r/LongDistance

For context, we have been long distance for a year now and started having sex recently.

Since we see each other every few months, i wasnt thinking much about it the first time it happened because we had zero to little sexual experience from previous relationships, like i expected it to be "bad" in a funny-bonding way.

We talked about it afterwards, how it was, what we'll change and what we want. He couldnt make me finish and he said the next time we see each other hes gonna do it. Well he didnt.

We saw each other recently and it was so underwhelming (again).

I genuinely think our proportions just dont match. We're the same height, hes a little chubby with small hands, like a bear build, and im built in a more lean way, with longer hands. Its awkward having to do hand things when it literally fits all in my hand with a few extra cm. And it really doesnt help im all butt no chest either, so it takes a good effort for him to reach inside from behind and in other poses, it keeps falling out.

Still, height was never a problem for me. I still find him attractive and i get wet.

Apparently he is average size but to me it looks and feels small, i cant feel him inside me. It feels very empty and like my space isnt being filled enough. The only time i can feel it is when he is rough with me which doesnt happen often since thats not in his character to begin with. He finishes fast and then the sex is over.

He may finger me after but that doesnt work well since his fingers are short and chubby and he cant "hook" properly. Hes amazing at oral sex but it just feels good, i cant finish from it. When im alone it takes me a good 20-30 min with my finger to finish but he complains that sex in general is too tiring and he gives me head for like 3 min. What am i supposed to do with that?

I never gave head before and i learned that shit fast, i became great at it in those 2 times we saw each other and had sex. He always gets to finish and its creating resentment, it feels like hes so selfish.

Its even worse our libidos are naturally high and sometimes we end up having sex 3 times in a day and i dont get to finish.

I think me finishing is a lesser problem since those things just take practice and i know how to bring it up to him. But i cant exactly say "Hey, i dont feel a single thing when youre inside me since i get too wet and youre too small for me, its boring.".

Its frustrating waiting so long to have sex and then its shit. And we dont even get to practice other than every few months. I dont want to settle for a lifetime of mid sex.

We're compatible in literally everything else tho, morals, values, life plans, politics, way of life...we talked about it all. Its confusing to me how someone can be so caring and considerate in every other aspect of life. Sexual compatibility is still very important to me.

I dont want to hurt his feelings but it seems like he isnt thinking about mine during sex.

My boyfriend and I met while studying abroad, and we've been together for about 6 months. These have genuinely been some of the happiest months of my life.

Although we're currently long-distance (Germany and the US), we lived together in the dorms for 2 months, and he later visited me in Hawaii for another month, staying with my family.

He's genuinely one of the most caring, thoughtful, and selfless people I've met. We have what I consider a very healthy relationship. We communicate openly, share similar love languages, and handle disagreements without yelling or insulting each other. Even during our biggest disagreement, we took time to process our feelings, talked things through, and worked toward solutions. He took accountability and has been following through on his promises.

Our biggest problem isn't our relationship. It's our future.

He's German, and I'm American, living in Hawaii. Ideally, we'd like to close the distance in about 2 years, after I graduate and we've both gained some work experience.

However, moving here would require him to sacrifice quite a lot.

He comes from an upper-middle-class family and has promising career opportunities in Germany, including internships in private equity and investment banking. Financially and professionally, staying in Germany would be the safer decision.

However, he's repeatedly told me that he's unhappy living in Germany. His bachelor's years were some of the worst years of his life, and he's wanted to leave the country regardless of our relationship.

The biggest concern is his family. His parents strongly oppose him leaving Germany, especially for the US. There's a possibility they could disown him or withdraw their financial support. He loves his parents, but he also believes this is his life to live.

My parents, on the other hand, are incredibly supportive of us and would be willing to help financially if necessary.

We've also discussed the financial reality of living in Hawaii. It's extremely expensive, and career opportunities in his field are limited compared to Germany. We both grew up in financially comfortable households and never really had to worry about money or strictly budget. If we started a life together, we'd likely have to live quite frugally and give up many comforts we're accustomed to.

Neither of us has experienced that kind of financial pressure before, and we worry about how it might affect our relationship.

Personally, I believe we're young enough to build financial stability together. I don't expect us to maintain the lifestyles we grew up with immediately, and I'm willing to make sacrifices while we establish ourselves.

Here's where we're struggling.

We've recently been discussing whether we should continue our relationship or separate while we still love each other, knowing how difficult closing the distance could be.

I personally don't want to break up. We're genuinely happy together, and I feel like we're trying to make a permanent decision about a future that hasn't even happened yet. A lot could change in 2 years. We could save money, gain work experience, and discover opportunities we haven't considered.

