r/tradwives

I’m (25F) dating another christian man and we’re talking about marriage not engaged yet but we’re engaged preparing for engagement/marriage. Anyway, I want to know if my standard for finances is too high or ridiculous or selfish…

I think that he should pay for just about everything— bills, groceries, etc. however I think what I buy should be up to my discretion. And naturally I know that I would be out buying things for our children my self and him that he wouldn’t have to think about. I would likely pick up the groceries frequently during the week. I just think he should be at least expecting to provide financially completely and because I make money I would still spend it toward the household and put away savings for us and handle our finances/ accounting and investing.

I think that my jobs and roles that I would play would be equivalent to his providing. I would have my hands in many roles and projects to keep our home running not only functional but thriving. There’s so many ways I want to make my house a self sufficient, loving home… take on all th emotions of all the people in the house… cook and clean for everyone… teach the kids how to do everyday household things… be obedient to my husband…and this will be work. Why should I also have to bear the weight of financially providing too??

All answers welcome

Your favorite liberal tradwife has just married. Me. It's me. As of this Monday, because we did a Monday wedding, I am now a married woman. We're not yet in the position for me to step down from work, but we could be, very soon. I am in such a state of bliss. My husband is gentle, kind, and reminds me of Samwise or Faramir from LOTR. Very honorable, takes me to church every Sunday despite his own lack of belief, holds my hand every service, is willing to be the main breadwinner of our household but DOESN'T expect me to be a tradwife. So, I'm just free....to be a more traditional wife. And because he loves me, he supports it. I am just. I'm in awe of him. I'm so happy. We're double barreling our last name, but I'm so lucky to be his Mrs. So-and-So!

When it comes to trad wife relationships my brain struggles to understand some of them as I view them in real life. Ill often see a very attractive female with a great personality with an unkept man, who works a middle class job, comes home and puts no effort into the relationship. The wife still drudges a long and cares for the guy. I never wanted to be that guy so I fought extra hard in the opposite direction

My most recent relationship was 9 years long 31M and 28F.

• I got her her Drivers License, helped her go from working 2 days a week as a grocery cashier to a full BSN (nurse) both financially, emotionally (encouragement), and educationally (tutoring her)
• I did basically every chore or had a cleaning (laundry, dishes, tax paperwork, bedsheets, towels, yard work, home repairs, meal prep - neither cooked).
• Gave her plenty: huge home, luxury vacations every other month (6-7), tons of gold and diamond jewelry, luxury car, tons of restaurant dinners
• Always helped her through her emotional struggles with anxiety, depression, lack of libido (never complained about being intimate a few times a year since the beginning)
• Flowers every other week, good morning and encouragement texts, would occasionally bring treats in to her work if I was off
• She worked 1-2 days a week and got to keep every dollar she earned (minus taxes), I paid for anything and everything
• When she was sick be it a UTI or the smallest cold I managed everything from bringing her - her daily medications, meals, running humidifiers, doc appointments, etc

She missed birthdays, always prioritized herself, would be happy to be taking photos while I was juggling 3-4 bags and a hotel key on vacations, or on her phone while I brought all the groceries in, would damage something and never bother telling me about it (scratching her car tires on curbs or accidentally ripping the towel rack off the wall)

I thought this would be the end of the behaviors at the end of the relationship but it repeats with each and every woman I am with. I eventually questioned if it was maybe my attractiveness and I have consistently gotten ratings of 6-8/10 from probably 100 women.

Im honestly starting to wonder if I should pursue someone interested in being a trad wife because I really dont see anyone trying to reciprocate in the relationships I enter.

And it ultimately makes me ask trad wives- how do you decide what is enough for you from your husband and what you want to contribute in return?

What are things a traditional husband should do?

There is so much stuff online and several subreddits for trad wives and traditional women, how they should act and everything related to it, but I don't see anything for the men. My logic is basically if a man wants a traditional woman he should be traditional himself.

Basically what I want to know is how should a traditional husband act? An why there isn't resources and communities like this for men?

I got married. We talked about these things beforehand but I think we were blinded by love because we married fast. I didn’t mind homeschooling or being a trad wife eventually, until time passed. I’ve always had a more conservative mindset (as in values, not political.)

