r/tradwives

i’m 23 and getting married in 36 days and i don’t think i can do it.

i was raised in a christian home with very clear expectations of what a godly woman looks like, proverbs 31, submission, being a good wife very trad wife, the whole thing. i do believe in god. that part isn’t fake. i’ve tried to take it seriously.
i got into this relationship partly because friends pushed me toward it. we get along fine. there’s no big drama, no abuse, nothing wrong on paper. he loves me. i know that. i just don’t love him the way you’re supposed to love the person you’re about to marry. i’ve never felt that pull.
i’m going through with it anyway because some part of me keeps hoping that if i do the right thing, if i keep the commitment, if i try to be the wife i’m supposed to be even when my heart isn’t in it, god will see the effort and give me some kind of grace for it later. like maybe the feelings will come, or maybe he’ll just cover the gap.
all my peers who are the same age have already been married for at least a year and a half and most of them already have babies. i feel so behind and so stuck at the same time.
has anyone else ever felt this way? like you’re walking toward something everyone else is excited about and you’re just trying not to throw up?

I saw a lot of vague comments but I am very curious about actual examples

I thought x, husband thought y, reasons were given (please do give those reasons) and we went with y because that was his decision

I would love to hear personal experiences about this! And besides the reasons, how everyone feels about it.

How do you girls feel about your man proposing with an actual gold band? The whole 3 x monthly salary and all norm.

Or does a diamond on your finger not mean a whole lot, but just being married to him is the real picture.

Hey guys -buckle up cause there's no TLDR

I recently met a man who's in his mid 30s (36, turning 37 in November) and I'm 25 (turning 26 in September).

Im sure this question gets asked here so often. I was planning on marrying someone around my age, but it does not seem that a lot of men in my age range have initiative. Originally, I loved the idea of marrying someone who wasn't all there yet financially, but we still had so much in common - I loved the idea of us creating a life together and navigating adulthood, but so far the men of my age range in the churches that I go to (I'm an eastern Orthodox catechuman) are pretty directionless and lost in life. They love the idea of having a stay at home wife, but they do not have the drive to actually work towards a future where that's plausible. It's not the lack of money that bothers me, it's the lack of initiative and a hard work ethic.

My most recent ex was 6 months younger than me, and he told me in the beginning of our relationship that he was working towards becoming an electrician. 3 months past, and I discovered he was struggling with drug abuse (weed and alcoholism) and anger issues. He also started slacking off in his consistency with going to church. He even made a "joke" about how it seems like I earn more money than him at my job, and that I weighed more than him. (I was 5'3 and 130 at the time; he is 5'4 and 126. I'm now 123 and still working towards my goal weight of 118.. also, I work in education, so I do NOT make good money to begin with) The final straw for me was discovering that he had an interview/orientation with IEC and skipped out on it.

Anyways, my priest has told me since the moment I started going to church to "go for someone already established" and at first I thought this was shallow advice - he's very traditional himself and lived in a historically Orthodox Christian country for years to study theology. He didn't say the guy had to be necessarily older, but he's seen the tragedy of my love life and was excited to hear that I was talking to an older guy who seems to be financially established - he also told me there would be a strong likely hood that my husband would be older.

I don't mind the age gap too much. The guy is very handsome. But, it does feel kind of slightly weird to be with someone who's already making good money. I feel like a kid kind of, but I would be lying if I said I don't enjoy not having to be the "mother" of the relationship for once. He's also got really really hot hobbies like grilling and riding motorcycles, not just anime and video games which seems to be the norm for my generation.

Mind you, I used to be a new age witch and "gyno sexual" (meaning that I was attracted to women and feminine looking people) with extreme hatred for men and masculinity. I'm wondering if something inside of me is just uncomfortable with being in a dynamic where you're actually with a competent man. Back then, I used to date bisexual men, women, androgynous men because I disdained that relational dynamic, that "power struggle" and struggling with Eve's curse that God warned us about (the desire to rule over our men) I also just wanted to feel safe and in control of the relationship dynamic.