However, I understand his fear of investing another 2 years into our relationship only to realize that the sacrifices are too great. I also don't want to be the reason he loses his family or gives up a promising career.

I guess my questions are:

1. Would you continue a loving, healthy relationship knowing that closing the distance could require major sacrifices?
2. For those who moved abroad for love, did you regret sacrificing career opportunities or financial stability?
3. If your parents opposed your move, did your relationship with them eventually improve?
4. For couples who went from financially comfortable lifestyles to living frugally, how did it affect your relationship?
5. Would you give the relationship more time or separate early knowing how uncertain the future is?

Neither of us wants to break up because we're unhappy together. It's everything surrounding our relationship that's making us question whether we should continue.

Are we being naive for believing we can build a future together, or would we be giving up on something genuinely good too early?

I'd especially appreciate hearing from people who have navigated international relationships, immigration, financial sacrifices, or family opposition.

While today marks week 3 of ending my LDR, I realize I have learned A LOT, and I would like to share. This is more of a reflection post for me, yet I hope it helps others.

1. Communication is everything!

2. Really take the time to understand areas of compatibility - How do you both feel about communication? Travel? Future plans? Friends? Faith? Money? Physical Intimacy

3. Quality Time is essential! Make sure you both can work together to find a quality time schedule that works for both of you.

4. Things will happen and come up; talk it out. For me, that means over the phone, not text.

5. How are your partner's actions matching their words? Matching is important.

6. Consistency is key.

7. Show up in your relationship. Don't make silent sacrifices or so many compromises that you lose yourself.

8. Trust the patterns of their actions.

9. Argue and disagree in respectful ways.

10. Repair well.

Bonus: Work with a coach and/or therapist to support you as you navigate and decide on how you want to show up in the relationship.

Bonus x2: Closing the gap is important, yet should not be the core of the whole relationship. Be sure to build and nurture the relationship, not just plan to close the gap.

That's all. As I reread my list, I cackle, knowing it sounds like pop psychology and applies to many relationships, yet my goodness, these all jumped out at me this time around.

I wish everyone well in their LDR journeys.

Happy LDRing and finding love!

So I’ve been with my bf for a few years now and have been long distance for all of it, he lives on the other side of the US from me and takes care of his grandmother for a living.
I’ve been having some trouble recently because I want a physical relationship and that is pretty difficult in our situation. I work a pretty good job making good money but bills end up taking 90% of it with rent, my car, and everything else I can barely save at all, and he takes care of his grandmother and gets paid to do so but it’s very little. We’ve tried saving up and it hasn’t rly made a dent in the money we’d need. I can’t imagine my life without him but with how things are we will be long distance forever. Any advice?

Been talking to this man from the Uk ,we have open up to each other talk about what we want marriage,kids in the future want to build something together and it’s getting pretty serious, I’m starting to really like him and I’m honestly willing to visit him and maybe eventually stay

I have a twin sister and we do everything together,run a small business together in Africa but we have been struggling with becoming successful and etc and the thought of leaving her behind kills me but I was thinking if I go maybe I will start something for my self eventually make money for her to come in a couple of months and he said he can’t sponsor my twin to come because she can’t live with us when we are building a relationship

But my problem is I don’t know if I’m moving too fast and if it’s safe for me to move into his place when and establish a solid relationship in person that’s the plan but is it safe for me , also the only way I could come to him is through visiting visa for six months he’s willing to pay for everything and as-well as for my living expenses but he keeps saying stuff like you can come through that visa but once it’s ended it’s going to be hard for you to come back in the Uk so you can just stay here and also your family

He’s shown me hes apartment and social media looks like a decent person and we have talked he’s sounds trustworthy even though he’s had criminal records which he said where from when he was younger and he’s License was banned got drinking and reckless driving for a year which i found as a red flag

Last night we talk about me coming to the Uk , he said

“I really want you and that’s why we needed to have that chat, cause it’s not fair on either of us falling for each other if nothings happening, progression wise other than feelings, And I completely understand if you can’t make that permanent move, So don’t think I’ll hate you, I could never hate you, I just wouldn’t be able to talk to you to remind myself of what I can’t have “

Anyway what precautions i should take to ensure everything is ok , I do trust him but this a big decision for me to make, leave sister and family in Southern Africa to go to a whole new country, I’m honestly
Excited because i just felt stuck in my country with no movement and life is really hard and also there aren’t many of my type In my country ( he’s a white man ) my type but also nervous about everything

