u/Solid-Scholar-2085

The title says it all. I don’t even know if LDR are harder to maintain or if the regular ones where people live together or see each other every day are harder?

My bf and I are having video calls multiple times a day and text a lot we both can get a bit anxious but also clingy. We trust each other but talking to him a lot makes me feel like we’re closer and I know he’s safe (hope it doesn’t sound crazy). Although we’re not feeling tired of each other at all or anything of the sort we had a conversation about couples being constantly together and asked ourselves “how do they not get tired?”.

The truth is that in a healthy relationship people need space and as ironic as it might sound, with all the distance, talking non stop isn’t really giving each other space but I guess sometimes we do it to compensate that we’re not physically there especially because he lives across the world from me. We for example see each other once every few months or sometimes monthly and have longer visits where we spend as much time together as possible (like living together for weeks and prioritizing each other as much as possible when we’re physically together). It’s been almost 2 years and I was thinking that I don’t wants us to feel like we have to constantly be stuck to each other in order to feel close because that might become exhausting but also we miss each other so much if we don’t talk. Also in case anyone is wondering we are not controlling we are just clingy and I think this is a very healthy relationship overall that I’m happy with.

Anyway how do you keep the spark going and manage not to drift away but also not suffocate each other? I’d love to hear your opinions

Hi everyone! I could use some support! I am childfree woman by choice and although I’m in my mid 20’s I’m 100% sure about my decision. However I’ve been freaking out about many things and started thinking…

I was wondering what childfree life is like in your 30’s and 40’s and so on… does it get lonelier and lonelier? I already find that my friends and I aren’t spending much time together, most are to busy to make new friends and although I’m happy in my relationship you never know. Maybe I’m a bit pessimistic but it just feels like people with kids have the kids so they are never lonely or that “something is going on” for themselves. Somehow I find that people with kids are the ones who always find a partner and always have a great job, maybe it’s extra survival instinct because you have to provide for someone else other than yourself so no room to rest. Ironically these are the reasons why I don’t want kids. And I know they actually don’t solve your loneliness.

However I have this image (especially as a woman) that I will be all alone and unhappy. For me it’s very important to have someone to share my life with although I’m happy on my own but what do I do if my friends will be too busy with their families and maybe be single and too old and tired to focus on my career or hobbies.

For any older women here could you give me some advice? I don’t wanna be terrified of aging and being alone

Once upon a time my definition of having fun was doing things with my friends, clubbing and doing romantic or se*ual things with people, consuming alcohol etc. Then I slowly realised fun is about more than that, however I’m still very young and I don’t find “a night out” enjoyable anymore.

Some say it’s because I “matured” but when I hear people go out and have fun, get laid having one night stands and things like that I get jealous (in a way that I want to do that as well). However, it’s rarely as fun as you’d think and mostly very shallow and I’m not sure how I’m supposed to have “real fun” especially since I’m young and have major fomo. I’m not the type of person who just wants to “stay in” either or have a super basic lifestyle.

Has anyone gone though this or knows what it means? Why isn’t it enjoyable and why are all the young fun people doing it if it isn’t? It leaves me more sad than happy and I’m 19 I started partying at 13 probably.

I want ti get into skateboarding and see a lot of perks and skaters around her but I’m not sure where to start as I’m pretty new?

How do you find someone that’s into it and can teach you? In time I’d like to make progress/ do tricks and so on. Are there any specific spots or ways to do it? Do I need to take some sort of classes? How do I do it?

I guess my question is what are people like in apartment buildings? Long story short my long distance girlfriend will visit and she lives far away so she’d stay 3 weeks with me but since I’m going to rent and I haven’t moved in yet I’m stressed about the people living there “reporting it”.

I ll be moving into a quiet area, 20 minutes away from the center and from what I understood the people living there have been residents for a while and most of them also own the apartment. I was told guests are allowed from time to time and when I talked about it i m guessing the landlord thought i d have guests for a week not a few weeks. We won t be loud or problematic or anything i just don t want to cause problems and want to know what your experience was like in case you had something similar going on.

