r/LongDistance

title says it all really 😭

i'm a 24f from the uk and on september 30th i'm finally flying out to pakistan to meet my long distance boyfriend for the first time. we've been together since march 2025 and my visa has finally been approved so it's actually happening and!!!!! it doesn't even feel real

honestly nobody around me really supports this relationship. everyone thinks i'm making a mistake because he's from pakistan and he's a few years younger than me. i've heard every opinion imaginable over the last year and a half, but despite all that we're both ridiculously excited. we've waited so long for this moment.

at the same time though??? i'm absolutely terrified.

i've never been on a plane before in my life. i suffer with pretty bad anxiety anyway, so the thought of airports, security, check in, boarding, customs... !!!!literally everything..!?!?!?!?. is making my brain go into overdrive.

and can somebody please explain baggage to me like i'm five years old? 😭

my ticket says i have 25kg checked baggage, but i genuinely don't understand how any of it works. i'm the type of person that needs things explaining really clearly or my brain just refuses to process it.

my plan was to take two suitcases, a backpack and a handbag because obviously i want room to bring gifts home and buy things while i'm there. but then i start wondering:(

am i actually allowed two suitcases if the allowance is 25kg total? or does that mean one suitcase? does a backpack count? does a handbag count? can i check in two smaller suitcases instead of one big one? what happens if i'm even 1kg over? do they weigh absolutely everything? what do i keep with me? what can't i pack? honestly i think i've watched about 50 airport videos and somehow i'm even more confused than when i started. 😭

sorry im rambling

anyway

we've loved each other since march 2025. we've spoken every single day. we've spent countless hours on video calls. he's seen me crying, laughing, having panic attacks, being ill, looking like i've just rolled out of bed, everything. he knows every part of my life and i know every part of his.

but i still have this horrible fear:(

what if he just doesn't find me attractive in person?

i'm a bigger girl. he knows exactly what i look like. i've never hidden it from him. we've video called constantly for well over a year and he's always told me he doesn't care and that i'm beautiful to him.

but i can't stop worrying that seeing someone through a phone and seeing them standing in front of you are two completely different things.

has anyone else met their long distance partner and had these thoughts beforehand? did anyone else spend months convincing themselves the other person would be disappointed when they saw you?

i think my anxiety is just trying to convince me that everything that can go wrong... will go wrong.

thanks for reading<3

Tl;Dr: first meeting sex didn’t go well due to his nerves and I’m questioning compatibility but don’t know if I’m being unfair 😭

Hiiii. So I had an online friendship of several years rekindle into a relationship this year (since March) and I used to be over the moon. He’s the biggest sweetheart and showers me with adoration since we’ve been together. Right now we’re separated by over 2,000 miles in neighboring countries so it’s expensive to get together (forgive some vagueness, I introduced him to Reddit lol so I’m paranoid). I’m about to go to university for 4 years in a country much further away, so that’s about to intensify.

A bit about us, I’ve had a series of monogamous relationships throughout my twenties that didn’t work out but I learned a lot each time and grew from them. He hasn’t dated at all since his early twenties since his early experiences left him a bit traumatized and avoidant of love. Thus, we have a large experience gap and he considers me his first love.

We finally met last month for 10 days and while we had a lot of fun together, the sex did not pop off like we hoped. He could not stay up long enough to be in me any longer than a minute the whole ten days. He told me he felt confused because he loved me so much, he hadn’t been treating his body well in the lead-up trying to lose weight before meeting me, and didn’t convey how nervous he really was before the visit. He also told me that since we got together he went from relieving himself only a few times a month to twice a day, and the sensation from his hand was way different.

For me it really felt like being dropped from a high place when we couldn’t do it. We were very eager with each other over text, photos, video call, all that. I couldn’t wait to bond with him like this. For me it’s an important component of that “crazy for you” feeling I thought would carry me through big gaps in seeing each other. I mean I’ve been hung up before on a dude who gave me ONE good night for a YEAR because my hormones go so crazy.