Anyways, is 11 year age gap okay?

Hi all, I’m 27F Orthodox Christian married for 3 years to 30M. I try to be submissive and traditional as much as I can, but fail at times like everyone does. However, I’m curious where other tradwives “draw the line” or “put their foot down” regarding their husbands behavior towards them. At what point have you/would you not submit or speak out against him? Does the line exist for you? How have situations where you consciously chose to say or do something contrary to him gone for you? Thanks!

I used to be a trad wife. Yes, I know. I’m so glad life humbled me early on because it truly opened my eyes to how unfair it is women and MOTHERS.

I was always wanting to be a stay at home mom, due to my own childhood feeling empty sometimes due to my parents working so much and being emotionally absent. I don’t blame them but it left a hole inside of me that I wanted to fill. So I made the decision in my early 20’s to be a present mom and soak up all the little moments of motherhood. I wanted to live a “soft life” and feel “provided for” by my husband while I stayed home and can bake cakes and cook whole food meals for my little one. (It sounded like a perfect life)

Fast forward, i got financially abused, I was resented by my husband for not working, my workload of being a full time parent was never appreciated by my husband. I was a maid.

But my question today is “why are traditional women happily slaves for their husbands?” Is because throughout all of this, my mother in law was the one I would confide in. My husbands culture is that men are not allowed in the kitchen. So my mother in law cooked and “served” meals to her husband while juggling a full time job. She has a high paying job, works her bum off everyday and till this day she serves food to my father in law meanwhile he gets to nap and rest. My husband has a few sisters aswell and I’m so curious to why the HECK she would raise her daughters to be like this? She raised her daughters to always be in the kitchen, be super frugal with everything they buy even though they are both in very high paying jobs, they were the ones to do most of the housework and cleaning aswell growing up meanwhile my husband did less than them. No wonder he turned out the way he is.

Why would you raise your daughters to this lifestyle even though my MIL has admitted many times that someday she was just so over exhausted. And that “women should do more work than men in marriage” WHY WHY WHY. Why do women not see the truth like I do once they get married. Why not try and get out of it? WHY teach your daughters to serve men and continue a cycle you no isn’t fair? WHY?

All for the sake of being a good wife? But what do you get out of it?

Hello ladies! I am in a relationship which from the onset we've agreed on having a traditional arrangement marriage. Currently, I'm self-employed so I have a very flexible schedule. Lately I've been working less and spending more time cooking, etc. Many times I go to the store alone and pay for groceries from my own account. But I'd like for him to pay for this more, especially since this preparation takes time away from my earning.

Also when I'm over at his house, I do dishes, make the bed, straighten a little, maybe one big clean of his stovetop or other 'project' every now and then. I would like to do more! But we're not married yet nor do we live together (although we spend a lot of time at each other's places), so I don't feel I can jump right into running the household before marriage without more provisions from him.

So my questions are - how have ya'll transitioned from working to managing the home? How did that coincide with the pre-marriage to marriage timeline? What differed in your relationship roles pre vs post marriage? How did you have those conversations around money?

I am only mildly nervous talking about money. He wants to provide, is generous and offers to pay many times which of course I accept. I think he likes for me to ask for what I want (ex - in bed this is the case). And I'm just looking for advice on how to navigate this or even just what to say.

I think one of the most interesting tensions in a traditional relationship is this:

If the husband has the final say, then at some point his wife will disagree with him and still follow his decision.

Otherwise obedience only exists when both already agree, which is not really obedience.

But I don’t think that should make the wife quieter.

If anything, I think it should make the husband listen more carefully.

If my wife thinks I am wrong, I want to know why. If she sees something I missed, I want to hear it. If she feels strongly about something, I want her to argue her position properly.