I can’t get a hotel room for that long so this is my only option, also I’ll live alone. Am I doomed? :))
Do the other people usually care about who’s there and stuff or are they unlikely to report anything

I found a nice apartment to rent but they said they do bookings through spotahome and they want me to book it in order to see it which is 1 month rent plus the deposit included but it s before seeing the apartment. Although this would be made through spotahome (which is safer than just transferring money to the landlord) and they did send me documents confirming their idenity and that they are the owner I don’t want to get scammed. However I heard this is how spotahome works and don t wanna miss out on this great apartment in case it s legit?

Also at the bank ac details the money is sent to spotahome

Does anyone have any experience with this? Advice?

I have a question, would 1300€/ month minimum (maybe 500 more) be enough to live in Barcelona excluding rent. So this budget but without the utilities and rent, is it enough to live a decent life and what could I realistically afford. Is it a very tight budget for Barcelona or normal.

If you don’t mind me asking? How much do you need/ spend on a monthly basis without rent and utilities?

So I have disorganised (insecure) attachment and my boyfriend usually replies fast (which is something I got used to) but sometimes he doesn’t because he’s busy and you know, life. What I noticed is that in the beginning I was thinking (maybe he’s lying maybe he’s cheating or ghosting). Yes, I have anxiety and abandonment issues but i know they were just thoughts so I did my best to calm down.

Now, because we are very long distance and aren’t in contact with common friends and neither of us posts if he s not replying I keep thinking something happened TO him like a tragedy or something even if I know he s at work or sleeping. Prolly bc he makes the time to reply normally but I know you can t always be available and I don’t want to sound psycho. I don t want to over text or anything sometimes i just have tot ell him smth so i send one message but when he’s not there I feel worried (that something is wrong).

Anyone else experiencing this because of the distance? It makes me feel really helpless sometimes? Advice?

It’s literally how the parents see it and how it’s seen by other people. What’s crazier is that I know people who had awesome lives, successful careers and were just such great people (some still are) and could genuinely get even better and better or live it to the fullest and enjoy freedom but then they get the kids and they are like “They are my proudest accomplishment” or “They make me truly happy”.

I don’t want to sound mean but I really don’t get it. How are they your proudest accomplishment when you literally did something any healthy human being can do (reproduce) and invested into someone that probably takes you for granted or will just leave and think about themselves when they are older. Let’s face it, most kids don’t spend significant time with their parents and think “this is the greatest person in my life I’m so grateful”. Not to mention all the sacrifices people make to have kids, finance, freedom, friendships or their love life is usually heavily affected by the kids but they are “so proud”. I get that they are yours and you love them but I can only see it as “Congrats, you’ve ruined your life”.

Am I horrible human for thinking this? I swear I feel sorry for people with kids especially if I love those people. Thoughts?

I have a monthly budget of 3 thousand euros or more as a 20 year old in Barcelona and plan on renting a small studio. Is that enough to live here? If yes, is it a tight budget? I like going out, doing sports, joining classes but nothing to crazy and would like to save at least a little.

Maybe it’s too personal but what’s your budget and how much do you need to live comfortably. Also what is the “minimum” budget id I want to live alone. Hope this doesn’t sound too stupid I just need to get an idea. I did my research but I need an opinion from someone who lives there. Thank you

I have so many mixed feelings about marriage (as a woman) I m in a relationship with someone who was married before and I am not sure or I doubt he’ll do it again but also I honestly don’t know what the f I want. At some point I decided I never want to get married then I was like I’ll see then I definitely wanted to and now I’m pretty undecided but if I’m in a serious relationship I think I’d want that at some point.

I am just super confused about the whole thing and I see marriage more about effort/ being chosen and certain benefits and decisiveness about a person (if it s healthy) rather than a proof of love. Since the people here are marriagefree I’d love to hear your opinions about this and maybe reasons why you personally don’t want to get married.

I can’t say I dream about it or that it’s something I’d do for sure or see it as a huge meaningful thing, but at the same time I’d ask myself questions if I was in a relationship for a long time and he wouldn’t plan on marrying me. Is that stupid?

Ok ok i get it you think your kid is the best, smartest most beautiful creature ever but come on could ‘t you keep it to yourself?

I guess I’ve been hearing sooo many parents brag about their kid’s looks/ success/ accomplishments when there is NOTHING outstanding about them and it’s so annoying. I don’t really get the logic I mean yeah you love your kid but please shut up about how “awesome” they are when what you’re claiming they have achieved or simply look like is usually average at best. Nobody cares about your kid, sorry.