Now it’s like a month and a half before he’ll see me again for the last time before my BIG move and I feel crazy with anxiety about what if it doesn’t work again. I’m supposed to be saving my money for college but I’m looking at plane tickets two weeks from now like a fiend because I want to know sooner. He’s said since the visit he’s much calmer, taking better care of himself, and feels it will be much different. Since he got back though we’ve had no sexy talk basically as I think we’re scared of over-fantasizing like last time and building expectations up—but I can’t lie, I have needs.

Just wondering if anyone has any advice for me in approaching this without piling on pressure. I did have to tell him honestly that if it doesn’t improve next time, my love for him is at risk of slipping into a platonic place again. Sex is that glue for me, especially at the start of a relationship and for long distance, I need to feel confident I’m gonna get my cup refilled with every visit. I don’t know if our experience gap is too great for it to work like that. Help!

Edit: Okayyy yeah I get it I said the worst thing 😭 This is my first relationship I started without meeting and banging someone FIRST so it’s a little jarring. Please help me understand how to reframe my mind and where to go from here.

An hour ago we were both having a normal conversation about applying to jobs and i told him that i didn’t want to work at a fast food place cus i was scared of messing up especially with like orders and he got kind of aggressive and said how it’s easy and no wonder i’m not getting a job and that he bets i didn’t even apply to one restaurant job. i got upset and told him to stop talking to me like that and that hes always bullying me and he told me to “take the fucking advice.” He then sent a reel about something called “tone police” where it’s basically a person who listens to someone’s tone instead of what they’re saying and that it was me. I told him so many times i didn’t like the way he would talk to me cus tone does matter TO ME. I got kind of irritated and blocked him ( only on the app we were messaging on) and that’s when he messaged me somewhere else and said “you’re childish, i’m breaking up with you.” I asked if he was serious and he said he couldn’t deal with me anymore and so I told him i don’t want to break up but i’m not going to force him to stay with me. He got upset at that and told me i don’t care and that i should make him change his mind. I was confused cus he already made his decision about breaking up and he’s done this before where he said he was breaking up with me and got mad when I let him. Now he’s telling me to unadd him as if he can’t do it himself

My boyfriend and I were planning to get engaged in the next couple of months (he’s already asked for my ring size/design). We’re long distance until Christmas but see each other 1–2 times a month.

He has significant communication issues that he acknowledges—he tends to shut down or avoid difficult conversations. Before getting engaged, I’ve wanted us to work through improving communication. No matter how gently I raised this, he interprets this as criticism rather than us solving problems together, despite acknowledging his communication issues, so conversations often become circular.

He visited last week with the shared goal of reconnecting. The first night he passionately kissed me before saying he didn’t want to have sex until he had “clarity.” The next day we resolved a lot, and that night he again passionately kissed me, had an erection, grinded against me, then stopped things again. The final night nothing happened.

The next morning before he left I told him I felt repeatedly rejected, especially because he’d initiated things twice. He admitted he’d actually come intending not to have sex at all but didn’t tell me. He also said he’d feel just as hurt if I did that to him, then broke down crying and repeatedly apologised.

He insists he’s very attracted to me and that the physical response proved that, but says he needs to feel our relationship issues are fully resolved first. Because we’re long distance, this likely means around two months without sex despite this trip being intended to help us reconnect.

I’m concerned that he A) admitted he would feel the same if the situation was reversed B) he seems to be blocking intimacy despite initiating it. I don’t know how I should be approaching this…

tl;dr boyfriend refusing sex after arguments stemming from his acknowledged communication issues, but keeps initiating it. I feel rejected time and time again, don’t know how to proceed in the relationship.

I (37f) recently finished my undergrad in the uk and am currently back in the Netherlands where I am from. My bf (39) lives in scotland, and for the past 6 months (while writing my dissertation) I have applied to roughly 100 jobs in scotland.

I either hear nothing or get rejected and I am losing hope.

Any of you been in this situation? Any suggestions?

Not sure if this is allowed but I'll give it a shot.

I travel across the world to see her. Always a chain flight. 15+ hours of flight (I have a 17 hour layover in Seattle this time!). Then I have to take a train an hour across her country to get to her city. When I get to the hotel, I don't want to take a nap, eat something, or even talk. I want her to take a shower with me and let me absolutely devour her.