Then, sometimes, I may still decide against her viewpoint.

And that is the part I am curious about.

Can you still feel genuinely heard when your husband understands your position, takes it seriously, and then chooses the opposite?

If yes, what makes the difference?

What makes you think:

“He heard me, he just decided differently”

rather than:

“My opinion didn’t really matter”?

I'm not yet married but I did grow up in a trad household, headed by a strong patriarchal man. My parents also had a 21 year age gap. Because of that, I think my mom occupied almost an "eldest sister" role. She was the nurturer and educator, but discipline and authority were in Dad's hands. I also always heard her address him as "Dad" or "Daddy."

I'm just wondering how common that is in other trad families?

Heya! So idk if I’m really traditional. I do believe in more masculine roles for men but for women it’s mixed.
I wanted to know if any trad wife ever felt scared that her partner would use them sexually and leave her once she ages. I foolishly scrolled through a stupid 1950 sub and saw men admitting that they only see women has subhuman glorified fleshlights.
This really scared me. Do traditional men really value their wife? Do traditional men think of their wife as her equal, deserving respect and kindness?
I hope my question isn’t rude because I’m trying not to be. Please educate me on this matter. Thank you all! <3

Edit: thank you for the responses. This really helped calm me + informed me about stuff I didn’t know. <3

New mom to a 6 month old and it seems like all i can do to keep up with the basics like laundry dishes and picking up, when do you have time to actually clean? Like vacuuming, mopping, dusting etc. Especially if you are solo parenting and don’t get much help from spouse or other family.

I took the test.

I'm not a wife (yet), but my mom set me a great example of being a tradwife, I think. One thing she always did that made our home so beautiful was having fresh flowers in the house. She kept a big garden and would always cut flowers and arrange beautiful bouquets throughout the house. I think that is such a lovely feminine touch to add to a home, and also almost like this metaphor of the wife and mother's role--tending the garden, making things beautiful, being a nurturer.

Anyway, I still take care of my mom's garden now that she's past and I definitely want to carry on that tradition when I'm a wife and mother myself one day.

Let me start off by saying that it has been my dream since I was a child to be a stay at home mom. However, in order to not strain my relationship with my parents/family, I need to attend college in some shape or form. My parents do not care what I major in, and after talking with my therapist, we’ve decided that I should take this opportunity to learn important housewife skills. To basically turn it into a “college for housewives.” 😭😂

That leads me back to my question, how do I maximize my time at college and what classes should I take? 🤔 I know personal finance courses would help a lot, but I’m currently on the undecided track and need to fulfill a credit quota and i dont know what else to look for.

To all experienced homemakers, please help a little fledgling out! 🙏😣

Edit: Thanks y’all so much for the feedback. I don’t feel alone lol. I stress so much when hosting that I’m like, there’s gotta be an easier way to reduce the stress that doesn’t cost an arm and a leg. I love hosting people, it’s my love language and my favorite way to care for folks. Just being able to give people a good time makes me so happy.

1975 movie "STEPFORD WIVES,"

Free on youtube. Have you watched it recently ? After watching, please comment.

the risk of not being able to leave, if things don't turn out right, or if your spouse has control over all the income and finances. It's a huge contributing factor to why women stay in a relationship that went very wrong., even dangerous. nobody intentionally signs up for an abusive relationship. sometimes you find out what someone is really like, only AFTER living with them for a while...

Re. Trad wives.

Is a link to the free movie allowed ?

I was raised in traditional one and I noticed my friends who were not have different views on marriage, I look at it as something needed and stable for my future happiness and they don’t, whats your opinions?

Can someone tell me which tradition this group is attempting to emulate? Christianity? A specific time period? I don't quite understand. I come from a long line of traditional wives and mothers and historically, it's not anti-work. Yes, the wife was in charge of child rearing but outside of that, it's whatever works better for the couple. Has anyone read Proverbs 31 in a minute? That woman worked.