This is also about people and their need for procreation because they have to “pass on” their “genes” when they look average, barely afford kids and so on. Yes everyone can do what they want but I’m just so annoyed by continuously hearing parents about how their average or below average precious children are THE BEST MOST BEAUTIFUL MOST TALENTED. And also how is that related to you? If they achieve something it’s their work/ doing just because they are your kid doesn’t mean it’s your accomplishment because that kid is a whole different person.

Also don’t get me wrong we should encourage people who are doing well, support and appreciate but I am talking to something that can be called “overrated” lol.

This is mostly about women who have kids with men.Not to be shady but I noticed that they often feel superior and we often hear “she’s the mother of his kids” and sure that means she’ll be in his life probably because kids are kind of permanent but what do they think it’s such a flex especially when the man doesn’t love them? Am I the only one who noticed this?

I’m specifically talking about situations where the “mother of the kids” gets treated poorly, cheated on, not really valued, toxic relationship etc but after all of that and even divorce they still think they are superior somehow to other women because she had his kids. This is an example but how is that a flex in general? Make it make sense.

In my opinion having kids with someone is only worth it if the relationship is genuinely good and both want to be parents not just have kids and then act like normal responsible adults if things go wrong however how do these (women) think they “won” because they literally did everything for that man but got nothing and if they got something in return it was mostly because of the child. Women carry the baby, give birth to it and no matter how involved the Dad is the women usually spend a lot more energy with the baby and some don’t get treated right in the relationship so could anyone tell me what s superior about that. I guess I m annoyed because I have a friend who was involved in a situation like this. Let me know what you think

Edit: I could’ve expressed myself better. My point is a mother in an unhealthy relationship does so so much with pretty much nothing in return and thinks “having his kids” is such a flex and it kind of makes me laugh because how is that a flex. Love to hear your opinions

This is mostly about women who have kids with men.Not to be shady but I noticed that they often feel superior and we often hear “she’s the mother of his kids” and sure that means she’ll be in his life probably because kids are kind of permanent but what do they think it’s such a flex especially when the man doesn’t love them? Am I the only one who noticed this?

I’m specifically talking about situations where the “mother of the kids” gets treated poorly, cheated on, not really valued, toxic relationship etc but after all of that and even divorce they still think they are superior somehow to other women because she had his kids. This is an example but how is that a flex in general? Make it make sense.

In my opinion having kids with someone is only worth it if the relationship is genuinely good and both want to be parents not just have kids and then act like normal responsible adults if things go wrong however how do these (women) think they “won” because they literally did everything for that man but got nothing and if they got something in return it was mostly because of the child. Women carry the baby, give birth to it and no matter how involved the Dad is the women usually spend a lot more energy with the baby and some don’t get treated right in the relationship so could anyone tell me what s superior about that. I guess I m annoyed because I have a friend who was involved in a situation like this. Let me know what you think

Edit: I could’ve expressed myself better. My point is a mother in an unhealthy relationship does so so much with pretty much nothing in return and thinks “having his kids” is such a flex and it kind of makes me laugh because how is that a flex. Love to hear your opinions. Also i posted this in childfree

This is mostly about women who have kids with men.Not to be shady but I noticed that they often feel superior and we often hear “she’s the mother of his kids” and sure that means she’ll be in his life probably because kids are kind of permanent but what do they think it’s such a flex especially when the man doesn’t love them? Am I the only one who noticed this?

I’m specifically talking about situations where the “mother of the kids” gets treated poorly, cheated on, not really valued, toxic relationship etc but after all of that and even divorce they still think they are superior somehow to other women because she had his kids. This is an example but how is that a flex in general? Make it make sense.

