Idk why i'm posting this but been unemployed for a few months and everything just feels really heavy lately. saw somewhere that talking to people helps but i don't really have anyone. if anyone wants to just chat dm me.
No matter what sorrow reaches me, no matter how overwhelmed I am, no matter what intense emotions befall me, I just can't send to let a tear loose.
I physically cannot cry anymore. After years if conditioning, my heart is as unforgiving and hard a as a cold stone can be. I feel emotion but I struggle to release it. This itself pains me further and takes a toll upon my mind and body.
I don't know what to do, how be human anymore. Help me
Im a 19 year old girl with no female friends and it's hard. Please DM if anyone is willing, I'd appreciate it
My husband and I have been together since we were in college. He’s always struggled with his mental health, and it got a lot worse after we got married 7 years ago. He started having short dissociative episodes and gave up drinking and caffeine as a result. He was diagnosed with depression and anxiety and prescribed mood stabilizers and anti-depressants.
There was a year where things got really bad, he stopped working and kept trying new meds every other month. Eventually he went in-patient for a few days and got on meds. They technically diagnosed him bipolar.
He’s been going to therapy ever since and has only worked on and off. Last year he revealed some pretty heavy stuff from his youth and it’s been a struggle coming to terms with that.
I’ve stood by him through everything, though I think looking back it’s easy to see how much I’ve enabled him. I’m working on that but I fear it’s too late.
In the last 6 months he’s gone inpatient at two different facilities. They told him he’s not Bipolar, shows some symptoms of Borderline but more than likely his issues are a mix of trauma, ADHD and we think ASD. He’s worked really hard at the last facility and came home two weeks ago. He’s doing really well in outpatient treatment, but we live with my parents (partially separate living area, but no private shower or kitchen), and he just says how much he hates it here.
Realistically because he doesn’t work, I pay for everything and we can’t afford to live anywhere else. I also like the support my parents provide even though my husband says my dad is toxic (my dad is now also going to therapy because he has anger issues).
Also, my husband struggles a lot with food and I think he’s not eating enough so it’s making things worse at home. He’s always either over-eating or under-eating and he never wants to eat what I’m making for dinner even though he’s the one who does groceries. I think this might be a symptom of starting an adhd med but I’m not sure. He’s also taking anti-anxiety meds.
He was shortly on a very heavy bipolar med before going into this last facility and it made him horrible to me. Cruel and critical and cold. I thought it would go away when he went off the lithium but he’s acting similarly (less cruel, but still just distant). I ask him if he wants to be with me or if he thinks separation would be a better option, but he has nowhere else to go so I don’t know if he’s being honest when he says yes.
He says he feels like he’s doing so well outside of the house but he comes home and he’s so unhappy. He says he might want to go back in a treatment facility but I think that’s hardly the answer. I think that’s the easy way out right now because that’s where he’s most comfortable to the point where he actually seemed like he really enjoyed his time there.
I’m not really sure where to go from here or if he even wants to be with me. I don’t know if I want to be with him either. He’s my best friend, but I don’t really recognize the person he is right now. Is there hope that this is just him getting used to new meds? Should I try harder to get him comfortable in our home? Do I step back and just let him figure things out? He has literally nowhere else to go if he moves out, so there’s an added layer of guilt with that.
ever since i was a kid i thought things would get better with time but its always gotten worse no matter what i do or how much work i put in. i feel like a magnet of doom. i dont have anyone to socialize with im alone 24/7 for as long as i can remember i haven’t enjoyed anything around me i haven’t genuinely laughed at something for years all of my positive emotions are numb, there gone and havent been here in a long time. im only 17 i dont want to live like this for another 17 years. i fell in love whilst in a hefty situationship and when that ended it made my depression so much worse. ive tried so many anti depressants throughout the years but my depression is just too strong for them to even work apparently. ive tried EVERYTHING. ive done so much work for myself and have bettered as a person yet this slump of a soul wont change. i feel like im cursed. now all i expect is to feel this way forever i dont know why i cant experience joy and happiness. i go out everyday to walk as much as i dont want to, i apply to jobs, i change my eating habits and do things that i used to enjoy yet nothing ever makes me feel better in the slightest. i was sober for 3 months and even that didnt help. i dont want to die ive always wanted to be better. for the longest time ive always wanted to have a real friend or relationship i could spend time with and i was genuinely enjoying my life a little more when i met my situationship but when they left so did the only friends and happiness i had. i have no ways to make friendships either i just wish things were easier for me. im getting to the point of just giving up and accepting that this is just the person i am and the life i have to live, my hope of things getting better went away after the years of countless attempts of trying for myself. as embarrassing as this reddit post is its really my last hope and call for help i really need someone to tell me if things can change for me and if so how
Basically, in general, I was never obsessed with my appearance in life. I never really wore makeup, and sometimes my face would get red, but it even looked kind of cute. Last February, I went through a very stressful period in my personal relationship, and I got a spot on my cheek. After that, my face started flushing often, then I started getting breakouts, and so on.