I see my sister-in-law as a reflection of the future me if I were a tradwife. She has 4 kids (all very cute) but they don’t have money to go to the fair or the zoo if we invite them. She homeschools and she’s a great mom. She had to quit her job because of childcare costs. She’s losing hair and looks miserable most of the time. Her husband ignores her when she’s gone. And she feeds her kids nuggets and ramen noodles. Nothing else. I love her to death, but it scares me to think I’d end up like that. Oh we also live in the countryside, and I hate the countryside. I want so much more for my children and sadly, it all costs money.

As a consequence, my husband thinks like her husband. “We will figure it out” on a $60k salary (his salary) if we have children and I quit my job. I don’t want to homeschool anymore and I’d never quit working. I work from home and I have a masters. There’s been a couple times where we get into fights and he says “my house” and he’s kicked me out once too. Imagine if I didn’t have my own money… He says he’ll never move from the countryside no matter how many times I’ve told him we should find a common ground, but my opinion on where we should live for the rest of our lives doesn’t seem to matter. I cook and clean, 90% of these responsibilities fall on me while having a full time job.

All of this to say, I never thought my mindset could change so fast in a matter of one year. But I suppose that’s life, and changing opinions is part of growing.

Now I get why so many grown women tell us that we should have a backup plan. Sometimes husbands can be cruel when they don’t want to try anymore… and I’m not willing to risk it

Has someone gone through a similar situation or change of perspectives?

I asked my (boomer) mom to watch my (good) kids during the day while I'm at a conference. She said yes, but in the same text:

-said she wouldn't do it again
-made me feel guilty for asking her since she's already so busy
-said she doesn't have the stamina (she's 64 and in good health)
-doesn't want to "be in a disciplinarian role" and just wants to be Grandma
- is leaving early to make it back in time to attend a church function
-and says I need a reliable back up plan because she may bail last minute

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Im going to be honest I think the issue with this is that people are having kids later in the West which is why it is such an issue in the West. Other cultures do not have this problem. People used to have kids in their early twenties meaning grandparents would still be in their forties and early fifties when the grandchildren were born. This meant they had more energy and a bigger desire to help out with the grandchildren. Like my grandma was 19 when she had my Dad so she helped out a lot when I was a kid and could chase after us toddlers because she was young compared to a lot of grandparents now (she was 50 when I was born). Now that my grandparents are in their 70s they don't wanna help out with my younger cousins because they don't have that energy anymore or desire to help and I think that is a genuine issue that we now have with people having kids later on in life.

Im not saying that the boomers aren't selfish because they are just the worst, entitled, most selfish generation ever (at least in the West) but I don't think this is solely on them.

I don't know what are your thoughts let me know in the comments below on this whole thing.

Hi everyone,

I want to ask for some honest opinions about dating and relationships in the US, especially from a Red Pill perspective.

To give you some context about me: I am a 33-year-old woman from Ukraine (here under the U4U program). I have been living in the US for about 2.5 years now. Right now I live in Chicago and work part-time as a waitress, but I am moving to Detroit very soon because my aunt lives there and she will help me with my kids.

About my situation: I have 3 kids, and my youngest is a 1-year-old mixed baby. I am legally married, but my husband is still abroad, he doesn’t have a US visa and he will not come here at all. So I am basically raising my kids and navigating life in the US completely by myself.

When I move to Detroit, my goal is to find a successful, generous man who wants to be a provider and help me with financial stability and guidance for the future.

I want to hear the honest truth from the men here: From your perspective, what are the biggest problems or challenges with a situation like mine? What can a woman with kids do to bring value to a successful man, and what traits do you think are most important?

I am not looking for sugarcoating, just trying to understand how men think about this. Thank you!

I know there are probably too many questions like that here. Been pretty liberal and independent my whole life. But the last few months really kicked me in the butt. I'm afraid working isn't for me. Thinking about becoming a stay-at-home wife more and more. It sounds peaceful and predictable. But on the other hand I'm afraid of being completely depending on my partner. I'm not religious and my social life sucks. I'm also transgender and non-passing and noone wants me. I'll be glad for any answers

My wife and me have never conscieously decided she'd be a tradwife. It kinda just happened - our firstborn was one y/o when she gave birth to twins and in my country we have the privilege of quite long maternity leave (1 year paid at full, 1 year paid at minimum wage and 1 year unpaid, with the whole thing restarted if given birth during any stage of the maternity leave. In addition for each child I have the right to use half year unpaid leave which is transferable to her and during all this time her position with her employer is being reserved for her by law). So she's nearing the end of all the law provided leave, including the one transfered by myself and hadn't had any income for quite a while. During this time we've observed that my income is quite enough for all our needs and we can even afford to put something aside. She kinda wants to go back to work, but at the same time is really disappointed by the salary she'd be paid, as it has been frozen for the years she was on maternity leave, while inflation has made it worth significantly less than it used to be.