(Sorry it’s long and I’m all over the place)

im really heartbroken and dont know how to continue on like this i feel like im dying inside , i know the world isint over but right now it feels like my world has crashed down on me , he just admitted on the phone today as we were on the phone trying to have a serious conversation about our relationship and just admitted it like its something normal i dont know how to not feel hurt

Okay everyone, I've been posting here about my LDR for the past few weeks. I was approved for my visa to the UK last month, and my fiance moved a plane ticket for me. It was a brutal 9 hour flight from Kenya to Heathrow airport in London. However, I still managed to enjoy it. I thought I would be a lot more tired than I actually was. I only slept 30 minutes on the plane, but I was alright. I went through immigration/passport control. It was a lot easier than I thought it would be, I thought they would pull me aside into a dark room and interrogate me for hours, but actually they didn't.

They only asked me a couple questions. I showed them my passport, they asked me why I came to the UK, I said to get married to my fiance. They asked me when I was getting married, I gave them the date of my civil wedding, they asked how long I've known my partner, I said we have been together 3.5 years, and they asked what we did for work. After answering he stamped my passport and told me to go through!!! I was very happy.

After that, I picked my luggage and my fiance and his dad drove to the airport to pick me up. I gave my fiance a huge hug and we got into the car and went home.

I slept a bit (considering I hadn't slept for more than 30 minutes in like 24 hours) and when I got up, we went for a beautiful walk around where we are living right now. It's a beautiful neighbourhood with tons of greenery! I am very happy to live here. Then, we had a family dinner with him, his dad, his aunt, and his grandad to celebrate. It was delicious!!! Now I feel so happy and at home!!!

Now, it is the next day, we woke up together, and later we are going to go out and buy some more clothes and things for the house!

I love my life with him so much! My only complaint is that he steals the blanket too much haha.

After I have settled, I will come back here and write an article on how to deal with long distance, some tips from someone who has made it!

My girl moved to another state which is the opposite state from where I live and now she has friends she is actually very introverted like me.

But as a girl but also that she wants to be a little extrovert and explore the world because she has never been in her school life.

Now she has lots of friends and a little group of male friends also which makes me little and secure but when I look at them I don't feel anything I mean they look worse than me... But you know looks is not the main thing...

We had met at school and it was the end of our school life... So most of the time we communicate online and so when she shares about her friends I feel really insecure like they can spend some time even though she doesn't like them 😭... Here in homes are also about 100 KM so even if she came back on holidays it is quite difficult for me to go and meet her 😭😭😭

So the most insecuring part is I have never gotten a chance to spend some time with her and it's been 2 years since school when I met her last... One more and security part that you know I don't look good I don't have height and there is nothing actually you can tell about me which is attractive which is good...

The only thing you can tell about me which is good is that I can really understand emotion and that is the reason she trusts me a lot and kind of depends on my mentally... When she is really low she call me and request me please don't cut the call until I sleep 😭😘 that is the most romantic and the level of comfort and trust I get from a person I have never feel about anyone that makes me more attached to her 🥺🥺

Hello I am a (30) female in a long distance relationship with a male (30). We’ve been on and off 6 years but 2 years of being seriously together. We’ve always been sorta long distance but I moved back home to Ohio for a job and he lives in Ga. I (in my mind) planned to get hired on at a specific job then transfer down to Ga for the same position. But it doesn’t seem to be panning out like that. So my dilemma now is if I should go back down to Ga and essentially start over or thug it out in Ohio until something lucrative in Ga opens up.

Hi! My partner and I are newly in a long distance relationship (about 6 months) - I’ve visited him twice in Italy but this is his first time visiting me in the US (and also his first time here ever!)

I want to have something to gift him at the airport, just as a little welcome gift, but I’m having a hard time knowing what. I don’t want to do a sign, I think that would embarrass both of us. We’re both kind of laid back people. I know a lot of men gift women flowers, and I’m not opposed to that for him… but wondering about other ideas.

my bf (m21) and i (f20) met online near the end of 2024. in the early part of 2025 was when we started taking things more seriously. around march. we talked about meeting for a whole year constantlyyy and were finally able to make it happen on the 18th of sep. heres how it went!!