Honestly, after starting treatment for all of this, I became even more stressed. Doctors cannot properly figure out what I actually have — whether it’s rosacea or demodex, or just sensitive skin— and they never explain things clearly. When I look at my mother and see how good her skin is at her age, and when I see that none of my relatives have skin problems, I start getting really anxious.
For months now, I’ve been checking my face in the mirror a million times a day. Because of this stress, my face suddenly gets red and blotchy in a nervous way. I was told it could be a symptom of vegetative neurosis/anxiety.
Basically, I cry every day now, even though before all of this I was a very carefree person and my skin never bothered me. Now I cry every day and compare my skin to my relatives’ skin, even though my condition is not actually that severe. I think I just cannot accept the possibility that I might have skin problems, maybe even something chronic like rosacea.
Honestly, I don’t know what to do anymore. Because of this stress, I’ve become obsessed with examining my face. I notice every tiny hair, every little mark. I don’t want to leave the house anymore, I don’t want to go out in the sun, I just want to lie in bed and cry. I don’t know what’s happening to me, especially since nobody around me says that anything looks bad — actually, they say the opposite.
Long post incoming..
Hello. As everyone here I have my ups and downs..
A diary is a way to vent it out. I don't don't have a physical one as I felt like someone will read it all the time, that was only adding to the struggles, so no, thank you.
I'm looking for fellow diary keepers in digital format.
I have created a system (using AI obviously) that is still developing, kind off. It shows patterns and triggers and when possible, helps breaking the patters and hopefully help minimise the triggers.
I tested it only on me obviously. For me, well, I had to stick a few shouting mildly rude messages through house to snap me out of it. It's not ideal and it didn't heal me, but it broke some patterns. Key word "some".
I thought i might as well share and see if anyone wants to give it a try.
As I have a small problem with my private thoughts being shared so I don't like only diaries as such.
What I am making will not keep any information. Which I like ( I'd love to hear others opinions on it).
If anyone is willing to give me a helping hand? All I need is a copy of the last 7 days entries from your diary. You can send it via privnove or whatever other private alternatives there are. Or just DM. I will not read them, I will run them through the system to check the results. I will DM you the results after with high hopes of a feedback. Obviously im not asking for any other info, money or whatever else. I would like to see if it works and hope to help at least one more person beside me to make even the smallest change.
What do you say?
Hi, I am not honestly too sure why I have decided to post this all here but maybe hearing from people dealing or dealt with the same issue will inspiring.
I feel like life is a constant "tough time", I am always feeling so shitty about myself and about my place in life. I recently had a close family bereavement, someone who is younger than myself, M24.
I suffered a lot through University with feelings of being alone among friends, wanting to hid away in my room cause hatred of how I look. I struggled socially after covid and went from a top of all classes student to scrapping together a computer science degree. And then to incredibly struggle with getting any job. I work a dead end office job.
I find myself struggling to want to go to bed at night, having the feeling of 'another day wasted' and yet also struggle to want to ever get out of bed. I find a very great reliance on video games and tv shows as a sort of escapism but I am so aware how bad that can be for physical and mental health but otherwise I am crying mess.
I have close friends who I would love to talk to this about but when I bring this stuff up a lot of times its under cared for as I am the laughing and joking happy guy. I feel like I have no purpose in life and with a understanding on value of life I don't know where or what to do. I have been loving getting into art, I would love to develop games in some capacity. I am always being told to pursue cooking more seriously.
