Sibling with depression
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Hi all; if anyone can give me some advice it would be very much appreciated. My sibling (39yo older) have been struggling with a few different things, but I would say overwhelmingly so with depression this past year.
They are not currently employed, although they don't ever struggle to hold one down. They do experience a lot of burnout and overwhelm,which i think also comes from a lack of balance outside work hours in terms of socialising, hobbies and general self care. At the moment; getting a job seems a far venture.
Our family does have a history of mental health issues which were known since childhood but not necessarily handled very well and has not been the best example of how to manage as we age ourselves. Depression, illness and perhaps neurodiversity were all present as us kids have all been officially diagnosed with adhd since, and some of them have also considered autism as a possibility.
My sibling has been out of work since November and since then they have not left the house unless absolutely necessary. They stay in their room most of the day and dont help out around the house with any tasks or cook for themselves. They do come out of their room to watch tv, eat, do some small hobbies but other than that, not much is done in a day.
They can be very defensive about the situation so in the past few months i have only had one direct and honest conversation about how it is coming across to me and how im feeling while trying to check in also. They have learned in the past few years how explosive they can be in arguments, so I try to be as gentle as possible and I can see them trying also.
That being said, I didn't feel very heard in the last talk we had, they nicely brushed me off saying they just needed time for themselves and that they were extremely overwhelmed before they finished work, which is true. However, from my point of view, they are absolutely locked in a rut right now and are not really living. They see no one (maybe 3 meetups with friends/family since nov) and will only do something with me if it involves tv and will not generally do any tasks to help out. They have no routine apart from sitting on their bed on their computer/drawing/reading.
They have been to the doctor for their depression and adhd and I do not believe the right meds balance has been reached yet, but I also know they are doing very little besides trying medication to help themselves get better. I completely understand that depression can keep you so exhausted and so unwilling to do things but I also know that sometimes to get better you have to do things you don't want to do. Im absolutely not perfect myself and am working on it as much as i can. If i dont get outside at least once a day I feel absolutely horrendous so I can't imagine how they are doing cooped up all the time.
I am trying to be positive and encouraging in all ways but it is really trying at the moment. I know they are very vulnerable and feel quite lost in it at the moment and I want to help not hinder. I am quite frustrated that all my suggestions for things to do together get shot down, whether its a short walk outside with me or favours I've offered. They have a bit of a need for control and don't like being told what to do, so I try not to suggest the obvious and say they need to do things outside their current norm. They always say they are exhausted but they will never gain energy from doing nothing either.
It has been very frustrating and I don't want to feel this way; but I also feel like im really tiptoeing around them sometimes and it feels a bit fruitless the way things are going atm. They are a bright, enthusiastic and social person generally, so funny and lovely, and I really don't want this to go on any longer for them.
A note; I understand depression will not be completely cured but they have the capability to have a fulfilled, completely fun and organised life alongside this and I would love advice from anyone who has dealt with similar or would like to share.