so my bf literally lives over 1000 miles from me, and i don’t have a vehicle atm so he drove allll the way to me. genuinely the sweetest thing someone has done for me. he made it within 2 days.
before he got here, i was soooo nervous. i chugged a beer rq to hopefully calm nerves bc i was very stressed. but surprisingly, as his location started getting closer and closer i wasnt even scared anymore, i just started feeling so excited and relieved.
definitely surreal experience for me, im such a non social person, and very awkward, so the fact my anxiety wasnt even bad is a miracle lol. but just shows how much i love him and wanted to finally see him.
when he pulled up, he called me and i ran outside to hug him. i nearly fell trying to hug him bc i wasnt paying attention lol. but he got me my favorite flowers otw as well!! he got to meet my family and my cats, and then we travelled to our airbnb. it was nearly an hour drive (way worse than we thought while booking) so we just got to talk. tbh i dont remember much of it now. i was just so happy to be sitting next to him. we held hands the wholeee way, and once we finallyyy got there, he opened my door for me (forced me to wait for him to loll i love that man) and then we hugged and he picked me up and we kissed for the first time. then he carried me all around the place, so we could look at everything. then we just cuddled. that night he grilled burgers and we chilled in the hot tub.
we genuinely couldnt stop touching and kissing eachother and smiling ofcc. it was the cutest thing ever.
on the second day, we laud in bed until nearly 2pm just cuddling. then eventually, we got up, got ready, and went to see a movie. while he was driving, he just started crying because he didn’t wanna leave. and it just made me so sad. there were these random moments where i would remember hes only here for a week, and i would get so sad. several times we just cried together about having to be apart again.
on the 6th day, we were going to go to the store. but as soon as we got down the long drive from the airbnb, his car broke down. im still not sure whats wrong, but we were waiting there for like an hour or 2. thankfully, he got it towed to my house, and my mom drove us back up to the bnb. so we got the whole night and few hours next day like we were supposed to. he ended up staying at my house until monday. his parents insisted on driving here and towing his car back home for him, so i got to meet them.
i feel awful ab his car, he had already spent way too much money, and he hadnt even had the car for 2 years. im glad it got us 3 extra days though. we definitely needed them, we were so emotional abt leaving eachother
but anyways now, were trying to figure out our next meeting, and by the end of next year, me and my kitty will hopefully be living with him!! i love him so much. and even more after meeting him. hes exactly how i thought he would be. i genuinely miss him so much it hurts. it hurts not having him here, but to anyone whos going to be meeting their partner and is scared, just dont overwhelm yourself. it can be the most beautiful thing ever.

I was literally having the worst night of my life and his mom asked me when I have my Christmas break from university. THEN MY BOYFRIEND TOLD ME SHE BOUGHT THE PLANE TICKETS!!!!

I lost all hope for meeting again this year because we've been struggling a bit with money but his mom actually did that. I'm so grateful for her but I literally had no idea she liked me so much.

She's saying we're family now I'm actually gonna cry guys 😭

To get it out of the way: I'm young, as the title of this post indicates, and frankly inexperienced wrt relationships. Probably, the smart thing to do is to accept that I have plenty of time to find someone else, and treat it like a break-up. Probably, I'll come off as naive (because I probably am), but I just needed to type this out, I guess, and maybe have someone tell me if I'm being insane.

This story could probably be a rom-com, or a good not-meant-to-be romance -- we're both (or, she's really good; I just dabble) writers, so go figure. Perhaps, ten years down the line, I'll write something and dedicate it to her.

Note: I am in the UK. So, without further ado:

Maybe three months ago, I met a girl on reddit. Three months isn't a long time, I know, but for one it's the longest serious -- if you can call a relationship at our age serious (id like to think so, but I know some people disagree) -- relationship I've been in; and, for another -- I dunno, it feels like I've known her forever. That seems a theme in our relationship: after even just the first few days of speaking to her we felt as though we'd been friends for weeks, she'd changed her phone password to my birthday, and in general we hit it off to an immense degree. I loved the fire and wit of her mind -- I don't know what she saw in me, but evidently she liked me very much too.

There was a hitch, though: having met her through reddit, I mostly fell in love, if you'll excuse the cheese, with a disembodied voice. I figured I needed time to fall in love with her body too, and in that regard I was right -- I have had time now -- but rather stupidly I said that out loud and as one might expect there was some turmoil in our relationship. But, that passed, and I met her in person in late August, our relationship having finally found its footing. I even went so far as to on several occasions make the mistake of imagining what raising a family with her would be like -- not seriously, of course, and certainly I was under no delusions it was likely, but I hope I have managed to impress upon you the degree to which I felt -- as I told her in no uncertain terms some eleven hours after we'd first met in a r/gcse comment section -- she was perfect for me.