I recently enough got a PT and that was good, I started to lose some weight, I am not really overweight but its enough to be tired after could flights of stairs. I then had to give the PT up cause it was too expensive and I had a very emotional down first half to the year and I have almost put it all back on again.
I feel like I have just through so much paint at a wall, apologies but I would love to hear any advice or even just talk to others who have or are going though something similar 😄
I've been thinking about how much the act of venting is shaped by who or what is listening. Even with a trusted friend, I edit myself. Even with a therapist, I'm aware of what's being noted.
There's a specific kind of release that only happens when you're genuinely certain nothing is being recorded, stored, or seen. No cloud sync. No training data. Nothing.
I think this is why some people still prefer shouting into a pillow or writing things down and tearing them up — the privacy is load-bearing, not incidental.
Has privacy ever been a factor in how comfortable you feel expressing difficult emotions? Do you think it changes what you're able to release?
My girlfriend (F27) and I (M22) have been together for almost a year and have been living together for about 5 months. She hasn’t been diagnosed with BPD but she feels like she has it. She gets these episodes of depression and anxiety and she starts saying that she doesn’t care about anything anymore and starts putting herself down and I feel that I can’t help but I want to and I try soooooo hard to comfort her but she doesn’t listen I feel and it’s been getting to me. I’ve also been dealing with depression because I ended up losing my job and a week later I got into a car accident and totaled my car I’ve been dealing with this since the end of February. I’ve tried getting another job but nowhere is hiring and my girlfriend has been having to pay rent on my behalf and I just feel sooo horrible because I can’t help. I’ve been really trying to help as much as I can around the house but I have a shadow double problem and I like having her with me or in the room while I clean or cook and she also is the same way.
Today during an episode thats lasted around 3 days she finally talked to me. She said that she feels like she’s been the one making the most effort in the relationship and that she sees all the things I do for her and said “I don’t want you to think I’m taking you for granted because I’m not I know your putting in effort but I feel like I’m the main person that has been doing everything in the relationship” after she said that I got upset but I didn’t yell or anything I just said that I’m sorry and that I’m not good enough. We didn’t argue but she got more upset and started putting herself down and I just have been trying my hardest to help but I just really need advice she’s the love of my life and I want to be there for her but every single episode she puts herself down and I’m breaking inside I don’t know what to do anymore!
I F21 have had mental health problems from a very early age (symptoms appeared from the age of 6 due to the abuse i endured as a child). At the age of 15 i finally had the courage to ask for help since i realised my mental health was ruining my life and i wanted to get treated. I got recommended a psychiatrist that works at the public hospital in my town and at first he diagnosed me with Mixed Disorder of Conduct and Emotions, Unspecified
and prescribed me Olanzapine and Escitalopram. When i was younger i wasn't very disciplined with my medication so i didn't regularly take them but at the age of 20 i finally realised that i either get medicated or i lose myself completely, i went back to the same doctor and he prescribed me the same medications as before which i wasn't very happy about because even tho i wasn't consistent with my medication i could tell they weren't helping me at all. So i was very dedicated and took my meds everyday at the same time and never skipped them no matter how lazy i was. But heres the problem, instead of getting better from them the only thing i got were the side effects (loss of libido, brain fog, nausea, migraines, weight gain, abnormally high appetite, constipation, slowed metabolism, stomach pain when i ate food etc...) so when i finished my pills which were enough for 2 months, i quit them cold turkey because i apparently value my physical health way more than i value my mental health. I experienced many side effects from quitting my meds cold turkey but i pushed through them and it was straight up hell for two months until my appointment for a consultation got approved. So heres the actual problem, my psychiatrist is naturally very arrogant and apathetic which at first i was okay with because "hey he isn't a therapist he's not there to validate me he's just there to prescribe me meds". He also made me cry during my consultation when i was 15 because he invalidated my feelings and told me that "theres nothing wrong with me and that im just a bad person". Anyways today i went in and started telling him how badly the medication was affecting my body and how i wanted him to get me on other meds, guess what he said? he told me "i can't get you on different meds because who knows, maybe you might sue me if something goes wrong and guess what i'm going to get you on the same meds but a lower dose" and then he asked me "Are you going to take them?" and i bluntly told him NO i'm not taking them, he looked at me and went "well wether you take them or not is not my problem thats up to you"
i felt very invalidated and attacked for some reason that i was on the verge of crying (probably had a panic attack but I'm so used to them that i cant even tell when i have them)
do you think he was right and i overreacted, or do you think i should see someone else that actually cares about my health?