In my opinion having kids with someone is only worth it if the relationship is genuinely good and both want to be parents not just have kids and then act like normal responsible adults if things go wrong however how do these (women) think they “won” because they literally did everything for that man but got nothing and if they got something in return it was mostly because of the child. Women carry the baby, give birth to it and no matter how involved the Dad is the women usually spend a lot more energy with the baby and some don’t get treated right in the relationship so could anyone tell me what s superior about that. I guess I m annoyed because I have a friend who was involved in a situation like this. Let me know what you think

Edit: I could’ve expressed myself better. My point is a mother in an unhealthy relationship does so so much with pretty much nothing in return and thinks “having his kids” is such a flex and it kind of makes me laugh because how is that a flex. Love to hear your opinions

What do you think about the whole “staying at home girlfriend” trend where basically a man provides for you fully but you aren t married or anything no kids and you don t work. Is it exaggerated?
I need some advice to help me understand the whole provider man thing because I am not sure what I want and I don t want to be absurd but also not taken for granted and I m dealing with someone who I know had provided for others and provides for me in some ways but not fully or consistently and I want to think about it rationally. When is it too early? I feel very valued and appreciated by him in general

Exit: i don t necessarily mean not working, what id you work but he pays for everything and what you earn is just extra money for you?

What’s your funny/ sarcastic response when people ask why you don’t/won’t have kids?
I would love to hear some entertaining/ funny comments haha: i recently told someone:” Well I’m scared to have kids because I don’t think the world would be able to handle so much beauty”.
Explanation: I m a bit selfish full of myself and tend to brag so that s pretty funny to me. It s half a truth lol

I (F) and my lf bf have been dating for a while but met irl then haven t seen each other in over a year because the distance is huge and also I felt like I wanted to get to know him better and he rrspected that. He was ready to come earlier but i didn t want to.

Our first visit is next week and we both got a hotel room together and well it s obvious why. We both have very high libidos and are monogamous so we ve been waiting for this for a while. My friends say it s wrong and most people who visit first i hear they sit down have coffee or get separate rooms until they spend more time in person but this hasn t even crossed our minds. Since i m the woman most people look at me like he wants to take advantage of me or something but we are both very excited for this and i feel like compatible in that area. I ve been seeing him and talking to him a lot (on camera) and i can t wait to have him physically there so why hold back. Intimacy is a big thing for us maybe it s just how we are but this is a real relationship between 2 people who have so much more going on so why does everyone thing it s so wrong.

I mean many people have one night stands 2 minutes after meeting so why is it wrong if i want to do it with my bf that i couldn t have physically here for most of the time? Any similar experiences? Everyone acts like i m crazy and like it s dangerous but it s not like i met him yesterday and i guess if someone has bad intentions they will act on them whether it s the first meeting or 5th. I d love to hear your opinions and experiences with this

I feel like it would be very helpful for everyone if we discussed it here by sharing personal experiences etc because i m sure many of us had good and bad experiences with Ldr maybe we could use it to inform but also support each other.

Now, I m mostly asking for the more unusual green or red flags rather than obvious ones like (never making an effort to call etc). You could write about dishonesty, cheating, complications etc also i d love to hear stories where maybe you thought something was a certain way and it turned out to be different. (Either from good to bad or vice versa)

I m asking this because i think most of us struggle with fears/ doubts because of long distance but I also think it s important to have a bit of trust in your partner especially after a while (yes technically it s easier to pretend from a distance because it s much harder to get caught) but i also think that if someone wants to deceive you or be great and honest they can do it from afar or right there.

Ok I ll start: green flag is willing to come to me until i m comfortable to go to him but open to me going to him anytime and offering support

My LD bf and I see each other rarely because I live in America and he lives in Europe and we re both busy, working etc. since i m only 22 everyone tells me to give up and just find someone local.

Thing is I ve never been so compatible with someone and this relationship just feels special. It s hard yes, because we miss each other but we make it work and this is genuinely such a good healthy relationship (ps I feel like long distance is more stable).

However I constantly see couples who move in together, visit each other on the weekend or have long distance where they live a few h away from each other. For us it s just super expensive to travel so we do it only a couple times a year (because of work) but stay for longer (e.g the longest we ve gone was over a year but I stayed with him for almost 3 months).

It s just that it s hard to cope and I keep comparing this situation to other relationships where people move in together, share finances, are physically there whenever they need each other. Everyone sees long distance (especially this big of a distance) as a “phase” and less real and committed. It s so hard because everyone around me assumes we just cheat, will never get anywhere and that this is not a real relationship and when I miss him a lot I start believing these things in the moment and make statements like “maybe we just hurt each other and should be with someone who s there” but I have bad anxiety and a tendency to self sabotage.

How do you deal with the hard moment and what did you do?