feel very genuine. Doesn't agree with me on everything. But, our mindset matches a lot! Be it work, what we want from life, drugs etc.

Before anyone asks, I have dated pretty girls from where I am. So, it's not her looks that has me in a fix. It's her personality. This kind of a match I may be, had like 3(2 turned into long term relationships) times in the years I have dated.

All this feels too good to be true.

I am in no space in life where I would want to waste time talking to someone and be let down later.

Has anyone had any similar experience that ended up being a long game scam? or Is there something I am missing that would indicate this as a scam? Or Should I do anything to gauge? If you have any questions feel free to ask.

Also, I was planning on a vacation to Chisinau in August. So, now I am thinking, might as well do it early and see if I can meet her(Odessa - Chisinau is 3hrs by bus). I obviously don't want to go to Ukraine due to the war. Would give me some clarity about her. Is it a good idea?

Sorry about the long post. Thanks in advance for any advice.