Just wondering when you two get back together, how quickly the clothes come off. I see her for the first time in 5 months and oh my god I am just ready to go.

Edit: This thread is kind of hot lol

I don't know what happened to him he just suddenly ghosted me it has almost been half a year without hearing from him.

I'm 35F and I've been in a long-distance relationship with my European boyfriend for about six months. We only get to see each other every 3–4 months for one or two weeks. He's genuinely kind, loving, respectful, and whenever he visits Vietnam, he pays for everything.

From the beginning, I was honest about what I wanted in a long-term partner. When I say I want a "provider," I don't mean someone to financially support me or pay for everything. I mean someone who makes me feel cared for, protected, and secure. We talked about this early on, and he understood. We even agreed that if we ever lived together, we'd split expenses around 70/30 since he earns significantly more than I do.

However, as our relationship has become more serious, I've started noticing some fundamental differences.

He grew up with a very strong 50/50 mindset. His parents divorced, and his mother received half of his father's assets even though she hadn't worked, which left him with deep concerns about financial fairness. He's also mentioned wanting a prenuptial agreement. I completely understand where his fears come from, but part of me wonders whether he's genuinely comfortable with our arrangement or if he's only agreeing because he's in love right now.

Another issue is that whenever he visits Vietnam, he relies on me for almost everything besides paying. I make the plans, book the hotels, arrange transportation, figure out directions, solve problems, and make most of the decisions. When I asked why he depended on me so much, he said that since he's paying for the entire trip and money doesn't fall from the sky, he wants to be "lazy" and be taken care of a little.

That answer really bothered me because it made me feel less like his partner and more like his mother or travel manager.

Recently, we had a very serious conversation about our future. I am 100% certain that I never want children. I asked him to really think about whether he wants them because I believe it's one of the biggest life decisions a couple can make. After thinking about it, he told me, "I think I want children."

We both agreed that neither of us wants to give up our core values, but neither of us wants to lose this relationship either. I told him I couldn't be the one to say goodbye, so I left the decision to him. He simply said he doesn't want to give up.

I truly believe he loves me, and I love him too. But sometimes his love feels... young. Sincere and genuine, but not mature enough to make me feel emotionally safe or confident about building a future together. I often feel like I'm carrying most of the mental load, while he's carrying more of the financial side.

I'm completely torn. Part of me wants to keep fighting for this relationship because we still love each other. Another part of me wonders if we're just postponing an inevitable breakup because our visions for the future—especially about having children—are fundamentally different.

If you were in my position, would you keep trying, or would you let go while the relationship is still relatively new? I'd really appreciate hearing different perspectives.

I've been in a long distance relationship for 2 years with my bf.We never met.We wanted to meet this summer but couldn't.Im getting disappointed every time.I can't take it anymore,because it looks like we won't be able to meet anytime soon.I tried to break up but each time I found myself texting him.I love him so much but it also feels stupid to wait this much without any plan

Me (24F) have been talking to this guy in the military (25M) since March. Our issue that not only are we LDR I’m in Canada and he’s in the states but also the fact that according to him I don’t ask deep questions to get to know who he is.
Typically for me I do that in person and by spending time with whoever it is I am with.
According to my friends I am their safe space and they come up to me whenever they need something.
Although yes it is true that I did not ask questions about him until he brought it up, he keeps circling back to saying I am not interested in him but only for his looks and his body…. (He does not know this but he is not my ideal type, so no I am not with him bc of the reasons he provided).
I don’t even want to do LDR but since he came along I have been trying to get closer to him.
\- He is catholic - I am not religious but I started to learn and added Bible verse widget on my phone to read Bible verses every day.
\- We have a two hour difference with him being two hours ahead - I have been going home at 9-10 pm just to call with him (I do not like calls, he does much better on call than text)
\- I tried mentioning to him multiple times that although I want to go see him, my manager and I have been getting into fights because I request days off that others have requested. Another issue is that he keeps getting his deployment extended which makes it harder for me to book a flight considering I don’t wanna go somewhere and end up with him not being where he told me to fly to (he has come seen me once)

He thinks that I do not take him seriously because I do not know much about him and every time I try to explain he keeps saying otherwise and tbh I’m not sure what to do. Now he asked for space and idk how much or how long that space needs to be.