I do still feel that way, of course, and it goes without saying that I love her very much. But the author of our story, evidently having decided that enough time had passed since the last major challenge to our relationship so as to risk viewer retention, has now created another: due to issues outside her control, which I will not go into here, she has to return to India, where she (or, rather, her parents intend for her to) will complete her education at least until the undergraduate level.

Given I am posting here, I neither want to nor intend to break it off. I do truly believe I will not find someone like her again, for better or for worse. On the other hand, she is now going to be preparing for NEETs with half the time a normal candidate will have, so will -- as she has warned me -- have little time to talk to me, or eat, or sleep, or do anything. On a similar magically-appearing third hand, it will be at least two years until I can see her again -- there is no chance her parents will agree to let me/her visit, costs aside (they, being stereotypical Indian parents, disapprove of her having any contact with boys); and even calls will be few and far between (when they are out of the house, and we're both not busy).

So, um,

Thoughts? Am I being stupid? Does anyone have any encouraging/reassuring/motivating words/stories/examples? Any general advice would be appreciated too!

Before I start off, I want to clarify a few things because I posted this in another subreddit and had some bad reactions. Firstly, that I know with absolute certainty that my girlfriend is an adult and that she is who she says she is. We have facetimed plenty of times and she has shown me on call presents that I have sent her in the mail, and I have seen her ID. Secondly, my girlfriend is in an abusive household. This was absolutely not my first plan and I do understand that this is not ideally how you should meet up with a person for the first time. I actually did want to take meeting her more slowly, meeting her parents properly and such but my girlfriend does not think that would go well and we both want our own freedom and want to enjoy each other's company. With that out of the way, here is my situation:

I (20) and my girlfriend (19) have been dating for over a year. We are long distance and met online and have never met in person before. Orchestrating a meetup has been hard but we finally decided to bite the bullet and do it. I was going to drive from Colorado to Utah in about 12 days to finally meet her and pick her up to stay with me a week. (also she is not mormon, I had a lot of people assume that)

My girlfriend still lives with her parents and they are very difficult to live with to put it lightly. They are very controlling, even that now legally she is an adult.

I knew that meeting her was not going to be easy because of her parents. Now, with only 12 days left until I meet her, they are asking me to call off the trip and threatening to physically restrict my girlfriend from leaving. When she told them she would call the cops, they told her they would twist the story somehow to make it look like she was the crazy one or that she was having some sort of mental health episode.

What is realistically my best course of action here, if the cops are called? Would they be able to mediate the situation enough to where they create a safer environment for her to leave the house? Would it be best if I maybe go to a police station beforehand and explain the situation and have someone come with me? Is that possible?

The one thing I am worried about is that my girlfriend does have a mental health disorder and history revolving that, and that maybe somehow they would be able to frame it in their favor because of this. I am fairly certain that because she is an adult there is nothing they can do, but I'd just like some advice with this situation. Thank you.

Just wanting to give some hope to the people around here, my husband and I met each other online two years ago. A year later we got married and closed the distance, and now I can happily say that we have welcomed our first baby together becoming a very happy family in his home country. I do miss my home, family and friends but making life together with the love of my life is so beyond blissful, I truly can’t imagine my life without him 💞💞

This is absolutely NOT a criticism. I’ve seen a trend in the past year or so on many social media platforms where people come to the internet to ask strangers what’s normal or how things should be. I find the exact same response coming to mind every time I see this… it should reflect what’s right for you and your partner.
The amount of contact, the frequency, type of sex, amount of sex, communication habits… if it doesn’t work for you, it doesn’t matter if it works for someone else.
It seems there’s a misconception that talking around what you really need to say (if you perceive it to have potentially negative consequences) if best so you don’t hurt your partner’s feelings. I find in all of my relationships that the more honest I am, the more direct (in a respectful, considerate, loving way) and vulnerable, better the quality of the connection.
I know that a big part of why I experience such deep, authentic love is because I am willing to be authentic and vulnerable even when I’m scared. (This is only done with a few safe people in my life. I am not recommending this approach across the board.)
Have the conversation, say the hard thing, take the risk of really being known… it might be the thing that changes your entire life in the most amazing way.

A quick rundown:

• We met online a few months ago, and we have been with each other remotely 24/7
• We're super comfortable and tell each other everything and all our secrets
• We masturbate together and are turned on by each other all the time
• We sleep while we're on call and wake up together
• We're both in our early thirties and know what we want
• It will take a few years until we can close the gap
• We're super serious about each other
• We can be together whether happy, sad, or tired
• We typed this post together
• We'll meet physically in a few months, but have not met yet
• Everything feels just perfect

Is this too good to be true? Are we not seeing something?