u/Snackiecat8

In the last four years I've experienced some intense trauma. I'm in my 30's and had until recently lived a life sheltered and badly influenced by a toxic family. My sibling is a diagnoses narcissist who would regularly emotionally abuse me and forced us all to focus on her at the expense of my own life. My mother I'm fairly certain has serious mental health issues, she is in her 80's put acts like a child, she never let me do much myself and as a whole they taught me a lot that isn't the way actual people or society operate.
This all came to a head when a well meaning woman I got into a relationship with invited me to live with her and I moved in, we'd only known each other for a few months, so moving in that early was already a bad idea, but now I was away from my family, all the years of terrible parenting, a warped world view and terrible parts of my personality that had been excused when they shouldn't and I'd been taught they weren't bad came to out, and she had to endure it all. Our relationship crumbled, I was kicked back to my parents after 3 odd years of stress, guilt and hard realizations. Along the way I lost a boyfriend of over 10 years who I loved with all my heart. Losing him shook me to my core, to the point even seeing a picture of him is liable to give me a panic attack. (I'm polyamorous, and looking back, I'm not even sure me and my other partner would've even worked out in the long run)
I managed to move out on my own to a small flat a little over a year ago. And since the entire incident with my ex girlfriend I've noticed I've become a much angrier individual. I'll go into comment sections on youtube, reddit or steam discussions specifically looking for those who post bigoted, hateful comments or just act in a way I deem "bad" to fight with. Sometimes I've looked in the comment sections of random websites and made an account purely to post a reply. Sometimes these replies can get very spiteful and intense. Wishing physical harm, disease or grief on them, sometimes at my hand. All delivered with a gleeful relish.
At once point I was forced to go cold turkey on SSRI's and found I got a rush from watching action scenes in movies where villains would be physically harmed in graphic ways. This worried me, I wondered if I was a psychopath.
Now it's extended to friend groups. I've started snapping or giving sarcastic quips to people at gatherings who might do something that irks me that is either not their fault or just a result of disorders or lack of social skills, such as making the same harmless joke a couple times or making noise when people are trying to listen to something. I don't like any of this. I worry what it means of me as a person, I used to be a pretty gentle person.
For context: I've been diagnosed with Borderline Personality, Autism, ADD and OCD, if that means anything for any of this.
How the hell do I work this out and stop myself turning into a monster?

[TOMT] [MOVIE] [PRESUMED 80'S] There were 2 guys, the heroes, who were infiltrating some kind of gathering where everyone was wearing robes and very realistic goat heads, possibly a cult. They were looking for a woman who was their prisoner. At one point one of these people offered them various pills he had on a serving board he was wearing with shoulder straps, like a cigarette seller from an old movie theater. They took some, presumably to maintain their cover? Eventually they were discovered I think and thrown into a pit full of knee high water, which contained some kind of python. It attacked them and attempted to constrict both men, but one of them had the idea to force feed it those pills. I remember it was played for laughs, the snake seemed to get high, before either feinting or dying, falling back into the water head first. There was also another cult member with a goat head and bright red robes who could have been their leader.
It's bugged me for years what movie this could be

What the title says, having missed several seasons before and life keeping me from grabbing the Warring Seas set. which I loved the look of, have the devs announced when/if seasonal outfits or other cosmetics will be made available? I don't see why those who come late should be deprived.
Plus more games are going away from the FOMO model, this game should follow suit.

So, I have Autism, OCD, Anxiety, Depression, ADHD/ADD combo and am heavily suspected of having Borderline Personality but am waiting for a diagnosis on the way.
To give a brief summery in case it has anything to do with it: I've come from a family with a lot of dysfunction, siblings and parents all had mental health issues and I was coddled by some and mistreated by others. I was also heavily bullied in school.
I finally moved out last year and am dealing with the fallout of all those things whilst trying to figure out how to live as an adult having never been able to learn when most others do. On top of this I've been suspected by dr's of having trauma from a recent breakup with a long time partner due to my issues. I also have friends with experience of mental health who think as a result of my upbringing i may be emotionally stunted.
Recently I have become very prone to picking fights on places like reddit and bluesky as well as youtube comment sections. Originally it was whenever I saw open bigotry or hatred (I'm heavily queer myself) and general anger at the state of the world in regards to current events. But recently I've started insulting and getting frustrated at people for pretty benign things such as comments I see as pointless or meme responses I feel are unfunny.
I sometimes fantasize about fighting people in real life, either those I see online or from my past. And sometimes I enjoy watching fight scenes in movies, especially if the villains being hurt are part of the groups I mentioned.
Sometimes the posts I leave are very descriptive, telling the person what I hope happens to them, including wishing sicknessess and viruses on them.
I'm genuinely worried for my mental state, I know that worrying about it is a good sign but I do fear for what this may mean.