He thinks he is carrying whatever this is, I think that I am carrying the whole emotional baggage of whatever this is.
PS: I have never been in a proper relationship and he knows, let alone ldr

Edit: the amount of times I have asked this man about clarity and where I stand and yet he keeps deflecting, like yes I know it might not work out but I don’t understand why u keep talking to me and saying u want me in ur life but then say I don’t like u for who u r and that I don’t bother to get to know you

Need some thoughts, I have been in a long distance relationship for almost 2 months now but we have been taking for 6 months I met him last December in his city due to a mutual friends wedding and ever since that day we haven’t stopped texting back and forth we have had our issues because he sucks at communicating at times but I can see his efforts sometimes anyways fast forward to May I went back to his city to visit him and some family and he asked me out (4 months after I met him) it was great met some of his friends, his mom, & brothers, I have never been someone who really sits and talks on the phone that is actually very foreign to me but sometimes I crave to be on call with him just because I want to get to know him even more on a deeper level I just don’t know how to bring it up to him I don’t want to come off as needy because I’m not needy at all actually, he has called me randomly like maybe 4 times during us taking/now dating but it has been dry , I feel like I don’t know what to talk about of what to conversate about, like obviously I’m interested in his life but I’ve notice the 1 time we did call we were on the phone for about 2hr but it was super short convos not even gonna lie it felt a little forced which I hate because I would love to call with him even if it was once a week cause like I said I’m not much of a phone person either not sure if he is but I’m def not, the other 3 times he’s called me it was just like a hey I’m going here or there just wanted to tell you but that was even before the started dating now he just shoots me a message saying hes going out which is totally fine but yea back to my question is this normal ? Is this a red flag ?

Wasn’t too sure what to put in the title but I need advice from some more experienced folks. My partner and I have been dating for a little under 4 months. We met in person as she’s from Canada and im from Buffalo so it’s a 3 hours drive. However she’s in British Columbia for the summer and has been since April 26th. Now we have 39 days left and I just want it to end. We started at 115 and now we’re only down to a little over a month.

My question is. How do you deal with the final stretch it seems to have gotten harder? Is this normal? Any suggestions for what to do to actually make the time go by faster. I work long hours anyways but on my weekends I am just bored.

TLDR: I got 39 days left until I see my partner how can I make time go by faster?

Thanks for any input!

This is both venting abd asking for advice. I've been telling them about this guy since I've started talking and it has gotten to the point where I almost don't want to meet him because I don't want him to meet my parents.

My dad thinks he is s straight up scammer, even though he has never asked me for money and has even tried to send me money (that led to a big fight because I myself do not like accepting money from strangers). He says the guys background is suspicious, because this guy is a widower, and that is can find someone in town if i went out more.

My mom says he is probably making a sound proof room in his basement, and asking why he hasn't come out yet, even though I keep telling her I was the one telling him not to come out. This is also the woman who says men only want one thing and all men are the same. But, she believes his background a bit more. She would tell me to go visit him, but in the same day, say I shouldn't because he probably isn't the real guy. Nher comments make me anxious and I end up calling the whole thing off.

For note, I have talked to him on Snapchat and he has sent me pics and videos all the time. Hell, he even sent me his home address by accident at one point.

So what should I do? I want to see him next month, but now listening to my mom and dad, I want to call off the visit.

I am just curious about how often you guys call with your LDR partners, do you call every day or a few times a week? Do you think every day is too much? Please tell me your opinion.

I don’t know if you’ll ever read this, and I don’t even know if I still have the right to write something for you. But there are nights when no matter how hard I try to stay silent, your name still finds its way back into my mind.

I don’t know where I stand in your life now. Maybe I’m just an old name you no longer mention, a memory you no longer visit, or someone you once loved but no longer feel the need to look for.

