im a 20F and my boyfriend 22M doesn’t want to get healthy with me. he’s clinically underweight
(please ignore my bad grammar im exhausted and so stressed out) HELP ME PLEASE I NEED HELP IM GOING INSANE im not sure if i made this clear because of a stupid comment i got so im making this clear now. i love him with all of my heart and soul and i just want to see him thrive. yes when i typed all of that out and posted it i was very frustrated (still am lwk) i just want him to be happy and live the life that hes been wanting to. he has no energy or motivation. all i want is for him to grow as a person with me. i dont want to grow while he isnt. id feel horrible. i want to be happy and grow together.
ive been in a 3 year relationship with my boyfriend who is 22, 5’10 and 116 lb. he’s clinically under weight and literally refuses to do anything about it. he simply doesn’t give a fuck. he doesn’t care about so many things. he will not put in effort to eat better and brings it back around to me saying he eats better than i do which i know. im shopping for healthier foods tomorrow and quitting fast food. i have arfid and its been hard growing up with it. i know what it feels like to be clinically underweight and i know how much effort you have to put in to gain weight and be healthy. im 20, 5’7 and 113 lb i know im still not very healthy but i’ve recently realized that i need to actually put in effort to better myself. and i want him to do it with me. he wont workout with me at home and doesnt plan to workout with me at the gym when i got a membership so i could bring him in with me. he wont even admit that hes underweight. hes so stubborn and its getting on my nerves. he ignores me and i’ve actually told him that he wont listen to me and guess whattt he ignored me, went outside, came back in and acted like our conversation didnt even happen. hes in complete denial. he does nothing at all on his own except work, video games and rarely hanging out with his friend who is actually moving away so he wont do anything at all anymore. hes too comfortable. he doesnt want to go out of his comfort zone. the gym is a chore to him, work is his workout to him but its not loll hes actually lost weight and i can tell. hes not motivated to do anything. he drinks 2 monster energy drinks a day 5 days throughout the week when hes working and not a lot of water. when hes alone he plays video games for hours on end. thats all he does. its his only hobby and i cant just stand by and watch all of this happen while im trying to get healthier and go out more. hes not growing with me. nothing has changed since we first started dating. he looks the exact same. except he would actually brush his hair and now i have to do it for him because its my job apparently. i cant do this anymore without hims growing with me. i dont mean just physically of course i also mean growing mentally and maturing together as a team. i dont understand why this is happening. i realized all of this a little after our anniversary and when i realized is that we need to lock in. were in our 20s. i dont want to be the only one changing for the better. i thought you’re supposed to want to be the best version of yourself for you and your partner. thats what ive been trying to do this whole time with changing my meds and going to therapy every week. i dont want us to break up but i honestly think that he might end up breaking up with me if i dont shut my mouth but honestly id rather him leave me then me watch him grow older while doing absolutely nothing to grow and mature as a person while im healthy, happy, doing my own thing, having my own hobbies and doing everything i can to have the life i want. he doesnt put in effort to get a better paying job so that we can start saving up to move out together. he said a lot of people can live off minimum wage but thats not true especially in california. he has two project cars and i have no clue how he thinks he’ll be able to pay for the insurance for all THREE of his cars , rent a house (we cant get an apartment because of his cars) and we just wont be able to do anything. im not going to simply survive im going to get a good job so i can afford everything i need and some things i want. and hes not thinking about the future whatsoever. i dont think he would even do it for me since he cant do it for himself. even if that means losing me. im just not sure what to do. i love him so deeply and i just need him to grow up with me because were going nowhere as a couple as of right now. please tell me what to do. just lay it all out and tell me because i dont know what to do anymore. i feel so hopeless. i need help with motivating him go get healthy and to mature with me. do you have any advice?