I don’t know. I often rely on others to describe me as a person, because I myself cannot grasp my own existence.
It feels assuring hearing what other say, even if they sometimes sound bad, like an anchor keeping me at bay. A friend of mine said I could read people’s personality really well, we were at a store talking about which keychain characters we would be.
That statement rings in my mind sometimes, both assuring but also making me think how I can read people’s characters but I can’t read my own.
One example of how I ask people how I am as a person is by asking them “what character from [insert show] would I be?” Or “which ability/weapon would I have” and it feels so assuring hearing their answers.
When it comes to this, I do feel bad every time I ask as it probably gets annoying after a bit.
Tell me I'm not weird. You are welcome. Lately, I've been wanting to just lie there and do nothing. I downloaded a dating site for fun and I was really amused by the men. But I was looking for a girlfriend so I could talk to someone, go to the movies, and so on.
I thought I found a guy for fun, but he came, said I was weird, and left because he expected me to sleep with Him today? Dude, are you serious? and anyway, I don't want anything else, I deleted everything, but damn, I now realize that I'm just living my life in vain. I want to degrade, lie down and watch instagram, but why is everyone forcing me to get up and do something? I don't want to, I just want to live like this until old age and then die.
I go to a psychologist, but nothing has been helping me lately. Should I go to a psychiatrist? I already want to take pills to become an insensitive person. Tell me am I weird? Did I delete the dating site for a reason? Am I just dumb? And lazy? I do not know, I always want to cry. I checked with a psychologist and she said that I had a depressive state before, more precisely, of moderate severity. Here. I do not know, I just want to always cry. I don't think anything helps me.
I'm 21F had my Baby female cockatiel Lucky for a year and a half.
My parents bought her after my old bird died in an accident.
for backstory I study in an online college from home , my parents go to work and my siblings go to school and college .. so all I have is Lucky with me ..
I'm soooo in love with her , she's my best friend , my daughter , my little baby, my everything ..
she got sick so suddenly yesterday morning and in kess than 3 hours she became in the worst state ever .. I took her to the vet twice yesterday and took her again today and he gave her a shot and said it's our lasy chance to save her
I'm slowly losing my mind .. I didn't eat or sleep properly I was up all night taking care of her
I'm exhausted now .. mentally and physically .. I've done all I can do but still I can't let go ..
my body feels like shutting down .. I'm dizzy , I have headache , my stomach is in agony ,, my chest is tightm I'm feeling like losing consciousness.
multiple time I almost did during writing this post
I'm so scared .. scared I might wake up without her .. that I'll be all alone with all memories that'll cut deep in my heart .. I'm soooooo scared
I can't let her go .. she's my pure love .. the only one loving me without any conditions
my mom said she won't buy another bird cause she's done with pain of loss
my body is so tired it's shaking , my mind is racing with thoughts Killing me slowly .. I'm mentally soooo tired I cried my eyes , mind and soul out all day
I tried everything and i know that .. I did what I could .. but I'm not ready to lose her.
I always think everyone is lying to me, they always a have a ulterior motive. That people lie to me and just wanna use me and will dump me. That is why I just avoid people, even my very good friends I think that they are using me and can betray me at any point.
I had a irresponsible alcoholic father, and a good mother who cared for me etc. but she was never emotionally unavailable and used me as a emotional punching bag and I have a brother but my parents always made me and my brother have competition and siding with one etc. so we don't get along each other. (I live with my brother and mother now)
I am trying to get a girlfriend but I just cant talk its insane, am like 5'11 and am I am lean and muscular and I would say at least decent looking.
I try so hard to have some cope like god exists, everything is pre destined etc but my shitty logical mind never lets me believe in that, I am an INTJ so maybe that's because of that due to this I blame no one except myself.