But as for me, I’m still here, in that part of life where I’m trying to accept that maybe it really is over.

I tried to forget you. I tried to convince myself that I wouldn’t look for you anymore in every quiet night, in every song that suddenly hurts, in every place where we once existed. But some people don’t disappear just because they’re gone. Some kinds of love don’t end just because they are no longer chosen.

I still love you.

Not in a way that wants to hold you hostage in the past. Not in a way that wants to disturb your world. I still love you quietly. In prayers. In memories. In the hope that even if I’m no longer the one beside you, you will still be happy.

If there is no longer a place for me in your heart, I will accept it. Even if it feels heavy. Even if there are days when it feels like I’m back at the beginning again. I won’t force myself into a door you’ve already closed. I won’t ask for a love you can no longer give.

But I hope that if the day comes when you remember me, it won’t be only because you’re lonely. Not only because the night is quiet. I hope it’s because there is still a part of your heart that truly looks for me.

And if that happens, I hope this time, you will be the one to come closer. I hope you will be the one to make an effort. I hope that if there is still something left, you will look for me, not because you have no one else, but because maybe, after everything, it was still me.

Because sometimes, I get tired too.

Tired of always being the one waiting.

Always hoping.

Always willing to understand, even while slowly losing myself.

But even after all that, there is still a part of me that once dreamed of having you until the end. Until our hair turns gray. Until our younger years become stories. Until the time comes when it no longer matters who was right or wrong, only who stayed.

So if it’s truly no longer me, I hope you are loved the right way. I hope you never have to be hurt the way we were hurt. I hope the kind of love that comes to you will never leave you in the middle of chaos, never make you doubt yourself, and never make you tired of being who you are.

And if one day, among all the people you meet, you realize that I was the one who loved you with everything I had, I hope you look for me.

I don’t know if I’ll still be waiting for that day.

But right now, all I know is this:

I loved you truly.

And maybe a part of me will keep on loving you until we’re gray.

Sitting here just missing all the things about my husband, and started thinking what I miss the most.

Everyone talks about missing hugs and kisses, which yes, obviously. But what’s the weird tiny thing you miss?

For me, I think it’s how he paces when he’s on the phone. Granted I do the same thing, but he makes it look good 😂. Or maybe it’s the ungodly number of socks he has. For whatever reason I miss the mountain of socks too.

What’s your oddly specific “I miss this” thing?

I have never been to England and although it sounds exciting I would like for him to visit America so I can get a feel on him first because I don't want to just visit somebody that I never met before but he told me that he cannot afford the hotels or Airbnb in the US and said that it would be cheaper if I came over here. We're are getting to know each other right now. Realistically I cannot go to England this year and I might even need another year to save up to go to England as it is not cheap. He said that I could stay with him at his house and he said he will show me around. Wouldn't it be better for the guy to visit the woman's country first? What would be the advice you would give me and what would you do differently when you go visit somebody's country that you never been at before?

So I had a lovely time with my partner the last few days. We were celebrating his 24th birthday and during our walk he said that he has a friend that he finds attractive in a sexual way and kind of wants more from him. But like in a nice and gentle way. For Information we are a Long distance relationship, so everything regarding cuddling or sex is rather rare and hard. But at that time I just took it and was like "I will think about it" as I also didn't want to ruin the mood we had. For the rest of the night I spent thinking about those words. And so I did yesterday and today.

Because I couldn't bear it anymore I talked with them about it today and the fact that we rarely go out on dates planned by him or spend quality time in general. After the talk which ended in a lot of tears and hugs I am now energyless and kinda don't know what to do now. We agreed on spending more quality time with eachother when we see us and that he wouldn't ho into a sexual way with said person and just keep it on friend level.

Should I just give my partner space to think should I give myself space and time to think, like I love him sooo soo much but I was so hurt by those words that I kinda don't want to talk with them so I don't have to think about this right now.

Edit: As most people are referring to me saying that it is a question to purposely cheat. I mentioned earlier in our relationship that I may be open for opening our relationship in a sexual way but I by now noticed I am not so yeah.

If you have read my story, please scroll down to read the update.

