r/childfreewomen

Even as a child, I literally never ever ever wanted kids. I’m only 22, so I’m kinda shocked that the surgeon okayed the procedure so quickly. Bro didn’t give me the whole”you’ll change your mind speech” he just trusted that I am an adult making a conscious decision, I know the risks.

Has anyone else here had this procedure? What should I be prepared for?

Also lmaooo I don’t think I should ask r/tuba but I do wonder if it would effect my playing ability

TW: Mentions of suicide

Genuinely I would. I frankly will never put my body through anymore hell then it already is going through (I have a ton of health issues mental and physical) I fear that men don't understand just how far I'm willing to go.

Sorry just needed to vent my thoughts.

IMPORTANT: I just found out the mods in the “fencesitter” group do in fact HAVE kids and that’s why they’re deleting so many posts that go against having kids. It’s like they have an agenda and want us to join their misery? It all makes sense now because here is what I posted the other day. Not only was it deleted within minutes, I reposted AND I GOT BANNED! (We need to spread the word so innocent fencesitters don’t get tricked into having kids)

“SOCIETY MADE ME. HUHHH??”
After doing an intense, obsessive amount of research on what it actually takes to be a parent, budgeting, physical toll, mental health impact, traveling, lack freedom, cooking perfect meals every night, my dogs comfort, and lifestyle changes, I've decided being childfree is the right path for me. (Especially since I don't even enjoy babysitting; the thought of that job 24/7 with no clock-out time sounds like a nightmare).

What I struggle to understand is when people say they had a kid because of "societal pressure" or to "check a box."

External pressure has never worked on me because I'm the one living with the fallout, not society. Worst case, people judge my lifestyle choices for five minutes, but parenting is a lifetime commitment. Also being judged is hard. But parenting is also hard. So Choose your hard right?

Maybe my brain just works differently, as I have ADHD and question everything but I've analyzed parenthood down to a science. I've read up on every single developmental phase month to month up to 18. It blows my mind when people close to me are weeks away from having a baby and haven't even looked into feeding logistics or childcare yet.

It feels like a lot of people just follow the default life path without asking why. If you hate cars, you don't open a mechanic shop. If you don't want to be a caregiver around the clock, why have kids just because it's the expected script?

Also “who will take care of you when you’re old,” is BS. Most retirement homes are filled with people who don’t get visits from their kids, not to mention the average child is $15k-$21k a year… invest that and BOOM, personal nurse 🤯???

I’m genuinely asking, and not judging but how do people approach such a massive life choice without deeply analyzing it first? I truly don’t get it and sometimes feel like I’m on a planet with 99% NPCS…

Im losing vast majority of my friends to motherhood. While im still in contact with them and support them, its all on their terms because they are hella busy. Sometimes they dont message for a year. I play roblox, heartopia, read Manga/manhwa, watch anime, and own 2 cats with my husband. I would love to have a friend even if its online as distance is not a problem.

I'm having surgery for endometriosis soon and had a consultation scheduled with a specialty surgeon. I mentally prepared myself to fight for tubal litigation during the endometriosis procedure and told myself I'd find another surgeon to do it if the doctor gave me any pushback.

Immediately after general pleasantries at the consultation, the doctor asks if I'd like my tubes removed during the procedure. She only brought up that removing tubes can significantly reduce risk of ovarian cancer. She didn't ask if I have kids, want kids, or if I have a spouse. I was shocked in a good way.

the r/JUSTNOMIL sub is RIFE with MIL's being absolute tyrants when it comes to their DIL's child and everything surrounding it. Even worse is when the husband does not stand up to the MIL and lets her walk all over them and their lives.

Sometimes in laws can be a nightmare just on their own but ad a child into the mix and it can turn into an explosion of entitlement, chaos, cruelty, selfishness etc.

My immediate and extended Family never could accept that I was an Adult, without Children.

Even despite having an insane amount of people counting on me, in my Career.

I eventually estranged for other reasons, but the sheer disrespect...

Have any of you been infantized for not having children?

What are your thoughts?

Feeling very alone and misunderstood about being childfree in a place where having kids is a norm.