So I'm trying to push the idea that she just remains a stay at home mum, as it would benefit our family way more than her now insignificant salary would. She's hesitant about it despite all my assurances that her role as a mother to our kids is way more important than her contribution to our budget. At the same time she's quite reluctant to return to her previous job as she feels she'd be underappreciated there.

So my first question is how do I assure her I would greatly appreciate her role in the family as a caretaker instead of trying to be a provider, while I mydelf am doing quite well in the provider role.

And my second question is how do I make her feel more appreciated in general - she's not keen on material things, so random gifts like jewelry don't really have an effect on her. I love her to death and try to show it, but as an introvert I fear much of it is not really as visible as I'm hoping it to be.

long story short late 20sF and at a crossroads. single (not by choice) but always wanted to be a mom and have a family, find a husband, get a house, etc. unfortunately, health issues have not panned out to allow for proper dating in my 20s. Sadly, I've lost most of my hair and have autoimmune diseases, my skin has changed a lot. I need wigs. these health issues have chewed up years of my life getting under control. i haven't had a relationship since i was 22, and the guys ive talked to since have ghosted when they find out about my health stuff.

It's been really hard to be vulnerable with men about these "dealbreakers" knowing that my "skeletons" (health issues) are visible and completely unrelatable / not really enticing to deal with for guys my age. i've also had men ask me about the types of medications im on, if I've ever taken birth control, if I have my own apartment / income etc.

And that brings me to my next point. I recently got automated by AI out of a job (was in marketing). Looking into accounting. but is accounting going to be safe in the coming years? sure does not seem it. general accounting as a field outside of being a CPA feels really unsafe with AI. Especially without Big4 experience on my resume. I’d have to go back and get a masters in accounting as I can’t sit for a CPA, and I have no experience in the field. All of this will take a few more years of time lost.

In my marketing role, I had to do tons of revenue reporting function but it's been automated. The execution tasks of reconciliation, data entry, report building are all being automated it seems. Accounting I foresee being tightened to gray areas like majority consulting of offshore teams, legal interpretation, GAAP compliance etc. I foresee aspects of accounting that maybe didn’t require a license becoming more like a requirement as AI becomes more prevalent. For ex CPAs dropping down to do any jobs they can get as it becomes more and more competitive to get CPA roles with so many scrambling. I know a few GAs (non CPAs) who’ve been out of work over the past 2 yrs. Am I wrong in my analysis?

I am a single woman and unfortunately have to prepare for the very real possibility I do not ever find a husband and will have to fully provide for myself for life. In terms of fields it seems that accounting may be one of those "STEM-adjacent" fields that won't **fully** disappear. In other words, unlike marketing.

Considering a Masters in accounting (to get the 150 hours) and then CPA exam? Is this doable in early 30s? I am feeling the fear and pressure of not having a stable path.

TLDR:

• worried about the working world with AI changes happening rapidly
• worried about what a potential male partner would think about whatever job I choose
• worried I'll never find a guy with my health issues, even though I'd rather be a mom and raise a family than be a career woman and that's been true for my entire life, but my health has gotten in the way of finding a husband.

I wanted to have a home and multiple children more than any career.

• in the absence of a stable family situation, will have to pursue my own legitimate career which brings me back to bullet point #1.

if anyone has any advice i would love to hear. particularly from women in a similar boat, or who have some wisdom to share. thank you

I recently am being provided for after always splitting everything 50/50. If all the money is coming from my partner, I’m wondering how it will work when it comes to gift giving. Am I supposed to use his own money to buy his gift? Or do you guys usually try to find money elsewhere to guy gifts for your spouse? I feel like the first option makes sense logically but also feels like he’d be buying his own gift.

What YouTube videos, podcasts, audiobooks, whatever are we listening to about the lifestyle?

I’ve been trying to find some on YouTube recently but I keep just getting the videos making fun of tradwives instead of tradwife content