Honestly I just want someone I can talk to but idk what sort of person would that be, I might be going insane but I am good in studies and other things of lives I am just a terrible peoples person. I am 21 Male if that matters.
I sometimes have anxiety to the point of my chest closing up or my throat tightening and I am often unable to properly breathe or, sometimes, eat. I used to be able to calm down by myself before but cannot anymore. Now, I mostly wait for it to pass and distract myself until I forget and my body eventually moves on. Does anyone know of an effective way to deal with this?
I’ll try to keep it short, i’m at a loss, i’m 16f. I already live in a place I can’t really stand, I wish I could change my outlook on it and I try everyday. I’ve lost all my friends because of the changes my church has been making (& i’m homeschooled). My church even took away all opportunities to help people such as our mission trips and couple day retreats to help people. In my life, If I don’t help people what’s the point yk. I work at a job I really really want to quit, I’m scared my parents will be mad if I do, I have money saved though, it’s starbucks and I really want to find another job, a LOT of the customers are entitled. Of course I’m not ungrateful for my life because I’m very very thankful, I feel guilty even writing this, but working is effecting my mental health, having no friends at all, living in this place, it’s so hard to get up and not want to sleep forever with the way my life is right now
I don’t know why I’m writing this , most likely it’s because I am scared , angry, in disbelief all at the same time .
Yesterday I received a phone call no parent wants . I was told my daughter was turned in by another student based on something they happened to see in her notebook . She of course denied everything , BUT this wasn’t the first I have heard of a notebook so I started to dig . The counselor stated it was my daughter and another girl who had a suicide pact that would commence next weekend when they were supposed to have a sleepover .
Now want to preface that my daughter outwardly is happy , a little “dark” but nothing too odd . She loves Manga and Anime , and has told me she wanted to become a Forensic Investigator . she loves true crime too .. we ( I thought) had a pretty open relationship as she would tell me lots of what was going on in her life . BUT I did see a change last year when she started dating a girl I thought was a nice person . I was so wrong .
I of course went to the school immediately . My husband tore apart her room and found txts to her friend also in this pact describing what they were gonna do and how . I took it all to the school and we had a talk . A suicide assesnt was given twice ! the first time she lied . The second time , knowing I had all the info , she couldn’t lie/hide anymore . so she told it all. THAT was the most terrifying thing I have ever heard . My daughter even wrote it down in her journal. What happened to her shocked me .. her Girlfriend raped her !! When I tell you I saw beyond red .. it was all I could do to not have an orange jumpsuit .
My beautiful daughter was raped , and I didn’t know . I couldn’t protect her , I couldn’t help her … that trauma sent her down a dark spiral .. to where she was taking large amounts of Advil in the middle of the night that I didn’t know about . Like I said the information she poured out in person and in the journal was .. vast.
We did 2 things . 1. We filed rape charges on the girl , and 2. I checked her into a suicide facility .
Upon assessment they agreed . She will be in the facility for up to a week … we will know more once she is evaluated from multiple drs and therapists . Last night was the first night without my baby girl home . Her brother ( who’s10) is scared for his sister .. we all are .
In truth I don’t know what this week will be , I don’t know where to start .. I feel guilty I couldn't help sooner , and I feel .. rage … but mostly I am desperate to know she will be ok, that she will at some point be my happy little girl again .. but not knowing … that’s so scary. I can’t imagine my life without my daughter…..
I feel like im having a mid like crisis or something. Long story short, my (34f) entire adult life has just been a series of trying to get ahead and just being in the same place. Bills are paid, theres a little food in the fridge but like everyone else im paycheck to paycheck, nothing to save for emergencies let alone a vacation. Everything is getting worse economically and I just keep feeling like this never ends. I have 40 more years of this before I can retire..if I can retire. I know everything could change, in 5 years my life could be completely different but I feel like I've just wasted so much of my life just trying to survive ill never get far enough ahead to actually live.
Venting really I guess, can't really afford mental health help lol but if there's anyone willing to give some free advice ill take it
In the last year I have been having these 2-4 week long depressive episodes and I recently resorted to sh. I feel super guilty because I have always been against it as a coping mechanism but I wanted to experiment when I was feeling my worst. I am talking to a therapist right now and I have not brought it up, any help on how to ask for her help?