About our relationship: We were together for a couple of months, but we were well acquainted for over a year. He came to see me once, but we made plans to see each other again this month for my birthday.

I fell in love with him within a month and a half of us dating. He was very consistent, respectful, caring, and more. All of the sudden, he switched up on me completely and turned into a person who I never thought he could be.

We were also in an age-gap relationship. I am in my early 20s, he is in his early 30s.
—

I want to start off by saying that I do not have concrete proof that he has been unfaithful to me, but there were signs that I just couldn’t ignore. I’ll mention some of them.

The first sign was when he and I first started dating, he said to me out of nowhere that he needs me to be around as often as possible. He needs me to keep him occupied by being on the phone with him. He stated that he needed that from me because when he is by himself for too long, his mind starts to wander. And then he said next thing you know, he may text another woman.

When he said that to me, I asked him what is the point of us being together if that’s what he’s going to do. He expressed what I thought was regret and apologized for what he said, and he told me that he did not mean it like that. I feel that I should’ve left him right then and there, but I was not thinking straight.

I have been single for a long time, and I thought that this man was my person (from the ways things were moving so smoothly) so I was subconsciously letting things slide such as that conversation.

The second sign was that he would often project by constantly asking me if there was another man. He wasn’t okay with me going out because he didn’t like the idea of other men seeing me while he didn’t have access to me. Whenever I went out, it would be with family or female friends, but he would still ask if another man was there.

The third and final sign was that I allowed him to see my phone unprovoked. He never asked to see my phone—I simply showed it to him. But after a while, I didn’t feel comfortable anymore because I felt like I had given him all of me, yet I wasn’t getting that same openness from him. So I calmly asked to see his phone. I wanted him to share his screen, but he became aggressive with me. He went off on me and accused me of tricking him into showing me his phone by doing it first.

I didn’t realize it at the time, but he was projecting, and the reason he was projecting was because he was guilty. He could see that I was hurting. He could see that I was uncomfortable, and he could see that I deeply needed reassurance. But instead of comforting me and giving me what I needed to have peace, he responded with laughter and mockery. Then he threatened to end the relationship because I didn’t trust him. He turned it around on me. That was when I knew for sure that there was something going on.

If I were to tell you that I do not miss him and that I do not want to hear his voice again, I would be blatantly lying to you. I want to hear him lie to me one more time and tell me that he loves me. I want him to lie and tell me that he’s in love with me. I want him to lie and tell me that he cares about me and that I mean everything to him. I want him to hold me again while whispering lies to me about how much I mean to him. He made me feel desired when he came to see me, but it was all fake on his end.

The last thing I’ll mention is that he grew very impatient in such a short span of time. He wanted us to be intimate. He wanted to sleep with me. But I was holding off because I wanted to wait until marriage, and he also knew that he was supposed to wait until marriage. (We are Christians). But he couldn’t take it anymore, and that’s what I believe led him to cheat on me IF that’s what was going on.

So where I am right now is grieving. I am hurting, and the pain comes to me in waves because I deeply desire to be married. I deeply desire to have children. I deeply desire to be loved by a man—to be loved, desired, cared for, and cherished.

By the way, I broke up with him before coming here. I just needed validation to see if I made the right call.

—

UPDATE

Thank you so much to everyone who gave me advice, encouragement, and support. I am beyond grateful.

After I blocked him on everything (or so as I thought), he emailed me saying that he loves me, he is sorry, and he misses me. He then said that he has not been okay since we stopped being in contact.

He pleaded for me to consider unblocking him so that we can work things out.

In response, I gave none. I decided to block his email and move forward with my life.

Anyone can change, but one thing I know about myself is that if I were to marry this man, I will not be at peace for the rest of my life. I will end up constantly needing reassurance that he is not being unfaithful to me again. See how I am using the word, “again?” There are men out there who would not be unfaithful the FIRST time.

With that being said, I am completely done with him. I forgive him but I do not want to hear anything out. Cheating is the ultimate betrayal, and I cannot look at him the same after he showed me what he was capable of doing to me plus being a liar and a manipulator.

God bless, thank you all.