I finally get it and fairy tales have it completely wrong. Whether it was snow white or Hansel and Gretel or Cinderella.

It was the kids who drove these women mad. They must have worn on her last nerves and push her beyond all patience.

I am not a step mother in the traditional sense. My husband had a cat before we married.

I love our bundle to bits. She's the sweetest little angel. Sadly for her she's not been ok for close to a year. She's been vomitting on a much regular basis than is normal for her. She is old. We've taken her to different vets and she's gone through so many tests but nothing conclusive. She's healthy basically.

My heart breaks for her that she's not well and I am willing to support her the best I can.

Now my complaint is in no shape or form blaming her. She's the one who is ill and not feeling well.

I am however losing patience with having to keep cleaning vomit on rugs beds. I bought a new expensive duvet and that got washed 3 times in the first week. We changed bedding yesterday and now I'm needing to wash it this morning. Today she's already vomitted 3 times and it's only midday now.

My patience is truly wearing thin but we don't know what more we can do to help her.

I'm just here to vent. I hope someone can commiserate.

Feel free to delete this post if its not allowed. I'm not sure how to word this. And please forgive me if my thoughts are all over the place. But, just yesterday, I (29F) got bingo'ed by my gynecologist for wanting a bisalp. Unfortunately , this woman was not on the list of child-free, friendly doctors in Ontario, Canada.

This person was also recommended to me by my mom, who swore by her. So I took her word for it. As soon as I mentioned why I'm here and that I wanted to get a bisalp, she just pushed back on me and said that "you'll regret this decision" and "that certain cancers may happen after the procedure". She then asked me if I'm sexually active, and I mentioned I'm not and that my reason for wanting a bisalp is simply THAT I DO NOT WANT KIDS AT ALL!!! Anyways, long story short, she got really salty, and she is going to refer me to a doctor who will perform the surgery.

Anyways, I just wanted to vent here and im still upset by this, and I also wanted to ask cause anyone else gone through a similar experience? Rant over.

I'm really young, but after my first ever serious relationship turned out to be abusive I'm kind of losing hope :(

So I would really appreciate your story of how you have found your husband/long term partner!

I feel like relationships are difficult even without the childfree part, as finding a good man is not an easy task. But to find a good man who also doesn't want kids feels impossible rn.

International Childfree Day falls on Saturday, August 1, and there will be a picnic in NYC to celebrate.

If you’re childfree in NYC - or want to travel here - feel free to join! Hang out, stop by, say hi, meet other childfree people IRL. If you’d like to attend, send me a DM verifying that you’re childfree by choice and I’ll send you the RSVP link directly.

Feel free to pass this along to other childfree friends in the NYC / Tri-State area!

ps. FYI the event is weather dependent. If rain is in the forecast, it will be rescheduled. Details will be provided via the RSVP page.

Today I spent the morning with a close relative who is close in age as me. We’ve grown up together. I’ve told her I didn’t want kids before but I guess she assumed I was a fence sitter. Anyway, today we talked about kids because she mentioned it. She was like “so you don’t want kids at all???”” Not even one?” And I said no. She said “you wouldn’t even adopt?” I said no. I don’t know why but I found it kind of annoying how much she was prying about it. Then I had to explain that I just don’t think I’d be fit for parenting and my anxiety issues and all that, but why can’t we just stop at accepting not wanting kids without a reason instead of asking why? I don’t know. maybe I’m just venting but I was kind of annoyed not gonna lie. Then she kept asking about what my other half thought of it. Am I valid for feeling annoyed? I think people don’t realize how much time and money you have to put into birthing and raising children. And we already live somewhere that’s expensive to get by. I don’t know. Just had to vent, I don’t really need any more judgment lol.

This user has reposted everything from here in the last few days, to r/ChildfreeCJ, a circlejerk sub made to mock us. Now, he can't see this post, because I blocked him. If you block him, he can't repost your posts either.

But on a larger scale note: this sub needs to be private and invite-only because the amount of parents here is at what-the-fuck level, and I'm tired of hearing from them.

This is supposed to be our safe space, and combo lack of moderation and lack of initial privacy is disallowing that from existing, and it's a fixable problem.